Home on the amazing and determined TTC after mc-ers. We know all about the ups and downs, trails and tribulations,, how it feels to live in the cruel world of Facebook baby bombs. Solidarity, sisters!

Oh carly . It's all so very hard.

Oh carly I did the exact same the other day. Why do we do it??! Peed me off they were moaning about the heat and other wonders that are part and parcel of being pregnant in the summer. Ungrateful bastards. The majority were in that group tbf though! I know now that mc just rips every single shred of naivety from you and if I'm lucky enough to get upduffed again, I will never ever feel that wondrous, carefree or frankly ignorant ever again.

Fingers crossed for you metal

As for me I need mega fish slaps...just been on my old antenatal thread (why do I feel like nosing on there every couple of months?!?) am now sat sobbing over their pics of huge bumps and nurseries ready for babies :,( I was so excited to finally get a turn to do that stuff and buy it for my baby rather than someone else's :( now I am back at square one....grrrrrr life sucks sometimes.x

Just as storms change the landscape of the earth, our hardships change the landscape of the heart.

Keeping everything crossed for you metal And you're allowed to post me me me stuff - well, I hope so anyway as I often feel that's pretty much all I do when I'm on here as it's the only place I can offload x

Defo oneday. Never been more pleased to crack open the Always

oneday I became really clingy too, I wanted dp in the same room with me at all times, id even sit in the bathroom while he showered (I did draw the line at letting him go to the loo himself ) its one of the reasons I ended up having 8 weeks off of work, I couldnt bare to be alone, which is not me at all Im usually the complete opposite and prefer time on my own.

office the line was so faint (if it was there at all) that it wouldn't come out in a picture I'm sure. Will just have to wait and retest if AF doesn't arrive tomorrow or Tuesday.

Sorry for the me me me post btw, I hope all those who are feeling down today will feel better tomorrow. We all have good days and bad, and considering what we've all been through it's no wonder that we feel down a bit more often.

Metal - can you post a pic of the stick? Then we can all tell you if you're mad or not!
I'm sending positive thoughts to those who are struggling today. Just remember that when you are chastising yourselves for being down in the dumps, you are actually dealing with a really awful horrible thing that has happened to you. We are allowed to be sad xxx

Thank you so much all for your kind words and advice. I feel like when I talk to rl friends I can't be honest because I don't want me being upset to upset anyone else?

grittedteeth I hadn't really thought about it like that but you've hit the nail on the head. I don't want the association of loosing my baby at home either. We've been out keeping ourselves busy for pretty much the entire weekend. It's when I wake up in the morning that it hits me as for a split second I've forgotten everything and still think all is well. I've become really clingy to DH too (not usually the case at all) and am dreading him going back to work later next week.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down grittedteeth I've just read the bread back and read about the rose incident. I can completely see why it was so devastating. How horrible for you.

Such a tough time, but I already feel it's made DH and I so much closer together. We've shared the happiest and the saddest moments in our lives, just the two of us together.

Congrats on AF broody I bet you've never been so delighted for her arrival!

Ladies, I need some serious fish slaps ASAP! Just came back from a run, and despite my better judgement thought I'd poas again just so I could have a clear conscience to tuck into some wine with tonight's BBQ. So I squeezed out a few drops of wee, and right at the end of the 10 minutes I think I saw the shadow of a line forming... or maybe I just stared at the blank white space for too long?! Aaargh I think I'm going mad!

Ive been having counselling since 3 weeks after my mmc and it is really helping.

I was doing ok and feeling more like myself, its just this whole rose incident that has knocked me, it seems silly that a rose can upset me so much but it has!

smiling I am so sorry to read you're struggling and having a really rough time of it. We are always going to be here for you but I echo just's sentiments of considering counselling. It could help you work things through. I know everyone is different though so I'll default to my standard "follow your own heart" line and offer hugs xx

Yay! First AF has just arrived, five weeks and three days after my mva. Can't believe after all that bleeding (for 12 whole weeks) that I was wanting to see AF but hey, that's how crazy this aftermath of mc shizzle really is folks! Of course, she has arrived while I was wearing my fave pants, just to reassert her authority....

oneday I am so glad I chose to have an erpc, I was terrified before hand, but i was even more afraid of waiting for it to happen naturally, i needed it to happen at the hospital so that i could leave the fear there and go home to grieve, i didnt want to associate my home with losing my baby.

i felt and still do feel incredibly guilty that I had no pain, barely any bleeding and felt like I had let everybody down by a) not keeping my baby safe, which is ridiculous as I couldnt of done more to keep us both safe and healthy, and b) that I couldnt even miscarry properly.

Dp's sister passed away 10years ago, when she was 37 today would havebeen her birthday so we went to lay flowers.

We had decided to take the rose that had been ripped off, so that my beautiful baby's aunt could take care of it but unfortunately when I tried to pick it up the petals fell off so we took the petals and scattered them over the grave.

I felt terrible, I was sobbing and dp, dmil and dfil were comforting me when they were mourning the loss of their daughter.

I feel like the grief is consuming me at the moment.

foxtrot I feel the same. I want a baby but this hurt and heartache has shaken us so much that I'm actually petrified of what would happen if I did get my bfp. I have a dd already so in many respects, I'm already very lucky, but I'd love her to have a brother or sister to play with. I'm 17 weeks on from my natural mc (I was 12 weeks) and do feel stronger but could have an emotional crash at any given moment tbh! I think it's best to take each day as it comes and do what feels right for you. And everyone on here will be with you for support.

Sorry you find yourself here oneday. My experience of an ERPC was also as good as could be in the circumstances. In and out in a couple of hours, no complications or side effects aside from general anaesthetic wooziness (which I rather enjoyed), and only light bleeding around one week later. I'd strongly advise to wait for a bfn if you can. Like you I wasn't bleeding much, was only a scan that showed the baby had stopped growing, so chances are your body will hang on to hormones. One week after ERPC I stupidly tried to go running and still had incredibly sore heavy boobs etc (running so soon was also idiotic). So perhaps hang on until you get a -ve then start to try as soon as you're ready? Bear in mind they will warn you off dtd for a while in any case to avoid infection.

oneday I'm so sorry for you - it is a really really shit time. I too was on the January 2014 bus but I miscarried naturally at 11 weeks a week ago. It was my first pregnancy. I am still bleeding but it's much lighter now and hopefully coming to an end.

I really don't know what to do about trying again. Part of me wants to start trying straight away and I guess because I have no idea about dates that we just dtd as much as possible once the bleeding has stopped??

The other part of me is not convinced at all. I am so worried how I will feel if I get a bfp. I'm a natural worrier and can just envisage me being in a complete state until a scan shows a healthy baby. Even if it does I will still worry non stop until the next one and the next one. Or maybe I should just worry about getting another bfp and not get ahead of myself.

One mc I can put down to being unlucky and I think I'm dealing with it ok at the moment, I've still got another week off work which I'm extremely grateful for. But if it happened again (and sorry to those on here that this has happened too) I'm not sure how I would cope and I guess what I'm trying to say is do I want to put myself in that position?

Sorry for the self endulgant rant - any advice would be appreciated.

Hi all.

Welcome oneday, sorry you are here :(

I'm feeling down today.
Struggling to dtd because of my vaginismus (which has worsened after not doing it for a while) and my nervousness about what lies ahead. Cd 11 and we haven't managed yet :(
Also was playing badminton yesterday with family and skid on the grass. Have hurt my wrist a lot and my ankle.

Hope all are feeling ok today, enjoy the sun :)

Thanks monten It's so lovely to have this forum to vent and talk to people who have experienced the same. DH is being wonderful but I know every time I get upset, he does too so I'm trying to keep things in.

My work have been great and have said they won't expect me in at all next week but if I want a distraction I can come in for a few hours at a time. The obs/gynae Dr who I saw on Friday said that they'd give me a sick notes for a week so it's nice to have the pressure off for a week at least.

oneday it's definitely a relief once the erpc is over because you feel in limbo before. Be kind to yourself and take it easy, I had quite a big hormone crash which made me very weepy. Do you have time off work?

Morning all. Welcome oneday sorry you find yourself here, but echo what everyone else says, it's lovely to have such support, really makes you feel less alone. Good luck for your erpc tomorrow. Mine was fine and I felt physically okay very quickly. I did have a big bleed and cramping about three days afterwards so maybe watch out for that.

metal I know exactly what you mean about the fertility thing. I actually did conceive more quickly after first tfmr but I did (and do) feel a pressure to get on with it in case I miss my magic fertile window. I don't think any extra pressure helps in this situ.

just I'm sorry you're feeling low. Please don't feel bad that you feel like you've taken a step back. Grief isn't a linear process. After my dad died my counsellor suggested j think of it like a (messy) oval spiral orbit, with the grief at the centre. Yes you will move forward but you can be brought right back to the centre again in a heartbeat. But you can feel stronger again just as quickly too. I probably haven't explained it very well but it made sense to me! Just because you have a bad day does not mean you are back at the beginning.

smiling I know what you mean about suffering. I felt guilty going for surgical option with tfmr because I felt I should have been awake when the baby died.

We dtd for the first time post erpc on fri. It's good to be back in the game, so to speak!

Thank you for all your replies, that's all so so helpful.

I'm glad to hear some people have had the ERPC and didn't find it too bad. My DH is so worried that I'll be in pain but a bit like you grittedteeth I'm kind of expecting some to make it feel more real. I just find it so strange/cruel that I still haven't bled, had any severe cramps despite my baby dying over a month ago. My body is still making me feel sick, tired etc and it's just like a cruel trick.

Will definitely take on board the advice to get a bfn before ttc again. I hadn't even thought of that.

Really anxious about tomorrow but think it'll be a relief when it's done and we can start looking forward.

I'm so sorry for everyone going through this, I always of course had such sympathy for anyone who went through a mc but I never really appreciated how hard it is.