Come one, Come All! Join the BESH on the Carousel of Cuntishness! Prize for spinning off the side is of course your very own BAYBEE! Pay your fare, pick a horse and hold on tight!

Afternoon Hags. It's official - packing up house is BOOOOORING. I really hate it. Plus, we get the keys for our new house on Monday and have to get that ready for moving in, get our current place ready for renting out ASAP and finalise TWH's batchelor pad for re-rental for the new tenant who is moving in next weekend! Eeep. I know we are v lucky to be in this position but why does it all come at the same time??

Welcome Ten and tell us your pony's name?

Totally unBESH but life has been particularly shit for you both.

Waves at ten, this is/was my other hangout.

Euro, just sorry. Hope it'll all be okay.

Afternoon ten - sounds like a rough ride.

I'm sure you'll find lots of support and chat here about IVF and the shitheap that is years of TTC - the hagflow should increase in a couple of hours

I've not done IVF, been trying about 14 months with a couple of MCs in there, no idea what's going on. I'm currently in very early diffment and spending most of my time wigging out about whether this one's going to stick.

I have been feeling sick today, for the first time. Never been so grateful to be vomitous. I even texted Mr C to let him know the exciting retch-related news.

Bang on six weeks today. whispers: I do feel that this one's stronger than the last. Hoping so much that it works.

Hi Tenmonths!

You sound similar to me- ttc for 2.5 years in total. Although for me, catching on the 3rd month, and subsequent miscarriage, made me naively believe it would happen again easily. It hasn't.

Not quite at IVF stage yet but hoping to be referred soon. Seeing my FC on 17th. And I am not fucking excited about it! I hate it when friends say to me "IVF! That's exciting!"
Erm, no, it bloody well isn't! I'm very fucking scared!
Sorry you've had a shit journey too. Hope things start looking up soon.

Hi ladies would you mind if I joined you? TTC #1, 2.5 years, in the middle of IVF round 2, completely fucking over it, looking for somewhere it is safe to shout the word CUNT as necessary to get through the next few weeks years

1)Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
Yes, in large quantities please

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   Gold digger

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

d). I am now almost purely relying on medical science (no praying to the baby Jesus though perhaps I should give that a go)

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

a) Just get on with it.

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

b) fucker

6. Number of pets?

1, a dog, bought to prevent loss of mental facilities as a result of failing to have a baby

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

Ummm tough one can I come back to you?

8. Lesbian crush?

Hey if I’m going to do a woman it would have to be Angelina Jolie, I am mainly intrigued to see what she looks like in real life

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on? a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it. b) Over 100 quid c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

c) I have moved on to internet cheapies as a result of a terrible stick habit.

10. Which of these sentences is appalling: a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!! b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx c) both of the above

c) Excitement and ttc, please just stop.

11. How barren are you? a) childless and TTC for at least one year b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

a) ttc for 2.5 years

How is your sister doing lovely?

Lots of guessing. And hoping.

Hey up Fabbydoo how's tricks?
Fam is slowly picking up threads thanks. Hard times but I guess we'll get there. No other options I guess.

Chezza! How are you lovely? And how is everything with your fam?

Euro, how did it go today?

Fuck euro what a menkul that is for you all. I hope your mum's op went well today and you can get some reassurance soon. The thought of the C word is enough to put the fear of god in anyone. Sending bucketfuls of soothing shrimp to you and your family.

Yo hags.
I would say I was ready to get back on the wagon but I don't suppose I was ever really on it. More waiting then.

How are we all? Solidarity Hest. Shit times love. Thinking of you.

Euro sorry to read about your mum. Gosh that ESH and their families are going through a tough time at the moment

Cods of Comfort and gin all round.

Oh euro :( I keep planning to just lurk here but things draw me to post! I'm sorry to hear about your Mum. Total crap about the breathing and anxiety because surely anxiety is a conscious thing?! I hope (and pray) the op is a success today and they get to the bottom of it. If she's broken it so many times, have they checked her for osteoporosis?

Luff you hags!

Not trite at all. Thank you both for your kind words. Both parents sound fairly upbeat at the moment. But it is worrying, and a shame that they can't see the chest specialist today. The waiting is horrible.

On the breathing issue, they are not sure what it is. The bone secondary was on her upper spine, so she has had surgery both at the back and front if her neck. That has left scar tissue and she does have trouble swallowing so maybe it is linked in some way to that. But at the moment no one seems to be able to figure it out, hence the investigations this week.

Shit - I just read that back and it sounds quite trite - I really didn't mean it to be, so im truly sorry if you read it that way. I'm keeping everything crossed that it's the scarring tissue that you mentioned. If it is that, is it something that affects breathing at night? I presume they've ruled out sleep apnoea? X

Your poor mum, Euro, she really is in the wars. I had to have my arm re-broken and set under general once and that wasn't too bad (although the bloody stupid angle they set it in was but that's a whole 'nother story) and it was such a relief that it was finally setting correctly so I hope that makes things much better and less painful for your mum. I will keep everything crossed against the big C. Does your mum have a gut feel about it? Sending hugs. And an octopus throw.

Oh Euro :( xxx

Hest I want to come down there and give you a great big hug. The IVF/housemove/mother shyte/bereavement confluence is just such a huge amount to bear all at once.

I agree with fab that it can be liberating to tell people - the awkwardness then becomes theirs rather than yours, and you will hopefully never have to have a similar conversation with them again!

I just spoke to my parents. Did I mention on here that my mum broke her arm (for the 4th time) a couple of weeks ago? Apparently it is not healing properly so she has to have it corrected and pinned tomorrow, under GA. And as if that were not enough, for a while now my mum has been having episodes where she wakes up unable to breathe. These were initially put down to being some sort of panic attack but now they are investigating further as they are ongoing. They did a chest x-ray today and there is "something" on her lung. This fills me with dread. She has already had breast cancer and a bone secondary. The GP thinks it might be a sort of scar from the radiotherapy for breast cancer as it is on the same side, but I am going to be worried until she has further investigations (should have been tomorrow but now delayed until next week due to the bone pinning op).

Tell those relatives Hest. It really is amazing how liberating it is. If people are dicks about it then they will be seen by everyone else as dicks and hopefully be shamed but I've been amazed by the sensitivity, support and understanding we've received by being open about things. I would really encourage giving it a go.

And if all else fails, get a good bottle of wine in and get gently pissed and watch a film you normally laugh at. Not enough to give you a hangover but enough to be silly with - the power of laughter, and laughing together is amazing.

I would love to do all those things. But when I am stressed and insecure, I get very worked up about money and affording stuff. The house move has been expensive and we're not earning much at the moment. I would love to go away for a week or so, but he is a lecturer and can't. And then when the school holidays come we are working very hard.

Death in the family too of course. We have to drive 6 hours to the funeral on Friday. And the back again. There will be many relatives asking us if we have never wanted children?

TWH does that thing when if you want to talk about something then he has to try and fix it which will inevitably end in an argument. He used to get so cross when i couldn't explain my feelings properly. He's starting to come round to the understanding that sometimes he just needs to understand it's about smiling (or not smiling), nodding, listening and just being there with a cuddle.

I know that too - I'm at home on my own and when I was in a bad way TWH made me promise to get out of the house and talk to someone at least once a day. It was a struggle as I felt safe at home on my own but realistically I was just wallowing and hiding from the world and I always felt better, if a little exhausted, when I spent time with others.

This is time to not be hard on yourself or beat yourself up when things aren't going right. It is a shit time for you and understandably so. Am I right in saying that financially you are at the end of your fertility journey but emotionally you're not? That's the shittiest of shitty things. To feel that if it weren't for the money you would be able to do something. Is there anything that you can change IRL that can change that? Is there a counsellor you can talk to about it who specialises in fertility issues? Are you and Mr Hest able to treat yourselves to something - a weekend away, a night out, a lovely dinner in that include all the things you're not allowed to eat/drink when you're ttc, PUPO etc? Is there anything that the two of you love to do together that you've not been able to since ttc?

Oh Hest, they really don't get it sometimes do they Could you write him a letter to put your feelings down on paper so you don't have to verbalise them?

Yes I work from home too. And there's not much going on at this time of year. Well, there is a lot to do, but the weather is so awful I can't do much of it.

Frank he doesn't really see an issue. It's over and done with and time to move on. It's like "What is it NOW?" when he finds me upset. My problem is that I just can't talk when I'm upset, and not unreasonably (I think anyway) I expect him to realise that it is the failed IVF, mad family, house move and storm damage that is the matter. But he still asks "What's wrong?" and then when I can't say anything he gets all huffy. "Don't speak to me then."