New balls please! The BESH are hanging out the cunt bunting for Wombledon and saddling up for the Tour de France!

Yeah that was me fab. I freak out coming round and try to run away. So after bad experiences with rounds one and two, I did three and four awake, just with some IV pain killers. It was much better for me that way. As you're awake for a CS I won't have that issue this time.

Fucking autocorrect - shoulder!!!

You and I shall have to keep each other company by should punching on occasion then Rain!!

Euro was it you who doesn't do general anaesthetic/heavy sedation and so went hardcore and did ivf with only a normal local? I can't remember who it was who did it now...I just have memories or someone who when entering an operating room instantly wanted to do a runner....?? Wow, can't believe how quickly that's come around. Only 33 weeks ago you were so convinced it was the last time you were going to do it and that it wasn't going to work...and now you're about to pop! So so pleased for you

BOO! Oh wait, that's for hiccups isn't it. Er.... pineapple curry?
Hope things get moving for you naturally, but you will be taken good care of if it's a section. Try to focus on that (totally unhelpful advice I know!).

Day festival was to see Neil Young. RAF is a mega fan, seen him like 25 times or something. Ridiculous. He looks like a constipated tortoise when he sings (Neil, not RAF) but still puts on a good show for an old gimmer.

Fab that's good news, and having a plan after it is even better. Selfishly glad there's at least one BESH not set for a September breakout as I am going to be stuck here till next year at the earliest!

Fizz I don't know if you're sneaky peeking from time to time or having a proper break but in case you are, hope the new job is going really well!

Anyone hard from our MissH?

fankle I'm glad you sent it. Some people have no idea.

erica a break doesn't sound like a bad idea. After my mc I was desperate to be pg again, but I was travelling for work around ov time the next month, and something else happened the month after, and whilst at the time I was pissed off about the enforced break, on reflection my body and mind needed a bit of time off.

Who are you seeing rain? We went to the Arcade Fire gig last week.

cherry that's brilliant news. Not long to go now!

fab I stopped going into work a week ago, and have just been doing a little bit from home, mixed in with annual leave. I don't have much on as I had to hand most of it over, in case they needed to get the baby out at short notice. We had yet another scan yesterday and they've decided it's time, as soon as a neonatal cot is available. I'm not too worried about the baby now - as many of you have said 33 weeks + is a good gestation. I'm having actual nightmares about having a section though. I have a phobia of surgery and am properly freaking out. I'm trying every trick in the old wives tales book to try to bring on labour, as kicking off premature labour is probably my best case scenario at this point. Unfortunately I don't think anything is going to work.

Evening Hags! How exciting Chez that's fabulous news - you'll be diffed before you know it . I'd love to join you on the cluster diff in Sept/Oct but it's probably unlikely at the mo. Bugger. On the upside I've got a gynae appointment through for 7th august so my doc managed to get me past the triage unit and straight to the specialist - hurrah! I'll find out if I need a lap then which will give me a time frame to finally work from. Yay!

I'd definitely have sent that note Fanks - people can't understand how it feels unless we tell them and if they're then rude armed with that knowledge then quite frankly they're nobbers and deserve return abuse!

Hope you all have been able to enjoy the weather today

That's bloody brilliant Chezza! Let me know if you want the ivf book that Bugs kindly sent me. Not sure if just possessing it has special woo powers...but in the end I didn't need it. I only read the first 7 or 8 chapters. PM me your address if you want it.

Well the email is sent and I haven't had a response yet. Thanks for the back up, hags. I do feel strongly that there is no shame in saying you struggled to conceive or it took longer than you thought it would or that you needed a bit of help. Maybe it makes you appreciate it more or appreciate it in a more profound way (eg like a hard won reward after a really long, hard, life-changing slog). I still pretty much hate instadiffers- not sure that will ever leave me. Try as they might they will never truly understand. The purpose of the email was not to upset or lambast the woman, but to try to get her to think a bit before opening her gob and hopefully save others the discomfort of her nosiness.

Rain enjoy the gig and the alcohol. Erica Chezza and any others having a ttc break- have an extra glass of wine/ gin/ pimms for me (I'd bloody love a nice cold Viognier right now as I sit in my garden).

Rain We can be 'break buddies' - I have another 4 weeks left before I head back and it would be so nice not to worry about OPKs and how much I'm drinking or what I'm eating etc... on the other hand, it will be the first time in nearly 3 years so I am sure it will feel a bit strange. But nice. Strange and nice.

Your mum sounds really funny! Are you going to see Neil Young? Saw him in Hyde Park a few years ago!

Awesome news Cherry!!! Autumn 2014, here we come!

Erica so glad you're sorted now, how much if your trip do you have left? A month off sounds good - I'm tempted to do the same now we have a 'plan'. Really fed up with it all at the moment!

Cherry wahoooo! . September is looking like an excellent month for the BESH! Just out of curiosity, how much do they tell you about your donor?

Fankle I'd definitely send that email in your position. I'm with cherry that WHEN I get properly diffed I will not be shy about how we got there - not in a 'my pregnancy is worth more than an instadiffers' way, but as you say to just try to remove the stigma a bit. If I didn't think it'd cause me more heartache in the short term I'd be telling more people about what's going on now, but with my work it'd be a bloody nightmare.
How did Bugs go about it?

'Ello frank - how's the filly? Hope you're all well? HWHNN must be looking forward to that also, roll on Autumn!

Barking I hear you on that topic, but like they say no one else's problems ever seem as big as your own. My (recently departed on mat leave) colleague said to me when she told me she was preg that she now (then) understood how awful my miscarriage must have been. Really?! You're happily and successfully preg after about 2 months of trying, how exactly do you 'understand'? Gah. Sorry, trying not to be too ESH today but my PMT is out of control!

fab, blue how's it hanging with you two?

Got baby-bombed on a nice afternoon out with my Mum yesterday - cousins expecting their first in January. They've been married longer than we have (and are quite religious) so possible they've also had issues but who knows. I nicely segued from that news into telling Mum about our IVF referral later this year. Had a little moan about not knowing anyone really IRL who's had anything near the issues we've had - she told me I was 'special'. Nearly snorted my Pimms all over the table - I'm special alright!
Off to Hyde Park today for day festival. Did an IC this am to ensure I can drink all the alcohol I can find, looks like I'm all set - yay

cherry I've just seen your update, fan-fucking-tastic news and about time! I'll keep absolutely everything crossed for you. (I almost added a kiss there and remembered where I was)

cherry I'm thrilled that you've got a match, I have everything crossed for you. In reality September/October is not that far away, at least that's what I keep telling myself as HWHNN will be home for good at the beginning of October - yay!

Send it Fankle, I think it would be good for her to appreciate the way you're feeling. Good on you for standing up to it. When/if I ever get diffed I want to be open about the fact we had IVF to get there. Infertility is a weirdly taboo subject - like its a shameful thing not to be Mother Earth and pop a million sprogs at the drop of a hat. It needs talked about and normalised in the right way I think. Respect to you bugs for the way you handled your FB announcement. I thought that was frank but matter of fact; you are a crusader of the modern times!

So we're all in on the Sept cluster diff then, fucking marvellous, see you there hags! Erica a month off TTC sounds like it would do your sanity a world of good. Early autumn on the other hand is looking like a very good time in 2014 I hear!

It's official for us, we have a match! DEIVF here we come starting early Sept for transfer mid Sept, testing early Oct. fuck me!

I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to debate this one except to say that shit is shit.

But did I say we're starting IVF? Just having the opportunity to give it a shot feels like it will mend some heartbreak for me. Could also bring it's very own brand to the table but at least I get to try, which is all any of us can do. And for that, I am thankful.

Lost you all for a while so just remarking my place so I can spy on you all

Thanks Fankle - sound advice. To be honest, the idea of starting TTC straight away is just exhausting.

Let us know what happens after the e-mail. I think it's likely this lady will be mortify and will profusely apologise and you will have spared other women from all those insensitive comments!

Erica maybe it would be better to giVe yourself a rest and a chance for your uterus to recover fully and get back to normal working order. I know you probably won't want to risk another conception so soon after surgery and a possible repeat of what you've just gone through, which has been horrid for you.

August / September aren't too far off and you can continue to be relatively carefree for another month or so.

That's what I would do I think, but I can totally relate to your eagerness to try again ASAP. Hope you don't think I'm being overly negative/careful.

I've sent the email by the way

I feel I should point out that I don't think this is a competition to see who has 'suffered' the most. I just agree with Barking that there are all different emotions and maybe we have to accept that.

You don't need to understand someone's feelings 100% to offer support. Some of the people that have supported me the most are child-free-by-choice women and mums with no or few problems to conceive.

Reading previous posts now.

High five back Cherry!!! ROCH is so cute, what a lovely thing to do!

Barking I couldn't agree more with your post. Infertility is horrendous, mc is horrendous, going through both is double horrendous and that's the way I see it. Same as, say, losing your job. It's terrible to be unemployed and struggling to find a job. It's devastating to lose your job. But losing your job after 2 months when it's taken you 2 years to find is surely worse than the other two?

Can I join the September gang?? My European gyno recommends that I wait for my next period to arrive to TTC again. I am thinking that maybe I mc-d because I got preg less than two weeks after my laparoscospy and things were not quite right down there yet?. The reason of the mc was a blood clot in the uterus, which broke the gestational sack. Reason of the blood clot unknown but could it be related to recent surgery. And I've had two D&Cs in less than 6 weeks....mmmhh.

Shall I just go for it this month? Shall we VOTE??

Fankle Please do!!!

You are right Barking and you shouldn't get flamed for thinking that or pointing out what is a) very true and b) difficult to explain. Miscarriage is horrendous. Infertility either before or after miscarriage is even more horrendous. And childlessness on top of that..not to mention the acute worry that it won't ever happen..is the big steaming shit on top of that particularly vile cake. I know. And I do genuinely believe that you will get your baby come hell or high water.

Now ladies, I am feeling brave(ish) and want your advice about pointing out insensitivity in others...as I now feel is my duty. For YEARS I have endured personal questions and insensitive comments from a lady I come into contact with through work, thankfully infrequently. Now she does work on a hospital maternity helpline and has been a midwife in the past, so clearly she deals with pregnant people all the time. But every time I see her or have to call her, I know to expect The Question. Usually it's phrased 'oh, I thought you'd be pregnant by now'' (this was as I walked into a room for a meeting with about 5 or 6 other people and was only months after I got married)...or "Where's the baby" (HELLO, IT'S CLEARLY NOT FUCKING THERE!)...and other such unbelievable rudeness. Well, I spoke to her yesterday and she asked the inevitable question again. At least this time I was able to say that I'm pregnant, albeit somewhat grudgingly as I don't feel she has the right to know. So after telling MG about it last night he suggested I email her and point out the obvious to her. So this is what I have drafted but am a bit scared to send...

As an aside, on a personal note, I hope I can point out to you that, I have often felt very awkward when you have made comments or asked questions about when I will have a baby. Perhaps, given your job, pregnancy is just a normal, every day matter for you and something that is achieved easily. However, I do feel it important to point out that it is not easy to achieve for everyone and it can be upsetting to be asked personal questions about it. Now that I am pregnant and extremely happy about it, I feel that I ought to speak up on behalf of those women who struggle to conceive and ask you to please be aware of this in future

Should I send it???

Fankle I do struggle on the mc boards sometimes with all the women who have 1 or more children already and say that the desire for a child is 'just as strong' whether you already have one or not. It's not a pity competition and I don't deny the strength of desire to complete your family, however many children that means for you, but being childless, and fearing that you can't change that without going down the adoption route, is a different kind of emotion altogether. MC is horrendous. Infertility is horrendous. I think going through both is something only those who have been through both and are still childless can understand. I might get flamed by some people for saying so, but I do believe there is a difference between mc'ing a pg that took 2 months to conceive, and mc'ign a pg that followed 2+ years of ttc and fertility treatment. There's just so much more invested in that bfp, and it's not just a fear of if you will mc again, but whether you will actually ever get pg again before you even get to worry about losing it!

In other news...I think one or two of you on here follow the blog 'Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen'. For those of you that don't, it's a really good blog written by someone who has been going through unexplained infertility for 5 years! 5 years!! She is witty, sassy and warm...not annoying like most of the bloggers can be (some put me in a vile mood). This blog, by contrast, is uplifting and...almost BESH like but without the fish slaps. Alas, she is pregnant (natural surprise diff) and due on Christmas day.

5 years!! That's 60 months. That's double what I went through...I counted 30 months since starting ttc. Fucking horrendous it was too.

Encouraging stuff though.

Excellent news Cherry! And how sweet of ROCH, bless him. Keep us posted. This is all getting v exciting!

Shit Barking I feel your pain on the fertile neighbours front. It's like you can't escape it, even in your own living room. Shut the curtains? Work in another room? I know...why should you have to do that eh?! When we moved here, the woman across the road was pregnant and now her child is about 18 months. Sometimes I would just gaze out the window at their perfect life being lived out just meters away from me and then feel very sorry for myself. Sometimes I would just HATE them and feel angry that we live so near to the life we wanted but couldn't have. God, infertility is so unjust!

Fab hello! The workplace is a whole other level of torture, like the above situ, which you just can't escape. What a cow! But glad you are enjoying being back at work and hope you can avoid bump cow features as much as possible.

Erica glad to see you back and relieved that it's all over. Now you can get back to some semblance of normal ttc (like it's ever normal for a BESH..). Fingers crossed for a v quick post mc bfp for you.

Last week I spoke to a good friend who has 1 DS aged 2. She told me she had just miscarried the other week and could now understand the pain I must have felt, not wanting to be around other pregnant women, worry over getting diffed again etc, but she said at least she has her DS who was a major comfort to her. I am deeply sad for her, especially as her EDD would be just 2 weeks after mine and miscarriage is just about the worst thing a woman can go through...but (and this makes me a bad person) she conceived the 2nd month of ttc so it's not like she understands the pain of fertility problems following mc. She will get diffed again in no time, I am sure (her DS only took 3 months to conceive). I do think that women who miscarry after having a child are under an added pressure to just get through it and be grateful for the child they have, so it's probably a different kind of sadness. Still sad but not...I don't know.. the emptiness. Does any of that make sense or do I just sound like an evil bitter hag?

I'm past 14 weeks now so officially in 2nd trimester. I still have the paranoia that something could still go wrong but trying hard to push it to the back of my mind.

Still rooting for you all and anticipating major cluster diffage in Sept.

Oooo, cherry sounds like all systems go! I agree, timescales are good. Gin is also good. After more than 2.5 years of being practically tee total for TTC reasons and then just in the 2ww cos I got fed up of missing out I'm finding that the gin really is going down a treat right now .