Home on the amazing and determined TTC after mc-ers. We know all about the ups and downs, trails and tribulations,, how it feels to live in the cruel world of Facebook baby bombs. Solidarity, sisters!

carly you're absolutely right. I don't think it matters at all how you mc or found out you have a molar pregnancy, it is an awful awful thing to experience that you can't even begin to describe.

I also agree and sympathise with still being devastated. My mc was 17 weeks ago tomorrow and I make no apology for still being devastated by it. There's no time set on grief and our angel baby will always be part of my life, no matter what.

I can't remember who asked (on my phone) re whether it is easier to deal with mc if you already have a child. No. Absolutely not. They can numb a little of the pain by being silly, doing a funny dance, saying certain words (our two yr old likes "knob" as discussed the other day ) or understanding you're upset and therefore giving lots of cuddles and kisses but, no, it doesn't make it any easier.

Who's going to give us some posifrickentivity this week then?!?!

Wow, what a busy thread today! It was my first day back at work, hence why I haven't been posting like a maniac.

Welcome all the newbies, I'm sorry for your losses

Lou I had to terminate my first pregnancy too, after Edwards syndrome (very severe, babies die in womb or within a few days of birth) was diagnosed at the 12 wk scan. It's a heartbreaking decision, I really feel for you.

Any miscarriage is awful. For me, the worst thing about MMC are the scans and the words the sonographers say that you will never forget. With the first one, it was my 12 wk nuchal, and looking back on it they knew from before I even lay down because my bloods were off the chart. The junior sonographer immediately handed over to the senior one within a couple of seconds. She could tell straightaway there were all sorts of problems. It lasted ages and they were SO quiet. And yet me and DP were looking at him thinking the whole time he was perfect. And then she said "all finished" and I thought 'great!' And then she turned around and said 'There's a problem with the baby'. I'll never forget it, I can hear her saying it now. The second time (MMC) it was the dreaded 'are you very sure of your dates?'.

I'm another 'if I conceive this month, my due date will be x' person! I think ttc turns the most sane people into maniacs, ttc after a miscarriage just dials that up to 10. For me, what's driving the desperation to be pregnant again is the overwhelming fear I will never be pregnant again. That I am somehow damaged and my body will forget how to do it. That's why I think a follow up appointment with a consultant to do a scan and look at your bits and just say to you ' everything looks fine' after a miscarriage would help so many women feel more positive.

Sigh. Stay positive ladies.

Good luck to everyone in their tww!

Treacle, take every single day as it comes. Get through tomorrow. Then get through the next day, then the day after.

I hope you feel better soon - I hope we all feel better soon x

Well, AF has rocked up today. 26 days after my mc. In a way I'm surprised as I thought it would take longer - but also not surprised as my normal cycle is 23 - 26 days so its almost like my body knows what to do and as returned to normal.

This is it peeps - going to be positive and this time, bean WILL stick.

Just scared as to how I will feel if it doesn't happen. But trying not to think like that. Being positive that I CAN do this is the only thing keeping me going.

I had a week and a half off and then it was school holidays as in a teacher. This is my third week back after the holiday and I'm really struggling.

How long have you had off? What is your job?

Im so sorry were all a bit low ladies :(

Sorry to hear what you've been through. It's all just shit.

I'm still wrestling with the take more time off/don't take more time off debate.

50 degrees, I just googled molor pregnancy and I'm so so so sorry to hear you went through this ordeal. I'm shaken by it and don't want to continue reading.. You are a strong woman. How can people be so cruel and insensitive? Those comments are just disgusting. My heart goes out to you xxx

Another thing that really I am struggling with is 2 of my children I look after are on the verge of being taken off their parents, and mum is pregnant again! And plans to have 3 more after as she "has names picked out that she wants to use"!!! I have to be civil to this woman every day when all I really want to do is wrap her darling kiddies up and take them home with me and give them the life they deserve, life is so fucking shit sometimes!

It's all so sad, I am reading these posts sobbing for all of :( why did it have to be us? That's what I can't understand. I don't begrudge any one there babies but I can't get my head round why my best frien gets to have 3, all planned and all conceived within months of first trying, and I had to wait 6 years for mine to be taken away. And times like this reading these posts it all feels so raw...still :( I just want my angel baby back :( as I am sure all of you do too x

I think what every way you lose your baby is devastating. One of the biggest issues I faced was people had never heard of a complete molar pregnancy (including the majority of Doctors) so having to explain it was awful and I could not manage this without crying.
Another issue was the amount of time it took to get rid of the molar pregnancy, 10 months in total and four cycles of chemotherpy. People could not understand how I could still be so sick (neither could I!) and during this time my body was still producing pregnancy hormones.

I knew I was not pregnant but my body was screaming at me yes you are! yes you are!
It really is the worst thing I have ever been through. I remember some of the wonderful comments I also received which included....so your baby gave you cancer?.......why are you so upset if there was never actually a baby?.......your body must be really messed up if it still thinks you are pregnant.

I could not stand to be around pregnant women it got to the point that when I had a hospital appointment people would meet me in the car park and make sure the route I had to take was clear, I was in such a state. My wonderful long suffering Doctor also use to meet me in a coffee shop!

I am coming to terms with the fact that I will never be free from my molar pregnancy. I will be monitored for the rest of my life and nothing is going to change that. So over time you can move on but I will always be reminded of what I went through and that really sucks.

A part of me died with my molar angel.

I had a very slow natural miscarriage twice. It has it's advantages as you don't get any scary sudden blood loss, but to make your way back to being fertile again takes an eternity. So it gives with one hand and takes with another.

I think you are absolutely right Carly,nothing prepares you for the devastation of losing your baby. I so wish none of us had to be in this sad situation.

Carly - I am so sorry for you loss. I think about my progression all of the time. Even just know, at lunch, two preggas ladies gossiping, they would have been about as far gone as me. I can't imagine I will ever stop thinking about my angel up there : )

I has a natural miscarriage and an still devastated by it now, giving it took 6 years to concieve. I also had a 6 week scan and saw a heartbeat so though all would be ok, and my hubby was abroad when it happened. Still find it hard to talk, write, think about and have a lot of down times and can't stop thinking of how things would be progressing, and counting the weeks until my due date :( I think loosing ur baby is the worst thing that can happen to anyone which ever way it happens to come about x

Haha my first AF post-SMM I think I had a cup of tea and a sob, well done Lou! We have a bottle of champers waiting for a special occasion- may well follow your very sensible lead and make that occasion the be next visit from AF

Brummie, greysar - on Saturday when my first AF post erpc appeared I opened a bottle of champers!!

Waiting for AF for me was the worst part and I felt like I turned a corner and was able to hope for the future.

Brummie, I feel the same- come on AF! Think this is the first time ever I've been dying for a visit!

Having only been pregnant once and having a natural mc I would perhaps think a mmc is worse.

When I realised I was bleeding and what happening, it was a full on bleed. No spotting, no threatened MC. It was done. There was nothing I could do.

However the waiting for your MC - that must be absolute torture because the hope in your mind is perhaps thinking "there is a slim chance my baby could be ok". And all the waiting.

The decision was taken out of my hands. That was it, job done and I could start to grieve straight away if that makes sense?

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does bonkers things like check dates for scans, EDD, names. Makes me feel slightly less alone.

I've been talking about my MC at work - I don't care about how people feel. I'm not ashamed of it. If anything a colleague who I don't really know asked me the other day if I had children and was I planning any. That threw me!!! No I don't have children, yes I am planning but sadly my baby just died - now fuck off!!! Which is slightly unfair.

Anyway I'm now fairly sure that all my shagging since MC means I'm not pregnant so now just want AF to start so I can start looking forward to ov. Going to buy clearblue opk's this month. Sod the cost. Can't be arsed to mess about with the cheapie ones.

Come on AF - hurry up!!! I just wanted to start again

I would tend to agree that mmc is slightly harder than a spontaneous mc to come to terms with because you think everything is fine and then suddenly realise your baby has been dead for weeks and you didn't even realise. That's not to say that one loss is worse than the other though, every mc is shit and I think it also depends on the person how you cope with it.

Well, in my symptom spotting madness, today I'm getting my hopes up because I have no symptoms - boobs are much less sore than the last week and no more cramps . [dumps bucket of cod over own head]

My missed miscarriage was worse than my natural miscarriage. I mean, with the missed miscarriage id already had a scan and everything seemed fine. It was only at my next that I knew- I'd carried on having pregnancy symptoms. Also my baby had been dead for almost a month. Not only was I upset for my baby but also it felt like I had just wasted that past month having morning sickness, feeling tired and dizzy and stuff for nothing really. And id gotten a little bump already. I am more scared of having another missed miscarriage than I am of just having a miscarriage. If that makes any sense!

Gritted, I personally found mmc so cripplingly painful- there wasn't a hint for 12 weeks that anything was wrong, no bleeding, lots of symptoms, just a massive silence followed by '........... sorry to have to give you bad news' from the sonographer at my 12 week scan. It felt so unreal; how could anything have gone wrong without me having noticed? My body misleads me regularly- I have a neuro issue which flares occasionally, even when I'm happy (it's supposed to flare during stress), I've had MH issues, but I had thought (stupidly) that I had started to understand when and how I was being misled. I felt so stupid, and so useless and helpless.

Never having mc naturally, I couldn't compare the two (not sure I ever would, or would ever want to be in the position where I could).

I just want to be pregnant again, although I know if I were it would be the most terrifying experience, just waiting for scans and not trusting myself or symptoms.

Oh and gritted teeth - I wasn't a mmc - still getting used to acronyms. I had to terminate due to neural tube defect at 15wk.

Gritted teeth - I know what you mean. I can't call what is worse. I have loads of people saying "oh you'll be ok, you got pregnant so quickly so it will happen again". It's the sadness of the loss though. The girl next to me at work is pregnant with her first, due the same time I would be and it's so hard dealing with the loss. When I am sitting here with healthy children, I can't ever imagine I would be anything other than devastated thinking about the one that didn't make it. I also feel robbed of my pregnancy innocence for next time. So many emotions. Hope is the only thing keeping me going.

The one thing I keep wondering and please forgive me if it sounds insensitive but ive been thinking about it for awhile....

Is it harder to come to terms with a mmc than it is a miscarriage?

The reason I wonder is because my boss had a natural miscarriage at 6 weeks before she had her eldest, she started bleeding one morning and by the time she got to hospital she had lost the baby.

Despite obviously being upset at her loss she just cant understand the level of grief and loss I feel, she keeps insisting im depressed because I havent got over it, its been 10 weeks!!!!!

I had, had a scan at 6 weeks when id had slight bleeding but everything was fine, had another scan at 8 weeks when we saw a strong heartbeat and got to 15 weeks thinking our baby was fine when I had a small amount of bleeding, left a&e after being told everything looked fine to then be told 2 days later that our baby had died then had to decide how to miscarry eventually chosing the surgical route.

im not saying its ever easy but is a mmc harder to accept than a natural miscarriage were you bleed? Or has she just forgotten how devastating it is now that she has 2 gorgeous healthy children?