Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

I'm with you Jass, giving it a couple more months & then going to stop actively trying but won't be using any contraception after having a dvt so will allow fate to decide. Sorry you're feeling down Gum hope you get that good nights sleep.
Quick question from me (before the obsessing stops). I have used ov sticks for 3 days so far this month. After I used today's I went to put it in to drawer (I hide them all away & then have a clear out once ovulation is over) & saw Monday's had a stronger 2nd line on it than today's. It wasn't positive & hadn't shown as strong within the time frame but when compared with today's outside the time frame too it is definitely stronger. I went downstairs while looking at yesterday's so threw it in the kitchen bin which I have no desire to start rooting around in so can't compare to that one. Is it just a case of anything over 10 mins is irrelevant or did I have a small surge & that could be it this month?
Guess I just have to test for the next few days & wait & see......

Ohh, jass, I certainly understand your being tired of it all. I am feeling much the same, though I've not had to endure as much heartbreak as you have.

Another low temperature this morning and annoyed at waking at 4:30 am and not able to go back to sleep. So another day of feeling tired and disappointed. Grr! At least I am meeting a friend for a drink after work today which should be nice.

Sorry to be a "Debbie Downer". This too shall pass...

Poor Gum! I hope you are happier now! The disappointment every month is sometimes worse, sometimes not too bad.... I think I am now done with bfp obsessing, knowing they never go anywhere. Not going to prevent, but also not going to ttc actively anymore. Am just so tired of it all:-)

Hi Jass, I know what you mean about timed sex! Every failed month, the thought of it has me wondering whether to continue...that and the constant disappointment.

I am pretty sure AF will show up in the next couple of days. Gone is the happy optimism I felt.Instead I have that awful "I just want to cry/punch someone" feeling and waking up far too early, so feeling extra tired. It's shite,to be honest, feeling like this month after month. If I wasn't ttc, I would still feel like this, but it is made all the worse,knowing that my efforts, as small as they were, they were efforts all the same, and hopes, have come to nil again. (Oh, and temperature dropped this morning, so a sure sign for me).

So, tonight I feel sad and annoyed. Not a good combo.

When I feel like this I really do feel like there is no point in pursuing this anymore. I will probably feel quite differently once Af is here.

Maybe a good night's sleep will help.

Hi Mia, hope you will be successful in ttc rather soon! Where your mcs before your first child analysed, do you know why you miscarried? If you went through no tests at all, I would check thyroid and clotting before becoming pg, as these things are easy to check and treatable.
On OV, I have always only used cheap internet OV strips and never the fancy monitor. But I have noted that some people who get no results on CB monitor, get fine positives on the cheapie sticks. I am one of those who ovulates on rather low hormone levels, my sticks when positive are rather weak positives, the control line only barely as strong as test, but I do ovulate with these levels. Probably CB monitor would not notice it.
But it was good to read that some people carry to term even after numerous mc!

My main prob with this mc is i need to face timed sex again in the future, beurk!

Jass, I am glad to hear you are feeling mentally ok. Especially as you are with friends with a baby. I hope you get plenty of rest.

Hi Grizzer. Nice to hear you are feeling relaxed.Thanks for asking after DS. He is much better and went to school yesterday. He wasn't keen, but he went along and at the end of the day was very happy that he did.And my day at work wasn't too bad. I also had my hair done after work, which felt pretty relaxing.

Hi mia. Stress can definitely cause delayed ovulation. I think the clearblue monitor should be fairly reliable, other than that there's just opk's. I think Frecklefacedgirls used a different monitor, which was linked to fertility specialists or the like.I think it was "Duo-fertility". Hopefully she'll come along and explain.

I suppose if you are open to going to a clinic, it might be worth a visit - at least to get some blood tests and see where your hormones are at - there's alot that they can tell you.

Did you ever find out what caused your miscarriages? Most of the time we never find out, but if you've had a few, perhaps you have had them investigated?

I only had one of my miscarriages tested and it was a chromosomal issue, which I think is the case for all of mine, but I also wouldn't be surprised if there may have been some scarring after the second erpc I had, as I had trouble with AF returning, but had cramps and pain and a very small amount of blood for a few months (at the time of expected AF). I now look back and think I was probably wasting my time ttc then. It seems to have resolved itself - I have AF now without pain and the flow is fine - but who knows how much damage was done and whether that is why I've miscarried again twice.

Still feeling a bit hopeful though. I had a familiar funny taste in my mouth last evening. Breast tenderness is worse than ever.

However a test this morning was negative. But I think I am only 10 dpo, so that's ok. Temps still reasonably high, though not as high as yesterday. Time will tell. I figure I will know either way by Saturday. And life will go on....

Hello ladies,
trying to see if this thread is still active. looking for support / advice, I am not new to this but having second time round issues.
I am 42 and, thank god, have a 2 year old son. It took me a good few years to have him, I miscarried a good few times beforehand. We have started trying again about 7-8 months ago and I am using the clearblue fertility monitor (older model) but it seems that I am not always ovulating. in fact it seems I haven't for about 2 months. Is there something more reliable than that? I have also started some acupuncture. I don't smoke or drink and are pretty healthy, but had a stressful time moving house and jobs recently ...Is it time to visit a fertility clinic? Any other recommendation ?
Thanks ! Mia

You are amazingly strong Jass. I hope you continue to feel ok through this difficult time xx
Is DS ok now Gum? It's so hard when they're sick & we have to go to work. Hope you're ok through all the stress.
Glad the funeral went ok FF. How is your DH coping?
Have you tested yet Kiwi? You are keeping us all in suspense!
How are things Cloud? I think most of us are the same when it comes to holding back from Dh. I don't tell mine much because if I talk about babies or conceiving too much he thinks I'm obsessed & maybe we should stop TTC. It's crazy - they have no idea!! Have you had a counselling session together? We did that after losing dd & that really helped us see things from each other's point of view.
I'm on cd 10 so just having relaxed sex at the moment although started peeing on ov sticks today. We'll see what this month brings.....
Happy holidays Diege.
Hello everyone else xx

Thanks everybosy. Weirdly, I am mentally totally OK. I am among friends whom I trust and can tell that this is going on. Friends have a 4 month old daughter (achieved after several mc). i am very OK around the baby and quite like taking care of her as well. And I am grateful that probably no interventions will be needed. I guess right now this is important, when it is all over I will maybe be more sad. I was worried about how I will feel when it does not work out, but I was mentally scared of sitting in hospital, taking drugs and waiting to miscarry. It did nor come to that, and it helps a lot.

Oh jass, I am so so sorry It is cruel and unfair that you have to go through this again, after everything was looking so promising! Does your DH know?! Please look after yourself!

Kiwi, did you test???

Hello ladies. How is everyone?

I have woken up feeling rather dreadful after a rough night. I felt very hot last night, and woke feeling nauseous at around 3 am. I've gotten up with a sinus headache and still feeling a bit ordinary.

I don't know if it means anything. According to Fertility Friend I am 10 dpo, but I think it's more likely that I am 9 dpo. My temperature is steadily rising, which is good. Breast tenderness is very bad and nipples are dark.

However, I am trying not to read anything into it because I know better and I know that nothing is conclusive unless I have a + test.

Deige, you've already gone on holiday, but if you are reading on your phone: have a lovely break - as much as is possible with 6 DK's. It's still nice to get away. Where are you going? I'll look forward to hearing all about it.

I feel a bit like I have had a mini break, despite having to care for DS. It feels a bit weird going back to work today, but I must. DS is very clingy and only wants mummy to do everything for him. I suppose that's just as I've been caring for him so much while he was sick. I cannot believe he will turn 6 this Saturday. It's exciting for him, and of course I want him to grow and be happy, but I can't help feeling a pang of sadness for myself: my baby is a baby no more and despite trying and trying, I can't seem to bring another into the world.

At least, after a ginger,lemon and honey tea, I no longer feel nauseous. Now I am just craving carbs for breakfast. Trouble is, I don't have any I may have to bake something

I hope your Monday goes well. Drop in and give us your news (I mean all of you )

Jass, I am so sorry to hear this news. I hope you have lots of support and a chance to rest. I understand you not wanting to see any doctor yet.

So sorry Jass, thinking of you x

Jass I am so so sorry, I really hoped it was going to work out for you this time. Life just isn't fair sometimes. Thinking of you, look after yourself xxx

JassS I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.

Kiwi, all the worries are normal. Apart one - the one that you may be taken for a grandmother or you are treated as too old by people. This worry is nonsense. If your body holds on to the pregnancy and you have a baby you were not too old, it is for the nature only to decide that,not some nosy people!

I started to miscarry yesterday. Theee hours of bleeding, incl one soaking-the-pants episode (rather public,but was wearingblack trousers luckily). Thennothing for 20h, and today again clots for 2-3 hours and now it looks likeit has settled into normal period. Have decided not to see any doc before my scan as planned, because this is at least a good opportunity to mc without prodding and interventions... Funnily i ammentally totally Ok - having clear closure must be important. Physically am drained and feel weak.....

Signing out for 2 weeks - leaving in an hr for hols...or whatever they call it with 6 dcs and a grumpy dh
I will be thinking of you next week Jass xx
Gum hold on in there, early days with the temping. I've always had dips after/before returning high when pregnant.
kiwi just test woman! Being pregnant or not isn't going to change through not testing, though I get 100% where you are coming from and would probably be the same
Love to everyone else - background noise increasing here so better go! xxx

Thank you your right I should just test,I'm scared because of both things you mentioned,I had finally accepted it w as s too late for me, just gone back to work and starting to move on in the journey,I have a five year old. Also yeah thought of another miscarriage scares me, took me a while to get over the last one. Lastly it's silly I know but SCARED off what people will think to,I have been called grandmother a couple of times with the five year old!!lol That's why I came here for support, your right I NEED to take it at day at a
time and test. Sorry for capitals not very computer minded.

Nice weekend, Gum! I totally understand when you say it repeatedly and more often crosses tour mind it is time to stop ttc. I guess we all have that a bit. Good DS is on the mend.

Welcome (back), kiwi, and do not torture yourself without knowing - do the test and then be happy! Scared feelings are normal, i think. But so many get their baby just when they have given up, so it might be that the boring cliche has worked for you!

I am still spotting, no bleed, no cramps, which makes it difficult to keep the understanding that it is over.... I am off to island, for fishing and sailing for 9 days today:-) There is a hospital on that island though, it is a big one, 10000 habitants almost.

Hi Kiwi, you might as well test, then you will know either way. It certainly isn't impossible at age 45 or 46 or even older.Why are you scared? Is it because you don't think you can do it at your age?Or is it because of your miscarriage? Anxiety is perfectly normal in both cases.

My advice would be to take one day at a time,find out if you are pregnant, then cross every hurdle as you come upon it.Fingers crossed for good news.

Jass, how are you?

My temperature dropped this morning, and I would like to think it is implantation, but I have serious doubts about that.More likely that progesterone is low. I was feeling a bit hopeful, but now,not so much. I have started to think that I will have to face up to the truth: I am no longer fertile, and I will have my 48th birthday in November. It's hard to admit to it, but I suppose after so long,I need to face this. I realised this morning, that I have got 69 cycles on fertility friend. That includes the 7 it took to get pregnant with DS, but the other 62 include all the years of ttc another, and the 4 miscarriages (and it doesn't include the 18 months when I didn't even have cycles while breastfeeding DS). I guess I have become a bit resiliant to the despair of trying for so long, but every cycle brings me closer to the end of my fertility, that's if I have any fertility left I still have an appointment with my lady doctor, and depending on how I feel will maybe get some blood work done to check hormones, maybe it will help me face the reality.

DS is on the mend, though the cough he has sounds awful. I suppose I will have to send him to school on Monday, because despite the yucky cough, he seems fine, and he's had a week off now.

Busy day today: scoring at DD's netball game, dropping DS off with my Dsis, then I suppose we'll catch up. And DH should be back from his trip away today.

Have a nice weekend...

Hi all, hope I can join you I posted here a couple of years back trying desperately to conceive, had an early miscarriage in 2011,since then tried but decided to let nature take its course. Didn't use companyontraception as always kept that sliver of hope. Anyway now 45 and decided that was it for me was going to get contraception and move on,been enjoying the hols and now realising period is late,funny feeling down there and funny taste in mouth. Haven't tested and petrified I am 45,would be 46 if it has happened. Scared any support advice welcome,its all I wanted for so long but had just accepted that it was to late.

Sorry Cloud you asked about follow-up and i said nothing. Luckily in my country I decide whether I want a follow-up scan or not before anything is done or not. A mc is here not treated as "natural, sth that just happens" tune, even if this is said of course. It is treated as a specially sad thing and you get very compassionate care. I am so lucky it happens while I am in home country. I will go far away from capital for next week, so my follow up is on Monday 25th. This gives my body also a chance to decide to do sthi tself, if it realises this pg is failing. Or, in unlikely case, if this baby is. still able to pull through, it can do so without being prodded or disturbed. it is highly unlikely as i well know, but mothers are irrational beings when things come to their kids:-). I have to say I much prefer mc without fetal pole, as then I could say there was no baby to grieve at all, it never formed. Now i get occasionally sad and think about the little being who did not make it, but I still can rationalise it never had a heartbeat. I do not think it is as bad as Cloud is/was going through at all, because 6w3d does not look like baby really. it is 3mms of cells rather.

jass, it just seems very unfair that you have to go through this awful waiting, and that you may lose another baby. You have been through so much. I wish I could do something to help, but I know there is nothing I can do or say.

I understand how it is with the DH's. I too clam up, as much as I'd like my DH's support I just don't think he is able to understand what it is like to carry the hope and live with the anxiety.

I suppose it is a little different in my case as my DH isn't "proactive" in ttc, rather, he's lazy with contraception and will accept another if it works out.I think, if I get a sticky bfp I probably wont say anything until 10 weeks, but that remains to be seen. Of course when it comes down to it, Drs visits,scans etc, there would be questions and I'd answer them.

cloudjumper, I am very interested to hear about your counselling. One thing I struggle with is sharing my feelings with DH. And alot of it is related to the mcs. He seemed to be unable to grasp that my intense sadness was justified as I was only 9-10 weeks along. To him it wasn't justifiable to be as sad as I was as I hadn't felt the baby move, or had time to become attached, and I suppose that has meant I don't really trust him with my feelings. I suppose that sounds a bit worrying but we seem to rub along ok.I wish he could feel what I felt, not because I want him to hurt, but so he can understand how intense the grief was.

Sorry to rabbit on about myself, when you are both going through so much. I want to send hugs, despite it being very "unmumsnetty".

As for me, a nice temp again today. But still another week before testing or AF.

At home again with DS. He coughed a lot less last night and is still asleep, which is a blessing. I hope he'll be better. I am actually ready to go back to work. He's also getting bored. I took him back to the Drs yesterday after being called back in. I was a bit concerned, but it was totally unrelated to the lungs, rather the xray showed a scoliosis. However, as I said to the Dr, I think he may just have been standing crooked, rather than it being a definite, constant thing. He examined Charlie and it was inconclusive. He said we'll check again in a year's time and if it is a worry we'll see a peadiatric bone person. I am not worried as I really do think Charlie was a bit awkwardly bent when he had the chest xray.

Thinking of you Jass.

Cloud, my relations with my DH always deteriorate when i am pg - i close down like clam, do not talk to anybody unless they talk to me, eveni f i amnot necessarily in the bad mood or even unhappy. And my hubby seems to do thes ame. yesterday he had gone out and switched phone off when i got home from my scan - obv. to not hear the bad news and to give me time for the first real cry before I have to face him and smallest son (the other one is in football camp luckily). He seems as tired of the limbo as I am, but i am coping even better i guess. I have never been more than cautiously optimistic, while he went very optimistic before the first scan whenwe thought we are at 7week mark with no bleeding. I am a toad sad for the little bean without heartbeat and tend to look the pic every hour or so, but moreo r less accepting. He is pottering around and irritated about everything, poor thing:-). Will have a grill party this evening for all my 4 children plus son-in-law:-). I am still off wine of course, but party will be good nevertheless.