GETTING PREGNANT AND WHAT I NEED TO KNOW

Just another voice saying wait. I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my first and nearly 12 years older than you with a husband, home I've shared with him for years, and a career I've been working in for 8+ years.

I'm thrilled but very scared- and I've had more life experiences, freedom and adventures than you. I would have been gutted to be pregnant at 18 when my life was just beginning really. Those 12 years have been great and I know the experiences I had in that time will help me be a better parent because I've got more to draw from.

Go to uni, see the world, be in love and have loads of great sex and great holidays and delicious dinners. Have different friends and different boyfriends if you want. See what jobs and career options suit you. Go out and be drunk and be daft and drink gin with your friends. Go to the cinema in the middle if the night for a double bill of horror films just because you can, earn decent money with no responsibilities and buy frivolous things: beautiful shoes, takeaways and nice wine.

I'm so excited to become a parent but so glad I did all of the above (and much more besides!) You've got so much time. Don't get stuck. I've seen so many of my contemporaries have children too young and so many say they wish they'd waited. My best friends sister thought she knew it all and had three kids by the time she was 20. Now in her 30s she says, with great conviction, that whilst she loves her sons, "I was a good new mum at 18 and I loved my baby but I would have been just as good a mum at 28 and wouldn't have loved him any less... And things would have been so much easier."

Speaking for myself the funny thing is, I would have repeated most of my reply to you had you said I am 25 what can I expect, how do we plan? There are many sources of information on the Internet so I presumed you wanted our own thoughts.

Lacking or blessed with wealth, education, prospects, frankly so what - anyone who plans starting a family is liable to find the reality quite different from how they envisaged. You can have it all mapped out but your baby won't have read the books. And if you get through the whole experience without ante- or post-natal depression, that is a bonus not a given.

Don't be put off posting here or on other sections. Ironically I forgot to say earlier, as soon as you cross into parenthood and child - rearing, no matter how old, best grow an extra thick layer of skin to deflect the inevitable judgmental comments on any and every aspect from everyone else that fly your way.

Move in together first, then take it from there. You need to live together to put your relationship to the test before having a baby. With a child all the little annoying things get so much worse and even marriages that have lasted decades can break down. 6 months/a year of dating whilst living with your parents does not tell you what your boyfriend is like stressed, sleep deprived, drunk or angry.

OP, please answer this - how much do you earn, and how long have you been with your boyfriend?

Jael123

You asked for some advise on how to conceive (get pregnant). I can help with that.

• As mentioned, you should be taking folic acid vitamins from the point you start trying for a baby until being at least 12 weeks pregnant.

• What do you know about your menstrual cycle? You need to know how long your menstrual cycle lasts for so you could do with marking it on your diary/calendar for a few months. Some basic info about your menstrual cycle:

• Day 1 of your cycle is the first day of your period. Count the number of days until the last day before your next period starts.

• You are at your most fertile for the week around the middle part of your cycle. So for example if your menstrual cycle lasts for 28 days then you are most fertile around Day 14. This is called ovulation.

• When you know how long your cycles are and have worked out approximately when you ovulate each cycle (this differs for everyone), you could do with trying to have sex as much as possible around ovulation.

• The few days before ovulation are better than the days after you ovulate, but it is hard to be certain exactly when you ovulate (without testing) which is why maintaining sex after ovulation can still be important.

That's the very basic 'biology teacher' advice. I hope it helps.

There are many other emotional, personal and social issues to consider too.

Happier, I would absolutely also advise a 30 year old to stop living with her parents (assuming she'd never lived away from them) and live with her boyfriend before TTC.

I think you are far far too young to be thinking about having a baby. Please reconsinder. However, you will think you know best. I thought the same at your age.

Jeez some people Need to read the thread title and actually look at what the OP is asking?

18 may seem young to some of you to have a baby but if the OP is set on it & thinks that her situation is suitable then why not?
You could have a 30year old in the same situation - would you think they were stupid?

We've talked about moving into a flat together

So you're not even living together yet. You intend to have all the stress of setting up a home together, sorting out rent, utilities etc, at the same time as having the baby.

You are still in the honeymoon period, and it's wonderful :) But you really do need to settle into a life together, just the two of you, before having that baby.

You have two jobs. Do you intend to keep them up when you have the baby, and pay for childcare? Or are you going to be a stay-at-home mum without the income to pay for rent, car etc?

I am not patronising you Jael, but please think again. Settle down first, then think about getting pregnant.

Irrespective of your age, I would strongly recommend living together with your boyfriend for 6 months before you start TTC. I would say that to anyone planing to get pregnant of any age.

Running your own household is completely different to living with your parents. It is sensible for you and your boyfriend to be 100% responsible for yourselves before you bring a new baby into the mix.

skipping- yes. jael is in for a few shocks, and being selfish. She is too immature to undertand what everyone is trying to tell her unfortunately.

well said deepbluetr it is hard not to laugh at situations like this..

do tell us how you plan on working 2 job while taking care of a newborn you have had too early in life will be struggling to provide for on your boyfriends wages alone and run a car with insurance petrol etc .. you are being really selfish and really unrealistic wanting a baby is not the same as having a baby.

You have started the same thread 3 times- I'm not sure what you are looking for here.

As I understand you and your boyfriend are still living with respective parents. You are both living in protected environments,

Setting up home together, entering into the adult world and setting up home together alone can be a big strain on many relationships, never mind bringing in a baby into the mix.

You need to know that your relationship is stable enough before you think of a baby.
If a baby is worth having then she deserves a stable home, not just two teenagers who are playing house for the first time.

Jael- I'm sorry but at 18 you don't have good qualifications.
A degree is a good qualification.
Your "career"- and I hesitate to call it that as you are so young will take a battering from maternity leave and the pressures of motherhood.
Having good qualifications or experience- and by that I mean longer than a year or two will stand you in good stead when you return to work.

I think some people on here have been unnecessarily rude, but I do also have to say don't rush this. You have so much time on your hands. Travel, experience life, and become the well rounded mum your kids need.

Oh look, another thread and people are saying the same thing as on your other thread!!
We're not judging you, we are giving you the knowledge that our experiences have brought us!!

Don't do it- at 18 you have barely lived any adult life. get out see the world, buy a house, climb the career ladder, get a degree.
Enjoy some carefree adult life and gain some experience before you have a baby.
I would be sad if my 18 year old DD had a baby.

Aww didums your going to move in together in a little tiny flat how grown up of you seriously get a career buy a house and a car have adventures and holidays together and then have a kid. seriously your child will thank you fyi most people live together before having a baby

I agree with donkeys....set your alarm for 11pm, 2am, 4.30am and get up for the day at 6am. Each time stay up for at least 30 minutes carrying a massive bag of potatoes around and around your house - mentally imagine crying/grunting/inconsolable unexplained screaming and accidental head butting/hair pulling/kicking. Now do it for a month then decide. Start now and decide at the start of July if you want to go ahead and TTC.

Once you've done the above and if you've made up your minds then the very best of luck...a baby is such a miracle and blessing but it is also terrifying and exhausting in a way that can't be described. My advice is live a little, go wild and enjoy being carefree then settle down because there is no going back once you have a baby.

I love my DS so very much but I used to work a miminum 50 hour week in a very stressful and demanding job and it was so so much easier than caring for him!!

i've know i wanted a baby since i was 15 their is a thing called common sense that stopped me from trying until i turned 20 and was in a very stable relationship teen pregnancies are so wrong and so avoidable. there's a difference between knowing/planning and trying for a baby.

You might catch very soon, it may take longer than you think. Just 18, what's the hurry?

A rock solid relationship is the best foundation. You might think it will just be you three but have as much family/friend support you can get. Some friends will drift away before you reach nine months. If you want to prove how adult you are, please don't rush into parenthood. Escaping a poor upbringing, edgy family background? travel instead.

Sex during later stages of pregnancy and for up to months after the birth might not appeal. How does your boyfriend feel about celibacy?

Remember when you tell everyone, some will be thrilled. But some will tell you you're crazy and random strangers will inform you that you are eating and drinking wrong, or you are so young it is immoral, or worse ask leeringly were you careless or drunk? Later they'll push past, grab the last seat on public transport, let heavy doors shut in your face and pat your bump without asking. And at least four will make you cry with horror stories about labour and birth.

That newborn requires 24 hour a day care. Set your alarm for 3 am one night this week. See how awake you feel. Get up and walk around for ten minutes. Go back to bed but set your alarm for 4:45 am. Do something intricate with only a low wattage light on. Then set your alarm for 6 am. Does your partner even wake up?

Eat well, sleep well, look after yourself. Are you employed? Save as much money as you can. Babies cost. That said, they don't need brand new everything. If you know someone with a baby ask if you can practise holding, picking up, soothing.

When you get a positive result, don't think your new life starts when s/he arrives. That begins from that moment you find out.

I'm sorry skipping, but your post is a bit harsh. I'm 26 and have been trying to conceive for about 3 years. At 18 I knew all I wanted to be was a mum. If she's on a good income, in a stable relationship and will love that baby and give them everything they need, why not? I've seen plenty of older parents who get it completely wrong! I've been with my husband since I was 16. Lots of people told me I was too young to get married/try for a baby but if that's what's right for you then why not