GETTING PREGNANT AND WHAT I NEED TO KNOW

Seriously Jael, get a grip of yourself, you haven't had a baby so you don't know what you are talking about. How dare you claim to know better than other mums who are sharing their thoughts? (....advice that you asked for!).

If you are so arrogant at 18 years old as to think you know best about everything then go ahead and get on with it but I'd definitely NC before you come bleating onto MN asking for advice/support if it goes tits-up.

A lot of folk on this thread have given you practical, thoughtful advice and you've done nothing but reply in a self absorbed, righteous and petulant manner which is why IMO some people have started to be bitchy....you reap what you sow.

I would also love to see where you are getting your information about young parents being better than older parents....what a crock of shit. By older....do you mean not a teenager?? Also what a hypocrite you are, from the very start of this thread you have wanted to be considered as an individual regardless of your age and but now you are claiming that actually age is important...indecisive much?!?

I don't really understand why you've started these threads though. If you just wanted advice on how to get pregnant then why bring your age into it... twice? Why not just read some of the other threads on trying to conceive? Look things up online? Speak to a doctor? Sorry if I'm wrong but it seems like you're just trying to provoke a reaction.

Your criteria for being a good Mum seems mainly based on being better than the "worst" patemts, as if that makes your situation ideal. I'm sorry but that's not how it works.

You're not listening to those of us with children who are greatful for the opportunities we have had in our 20s, or those who wish they had the chances you do.

You can be a great Mum at 18. Imagine how great you will be at 28 - with your own home, security, a thriving business.

You are at risk of limiting your life

Jael - you can't know what it is going to be like living together until you do it - which is why people are saying you should live with your dp for 6-12 months before trying for a baby.

And do you think it will be realistic to go and study in Paris with a pre-schooler in tow? How will you afford childcare? How will your child cope with childcare in a language they don't speak?

If you choose a child over studying in Paris, do,you think you could end up regretting having passed up that opportunity?

Do you think it is as easy to study at university level with a child as it is without? Do you think you can get all that university has to offer - not just the academic side, but the social and leisure side too - with a child in tow?

SDT then say it nicely there are a select few on here being purely spiteful and that is just childish.

Having had a baby in my teens, 20's and 30's I found my pregnancy had the same impact on my body. Almost identical labours, birth weights etc. What I did find different was my tiredness increased and energy levels decreased as I got older. But obviously everyone is different.

Can you link to that study jael?

What is your career if you don't mind me asking?

You have been accepted to university in Paris? Go! For the love of god woman take it! What an opportunity! That will never come again.

Honestly, my non judgemental advice is get a flat together, live together for a year at least then start trying.

"...To everyone else being nasty because she is 18 for hundreds of years women have had children from a very early age and managed it, most of you wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for that fact...."

Blueberry - for most of those hundreds of years, women didn't have the chance to get a good education, to the same level,as,the men of their time. Nor did they have careers. We now think at both education and a career are good things for a woman to have, and whilst it is by no means impossible to achieve these having had a baby at 18, it is certainly a damned sight harder.

All we are saying is that the OP should be making the most of these opportunities before starting a family - there is plenty of time for her to be taking on the responsibilities of parenthood, after she's had the fun of university and starting a career, up encumbered by these responsibilities.

Honestly, if one of my dc had a choice between parenthood and studying in Paris, I would be shoving their passport into their hands and putting them on a Eurostar!

Deepblue That can be said for any age and any type of person your argument isn't valid.

Just because someone is young doesn't mean they are not completely capable and maybe even a better parent than some older people.

Hahahah can I just point out that it's a known fact that younger parents do a better job that old parents because younger people can handle the stress a lot better than older people and as for actual pregnancy it's a lot easier on a younger more energetic body than an older one. So I think you people should do some of your own research.

If you can find a piece of academic research that proves this, please share. I wish to be enlightened.

x blueberry-

There were many unhappy childhoods too though. many children were raised in damp, squalid and overcrowded conditions. the fact that they survived to reproduce is no glory.

Having secure accommodation was the biggie for me. I coped well emotionally and physically at 19 but the constant moving was the hardest thing. Even lack of money wasn't as bad as the housing situation. I moved during my university course because the landlord hadn't paid his mortgage and once just after ( we managed to buy a house) and that isn't ideal with a DC.

Shamelessly marking place in case this one gets updated rather than the other!

I didnt grow up in a family where we were rich and owned a house etc.

My mum had just turned 20 when she had me, my nan was 17 when she had her and my great nan 18 when she had her and yet were all healthy, we had happy child hoods.

I would change my upbringing for the world.

If Jael chooses to have children it is her choice and im glad that shes asking advice, im just sorry she had replies from some of you.

Give her advise but dont be rude!!! Some of you are acting like children!!

Yes, for hundreds of years women had children early - doesn't make it a good decision, I'm pretty sure most of those women in the olden days didn't have much choice. They got married, had babies and were housewives. They didn't have the chance to study in Paris, to save money, to actually build a career, to make life as secure as possible before a another human arrives on the scene who is totally dependant on you.

" hundreds of years women have had children from a very early age and managed it, most of you wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for that fact."

Yes- many of these children were raised in abject poverty, malnourished, lice ridden. Living in overcrowded conditions. Women often died young or in childbirth.

Having children later is aligned to better maternal and infant health.

I cant believe how rude some people have been to a girl asking for honest advice.

There is no need to be rude and at least she is asking advice before rushing into it.

Jael Im 25 started ttc 15 months ago and due to me not ovulating we havent managed to get pg yet.

I have always wanted a child and I wouldnt care what age I had one.

Even now ive been with my dp for 5 years we own a house 2 cars and are both working, we been travelling and had our 'fun BUT I would still have had a child earlier because I know no matter what I would have made sure any child would have had anything they wanted and a family that loved them.

It is up to you when you are ready and good luck to you.

The only part I do agree with is living with your dp for a while first, men are not easy to live with and it takes a while to get used to.

To everyone else being nasty because she is 18 for hundreds of years women have had children from a very early age and managed it, most of you wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for that fact.

It's not harsh. Marriages are costly. Divorces expensive and messy. Marriages amongst young people are twice as likely to end in divorce.

deepblue I think that's very harsh. With respect guys, none of you know the OP. OP and OH might be a forever couple. None of us have even met them, we don't know.

I don't understand why getting married would make the situation worse? Let's say she does have a baby. In the reality of her situation, she suddenly realises she doesn't want to go back to work ASAP. OH gets s payrise, they decide they can afford for her to be a SAHM. They break up two years later. I'm not a lawyer, but it's my understanding from other threads that a married SAHM who gets divorced is likely to end up in a better financial position than a SAHP who was 'just' (sorry, no rudeness intended) cohabiting with the other parent. Also, sounds awful, but what if he dies? Again, wouldn't she be better off if she was his wife?

Planning and waiting for a wedding can really bring you together as a couple. It forces you to communicate about something which you might have wildly different ideas on. It forces you to budget and be realistic about how much money you have and what you can afford. It makes you prioritise. It makes you deal with the others family - often wedding planning is when you start saying no to MIL for example. All things that are important to practice before getting pregnant, I would have thought. It doesn't have to be expensive, OP, and can be a lot cheaper than a baby!

Unless you object to marriage on idealistic grounds, I simply cannot see why you wouldn't be better off as married parents rather than unmarried parents getting ready for a flaming

Posted too soon.

Why don't you explain to everyone about this marvellous job that will see you through the hardest and most challenging time in any woman's life?
Maybe explain how you will pay for everything when you aren't working,

Or what qualifications you have that won't be expired and useless by the time you look for work again??

You need to wake up and grow up

I'm probably feeling a little bit of first trimester rage here but jael get over yourself!!

I am almost. I have been with my partner for 5 years.
We own a house.
He owns a very successful business.
I am doing a work based degree in a very good field of work for a very solid and well known company.

I have just found out I'm pregnant whilst having a coil.
We are NOT ready!
We wanted to travel, and for me to finish my degree and pay a few more years of the mortgage before we started trying.

You are too young! That is advice, like it or lump it.

Ex