Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

Hey all, I hope I can join this thread too. I'm 40, lucky enough to have one DS who is 2. We've been trying to conceive number 2 for about a year, but only trying "seriously" for about the last few months... and finding it stressful, but mainly because there is a lot of stuff going on at my work that is making that unbearable and I would really like to escape to have a baby. Plus my best friend is preg. Sigh.

My period is due on the 27th too, so basia I will be waiting with you.

Jbrd and pancakeday - sending you lots of positive thoughts.

A question - I went to the doctor today (UTI), and the dr did a preg test, and said I am not preg... but my period isn't due for another 6 days. So could she really be sure? She was a very young (trainee) doctor... Am now really nervous about taking the antibiotics she gave me. :(

Hello, may I join? I've read thread back you know each other so well I hope you don't mind. I should say I won't take up much space. I tend to go to MN when the freakout gets a bit uncontainable. Like now. I'm 41, three mc's, no lo's. I dream about babies or mcs most nights and have been struggling with depression having previously been quite a positive person. In the last few months I've started taking meds for anxiety and sleep as I was going bonkers. And I'm sure this is the reason why I'm late this month. Although I stopped taking the meds Thursday night as I was worried the effect they might have on any pg. I now haven't slept properly for three nights and have snuck in a "sick day" today from work - OH doesn't know, I felt too guilty to say!

I have managed not to buy a pg test for 6-8 months but am tempted to pop out and get one. But when I say "late" literally I am one day longer than any of my last 13 cycles, if I average them then I am 2.5 days late than my most usual cycle length. Would a test just be a waste of money? I don't have any symptoms, boobs got a bit sore over the last few days but I think that's waning.

Thinking of you jbrd and sending lots of positive thought xxx
Hope everyone else is doing ok xx

Hi linda and welcome!
I'm 42 as well. . Good luck with ttc!

basia good that you got some tith in. Good luck!

Yep Grizzer. It is hard. Think AF is on the way, though. I have no idea when to expect her because the last three months I had three different cycle lengths!
And so it continues!

Hi ladies!

Morning ladies, ok to hop on board? I'm 42 and just came off the pill on Friday, ttc #3. I'm settling in for the long haul, so brought my quilt and fluffy slippers

Well, the work is all done, now the waiting begins.
My period is due around the 27th.
Anyone else due around that time want to wait with me?

grizzer, as tou were awarded that money, it clearly shows there were treatment errors. If you and others are brave enough to face this and seek compensation, making also the medical staff go through these issues thoroughly, it helps quality for all NHS users. I have to say that reading this forum has made me extremely grateful that I come from much smaller society where things are obviously less crowded and maybe because of that you very very seldom hear these really sad stories of medical errors. Of course, you are 30 million andm y people are 1, so that needs to be taken into account. but i am terrified of central European crowdedness and risk of getting low-quality treatment here, hence whenever something seems serious I am off to that poor, but very livable eastern european place I come from.......

As for my lost babies, they aremore lost dreams than babies. None got even fetal pole, hence they were failed embryos. No fetal pole, no fetus - i cannot say I lost a baby. i only lose preganancies. I know I would react terribly differently in case there had been a real fetus,chowever small, but something in that sac. US has never even showed a yolk sac. I have my gang of 4 as well, so I just refuse to be sad about it all. I fear if I complain something far worse will happen in m y life:-)))

Dearest Grizzer, don't beat yourself up too bad. If it was wrong to purse compensation for a wrong we wouldn't have the options to do so.
I always tell myself not to confuse being thankful with being grateful. There are times to be grateful for what we have and leave it at that.
But there are times to be thankful and still pursue a higher goal.

As long as you know your heart is pure, there is no need to feel bad. You will always pay for the consequences and actions of a group of professionals who swore an Oath 'to first do no harm'.

I hope you enjoy the time with dd in Disneyland and I hope the fertility road ends with very joyful news.

xxx

Jass you break my heart whenever I read about your lost babies. I was moving a candle today that I'd lit for my lost dd last year & I started welling up - you are amazing x
Hmmm Tadpole implantation? I know it's rare but.... It is ridiculously harsh that every pg symptom is the same as AF.
Basia I know what you mean. I think we've nailed it every time we dtd but it's always wishful thinking. I have read that some women 'know' straight away but sadly I'm not one of them.
I have an appointment at a fertility clinic weds week. Not sure how helpful it will be as, in all honesty, I don't think I have a fertility issue with 3 pregnancies behind me (only one successful though so maybe I'm wrong!) but I feel I just want to know my options.
This is really awful & I feel very guilty but after having dd things went badly wrong & the hospital messed up badly, nearly letting me die in the process! I put it down to 'one of those unlucky things' for a couple of years but I've had to pay out a lot on life insurance, travel insurance & compression stockings as a result so I decided to pursue a case. I feel terrible about it because I am grateful for the nhs & they do a lot of amazing things but I did it anyway. I am just coming to the end of the case & will receive a sum of money that I am putting towards these private fertility investigations. I feel if I get another baby after such a terrible time it will be worth it & going down the horrible road of suing someone will be justified if I spend the money on getting pregnant again. Random justification but it works for me. Oh & maybe a few days in Disney land Paris for the beautiful girl who spent the first 4 weeks of her life in a plastic hospital cot beside me!!

basia, re nailing, if you get impatient about it, get opks-s. with 26 day cyclce some might even manage to ovulate day 11, if you think you are an early ovulator. 12 is more reasonable, true, but if you ovulate day 12 it would be better to have some sperm waiting for the egg rather than just sending it up there on the o day. I have seen that making sure i do the deed on the d ay when opk starts showing the line (not yet, but close to positive) is the best day to start, then I have two days of positives and do it again on the secondd ay of pos and 48 hours after that,even if I seemt o ovulate soon after last positive (as i can get a positive hpt 9days after the first neg test, i.e. presumably ovulate within. 24 hours of that). Sadly I have miscarried nowm ore than 10 really early pregnancies, so have had the unlucky chance to perfect the opk use:-)))

Allo! Allo!
OMG. Couldn't get into MN most of the week. I thought I was going bonkers!

Welcome basia and squidgy Hope you find your stay sweet and short! (although I think I'll stay on because the advice is so bloody fantastic!)

Sorry Grizzer that AfunckingF got you. Big hug.

Morien how are you?!

Hi Jass Thank you for the HSG explanation! When I read the question I immediately thought our Jass will know!

Hi JBrd How is it going?

I'm 9dpo today. Had a weirdish-not-spotting-but-something-but-also just-when-I-wiped thing last night.
Its so bloody shitty that my PMS is so similar to pg.

Hello too to everyone not mentioned by name!

Happy Valentines Day!

ps good luck basia!

Thanks for explanation of HSG. Will have a chat to my obs/gynae (who delivered DS) when i get home.

Well DP and I haven't tried in earnest yet. I am on holiday with DS visiting family so trying to get a bit healthier.
I got pregnant with DS after a very relaxing holiday in thailand, lots of massages and swimming etc. I do think stress plays a big part too, but I have no idea what state my 43 yo eggs are in.

i am grateful to already have DS; a second DC would be a bonus and this as i am going to be 44 later this year, this really will be the last chance.

Am going to try some Ayurveda, as it worked for some (younger) cousins who had difficulty with ttc.

Yesterday was cycle day 12 for me, so we had sex, just in case I ovulate early. Plan to do so for the next four or five days as well. My cycle is typically 26-28 days, so that ought to cover it.
I feel like we nailed it last night... but then I remember feeling like that when we were trying for my 2-year-old son, and it actually took three cycles. Each time, I was so sure we'd done it, and then it turned out it was all in my mind.
I certainly hope it happens quickly for us this time, it's heartbreaking each time AF arrives.

and i love lattes too! but going mostly without is tolerable now!

hsg stands for hysterosalpingogram. but it is indeed a dye through fallopian tubes, it shows whether they are open and sometimes forces them open if there is small blockage. Can not hurt!
i have not had it, as no doubt ovulating and passing eggs through. Have had laparoscopy to remove fallopian cyst though, oh the joy of bloated feeling afterwards! HSG is supposedly more tolerable, as no need to fulfill all cavities with gas....but i think you need a reason to have it, at least where I live. normally not done just on your request, but most gynes would agree to it if you have been ttc and no success, say, in a year. you can always say it has been three years, of course:-)

Also meant sperm not soeem!

Sorry, keep posting accidentally.
I don't think we'll try for too much longer so I want to say I tried everything. Dd asked again last night when was she going to be a big sister. I think it's going to cost about £400 but that's what credit cards are for!
squidgy I meant to say it stands for something very long & I don't know what it is. Didn't mean to sound like it's too big for you!! Sorry - read it back & it sounded very patronising! Not intended at all x

Jass my acupuncturist has mentioned wheat to me as a possible issue. I love lattes & I've noticed sometimes I get bloating after so I agree re the dairy too. Can't hurt to try these things but don't deprive yourself too much. I have one or 2 coffees a day which I know isn't much but I'm trying to cut them out. It's really hard though, such a habit.
squidgy hsg stands for something really long! It's basically an xray on your Fallopian tubes, they put a blue dye through & look for any kind of blockage. I've looked into it because I feel a lot more uncomfortable (pain is too strong a word) but definitely noticing ovulation a lot more than I used to. I also have ibs which can cause a build up if mucus (sorry) so I wonder if that might be stopping soeem getting through.
I think it's quite good at clearing things out & I've heard about a couple of people who got pg after it.
I d

(sounding thick) but what is a HSG test Grizzer?

Welcome Squidgy lovely to hear the positive stories, gives us all hope!
Has anyone had HSG test? Can you just book it (privately I know) or do you have to see a consultant first? I'd really like to give it a try but would rather just go for it than fork out £200 for a consultant to suggest it.

er, no, no diet really - I eat meat, fish, eggs, veg, fruit, gluten-free grains (millet, teff, etc), nuts-seeds-lentils all that. Only cut really out wheat based bread and cheese and butter. and i am not crazily following every molecule hiding in restaurant menus. i do it 'cause there is some research that dairy and wheat enhace immune issues with recurrent mc. since cheese and flour are definitely not a must to stay healthy, i just do not do them:-) i may also loose a couple of kilos, but this is not an issue - i have a 23ish BMI,so can afford to lose, but am not interested in losing :-)

Hi All,
May join too? I am 43 about to TTC no2.

DS is 3.4 and DP and I only just feel mentally ready to TTC after 3 years of sleep deprivation etc...

I have ordered some OPKs but have forgotten so much about what the luteal cycle etc is (and I was obsessively reading about it 4 years ago!).

Would also like to add some positive stories.
Apart from conceiving DS naturally at 39 and he was born when i was 40.
One friend conceived twins naturally at 41, and another has had twins at 45, she had clomid, but said that acupuncture and chinese herbs really helped her. She also took something called DHEA to improve egg quality, but she is in the US, so maybe that is more common there.)