Home on the amazing and determined TTC after mc-ers. We know all about the ups and downs, trails and tribulations,, how it feels to live in the cruel world of Facebook baby bombs. Solidarity, sisters!

Oh god, sorry treacle. And it was me that instigated the introductions

Having it happen once is enough, no ones experience is less valid than anyone else's - it's shit for you and you're entitled to feel as crap about that as you want

Haha it can't be that monten, i am bleeding and we haven't managed to dtd.

I'm just not sure if this is mc still or af. I'm going with af so that we will be trying again soon.
Had a panic moment of "oh no what if it happens again".
What a roller coaster. I feel so bad moaning when some of you ladies have had it much worse than me!

Also treacle early af pains (a week too early) were my first pregnancy symptom, both times. #justsayin

Thanks monten, i just don't want to let them down. We have sports day Friday that I'm meant to be organising, I'm meant to be observed monday afternoon, the week after reports are in and it's induction evening for the new parents as well as every Wednesday inductions for the new children.
Feel like I'll be really looked down on for not being there and be lost in September.

A friend, who is a counsellor, has very strong opinions about this - that there is something almost misogynistic about a culture where we are expected to maintain a vow of silence about pregnancy. And if you have a miscarriage you're not supposed to talk about it. It's a bereavement, but it's messy and it involves bleeding and a womb and therefore we aren't allowed to mention it lest people feel uncomfortable.

treacle I'm sorry you're not feeling great. You could speak to your gp about how you're feeling, I would be surprised of they wouldn't sign you off for another week or so. Then work just have to lump it.

I was planning on going back on Monday but this infection has really knocked me back. The doctor signed me off for another week, without hesitation. This coming weds will be two weeks so I may go back then.

Thanks just, you're probably right!

smiling, i agree. It's the paperwork I'm not doing. Im managing most of the time with the children.
I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

treacle making the decision to have time off was extremely difficult for me, i havent taken a day of sick in 6 years! The guilt I felt about letting down my employers was huge and deeply upsetting but im so glad I did.

I wouldnt have been any use to the children and I needed time to grieve for my baby which I couldnt do whilst looking after someone elses, despite the fact that I love my charges.

im still not back to my normal hours, ive been doing a slow return, its been hard but I feel able to cope now, I didnt for a long time.

if you need more time off take it, take as long as you need.

I find it strange that if we had lost a 3/4/5/6 yr old society wouldnt think anything odd in us taking 3 months off work if needed, but because our babies werent visable to them we are expected to just get on with it and return to work as soon as the physical pain has gone.

Also, alongside my af (I think it is), i have sharp pain on my ride side down low by my hip/public bone.
DH says it's fine but im worrying. Can't be anything sinister can it?

Thanks everyone, nice to know it's not just me who thinks it's unreasonable.

smiling, I'm considering having more time off work.
Really not doing too well at the moment. I don't think I shouldve gone back but after 2 weeks back don't think I can have more time off.

just your cats are gorgeous

I just tell people ive had a miscarriage, I dont actually care if it makes them feel awkward it makes me feel better to a) acknowledge that my baby existed and b) that im not having to pretend what theyve said hasnt upset me.

I also think miscarriage is something we should talk more about, ive been horrified by the reaction other people have had, especially that I should have been back to 'normal' and back to work in 2 weeks. I took 8 weeks off and decided (with the help of my counsellor) that its other peoples problem if they dont understand why not mine.

I got so fed up with people asking me all the time that now I just tell them I need to stop having miscarriages first. And it does make them feel awkward but with any luck they will be more careful what they ask other people....!

Age 26
Ttc no2
BFP dec 2013 natural miscarriage at 5+4
BFP Feb 2014 mmc at 11+2
On third cycle since.... What happened to being extra fertile after a miscarriage??!!

just they are gorgeous and just like mine! Mine are sisters, one is very fat and looks every day of her 8 years, the other is very skinny and looks like a kitten. She's thick as a brick tho, god gives with one hand and takes with another ....

I'm sorry treacle, people really don't think do they? I think unless it's happened to you, people have no idea what it is like and expect you to be over it quickly.

I agree people asking is SO rude. I'm also in the telling people club. It's a very personal decision but I do think there is something unhealthy about society's expectation that we don't talk about pregnancy before 12 wks so that if it goes wrong no one ever needs to know! Odd if you think about it. The bad thing about people knowing is that they then know you're trying, which is annoying.

If anyone else is watching the Uraguay match - one of the players just celebrated a goal by putting ball up his shirt and doing thumb sucking motion. Can't even watch the fecking football without being reminded of fecking pregnant women!

Stats:
Age 37
DD born Apr 2012
TTC #2 since Feb 2014
MC Apr 2014, 9 weeks but fetus only measured 5-6 wks.

Tried again in May 2014 & now have BFP but not done anything about it yet. Slightly in denial I think.

But I do begin to wonder...today I felt so tired I had a little catnap when DD had her sleep, and that's not like me at all!

Heartless people

I know what you mean about people asking, I've had so many random people ask if we're going to try. I'm like "I've just had a miscarriage!"
Maybe I should just say that.

Just text my best friend to see how she is (she's 31 weeks pregnant), she replied saying "not great with sickness, heat and being at work, u?"

I give up talking to people. They just annoy me! She rarely asks how I am, and if I tell her she says oh well you can try again. The other day she text me to say someone we were at school with has had another baby (her 5th).
People do not think before they talk do they?

Yes april was a shit month hope

my erpc was on my cousins 16th birthday

Netherlands v Spain - epic match!

monten yep love my footy so I shall be tuning in later for the big match. Might have a little sleep beforehand though - normally, I'm in bed for 10pm!

I'm scared of cats, dogs, any animal that's hairy !! But in loving your cats eyes haha. Ah people will always ask questions no matter what. If you don't have a child why aren't you pregnant yet? If you have one why don't you have another!? Seriously...

I don't think my hubby is in the mood but have to dtd I will force him if I have to haha I think I'm going crazy after mc. My friends sister just gave birth to a baby girl an hour ago, god bless!

Aaah virgo I'm with you on that. I've never ever asked anyone if they were thinking of having a baby/second baby, even before I had dd and mc, because it's so personal - how can you know what someone is going through, what their circumstances are? I had a similar dreaded question thrown at me today at my nephew's 3rd birthday party ("will you have another?") I just said that sadly I'd recently mc but maybe one day we'd be lucky enough to have another. It was my sister's friend and I could tell she felt really bad for asking once she heard my response but I'm doing the open and honest thing because since it's happened, I just can't sensor my feelings or actually think before I talk