Home on the amazing and determined TTC after mc-ers. We know all about the ups and downs, trails and tribulations,, how it feels to live in the cruel world of Facebook baby bombs. Solidarity, sisters!

Hi all, will read back in a bit but only just sat down.

Thanks for all the well wishes with my observation. Didn't get a grade... but they were pleased with everything. They commented on a few things but it was mainly because I had to fit a whole hours normal time into 25 mins because they came at the end of the day. Annoying.

Anyway they said the children's attitude to learning, behaviour and progress over the year was outstanding so I'm pleased with that smile

Still not coping with work but I've told my head. If she doesn't help ill go get signed off.

My GP was fine greysar - immediately signed me off work and because I spoke about what I wanted to do probably felt I was well informed. I'm not anti NHS - they do great work and we are extremely lucky to have free health care. However without this site I would have no idea what was ahead of me, what my options are, I would just be waiting until my appointment at EPU next week and probably struggling through at work.

OH is a man of very few words and tends not to want to talk about things - he is keeping himself busy. He will be a great dad if/when it happens and I know is upset with this, I just wish he would open up to me.

Glad you're able to distract yourself a little Foxtrot, how's your OH coping? I'm hugely appreciative of the NHS (have other medical conditions which they've been brill at helping me with) but I do think there's work to be done on helping those who MC, most of my understanding was gained, like you, through the internet. Was your GP good?

smiling (and monten) am sooooo sorry, I am a total and utter knob. I hadn't seen the comment re the parent making that horrifically insensitive remark. Feel like a complete dick now. I can assure you I'd never say that to anyone, I may be a knob but I'm not heartless or unfeeling. I'm so sorry again ladies xx

Yes greysar unfortunately that is most people's experience - extreme lack of information.

I feel bad complaining about the nhs because I genuinely think it's the most amazing service and when you actually interact with the health care professionals they are all generally amazing. It just the admin side of things that lets it down. Also sonographers - really dont like sonographers. In fact in my experience, the more 'senior' someone is, the worse their bedside manner.

Also, I meant to say, I have had a surgical procedure twice, and its absolutely fine. Not my favourite way to spend a day obviously but from a pain and recovery perspective it was definitely the right choice for me.

I am off work and at home now watching tv, I'm a sports fan so it's been cricket and cycling today before the football starts later - a bit bored but would much rather be here than at work. I've told my (male) line manager and he has been great, telling me to take all the time I need regardless of what the doctor says. I would rather be honest than have people questioning why I am off, it is an exceptionally busy time at work and this really couldn't have been timed worse and I'm sure hasn't gone down too well with people who have had to cover me! I have however asked him to keep it confidential as I don't want the world knowing, no one knew we were ttc and I don't want people to assume that we will continue to try after this is over (even though we prob will) I don't really want the pressure!

GP was fine but not heard anything about my scan appointment, I guess I may just have to wait it out til nxt week. In the meantime I have read pretty much every thread on mc on here so I feel well informed - thanks to all the people sharing their experiences, I feel much more informed that the non existent info I have had from NHS!

Oh monten thats awful, knobs indeed

im sat watching my charges have a swimming lesson, im not being neglectful before anyone thinks im a terrible nanny for ignoring my charges

Smiling that woman is so insensitive. No excuse.

Monten, that is terrible! My dentist cannot understand that I am no longer pregnant, even four months later; every single time I go they ask me how my pregnancy is progressing (I've had a couple of fillings recently, so have been there like 3 times) but at least the hospital managed to sort things out!!

p.s I got my reminder for my 12 week scan today and had to call the number and speak to an actual person (in fact two people) to cancel it. Knobs.

broody am sorry, I didnt meant parents who complain about being tired are knobs. Just that she was to say that. I also quite like saying the word knobs.

smiling I cant believe she knows about the miscarriage and she still said that!!

greysar am so sorry you find yourself here. I haven't ever miscarried naturally but from what I hear for some people it can be over quickly, for others it goes on. I agree it would be very difficult to be at work. Was your GP sympathetic? I would tell work I had been signed off for a week and then put it out of my mind. Are you willing to tell them you are having a miscarriage?

I think they like to scan twice to be absolutely sure you haven't got your dates wrong and it doesn't grow. It's an awful time to wait though. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Foxtrot, my field is very male-dominated too and the very few people I spoke to (didn't want to talk to anyone at all, much less colleagues) were universally understanding and caring.

I was told that there needed to be an interval between my two scans, hence the delay- may be different for your circs though- and that delay was terrible. I just wanted to get it all behind me and try to heal, but it wasn't possible whilst I was waiting. Can you go home and try to distract yourself from what's going on in any way possible, films, books, much much play with kitty?

Thanks greysar - I have no idea what type of scan it will be, I don't think it's helped that my initial scan was private, I was in a bit of a state at the time and the private scan place called my hospital and made the appointment, notifying me of it later. It was only after that I had loads of questions hence the visit to the GP this morning. I don't feel up to work, my job is pretty intense, pressurised and in a very male dominated environment. I just want the follow up scan so I can get things sorted (or as sorted as they can be in this situation!)

broody I have no doubt that there is no tiredness like having children, im a nanny and a step-mum I know how exhausting and relentless children are. However she knows about the miscarriage so I think she is just a colossal bitch.

monten the specialist didnt say anything we dont know already, she too kept harping on about going to your gp for support.

Oh and I'm a crazy cat lady too- one naughty fur-baby, have thought about getting her a companion but she seems happy as the sole focus of attention!

Hi Foxtrot, massive hugs. I was also signed off work between my unsuccessful '12 week' (stopped growing at 5 weeks) scan and a follow-up scan 10 days later, but couldn't cope with sitting at home thinking about it so worked instead. Immediately after my follow-up scan (incidentally, they didn't warn me it would be an internal scan which was an unpleasant surprise- how about yours?) I was offered various 'management options'. I opted for surgical management and went in at 8am the next day; reading threads on here I seem to have been fairly lucky with my care though. I was signed off for another 2 weeks after that, but again felt I'd rather work. Looking back this probably wasn't the best choice, but it seemed right at the time.

4 months later I'm feeling human again and cautiously optimistic about trying again... Stay strong!

Hello - can I reluctantly join, I don't really want to be here but unfortunately I am

Age 32, ttc#1 since dec 2013, had a private scan at the weekend when I was 10+6 and it showed a blighted ovum measuring 5-6 weeks. I have a scan at EPU a week tomorrow which seems ages away, went to my GP this morning who signed me off work for a week and is trying to get my scan bought forward. Currently bleeding lightly as I have been for 5 days now.

Currently feel in limbo waiting for the inevitable. I would rather go the surgical route but as my current appointment at EPU is so far away it may all happen naturally by then. I just want this all to be over so I can move on. How did people deal with the natural route with regards to work? I don't see how I can be at work when at any moment I could start gushing (tmi) blood at any moment but not sure how long this will take!

P.S I am also a mad cat lady with a lovely little girl - she too lost her brother to the road three years ago but is quite happy being an only cat with all the attention she gets!

People have no idea about how much having a mc takes out of you, monten, no idea at all. It's such a shame it's just not discussed widely because maybe it'd be more understood. If it's so common - one in four? - why isn't it discussed more?

Knobbish comment though - apologies - I never knew tired til I had Poppy so I'm afraid I am one of those awful "monopoly on tired" people. I was an eight hour a night girl, so it was a huge shock to the system to be awake for most of the day and night.

smiling people really can be knobs can't they? Like having children gives you the monopoly on tiredness.

Hope I think arguments about dtd when ttc are very common. They are in my house anyway! I just can't not take it personally if he doesnt want to dtd at the exact time I specify. And then I get really annoyed and angry about it, which is of course HUGELY sexy. Try not to worry though, those swimmers last days and days so just try again tonight

50degrees am so sorry you're also feeling sad. I know next to nothing about molar pregnancies but you sound like you have had such an awful ordeal. I'm so sorry. Be kind to yourself, you have had a very dark time but, even now, it sounds like you can look back on it and feel in a better place than you were, which just shows how strong you are and how you will continue to get strong. I think scans will always be traumatic for me, I have never had a good one.

smiling did the specialist say anything interesting we should know?!

I'm still off work and feeling consumed by guilt today. I am planning on going back on wednesday which will be two weeks. They are being so nice but I can sense them losing patience, people just dont realise what it takes, do they?

Yesterday I cried and cried and cried, just this huge outpouring of grief, about my dad mainly. I feel better today so I think it needed to come out. But it just reminded me that grief is not a linear process and we must all allow ourselves to feel sad when we feel sad, and not worry that its x, y or z days on and we should be feeling better by now.

When I hit rock bottom in September I called the molar pregnancy counsellor at charring cross (apparently the only specialist mp counsellor in the UK) left her lots of messages asking her to give me a call. 10 months later and I am still waiting for the call back from her.

Sad to hear things haven't improved.

If the nhs are offering counselling then why am I paying £40 a week. Stupid bloody women

It was a piece on the mn miscarriage care campaign.

there was a lovely mumsnetter called sally on discussing her miscarriages, all fine.

then they had denise and a fertility specialised answering questions and giving advice.

They kept saying that counselling and support is there for women if you just go to your gp, they clearly paid no attention to what the mn survey showed!

Philip schoffield was the only one talking sense

smiling was it a discussion about mc then? Denise can be annoying at the best of times. The other week she was on saying if a baby wakes up, you should either just let them be or go into their room but ignore them (maybe fold clothes up in a corner or clear out a wardrobe were her suggestions!) and leave them crying and screaming. Otherwise, get this, they will expect cuddles and kisses all the time.... a child! Wanting love and attention! Whatever next...

I feel a bit sad today.

Sat dtd, Sunday wanted to but hubby said he's tired. I went to sleep angry with him, he said I'm over reacting and he was genuinely tired as we were out all day. This just shows how keen I am and I feel like its not on his priority list, or am I over thinking it? football isn't helping either as these matches leave hardly any time to try! And we both work. Ridiculous. Sorry for the rant. these days won't come again for another month so just want to make the most of it..

I did think the lovely sally was great though, its just the so called experts that are winding me up

Anyone watching this morning? I have the overwhelming urge to slap that denise women, she is talking utter bollocks.

counselling isnt fucking available around here at least not until 6 months after, I needed help straight away.