Upset as DH announced that we won't have enough money after all :(

Love all the savers on here. I'm saving too...

£20 a month

If I get pregnant soon I'll have over £200 saved

Er well, you can't expect to have the same income when you have a child if one of the two income-earners takes maternity leave for 6-12 months, or if either of you stops working, or goes part-time, or conversely if you need to pay for childcare.

SURELY THIS IS NOT NEWS TO EITHER OF YOU?

to keep.your savings separate just open another (joint) account. even if it's with a different bank. you can organise to get your child benefit paid into that too, and any money anyone gives you for the baby you can.put in there.
it makes it easy to keep track and budget :)

oh, even beds we didn't pay for! we were given a moses basket, but she's co-slept, then we had the oppurtunity to buy a cot bed from a church tabletop sale, but I waited till the end, because it was £15. the couple selling it had decided it wasn't going to sell, as I walked over with my intention, they said it was going to the tip and then ended up giving it to us for nothing (despite my protestations). it did need a new mattress, about £40.

I'd take a look at the finances yourself and tbh I didn't spend even half what I normally did on maternity leave, wasn't going out much so less car fuel expense, less eating out expense etc etc. A lot changes when you have baby so you often don't feel like doing the things you used to do so you spend less money I found.

I'm sorry, but to me it sounds like the real reason.is that he doesn't want children.

it's not to do with money imo. our dd gas cost us very little. she has been.mostly dressed by handmedowns from other people (I gave bought her clothes because I want to, but sge has always had dar too many)
her car seat and pram were given by my sister (hers had grown out of them and were still current)
we were given a couple of weeks worth of disposable nappies and we were using cloth after, which we got a full 3 days' worth preloved for £25 in first size (next size up has been a mixture of new and preloved and bought slowly), most of her toys are gifts, I breastfed her so no extra outlay in food (we still only buy the same amount of food now she has solids, just seems to be less compost!)

my point is that babies are cheap.
older children are more expensive, but you can save and get handmedowns.

please have a proper talk with him to find out his real reasons. it's the kind of decision.that can strengthennor weaken a relationship so it's important to know how yyou both honestly feel.

I also think it is very hard for men to imagine what it will be like with a baby as it isn't on their minds 24/7. Besides, if money is the real issue, saving a 100 odd quid a month until baby arrives (which will be a minimum 18 months) will help plug the MA gap and you could appease him with that

Finding out the figures of maternity pay is a shock to a lot of men I think. When I got my salary statement for maternity my DH spent several days behaving like we were going to be out on the streets! However there are ways to manage.... And pregnancy focuses the mind. We do have a slightly higher income than you and your husband, but at 32 weeks pregnant we've managed to save 3k and my husband and I (both teachers) have taken other opportunities to make a bit of cash- him doing exam marking and me some tutoring so by the time the baby comes we will have another 1.5kish to add to that. On top of that my DH decided he may as well go for promotion and got the job, so our income without me working will be higher. There are lots of things you can do. If you sat and did the numbers before then the human race would die out. No one can afford it on paper!

iodized?? upsized ffs!

Haha! I'd love to have had a September baby when we started. Now I couldn't give a crap if I give birth in the middle of the nativity with ofsted watching, I just want a baby

I don't think he's stalling. He sounds like my DH. He wanted things to be perfect. We've done some serious life shuffling (moved house) and managed to pay off almost all of our debts with the equity, which has made him happier, but we had already started trying before we did that.

We've cancelled sky, not been on holiday for ages, stopped getting weekly takeaways and I've got a full time job instead of working supply. He We accepted that a lot of our 'essentials' were in fact luxuries and there was loads we could do to cut back. But in all honesty, the biggest difference has been from moving. And we've even iodized and have a bigger mortgage, but no loan or credit cards makes it more manageable. You might have to do something drastic to shift a lump sum?

You were me last year, bella and am a teacher too. LO and behold, we come off BC in Nov and start properly trying Dec 13, as per the agreed plan.

Still waiting for that elusive sticky BFP despite shagging every day for 2.5 weeks a month, for 6 months etc. These things don't go accordingly to plan, so maybe a few long sober discussions on timing and finances need to be had, with facts rather than hypotheticals. Easier said than done but Good luck!

He's being vague and you're being vague. "It's too tight."/"We need to cut down."

The first question you need to determine is how much a baby will cost. Work out the initial outlay (getting supplies, doing up a nursery) and then work out the monthly expenditure. Of course you won't get an exact figure but do some research and get the best ballpark figure you can.

Then see whether you can cut that specific amount from your existing budget (cut out Sky TV, change energy providers, bike to work, etc.).

If he's saying that he doesn't want to cut one thing from your existing budget, then he's really saying he doesn't want a baby.

Hang on, just catching up:

You said that you've tried to tell him that your income is enough for a child. Then you also say that "we've worked it out" and "the computer says no."

Which is it?

I'm not being snarky but genuinely confused. It's one thing to have him in charge of the budget, but quite another to just not know what your incomings and outgoings are. Is he just showing you the final sums or are you actually going over the budget together?

Maybe you could start cutting back in things now to show him that it's possible and comfortable still. That way you show you can do it and you have some savings built up for when baby does arrive.
It sounds like he's a bit scared and needs some proof that it will be ok.

My DH made excuses like that, and I had to wait a year it so longer than I wanted. He felt responsible for the family and was terrified by the thought that his child might go without. Now we are ttc and my hugely irregular cycles have meant that it hasn't happened instantly and we are now approaching our 7th cycle. Any plans about when we wanted the baby to arrive have gone out the window (DH was adamant no Christmas baby, but last month there we were )

I'm guessing from your plans for an autumn baby that you are a teacher? It won't matter, it will fit in with your year however it happens.

If it's any consolation, DH was still doubtful right up until early January as he wasn't sure what his position would be like in his new job, but we accepted that we would manage, and he's actually now doing really well and we both desperately want this where I always thought I would be the driving force.

I'd have a really big chat with him. wouldn't advise wine beforehand though. Work through the finances and work out hypothetically how much you could cut back if needed. Explain that you need to know that December is a possibility so get him to set some concrete stipulations, I.e. What would his business need to turn over in x amount of time for him to say yes? If it makes that much then you go for it and that's that. December is a long way away, a lot can happen.

In the meantime I found exposure to cute little nieces softened his resolve somewhat, and if he's a bit soppy, the film 'About Time' broke him completely!

Good luck, it's awful waiting but you'll get there. I would also recommend coming off the pill a good three months or more before you plan to start trying. Use condoms if he's still determined to wait for a certain date, but it allows your hormones to begin to settle down a bit.

Two things jump out at me:

1. £40K is plenty to have a baby, unless you have absolutely unmanageable debts (like about to become insolvent). It sounds like he's got scared, or perhaps just changed his mind.

1. What on earth is this about?

he is now saying that if we have a baby next year (as planned) and I go on mat leave we won't be able to comfortably afford our rent and bills

You can either afford something or you can't. It's about the numbers, not about what he says.

It sounds like it's time to sit down and go over your income and expenses--with or without children that's a good exercise. I know it sounds dreary but when my husband and I bit the bullet and did it we ended up finding huge areas for improvement, saving a few thou a year. We only have to revisit the budget once a year or so for a few minutes.

We have only ever had DH salary as I got pregnant just after finishing my job so I qualified for MA which was £1100 so we have brought up three children on one wage. We go without lots but no one notices or minds as we always did iyswim. No one starves, the kids have extremely good shoes, okay clothes though none fancy and plenty of books with enough toys.

Does he really want children or is he doing what some men do, saying what you want to hear while knowing he doesn't want what you want. It has to be a joint decision. He doesn't get to say something is happening and then shut down any talking.

Definitely reassure. I imagine it can be pretty stressful for someone to suddenly be responsible for paying for pretty much everything, especially as you say DH is self-employed. The pressure of knowing he has to bring money in not just for himself but for you and (fingers crossed a DC) must be hard to deal with. It must be a scary thought for him.