New balls please! The BESH are hanging out the cunt bunting for Wombledon and saddling up for the Tour de France!

Morning,

How are you Barking? Sounds like your counsellor knows what she's talking about and as Rain says, it never seems like rocket science but so difficult to actually put into practice.

I will be starting investigations for recurrent miscarriage when I go back home in August. It may be helpful to share our findings and experiences, do you mind if I PM you?

I POASed again this morning and it was really really faint BFP so I am hoping that things are sorting themselves out. I've also had light-period like bleeding since yesterday so perhaps the last of the pregnancy is finally leaving my body. However, I am still seeing my GP tomorrow morning to discuss the whole saga with her. Will let you know what she says (including my star question: can you have high hcg levels and a period at the same time?)

Hope everyone is well and crossing my fingers for a no to rainy Glastonbury if anyone is going!

barking it's funny how that kind of good advice never seems like rocket science on the face of it but is so hard to follow in practice.
I completely understand your need to be exploring investigations tho, even when you know you need a break. I think we're quite similar like that, just needing to know that we're prepared for the next step, when we haven't even finished taking the current one.

Big hugs for you this evening. Be as 'self absorbed' as you want here, you know we don't see it that way.

blue I've had chinese herbs and acupuncture since December. My cycles improved (as in they finally came back post mc, but were still wonky) and my skin improved (proof that my hormones were balancing out) but I resented the cost and the time/hassle (which is also more cost, as my appointments were on the days I work my second job and get paid per hour, so cost me two hours pay once I've travelled there and back and been stuck with needles). At the moment I've ditched everything related to ttc in an attempt to get some of my life back, so no wheat free diet, no vitamins, no woo needles, no herbs, and as much alcohol and shit food as I want .

I've emailed the local private clinic to ask about the costs of investigations. Part of me doesn't want to pursue this while I'm 'taking a break' but I think it might help me relax and take a proper break before the next IUI if I know either A - there's a problem but we have a plan or B - they can't find anything, chances are I've just been unlucky so next time it could all be ok.

Went to see the counsellor this morning and talked to her for over an hour. Her advice, in a nutshell, was:
1: - look after yourself mentally and physically.
2: - it's ok and normal to have looked forward to happy times (in my case showing the in-laws our 12 week scan photo when we visited them abroad in October, being 7 months pg at Christmas when we see family) and it's normal to be upset when those happy times are taken away, don't feel bad about being upset just let yourself grieve.
3: - concentrate on spending time with supportive friends, not those that don't help for whatever reason.

I think I'll wait until after my scan on Friday, and when I've decided if to go for private investigations, and then consider booking another session if I'm still feeling wobbly. It helped to just talk to someone about all of it without feeling like I was burdening a friend. You know she's there to listen so you can keep talking about what you want to talk about without trying to balance the conversation with a different topic or making sure you're not being self absorbed and trying to remember to ask how they are as well instead of being me me me!!

Blue what sort of job do you do? PM if you want.

Exactly Dorothy! God it's so maddening (I was much better at my job when I wasn't ttc!)

Barking, I can understand the fear and frustration. I'm sorry I have no real advice but I'm sure a lady smarter than I will be along soon. . My only far out suggestion is the Chinese medicine woman? I have her book How to get pregnant (admittedly I haven't followed it) and she claims great success rates. It's really not normally my kind of thing but there is a part of me that is considering a consultation with her.

I am a social worker and I have clients who take their knickers off and seem to get pregnant. You can guarantee they are the ones with kids already on the child protection register etc. It's very unfair.

It's sickening Fab. My parents were foster carers for years so I saw it first hand.

erica hope you see someone and get sorted, keep us posted.

efiin!! congrats. Hope you can calm the menkul. Are you going to try and get an early scan?

blue tell me about it. 2.5 years here as well of sensible living, very little alcohol and living my life around ttc. It's fucking frustrating. It'd all be worth it for a baby, but there's no guarantee that will ever actually happen.

rain have you calmed your shaky finger yet?

I'm trying not to obsess over recurrent miscarriage investigations, where I can get them (I've only had 2 so NHS not interested) and how much they cost.... If I could get pg naturally then fine, I could put it down to bad luck and move on, but our chances are running out, and I don't want to get lucky once more only for that to end in mc as well - no point investigating if we're at the end of the road and have no chances to try again anyway. We're really lucky we get IUI here, but we only get 1 IVF, I don't want to blow our one chance if it might be doomed to failure before we begin.

Don't know if this will work on the phone but I'll give it a go... m.bbc.co.uk/news/education-27943591
Just for a bit of morning rage.

Well how's about this for a lucky streak?! Effin so pleased for you. Please no guilt...The Fear is bad enough so don't add to it with guilt too. We all deserve to know the happiness of a bfp even if it is shortly followed by fear and a long stint in shitting it corner. Can I still hover in this corner for a bit longer please?

I join you in the fist shaking. I didn't see that/read about that but it's giving me the rage just thinking about it. I honestly don't know how you cope in your working life Blue if you see cases like that all the time. I've had peripheral contact with the issue through my work and it always made me feel sad in general without having to deal with any specific cases. In another life I may have wanted to become a health visitor or a social worker but with 2.5 + years ttc under my belt I know I would've ended up on sick leave with depression.

cheers hags, but it's a long way to go yet.
fab ta for ankle rubs, hope you're purring too
don't think we did anything different, must just be random lightning luck.
cunty I am def staking out a place in shitting it corner
I'm shaking my tiny fist at the world too. It's so frustrating when life is completely unfair and we have so little control.

It's just the one finger! I think I was pushing the cheese too hard (fnarr) while grating it.

I did hear that news fab and silently raged over it! As my finger is at it anyway, I shall shake it along with yours and blues fists.

Oh yes Rain - what's this shakey digit all about? Is it just the finger or the whole hand? Are you feeling a little low on the blood sugar levels?

That's exactly what I mean!! Shaking fist with you Fab (and accidently punching some people if they get too close to the first shakes)

Well done Effin that's excellent news! Horribly jealous obvs, so to avoid this I shall rub myself around your ankles instead and hope the embie sticking aura rubs off on me as well .

Did anyone else watch the news yesterday and the joyful announcement about women who were having their children taken into care straight after birth? Some women had had as many as FIFTEEN CHILDREN EACH?!?!?!?! Seriously??? This is proof that karma doesn't work. Women who are utterly incapable of looking after children they couldn't give a shit about are popping them out like smarties whilst we go through all this bollocks for what?? The hope against hope that it might just happen so we can grow just one precious little life.

Thanks Rain, it's just shit isn't it. I work with occasional child protection cases which is the shittest job in the whole wide world when you are ttc.

You know, I naively never factored this being a part of my life plan. I just genuinely had no idea if could be this tough (not helped by everyone I know being an instadiff - including my mum with me - first week having come off the pill, first Dtd and she was pregnant with me. A real part of me thought that was how it worked)

Ok big girl pants on - stop my whinging and carry on. I'm not even trying again this month so I have no right to complain
By the way Effin - I really am excited for you here :-D

Wooohooo Effin!!! Cashback!!! Did you do anything different this month we can all fervently copy? Chuffed to bits for you, so none of this guilty talk.

cunty a dear friend of mine who just had her much longed for PFB after years ttc and donor egg IVF used hypnotherapy techniques and in fact now has her own little practice offering it for fertility! She sweats by it.

Blue what you just wrote is basically the perma-soundtrack inside my head 24/7. What the hell did I used to think about before ttc?

I have a really shaky index finger. If I hover it over my phone keyboard it does a fairly good impression of a woodpecker.

By the way - sense about science says less carbs. But I LOVE carbs and I love eating and I love gin and I am stick to fucking death of trying to create a perfect home for a baby to live in (it's far from perfect by the way - I'm only on day 2 of the much needed diet) when I Know that everyone around me is fat and drunk and high and eating shit and not even really wanting a kid and still they get diffed in a fuckin instant (these are people I often work with) I would be a really good mum, I could give a kid a really good life - so how come all the people who can't do that keep getting pregnant when I don't?? Why why why why why is this so fuckin unjust (and not just to me but mainly to the kids who keep getting born to people who don't really want them)

Arrrrghhhhh!!

Oh and if people don't stop randomly asking me when I'm gonna have a kid I'm going to punch them. Very hard. In the face.
(Still excited for the BESH diffed - you guys count in the 'you have really earnt this" crew)

Good news Effin! I get where you're coming from on the guilt and fear though. I actually got in contact with a hypnotherapist today because I just can't deal with The Fear - I really want to enjoy being pg but instead I'm feeling really shit. Isn't it total bollocks?!

Come and join me in 'Totally Shitting It' corner?

Effin Congratulations!! Would say 'try to relax and not worry too much' but probably bit pointless.

Ha ha! Love buying tampaz abroad!!

Yeah, it sucks a bit to spend 2.5 years praying for a BFP and to now get them OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN when I need them to fuck off so I can (hopefully get diffed again). Ah well.

Enjoy your good news!

Ooh!! Effin!! Eeeek!!! (It's much easier for me to be fully excited for you but I also know how scary this is)
:-)
X

Hags!

rain TT has his jizz pot, but has to wait for a one hour slot to deliver to the hospital, which they reckon will take a couple of months. Imagining there's a team that just test jizz 24/7 - nice job eh? Hope you're feeling recovered and taking advantage of the pleasures of a newly returned appetite.

erica so stressful, and kinda feels like rubbing salt into the would I guess to still be getting bfps, but think it will just take a bit more time. definitely worth talking to a doc if you get the chance. I know what you mean about overseas pharmacies - just trying to buy earplugs and tampaz led to some comedy mimes last time I was en la France! Why can't they just put things on shelves!!

So, who was it who said I would prob get an ironidiff after posting in this thread? Got a BFP yesterday. Due AF on Friday/Saturday but had mil all weekend, so couldn't test til she'd gone - didn't want to deal with the emotion while she was here either way.

I hope this is not fucking insensitive to post this, and I'm sorry if it comes across as shitty news. I feel really guilty admitting it to you all, many of whom have had much longer and much more traumatic journeys than me so far. I'd only just started the journey of investigations since been ttc since Feb 2013 with a mc in Jan 2014, and definitely not cancelling our SA as things may well not progress this time either.

I am totally shitting it - especially reading the last answer on the Sense about Science Q&A where he said older eggs are more likely to be "structurally abnormal", explaining high rate of mc's at 5-6 weeks. So I'm trying to pretend nothing's changed and I'm not pg while obviously also having to act as if I am. Wish I could be happier, but my brain seems to be trying to protect me by mentally preparing for another mc.

Thanks Barking& Rain!

I think I am just going to see someone in London this week...

My D&C was on the 31st of May so just over 3 weeks. BFP seemed about to disappear (very faint) a week post D&C but I've been getting very strong ones when testing every 3 days. Don't think there was enough time for a BFN between them. Man, what a headfuck!

Thanks again!!!

erica you won't ovulate till HCG is right down. How many weeks has it been now? Have you been testing every day?

chezza thanks for checking in. Was starting to worry you'd run off with the embryologist!

erica I had random spotting that never developed into AF for 3-4 months last time, but I did have a bfn. I would agree with your logic that your body would not start AF while hcg levels were still up. It might be worth popping in to see someone while you're in the uk? I think spotting plus bfps would justify a scan to make sure everything has definitely gone. A&E could refer you to epu?

Morning ladyhags,

Barking, how are you feeling today?

I have a bit of a silly question (I think). I've started to spot again this morning, feel a bit crampy. Since I'm still getting post mc BFPs (last one a strong one yesterday morning), surely this must be more post mc bleeding and not my period ? Trying to figure out when I'll ovulate next and starting my period today would really screw up TTC plans (because of husband and traveling separately for the next three weeks).

Surely you need your Hcg levels to drop before you can menstruate again? Gaaaahhh. Brain exploding.