TTC way longer than 10 months past & present

Rabbit - hope you did have a good nights sleep. Ray speaks good stuff above.

Ray - sorry about the bv. How unlucky is that! But I'm sure some drucks will shift it quick time. When might you cycle again? Thanks for asking after mini sar. I get bit paranoid about outing myself but that's silly really. She is doing very well and is obsessed with a certain tank engine on the telly. Ha ha, she is a slim baby but eats like you wouldn't believe. She's fairly easy going and likes to be thrown around / boisterous.

Squishy rusky kisses from mini sar. x

Fox, did you manage to get any sleep last night. I've even thinking about you, and even woke up in the night with it all going through my head so I can only think how awful it is for you. Can you get in soon to speak to the clinic about what happened? I totally agree with what had already been said about you having to go through such shit and now this. I still think you have a bright path ahead of you, the follies on scan might mean another round is worth a try? And you still have an nhs donor round, don't you? I know when I had the latest failure that I really thought I couldn't put myself through it again and on dark days I still feel like that, but once the hormones leave the system it somehow seems doable again. I'll admit to you on here that I'm terrified of doing another round and all it entails. The physical and emotional side. I've reached rock bottom after each round and I don't want to go there again. Why oh why does this have to be so hard and complicated for us?

I think the bv is back :( tmi but there's the unpleasant smell again. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and get an appointment at the clinic to get this sorted because I now have visions of PID to add to the mix.

Sar, it's nice to see you here. Tell us something about mini sar. I like hearing about ten plussers babies. Mini arts birthday soon, love seeing photos on the other place.

Joy, any cysty news?

fox just wanted you to know I am still thinking of you and just beyond gutted that you've been through all this pain and frustration. It is SO unfair. I know exactly what you mean about mountain climbing. You've been in this marathon forever and it is just so awful that you've had to go through this. I hope you can get some sun and rest and do some yoga and cry and spend time with H. I'm sending you so much love.

pout lovely to see you again and I hope you're doing ok.

Love to all.

I can imagine fox the thoughts running through your head. It seems unimaginably cruel that on top of everything that has already been thrown at you that even this difficult process, that is no cake walk has turned into some even more bloody catastrophic ordeal. I admit that all I kept thinking last night (and said to MrP who agreed) was that you seem to have gone through a monumentally lengthy drug protocol for nothing. It was the thought of all the drugs (nowhere near as arduous as what you had to do) and scanning etc that made me particularly hand wringy when my cycle failed. I can imagine how awful it must feel to not even have got a proper bite of the cherry. All I can say is that I have and will continue to be thinking of you lots and FWIW I have always imagined you with a baby and have always had the witchy thought that it would happen for you though I can totally relate to the fact that right now you feel broken and exhausted and don't have the strength to contemplate any more treatment let alone a pregnancy. I get that completely. X

critter I am so sorry to read your sad news. How desperately cruel and unfair. If somebody deserves something to go right for them then you should definitely be at the front of the queue. Much love and squeezes to you. X

Bunny I was heartened and chuffed to read your news. I really do sometimes think that sometimes for those of us who didn't knock out sprogs in our teens and twenties our bodies just need a gentle prod to get the hang of what what it is supposed to do and therefore getting pregnant with subsequent babies is easier. Totally unscientific bollocks no doubt and hopefully not a foot in the gob thing.

euro How is Centime? She is totally adorable with her little button nose

Lots of love to everyone else.

Rabbit - wtf? I am dreadfully sorry. My words seem so empty, I just don't know how to express the frustration I feel on your behalf. You two must feel so sad. Tonight is not the time for new plans. Tonight all you can do is 'be'. There are many positives to take from this as mentioned up thread about your own follies. But for now you are getting the biggest almightiest virtual group hug....ever.....that has ever been know in the universe.

Joy - I agree with Critter that castor oil packs are worth a shot. Need to get special oil but also worth trying mayan abdominal massage. Could certainly help the cyst and general fertility issues too.

Sounds like a shitty situation fox. Hope you can get your head in the right space to decide the next step pretty soon.

Just a quick one

fox - What the hell is wrong with that clinic!?! That is so bloody unfair. Biggest handhold.

Joy - So sorry about the cyst.

Critter - we are all allowed to be angry sometimes.

I have to run - but tail feathers and waves to everyone. I was one who wanted 4! Mr wanted 2, we had settled on 3 . I am happy with 1 and don't know if I could go through the heartbreak of longterm TTC again.

Thanks everyone for your support. Positive being that I smoked out pout! The clinic said that there weren't enough viable follicles to produce the needed eight eggs for egg share or even enough for one of us to take all of them and be in with a fair chance. This way, I still get my nhs go. Quite how, when and if I'll use it (or where) isn't something I can rationally think about today, or maybe not even for a while. I feel I came so close to get jack shit and no embryo has graced my portcullis womb yet again.

I know everyone here is sadly familiar with the feeling I have right now. Like you climbed a mountain only to find you have to climb another whopper. And another. It stings, like a grief. All in all I've had a shitty shitty week. But I'm glad to have a little army behind me to rally me along - thank you.

Me and H are sadly not in the same city tonight but have spoken a bit about rough plans. It may be that we call it a day here as I have been so ill on the estrogen or possibly lengthy buserelin since Friday. Puking/fevers/exhaustion has left me addled and not knowing where to put myself. I really thought last night that after potentially eleven weeks in the ring, pregnancy seemed frankly terrifying. Also, with my job, this was a really decent window and I can't face an autumn cycle. It may be that this is the end of the line, with possible adoption. I feel like it doesn't matter what I do, I get nowhere and I'm very tired. Or we may go abroad. I don't think our future is with that clinic, but tiny donor waiting lists bad free cycles are kind of magnetising. I'm rambling now. If I bugger off for a bit I'm around, just wound licking. Luffs to everyone.

Fox - I hope you're snuggled up at home with a large glass of wine and a hot water bottle. I seriously cannot believe what you've been through, and I agree with the others - something has gone very wrong for them to only say there are no viable follies now. I also agree with cos. This is not the end of the road for you. I know you probably can't bear to even think about next steps now, after seven weeks of downregging. You must feel like you've been cursed. But it was interesting that they spotted follies when they scanned you. And we have had ladies on this thread go through shit and come out survivors at the end - mad's endless downregging, sea's endless TB treatment, buzz's mcs and DE beautiful little girl. I still believe you will get to experience a successful pregnancy. However, I do feel you have been very let down by your clinic. And I know you must feel like there's nothing more you can take. And I am so dreadfully sorry. It is just unbelievably unfair.

Cos - thank you for saying you have a soft spot for fiery critter. MrC finds it hard when I am angry. But you know, we all deserve a bit of anger! I am so sorry that this wasn't the golden egg. I do feel like it's a numbers game now for you and that the finish line is in sight. But I know the next few months will be very anxiety-inducing. We will be here to handhold.

sar - lovely to see you and I love the idea of an IVF tandem with joy.

joy - one other potentially snake oily anti-cyst suggestion. I was trawling the internet for things to deal with ovarian cysts and post c section adhesions and came across castor oil packs. Basically a wool flannel soaked in castor oil on your lower tummy, with a hot water bottle on top, for 40 mins. Worth a shot? Plenty of people say it got rid of cysts. I tried it, but only once - thinking of doing it again. Can't hurt.

Sorry to miss everyone else. gin I can imagine that at some stage you'll think about a sibling for your little one. And there's no reason why you can't have one - it took a few tries but it did work before so why shouldn't it work again? Funny how we all wanted three children. I wonder whether that's one of the reasons we found each other on here - we all wanted reasonably large families and instead we're battling TTC woe so needed company - and we are all chatty!

WTF Fox? How can the clinic have let this happen? It's totally bizarre and so fucking unfair. I'm so gutted for you, particularly as you have been through so much to get to this point. There's no back up I assume? Did they not scan the donor at all? Scream, rant at the clinic, burn any remaining drugs you have, but you will get through this and this is not the end. I also second Cos' whisper, maybe at another clinic. Is where you are now the same dickheads who couldn't find your other ovary? You must be so frustrated. Lots of love xx

foxy I am so sorry after everything you have been through to get to this point :( I too find it all rather odd that they waited this long, I would have thought if she was not responding and they upped the drugs then they would have had an idea if they had scanned her on Friday, I have to say I smell a rat

I think you need to grieve, this is such a loss of hope, so much was riding on this, you were taking the drugs for so long and feeling like shit knowing that this was your best shot and its all gone totally tits up :( I can't imagine how you feel but all I can say that this is not end of the road, you just need time to get through this first, super big hugs x

I just can't believe it. I agree it must be more than just bad luck, how could they not have realised, surely she would have been scanned for follies as part of the vetting, and how can none have eggs in , I just don't understand, and Fox you poor love, every twist and turn seems to be just unbelievable for you, just when we thought you finally had a lucky break. I am so gutted for you. But I will whisper that your follies did more than expected and maybe long protocol could be explored....massive squeeze.

Fox you have smoked me out of MN hiding with your shocking update. I am flabbergasted and so disappointed for you. I am so confused that they had no fucking inkling that there were no eggs before now. I mean how is that possible? I am thinking of you. X

Fox, please don't let the clinic fob you off. They've made a big mistake somewhere and you have the right to know where. 7 weeks of the drugs for you and only now they realize something's not right. Gah, I wish I could say something helpful. Was this her first scan, how many days of injecting? Shouldn't they have scanned her before now?

Fox Sh*t. I can't believe it.

No viable follicles maybe she didn't inject? I don't know. Seven weeks of downregging ..for nothing. I have no idea what to do next, I really don't.

Nooooo fox. How is that even possible? No eggs at all? The clinic must have cocked up somewhere. A young woman who has been screened as being suitable produces no eggs?? I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say :( :( demand answers from the clinic.

Oh for fucksake, fox. God I am so so sorry :( Huge huge hugs. I'm sorry I don't have any more eloquent words for you. How fucking frustrating and heartbreaking. How on earth did they fuck this one up? I would be livid in your shoes. Big big paw squeeze Xxxxxxxxxx

Fox calamity in ttc no 129 - my donor made no eggs, cycle cancelled. Fuck.

Bunny - just worked out who you are. oooh missed this bit of lovely news but hooray for you and congratulations. Of course, I know it's early days so fingers vey tightly crossed. I Don't get name preciousness either. Your potential girl name is a real beauty.

Euro - also wanted to say your have chosen a stunning and elegant name, just lovely. Hope little one is doing well.

Rabbit - so hope that you are ok after the incident - you don't need any extra scary jolts up the arse right now that's for sure. You have had an awfully long cycle, gosh I didn't realise just hoW long. I can understand how your energy levels are lower than a cellar right now. Ooooo sweetheart I wish I could say something inspiring but just hang on in there a little bit longer.

Critter - others have said so well what I want to say but no miscarriage can not be compared to your experience. Stupid, ignorant woman for saying such a thing to you. I am not surprised you felt ragey and rightly so. Sorry the dates aren't going to work out this month. It would be lovely if you and Joy could clamber on the next cycle ride together - sort of a tandem.

Ray - yuk at weddings to attend. I shouldn't say this but I'm starting to find attending weddings a bit boring in general, then couple that with nosey wedding guests who might ask about babies- eugh, no thank you. Your photos on other place we beautiful and I second that you are indeed a stunning / model type couple.

Joy - still thinking of you. Did you ever tell your boss about the reasons you need time off for scans etc.

It's great to see so many other peeps here. Hi to Gin and Buzz big wave to the new ladies.

Ignore typos, tired and dumb iPad combo...

Oh cos I'm sorry. The fleeting hope sucks. I'll take that feeling to my grave. How many cycles post-op are you? I'm still so hopeful that this is the missing piece of the puzzle for you and that it's now just down to the old traditional numbers game.

fox you're so close now! you've done so, so well. This is the week! Come on team fox! On a separate note, we're watching countryfile with tea. It made me think of you. I wouldn't be offended if any 10 plusser used any of the names we've chosen. It would be confirmation of our good taste ;) In fact, I really struggle with "ownership" over names. But maybe becaus I have such a common one in rl I'm non plussed. An instadiffer (I may have talked about her on here ages ago) who is a friend of a friend had a HUGE sulk when she found out baby bunnies name because that was HER girl name and it's UNUSUAL. Silly cow. And I wouldn't even be bothered if she used it. I was more offended she couldn't just be pleased for me when it had taken so long and she'd known all about our struggles! Anyone, on names, we decided today that if "peanut" is a girl, she'll probably be Alexa Persephone.

critter I'm sorry you can't cycle this month. Every day counts when you're focusing on the goal. And every day, week, month, year can feel like a bloomin lifetime. You will be fit and ready and refreshed from loch swimming for twibling to nest in and settle into the slow cooker. I hope you have an amazing trip.

gin so nice to "see" you. I hope all is well. Have you moved now? Did you end up outside of the big smoke

euro I read on the other board that centime has moved and is doing well. I hope that she is home with you soon though. It must be incredibly tough for you guys right now.

Waves at nelly, Ray, buzzy, sar, mad (and Artemis and doll) and newbies and anyone I've missed.

Thanks again for the generous well wishes. I'm on knicker watch. For me, this is the scary week. I'm 6+1 today and so I'm in the "dangerzone" for when I lost the others. I've had some very mild nausea and I'm constantly tired. I don't feel hugely pregnant right now. I'm just keeping busy with baby bunny and house stuff and TV. We've got right into orange is the new black at the moment. I'm really enjoying it for some light relief.