New balls please! The BESH are hanging out the cunt bunting for Wombledon and saddling up for the Tour de France!

Oh, and to add insult to bloody injury it wasn't the end of the bleeding .

Ooo, cherry how exciting! And September is possibly when I'll start my next IUI as well!

Can I just say, ARSE BOLLOCKS CUNT FUCKITY FUCK. ARSE.

We altered our tour de france plans to avoid babies, and when we arrived at our mates' house last night I was unexpectedly slapped in the face with a newborn . They've got 18 people staying and I knew two couples were bringing kids, I just wasn't expecting a new born. .

So DCW, having seen my face as I hid in the kitchen, said his usual 'we'll get through this together' and we and another friend went out for curry. And then to the pub. And then brought back lovely sloe gin . When baby showed up again I went to the cellar to tinker with my bike and thus managed to avoid said newborn all evening. Just the rest of the weekend to get through then....

That's it isn't it bugs - throwing enough at it that you can't look back and think 'what if ' if it doesn't work but still allowing some semblance of normality so that it doesn't take over your ENTIRE life!

Realistically we can't start until September anyway so I have a little more time to enjoy the gin and the reckless lifestyle. Knowing this is my window of opportunity is making it even more enjoyable!

Awrightee Hags, sorry for radio silence. Just finishing work for the evening and thought I'd pop by with the gin to see how you're all getting on and raz up some Friday gratitude for the weekend!

Erica, Barking, I feel like I've neglected you both in your hour of need. 'Tis awful that you are going through this and double shite to be forced to do so shoulder to shoulder alongside the glowing diffed. Grrrr.

That sounds positive Pars - and a good deal to boot. Not too long to wait either and that's if you don't get your FCFU, here's frigging hoping!

I'm totally immersed in crazy work and trying to make real life function at the moment. Not complaining as it's enjoyable too even if it does take up more waking hours than entirely healthy - pass the matchsticks folks! Time to make the most of it while reminding myself that hopefully I won't be so free and easy in the not too distant future.

What seems like aaaages ago now we met the embryoscope prof who was properly down to earth in telling it like it is, my kinda lady. Using it can add 10% more to the stats and as we're playing a numbers game we've decided to go for it if we get 3 or more eggs ... if not they can take their chance!

Most exciting news; today we've got wind of a potential donor and it sounds like third time lucky! ROCH and I are both quietly excited as we're getting a good feel about this one. We'll get confirmation in a week or so's time but in my head I've already said yes. and ahem am totally not trying to calculate start dates and expected due dates

Happy weekend to all the ESH!

barking let's hope that's the end of it. Mine stopped completely after 14 days.

rain that's good news. 2 cycles plus frosties on the NHS is brilliant. But hopefully there will be an ironidiff before then for you.

Oh Erica how crappy. But it sounds like the quickest way to have it done and dusted.

Effin I know how slowly time must be moving for you. The first tri is such an anxious time, particularly for people who have had a long hard road to get there.

Not posting much as I am sitting shaking and mumbling to myself in a corner trying to keep from going batshit crazy. Booked a private scan for 7+5 but totally convinced I'll have to cancel it.

Erica our bodies are so confusing aren't they, and what a horrible experience to go through when you had been trying to put it all behind you. But hopefully you will be able to avoid a second round of surgery.

The mix of patients at AN/EPU wards is something else. When I was having my mc, I had to wait in a room where a woman was playing happily with her young son, and a young woman with a pronounced bump loudly sneered, 'oh god, is that what I've got to look forward to'. I'm sure there were several of us in that room desperate for such a happy outcome.

blue I hope the time off gives you some headspace, but you're right, these things can't be un-known can they? Can you find nice distractions to allow you to enjoy time off or just get shitfaced?

rain how are you feeling about the referral? Good to have a plan of action?

barking hope the worst of the physical bit is over now and you can take some good physical and emotional care of yourself over the next few weeks. Your dh sounds like a keeper.

Hope you're all doing well. I'm off to sedate myself with tennis (supposed to be working at home today...)

Hello hello!

Had a follow up scan today and unfortunately, I am going to need surgery again (D&C with hysteroscopy for 'accuracy'). Well, I could always hope and wait for the tissue to come out in its own but that carries the danger of infection and could delay my chances of getting pregnant again even more.

I am pretty fed up and fucked off that I have to go through all this during my holiday. And mainly, to be honest, because I was hoping for two chances to TTC during this trip and now they look like zero.

GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

Thanks everyone for the positive vibes. It really helps to have a place where people understand how crappy this is!

Barking Good to hear that you are on panty liner territory!

Rain Hope that 'having a plan' makes everything feel bette. I know it helped me!

If this wasn't BESH, I would be sending emotional hugs to everyone... but you get the gist. I will send gin instead!

Erica sorry I'm checking in so late on this. What a crappy situation, when is the follow up scan? Hopefully your body has now done what needed to be done and you can move on properly.

barking I also hope that's the end of it for you too. 12 days is a long old time.

Blue how's the ttc break going? I am tempted to take one myself especially considering there's pretty much 0% chance of me getting diffed anyway

effin, cunty, fankle hoping all is well in shitting it corner! Cods of calm for all of you.

cherry & fab also hoping you're both well also wherever you are, and it's always good to hear from bugs and euro

Has anyone heard anything from MissH recently? I think she said she was off-duty ttc wise till end of June or so.

Quick update from me; we had our FC appt yesterday and she's confirmed if we don't manage an ironidiff in the next 6 months we'll be referred for IVF (2 cycles + transfer of any frosties) at the end of December. Currently an 8 week wait, so hopefully starting Feb/March.
We've got savings for up to 2 private cycles, but given time is still just about on our side (turned 33 in June) we're most likely going to stick out the NHS cycles and then if we need to go private we still can.
That said, part of me is still tempted by the egg sharing route in the interim. The consultant's re-ordered a FSH test, so if that's good I might explore it.

I think after only 12 days I may have stopped bleeding! Going to brave just a pantyliner today .

erica hope you're doing ok.

Barking- yeah I'm pretty mean now, especially about instadiffs (which for me is now anyone who manages it in the first year, any complaints before 6 months and I want to physically hurt people)

Erica - hope you doing as ok as possible. This is just a really unfair process (am secretly squeezing your arm in support)

You know it's nice having a break from ttc but you can't unknow what you have learnt which means I know damn well I'm currently ovulating - it feels silly to be letting it pass but just trying to ride it out

I was sitting waiting for my growth scan last week in the AN waiting room and they put up a notice to say the EPU clinic was running late. I was gobsmacked that they used the same waiting room for both. Although maybe I shouldn't have been. I had to check in there when going for my fertility appointment at the same hospital. Being in a room surrounded by happy bump carrying women was bad enough then.

Erica I hope everything keeps moving in the "right" direction so this can be over with for you.

Thanks hags!

It was pretty upsetting. It's what you say Barking. It would be nice to be able to move on physically and concentrate on recovering emotionally.

However, I am feeling pretty positive. I have passed lots of clot and tissue this week end (NICE!!) and my hcg levels dropped from 1118 to 326 from Friday to Sunday so it seems that things are on their way out, so to speak, and I may even not need surgery. Going for another scan later in the week.

Fankle What a terrible experience, poor you. I think maybe the ask you to take a different exit to avoid upsetting yourself, with the place being plagued with pregnant women and all? I can't imagine anyone being so callous as per worrying about them when you are having such a traumatic experience.

Still, isn't 1118 quite a high a whole month after a D&C? WHAT THE FUCK IS MY BODY DOING???

Oh Erica how utterly shit. I'm really sad to hear this and annoyed for you. All you want to do is move on and this is the thing preventing that. But at least it's been discovered and can now be fixed...fingers crossed it passes naturally and you'll have no need for intervention. Thinking of you.

Barking what a perfect reaction from t'other half.

It's beyond me why hospitals don't try to do more to prevent the happy people and the distraught people from being in the same room. When i had my miscarriage in 2012 I had two scans at the epu. The first scan showed a heartbeat and although I was bleeding I felt happy and relieved like all the other pregnant people waiting in the waiting room. My second scan was the one that confirmed no heartbeat. Obviously distraught and unable to hold back my tears, I was simply asked if I could leave the ward via a different exit (to avoid walking past everyone in the waiting area and potentially upsetting them...is what I interpreted the request as). I guess that's something but it makes you feel like the bad guy for crying openly that your baby is dead. Oh God I hate reliving that time. Erica my heart goes out to you. Stay strong hag!

Erica I'm so sorry, what a horrible experience. I hope your body is pushing it all out and you'll need minimal medical assistance. I was just saying yesterday that mc would be easier to cope with if once it was over, it was over, it didn't involve more pain and bleeding and waiting and uncertainty before you're in a place to be able to move on.

Oh and I asked about post mc BFP and a period at the same time, they said it's not possible, if you have a BFP, it's mot menstrual blood.

FYI, you know...

Morning hags,

Barking - people just don't think. Ended up going to EPU yesterday after being referred by my GP and the waiting room was full of either super happy happy people or women and couples holding back the tears.

Unfortunately, they found that there is a bit of tissue left over at the top of my uterus ('retained products'). Apparently 'it happens sometimes after a D&C' and needs to be removed through another intervention. At this stage I broke down. I was at the same EPU, at the same room, with the same lovely doctor I mc-d with in 2011. It was all just too much. The idea of having to go back for more operations and more antibiotics and more tests and more dildocams was just completely overwhelming. Everyone was lovely though and I calmed down after a little while.

They took a sample of my blood and I am going tomorrow again because since I am still getting urine BFPs, we need to discard 100% a pregnancy. I know 100% that I am not preg but I see where they are coming from. Once we get the results on, Monday we will arrange for a hysteroscopy.

But. For once my body may be doing what is meant to do. I don't know if it was all prodding with the dildocam or what but last night I had massive cramps and started passing blood and large clots. It's really unpleasant but I am hoping to pass that remaining fucking issue and avoid another intervention. Also paranoid that so much surgery could provoke MORE problems to conceive? FML.

Hope everyone is starting the week end in better spirits!

barking that sounds horrible. But your husband sounds worthy of a BESH.

Congrats Effin.

It's pretty cosy here. I'm 8 weeks tomorrow so still a fair amount of shitting it left to go yet!

Barking that sounds truly horrible but I love your husband's response. It's great that you've got someone who's so supportive.

blue I do the same, I know it doesn't help but can't help myself. It also highlights what a nasty person I have become. Someone posted on the mc boards who had mc after an accidental pg. I was immediately that she got diffed without even thinking about it. She'd had a bloody mc and was upset, how screwed up am I that I have so little sympathy just because she didn't have a hard time getting pg?

Just back from the hospital. Again. Starting to feel like a routine. Scan was awful. They were running 25 minutes late, then the couple before us came out beaming. If that wasn't bad enough a nurse asked how they were and they started gushing unnecessarily loudly given they knew the possible circumstances of everyone else in the waiting room about how happy they were and looking forward to the next scan etc etc. DH reached for my hand and said he wished they'd fuck off. I luff him. My scan not great. Not all gone yet so I can expect the bleeding to continue. Good news was we've managed to get an appointment to see the consultant on 7th July, which was a lot quicker than either we or the nurses expected. The nurses didn't dismiss the idea of getting tests as readily as they seemed to last time, so we're hoping we can at least get the basics tested - thrombophilia, thyroid & autoimmune issues - before trying again. Still planning on a break before the next try though.

Why do I go onto other threads? They make me crazy!!

Barking - man, it's really shit that you have tried so hard, it makes me furious that we have to try so hard for something everyone claims is so "natural" and easy. I hope you are doing as best as can be expected.

I know if it were me, I'd have the investigations but I'm a "need to know" er, I'd always rather know the worst case than hope for the best case.

Erica, hope things are doing ok for you too. It's just all a royally shitty and unfair experience.

Fizzy, I've just taken 2 months off from ttc (meant to do one but it was so nice I extended it) honestly it's been the nicest thing - it's so great to not care what's happening in my fangita for a while!

Effin, Cunty - how goes if in shitting it corner?

I'm going away for the weekend so won't be around much for the next few days

erica a trip to the gp sounds sensible. Please do pm me, that would be great .

Ooo, ta for the gin and strawberries fizzy . Although I still can't decide whether to pursue private testing yet, we're also leaving the ttc until September. When I've got myself sorted I'll probably lie low as well, but at the moment I can't stop myself trawling the mc threads reading about what tests and treatments people are trying.... Not coping well since the counselling, I seem to have only just acknowledged what is happening . The fact that I'm on my seventh day of bleeding isn't helping, I'm physically exhausted and unable to start doing anything active that would make me feel better . I came home at lunchtime and have been sleeping. Was out of class today and had finished the meeting I dragged myself in for. The head said I could go home but wanted to know what work I could do from home, she was most concerned that I would have everything ready to hand over to my replacement .