Upset as DH announced that we won't have enough money after all :(

Just go for it. I'm sort of in the same-ish situation in terms of worrying financially, but as my older friends have said, even our friends and family, there is never a right time to have a baby. When it does happen things will magically all fit into place. Good luck x

Agree with dildoos. If we had waited for 'the perfect time' I suspect we'd still be childless. As it is we have 3 and manage on one salary - DH's, plus small amounts of SE work I do, but we moved to a slightly cheaper area prior to having DS2. Now we have DD as well, and things are tight, but manageable. Your priorities change a lot when children come along.

Never ever can anyone afford a baby in principle, but absolutely everyone makes it work if they want it too . Whilst on mat leave it's less travel expenses, less lunch buying at work, you do get child benefit which is extra £81 a month, less tax and your social life becomes a stay at home friends come over one which is loads cheaper. It is hard to make that decision but if you do you will see how much you can save as being frugal becomes an obsession hobbie if you like

I just (naively) didn't really believe that our bills were as high as they are.

Okay, so now you know. What have you done today to 1. figure out exactly how much you need to save to have a baby and 2. started cutting things from your expense sheet to reach that figure?

If you're not doing those things, then you don't really want a baby right now either and you're just letting DH be the meanie.

i don't have children, and one of the things stopping us TTC is money. it's not the ML that would be difficult - it's the childcare that we can't afford currently, even if all luxuries go. give it a few years though

He needs to stop wanting everything to be perfect. Having a baby is chaotic and noisy. None of it is perfect. I laugh at myself for ironing all the baby stuff while pregnant. None ever saw an iron again. Babies just need love, milk, to be clean and safe. They aren't bothered if their bedding matches or their clothes come from Asda or Next. So much money is wasted. Changing tables, travel systems with all the various bits, moses basket, bumpers, all stuff you don't need but cost £££.

If you're only mid 20s I would wait until your debts are sorted and your car's paid off. You can't just have a year off because you want a baby now - you'll want babies later, too! If you are a broody person this will happen again and again. Focus on getting yourselves in a good financial position before you have a child.

How are you earning under £20,000 as a teacher?

He might be right, it depends on your outgoings, there is no way we could have afforded a child on a 40k income. But it wasn't the mat leave that was the issue but the nursery fees after going back to work that was the issue. Have you factored that in?

There's never going to be a right time, or enough savings. My mat pay and leave is bobbins so we've been saving up a year's salary so I can take time off and still afford the mortgage and all the baby stuff.

Now we actually have saved up that much, I'm also questioning if it's the right time.

Maybe he's not feeling ready. Are you on a deadline, age-wise?

Hey chin up. IF everyone in the entire world waited for kids till bills were paid and they had the perfect income etc we would be extinct by now it sounds like you and OH need to sit down look over your bills and start sorting out what you do and don't need plus having a baby isn't really THAT expensive i plan on doing it for 1K max (and yes that seems huge) but it isnt its for the entire first year and you get a lot given to you when you have a baby too and you can buy 2nd or discounted there are tons of money saving ways to have a baby and best of all the baby won't care if its pushed in a £50 2nd hand buggy or a £800 bugaboo

I do not understand why people don't do budgets. Sit down, do a list of all the incomings and all the outgoings. Look at both and figure out what is fixed and what isn't and you will have a number at the end of it. It will then be a choice of whether you wish to give up the things you may have to give up to pay for the things that you can't practically give up. When I had kids, I stopped eating out, going on weekends away and getting luxuries like massages and nails and getting my hair done. If I hadn't given these things up, I wouldn't have been able to pay for decent childcare and nutrition for my children. None of this is a mystery and it shouldn't be a surprise. Especially if your dh has his own business, he should be familiar with doing budgets. And if you are not interested in learning how to do one yourself, then you will have to defer to your dh's assessment that you can't afford kids.

If neither of you is willing to drill down the figures then it sounds like neither of you is ready for a baby right now.

You seem to be playing a game wherein he says, "No, we need more money!" and you say, "Aw but surely we have enough." The data are all there, but you're not willing to do a spreadsheet and work with actual figures, so you just sort of wait.

Which is fine, but don't bring it up as though you wanted financial advice.