Home on the amazing and determined TTC after mc-ers. We know all about the ups and downs, trails and tribulations,, how it feels to live in the cruel world of Facebook baby bombs. Solidarity, sisters!

I made a decision yesterday to try so hard to be at peace with myself in the moment and just find one or two things I can be happy about as it's oh so easy to be dragged into what is going wrong or hadn't happened. Don't get me wrong ladies, I am generally not myself and sad but I have found by just allowing myself a few things to be happy or smile about in a day, it makes it easier to get through the day.
I also don't lose sight of the goal which is no matter what I will be a mummy : )

Oh yes, my skin went bonkers after my mcs too.

So I haven't has the best of days. DP and I have fallen out, although what has more accurately happened is he got moany about money and I internalised it, made it all my fault, and have now retreated into my girl cave and I'm not really speaking to him. Which he HATES as he is a very lovey dovey person and which suits me fine as I think I'm pretty depressed and I don't talk much when I'm down.

Then to make me feel really crap I decided to test today (at 8dpo!!!!!) and got a BFN. I know I'm not pregnant this month as I have no positive signs but I still have to tirture myself by bloody testing too early.

I also have Slimming World tonight and my scales say I haven't lost weight either. What a surprise lol.

Dp kept pointing them out, when the party of 'its a girl' came in I thought he was going to cry

my skin is rubbish at the moment too

broody lou my skin went nuts after both miscarriages too. But the other way – so so so dry. Usually my skin is quite oily, have never had dry skin in my life. First time the dryness lasted about 6 weeks, this time it seems to have sorted itself much quicker. But actually, before I miscarried (well I had already miscarried but I didn’t know it yet) my skin suddenly went really dry. That was one of the things that made me think, hmmmm…..

smiling that is a long long long list. You do have to wonder where they all come from!!

broody I am with you there. Every time I touch my nose it's a flakey snow storm!

To add to the JTFO list.... Shitty hormones. Since my mc, my skin has been awful. I'm a real skin care addict vain and so my face has always been clear and healthy but now it's spotty on my nose and just looks dreadful.

grittedteeth that's a long list. Haven't managed to leave the house yet either though DH is determined to get me out tomorrow even if it's just to do the food shop. Can't see it happening though.

Blimey,twice a day for 5 days?! We'll done you. I guess the good thing with ttc is it actively gives you something to plan and focus on. Even if we do become abut obsessive - I know I certainly did!

virgo im so happy for you, what lovely news

one I played the sods law game lots, everything was 'if I do x, y, z im bound to be pregnant' ive stopped doing that now but I still have moments of I bet if I booked a bungee jump id get pregnant

dp and I went to the cinema and out for dinner last night, first time weve been out since the miscarriage, we also went shopping before as I needed new trousers.

shop changing room......
2 tiny babies
1 pregnant women

cinema........
4 pregnant women

restaurant. .......
1 pregnant waitress
3 pregnant women
2 babies
1 cutest toddler ive ever seen
A party with balloons, presents, cards and banner all proudly announcing ITS A GIRL

I remember why I dont leave the house!

am feeling tired today, we have dtd twice a day for the past 5 days, dp says im scarily determined, im not im just desperate to have a baby

can I have links to everyones blogs please.

oneday book the holiday. Have something to focus on other than loss. I am 7 weeks post erpc on Monday and the difference in how I feel compared to 6 weeks ago is vast. Just get through each day for now and time will go so quick.
Ian googling "winter sun 2015" right now. Might just find myself booking a little getaway!

Morning all

Hi office and bythesea thank you for the welcome. Of course no one wants to be here but having such a lovely bunch of ladies to talk too is really helping me right now.

lou glad you managed to dodge the preggo ladies, here's to the JTFO vibes continuing to work for you and us all!

Had a bit of a mini meltdown yesterday over lots of things. The main one being when I saw the planner was recording obem. Last time i watched it (last week) I thought I was very much pregnant and had no reason to think otherwise. So much can change in a week.

Before I'm ready to ttc again, my new approach is to take on Sod's law. For example, have convinced DH that we should have a holiday in September to get away from everything and treat ourselves. I'm hoping that by booking in September, AF will have returned, we will have DTD, got upduffed and it will be Sod's law that I'll be feeling rubbish on holiday! Bonkers theory isn't it?!

I feel like this is all sending me slightly insane already and it's only been a week!

monten I done that to, totally convinced myself. You might, you just never know, not today anyway!
Thankfully my next door neighbour (who is preggas, whose friend is a midwife and constantly natter about pregnancy) thinks she's a peg above the rest so avoided me at the bus stop this morning staring in disgust at my flip flops before looking away. Lucky escape no 2 of the week.
Last night I was teaching my spin class and had lucky escape no 1 as a preggas lady came into the class after mine. Phew! Tube is strangley empty. Not a baby on board badge in sight. I'm starting to think my jtfo vibes may be working!
I'm on 2 bars CD 12. Pouncing on hub tonight!

virgo that's absolutely brilliant news, so pleased for you. What an amazing feeling, to get good news at a scan!

hope that's just brilliant, big congrats. A good reminder for all of us that it can happen at any time, much as we can and should help ourselves, conceiving is a chance event at the end of the day. Just because we've not been lucky one month doesn't mean we won't be lucky this one.

bythesea welcome back, I've always wanted to go to Sweden and I love camping? Was it amazing?

just your blog about the silence really struck s chord with me. That damn silence. When I went for my second scan she didn't say anything right away so I knew it was going to be bad news, but couldn't bear to ask as was too frightened. So just lay there staring at the flourescent lights while she goes 'I'll just measure your ovaries first'.

Dtd again last night, have convinced myself am going to get up duffed before first AF. This is not good.

Morning lovely people!
I am posting for a couple of reasons, firstly to say congratulations to the recent BFPs - well done ladies, showing us there is light at the end of the tunnel!
And welcome to our new members, may your stay be short and productive
And finally so I don't lose the thread from my "threads I'm on". Unfortunately I have nothing interesting to report, still having some spotting from af after nearly a week, wish it would just piss off.
Absolutely HATING work at the moment, I am just about sort of getting back into the swing of things after plotting my escape on maternity leave then having to unplot it again. What a crock of shit that is! Luckily it's only 4 weeks until the summer hols - hurrah!

just I just read it too. You write so well - if this was a book I would not be able to stop reading, so relevant and honest. Every time I learn a little more about you ladies my hope for you all (and me) gets stronger and gets me through another day

just I've just read you're blog too, it's so accurate, such a lot of what you've written must be echoed by the ladies on here, beautifully done. I also read some of your linked blogs, had to stop though as they've made me well up, brilliant though I shall return to yours and theirs, thanks for sharing x x

Realised I have read the top one, off to read some more x

Thank you :)

Have you got the link just? I must've missed it.

Just, your blog is amazing so painfully honest but clearly from the heart.

Evening all, after a mammoth catch up session I am now up to speed!
Congrats holly and virgo and english, glad it's over and was ok.
Welcome (if that's the right word) to new faces.

Just back from 10 days in a campervan in Sweden, just what was needed I think! No Internet, change of scene. Feeling more relaxed about things - long may that last.....

Latest for JTFO list, "I know you're getting older but it'll be fine, you just might not have the number of kids you planned on". Well thank you, that has made me feel much better and in control of my life".

Ah look the grump is still there under a thin layer of holiday joy

The JTFO list is growing and in full swing. My work here is done

English you aren't a bitch at all. I now know I will never post a scan picture when it's my time - because I know how shit it has made me feel.