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Original poster

Upset as DH announced that we won't have enough money after all :(

66 replies

bellasorella · 11/05/2014 14:36

We are supposed to start TTC in December. This has been the plan for a while. We have a combined income of £40k+ before tax but he is self employed with a variable monthly income (so some months will take home lots and others very little). He takes care of most of our finances and budgeting.

I assumed he knew what my mat pay would be, but apparently not. Having found out, he is now saying that if we have a baby next year (as planned) and I go on mat leave we won't be able to comfortably afford our rent and bills.

My argument: Why CAN'T we afford to when lots of couples with less money than us start families all the time and manage. Am wondering if perhaps we just have a different idea of 'living comfortably'.

Who is right here? Does it sounds like our bills must be too high?

Upset as we both really want a baby and, having been together for nearly 10 years and married for three, I really really don't want to wait for another few years :( What a blow.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 11/05/2014 15:28

if you can't afford rent and bills with a cushion of savings in case of job loss, you need to change something so that you can.

BTW he may take care of finances and budgeting, but you need to be equally informed.

TimeForAnotherNameChange · 11/05/2014 15:26

He's stalling. He doesn't want his lifestyle to change, which it will inevitably have to do once a baby comes along. Plenty of people manage having a family on half what you've got coming in.

Original poster
bellasorella · 11/05/2014 15:22

I did think about the part time thing too, and this may be a possibility. He earns slightly more than me at the moment, and this shouldn't (touch wood) change.

OP posts:
Original poster
bellasorella · 11/05/2014 15:21

DrFunkes, that's what we've done- worked it out and computer says no! You are right, we could be waiting forever!

Funnyfoot- I think he does, yes. It was his idea to start TTC in December, he just didn't know that maternity pay was as much as it is. Last month I thought I was pg, and although his first reaction was 'I hope not it isn't the right time', he then became quite excited at the idea and kept checking everything I ate! He seemed disappointed to tell me that he doesn't think we can afford it. I think I just need to do some convincing and reassuring here.

OP posts:
DrFunkesFamilyBandSolution · 11/05/2014 15:11

Can he go part time instead of you taking maternity leave?
We're Londonbased, dh's income is 40k, we've got 2 and hopefully another on the way, things are comfortable but tight, if we sat down and plannedit (we did) we would find out that, on paper, we can't afford 1 let alone 3 but you make it work.

Sounds like he's going to keep you hanging by a thread forever tbh, hope you manage to work things out

FunnyFoot · 11/05/2014 15:08

It does sound like he is making excuses OP.

Are you really sure he wants a child?

CrispyFern · 11/05/2014 15:04

We have am income of £30k and two children and life goes on!

HecatePropylaea · 11/05/2014 15:00

people who aren't sure that they actually want to make the move to actually HAVE children tend to come up with all sorts of reasons why it isn't the right time.

Are you sure that he isn't a bit scared and making excuses?

There are many things that people can do in order to afford children.

What is the actual figure that he feels must be coming in in order to afford children. Actual £?

Sunnydaysablazeinhope · 11/05/2014 14:59

I'm guessing "living comfortably" means "nothing actually changes".

Work out what his ideas are. Then challenge them.

Original poster
bellasorella · 11/05/2014 14:58

Norks- I said to him that our income is a perfectly good amount to raise children!! We want to start trying in December as the mat pay works out much better in my job if I have a baby in the Autumn (though I know babies don't exactly arrive on cue!)
Thank you Looby, I will try that.

OP posts:
Original poster
bellasorella · 11/05/2014 14:54

Thanks. I would move too, although I KNOW DH wouldn't. I know we have a little amount per month going out to pay off a loan we took out while I was still at uni and he was establishing his business, so that may account for some of it. We don't spend that much on going out and luxuries, though my car was more expensive than necessary (petrol-head DH's decision prior to baby-talk!)
He says it all depends on how much he earns the next few months, but I can see him saying that again at the end of those few months, regardless of how much he earns. He seems pretty sure that his earnings will keep increasing, and I wonder if really he would rather wait until we had much more money to have children, but we could be waiting a while!!!!

OP posts:
Loobyloo893 · 11/05/2014 14:50

If you both really want to make it work then it will. I'm a SAHM so we live off my DH's salary (about 30k). Yes we have to budget and it can be tight some months but we never feel like we or our DS goes without. We are ttc #2 and if we manage it we know we will have to give up a few luxuries but IMO it's worth it. Talk to him,look at the finances together and see where you are willing to cut back.

NorksEnormous · 11/05/2014 14:47

Can I ask why start Ttc in December? If you both really want a baby why not now? Me and my DH combined income is no where near 40k yet we have 2 happy children who are well dressed, well fed, and have plenty of toys

ThingsThatShine · 11/05/2014 14:43

I think you need to look at the figures in detail. Many people can afford a baby on that salary but then some with very high outgoings would struggle, so you need to see if there is anything you can cut, any savings you could make to prepare for mat leave. If you are renting I agree look into moving somewhere slightly cheaper if possible?

MuttonCadet · 11/05/2014 14:42

I think if everyone actually sat down and did the sums very few people would think that they could afford kids, and yet many, many people do.

Look through the sums with him, perhaps you could manage for a few years on not being "comfortable" for the sake of having a child together?

Good luck!

LaurieFairyCake · 11/05/2014 14:40

It sounds like you need to see the figures. Maybe you need to move somewhere cheaper?