New balls please! The BESH are hanging out the cunt bunting for Wombledon and saddling up for the Tour de France!

vixen After a couple of days to get used to it I'm a complete mooncup convert. My AF is always unpredictable in flow so I spend the whole time wondering if I've used too heavy or light a tampon, or having to use towels as I'm not sure if it's just spotting. I only need to empty it first thing in the morning then in the evening, but when I had to check at work (little first time paranoia) I just used the disabled toilet which had a sink in it. It's a revelation not having to buy/carry/store/dispose of a stack of tampons and towels . Feels a lot cleaner and healthier. After ttc and two prolonged mc's I am no longer squeamish about anything down there..

bugs how long have you got left now?

I've forgotten what else I was going to say to who and I'm on a new phone which I'm still getting used to as the app seems to be working differently .

I turned my nose up at the mooncup in my twenties when my housemate left hers on the side of the sink [grim] but think it might be a good idea now I'm less squeamish about these things. My main concern is how to empty/clean it in public toilets?

vixen the sick bucket challenge makes me want to punch. is that the idea? don't these people continually post pictures of their brood all the fucking time anyway? Is it competitive smugness? bluergh.

barking good news on the timely return of AF. Reassuring when our bodies do what they are supposed to, hope it means that you are physically recovering well.

cherry exciting news, hold on tight for the hormone rollercoaster. I had a massive hormonal crash 5 days after mc, my first taste of what those weird little chemicals can do to you, and pretty overwhelming.

fab 10 months of period pain! christ. hope that lap gives you a plan of action. and apparently has many magical benefits.

blue sorry if I sounded a bit blazé. With the CBFM we were shagging on the first day of 'high fertility' but then immediately stopping and I started to suspect that it kind of gave us a false sense of security and perhaps we stopped too soon (or started too late) to actually be doing it at the right time. Hope the ovacue at least gives you some useful information. Does the LAS come in flavours? I know what you mean about ttc banjaxing sex life too. MC also made me feel totally disconnected from my body. I'm trying to persuade TT to do some non-shag massage type stuff in the hope that it (paradoxically) helps get us more in the mood - and relaxed about it - rather than it becoming another household chore.

Sorry for anyone I've not namechecked. Had visitors last week so not checking in much. Hope you're all having bonza weekends. We're off to a bad film club to watch He-Man in a park tonight. Will be taking lots of jumpers and gin!

barking, would be really interested in your mooncup review. AF started for me today and I keep thinking there must be a planet friendlier way to deal with it.

Blue and erica it's so hard not to let it bother you, isn't it?

In the past few days I've encountered a worrying trend that I shall henceforth call 'The Sick Bucket' challenge in which mums nominate each other to post pictures of their brood on Facebook. All it does is remind me of how many offspring everyone else had managed to produce during which time I've been keeping sales of folic acid afloat with nothing to show for it.

At least we can console ourselves with gin and not be woken up by screaming children at the crack of dawn tomorrow!?!

Oh Erica, I know this is shitty. I want to have words of wisdom and comfort but we both know they're aren't many.

I have now been out differed by my friends who I knew had trouble (a year and half of everyday sex to get pregnant) she's just announced her second one months after having her first (which I know is actually amazing, she's too sweet natured to be a hag but she could almost have been one of us!) and a friend with severe endo who when we first met cried to me about she'll never have children cos she was 30 and single and in now upduffered with her second whilst I still have ... Wait, quick count ... Oh yes, none!

Re: Facebook, I totally did that to myself, I actually hardly ever go on but a friend told me of someone we know who is diffed and I wondered why she hadn't facebook announced it, so I searched until I bloody found it.

Enjoy your hols, rain. One of the CRESH is lucky enough to live out there.

That's great barking. It helped me when my cycle got back to normal quickly post-mc.

cherry I am very impressed by your recent exploits.

Blue I've never heard of that one. LAS could be the new BESH obsession.

Pah to unhelpful pregnancy announcements.

Hey hags,

Just popping to say hello and Barking mooncups are awesome, period-changing. It may take a little while to get used to them but they are completely worth it.

All my zen is gone. Another pregnancy announcement yesterday did it for me. I just feel I am putting so much time and effort and emotional investment into something that is never going to work out. Dark times.

Hope everyone is starting the week end in a better mood!

Blue I've just got a new phone and skipped the page where I was required to sign in to facebook, I'm just not going there! I'll go on via the website as I use a few groups for mountain biking etc and I have them bookmarked so I can go straight there without the danger of seeing any nasty surprises on my newsfeed despite having unfollowed everyone who has or might ever have a baby.

rain enjoy the holidays! rmc appointment is on sept 17th.

cherry it was a very pleasant surprise, actually getting AF around when I should - bit of a shock really! Perhaps the months of woo needles have had a lasting effect?! tries not to get carrried away and imagine herself as a natural instadiffer as soon as we start ttc again

Urggg, more facebook baby post

Should imagine just a bit of normality is a relief barking, good news.

Lick a stick, arf.... I have a dumb and dumber image in my head now...

Enjoy your hols Rain

Ha,I will indeed be LAS

blue so instead of POAS you LAS? (Lick a stick - reminds me of that playground joke...). Hope you get a better idea of your cycle from it.

bug wow, 31 weeks! Time is a flyin! Like chez thanks for continuing to update us, you're the flag bearer for us all!

chez great news - shit just got real! I think I'm going to miss all the scans etc tho as I'll be away myself so a firm early toe hold and Pollocks of Plushy Wombs for you.

barking that is also great news. The wtf cycle can be hellish so glad you're back on track. Any news on the rcm stuff?

I am en route to Gatwick at stupid O fucking clock (I did a proper comedy panic wake up when the alarm went off at 3:45am) for a week's jaunt to the Channel Islands so might not be around much but am, as always, channeling BESH vibes for you all. I might go BESH on RAF if I don't get a coffee soon. I hate early mornings.

Fingers, toes and everything crossed for you cherry!!!

In my news, AF arrived tonight . This was a pleasant surprise as I waited months for it after the first mc! Fingers crossed it is a normal AF and not random spotting. I'm trying a mooncup for the first time, any top tips from experienced users welcome!

Just rushing in to say hola and aurevoir... Well, temporarily anyway. In the meantime please pray for my sanity!

Glad to see you're sticking around Effin, you sound like pure hardcore BESH to me, sorry for the shit you're going through though.

Euro. Ahhh, your post just makes me glow with happiness for you! So chuffed. Wowz Bugs 31 weeks... Not so long now for you and bug let either. Exciting stuff. You are hope so it's great you stick around.

For you tenacious gin consuming souls waiting and being worn down by irritating differ announcements in the meantime, hang in there. Tis shit.

Soz for radio silence in this department... I'm in the middle of a mental August. One madcap challenge down, yomping about in the hills for chariteee, off shortly for a full on couple of weeks working away.

All good aaand we're now officially on DEIVF countdown after I came off my HRT today... First scan the day after I get back in a couple of weeks time. Even I'm shocked by the efficiency of it all. Super stress plus wobbly hormone levels, I've gotta admit I'm slightly terrified by the prospect. But all for a good reason.

Ooh posted too soon!

Fab - ick to the man and to the pain!
Bugs - 31 weeks! Woohoo
Euro - I forgot to say, yay!!!!!!!! (I don't use this many exclamation marks in real life)
Rain - you know, I know they think it's polite but I really hate when people call to tell me they are pregnant. text me
dammit, allow me the chance to make myself sound like I'm happy for you (oh I really am a hag)
Erica - I'll let you know how it goes with the monitor, we order the fertilaid vitamins which get great reviews (i took some cleansing ones and they definitely did something - bleed differently and at a different time but then they knocked my cycle out so I stopped taking them Mr Blue still on his though)
Effin - I'd love to do more rather than more focussed but as ttc has ruined our sex life that's just not gonna happen so I need the specific days

I feel left out, I want a lap now :-( Is ovulation pain a symptom of endo?

Am off for dinner tonight with a uni friend who has been asking me when I'll have children since we met 7 years ago, much easier to be ok with the question when I haven't been actively trying for such a bloody long time.

The fertility monitor is an ovacue. To be honest I'm mainly bought it because poas makes me really unhappy (I'm a get up early, have a wee, sneak back to bed kinda girl but when you have to poas and wait for the fucking thing to smile at you then I'm fully awake and it ruins my snooze) so this thing you use every day by putting it on your tongue for 15 seconds (you can also confirm ovulation by using the vaginal sensor!). I also like that it claims that it can tell you your best days 7 days in advance and with our schedule it's just vital (the tracking apps don't work, I'm usually a couple of days out and those are always the dates that we've booked something) In the past I've cancelled girly weekends because I was supposed to ovulate and then didn't, and this month it turns out it's slightly out meaning my best days will be the day we have his parents over (Dtd will not happen then)

Ps Blue what exactly do you get for your £300???

Wowsers so much going on since I last posted! Effin you sure are hardcore - I'm so sorry to hear your news but please don't go away - seems to me this is exactly the place to be at the moment and I'm sure previous ESH will agree with me on that as well as the lovely BESH before me. No-one understands a shit time like a bunch of hags who've seen shit times... Although maybe not in a tent (joins Bugs in crushville).

Bugs, fuck me - 31 weeks??? You go girl!! Amazing news . If I ever get diffed (seems unlikely now but still have a little hope there somewhere) I want to try that hypnobirthing thing. A friend did it for both hers and said it was amazing but she did have to do a lot of prep work for it.

I'm just waiting for my laporoscopy appointment at the moment - want it to come through ASAP so I can book a holiday - haven't been abroad since forever and TWH wants to book something lush so I need to get it sorted while he's in a generous window!!! For the record I've always had normal cycles but since October last year I've had constant pain, like period pain, for my whole cycle. So basically 10 months now of constant period pain. I don't mind telling you I am quite frankly fed up with feeling like this! Am now starting to have nightmares that I having a hysterectomy as I in most pain at night. Boo. Can't wait for my lap assume that will finally show what's going on?

Oh god, slappy mouth noise man is next to me in the train again. Eeeeew!

at lighting the candles and pouring the wine!

Thanks hags for all your messages. Raising a breakfast glass of tasty sloe gin [not 'slow', oh the shame...] to you all. It is indeed a right old shit and I don't recommend mc'ing in a tent. After all the physical drama I'm now settling back into the grey mindset of will-we-ever-have-a-baby. Though we're going to wait at least one full cycle, and I'm going to try not to get too obsessive [ha yeah right] in the meantime. No RMC tests available until a 3rd mc and basic fertility tests 'normal' so not sure if there's anything to do different this time.

blue what does that monitor actually do?? For £300 I'd expect it to light the candles and pour the wine too. I've been using a 2nd hand clearblue fertility monitor, but wondering if it might be a bit too definite and we'd be better off just doing it more rather than trying to hit particular days.

yes, I'd be interested to know how they diagnose mild endo? would they have seen this on internal ultrasounds? I've always had painful periods - but normally so I think - and I have a small fibroid that no one seems to think is significant, don't know if that's related.

good luck with the tests erica. So difficult to know whether it's better to find something or not - having something to treat at least makes it feel like you can have some control, but then will also be reassuring to know if you can rule some things out and not have to worry about them.

Barking Yup, more waiting! I know that 10 days to get the results is actually not very long at all. It's just the first 'round' though, so to speak. Next it will be Mr Erica's semen test etc. It feels like, for the last three years, I've done nothing but try and be patient and I am a bit fed up with it!

As Rain says, I am not sure what would be 'good news' for us. Maybe some mild disorder (blood clotting??) that can be solved with minimum trauma? If/when I get pg again, I would like to feel we are doing 'something' to make it work. Leaving it to luck would be nerve-destroying!

I do love your use of 'shit show' - that's exactly what it feels like! I am gripping your toe real hard!

Rain I had completely asymptomatic endo but my gyno insisted that not getting preggers when everything appeared to be ok (all fertility tests came back normal) was a symptom in itself! I am not sure how you go about it in the UK but I am not the only one (at least three other people in the last few months spring to mind) that got pg pretty much straight after the lap.

Blue I've been thinking of getting one of those for ages. Let me know how you get on! Are you taking the Vitabiotics super vitamins? Super vitamins for super babies indeed. I feel that any foetus of mine that makes it is going to be super!

Re: everyone getting preggers but us. I know. I am so fed up with it. I am definitely in the minority in my friendship group back at home (not so many people with kids here though) and I am sick of friends that are not even living with their partners yet getting pg while 'on holiday'. I've gone on a million fucking holidays, pretty much ruined my & Mr Erica's sexual life and all I have to show for it is two mcs and one cp. Fucking fuck.

Blue that is insane dedication! £300!!!!

All this talk of hysteroscopy diffage has made me want to ask my GP about endo. Can GPs order those kinds of tests or would it have to come from the FC? I don't really have any symptoms apart from period pain (which I think is nothing beyond 'normal'), tiredness and a desperation to find out why I can't get knocked up! That said I know a couple of people who found they had endo without any real symptoms. How should I go about trying to wangle one?!

erica not sure what to hope for on your behalf here - that you get answers for the MC or are reassured everything's dandy and it's just rotten, repetitive bad luck. Which is the better option of those two shit shows? Cockles of talk in the meantime regardless, and a pre-emptive toe hold for next week. (Please note I am losing my foot related inhibitions!)

barking god dammit, why can't they all just stop it! I had a lovely afternoon with a post ICSI donor egg success story friend yesterday who very kindly gave me all the paperwork from her original IVF clinic (the one our CCG use) and got a phone call just as we were parting from a friend who literally never ever calls me.
So, I knew - I just fucking knew - as I answered the phone that, yes, you've guessed it, she's diffed. Nice of her to call me first before announcing it, but it was slightly galling when she said she and her boyfriend decided to start trying after I advised her not to taste any time cos you never know what issues you might have at a friend's wedding last summer (this friend has also had a baby since then).
Fucking sucks arse and leaves just two of my core group of friends without babies now, excluding barren old me. 5 conceived since we started trying, 3 had kids already. Oh god, now I'm depressed.