Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

Sorry you are feeling so understandably down hufty . this TTC lark is bloody hard work.

Be kind to yourself and you don't have to totally "give up" TTC if you don't want.

Thanks you ladies.
I am having a bit of a difficult day actually. I'm trying to be philosophical about it all, and trying to be grateful for all my blessings, but in all honestly I feel very let down that this pregnancy couldn't be the one.

It doesn't help that I have a headache, feel very tired and still have a very strong metallic taste in my mouth. I don't quite understand why I'd have that when tests are negative and I have been bleeding. Of course I make up fantastical stories like I have just lost a twin and there's another one in there and the hcg just isn't high enough yet. But I know that's extremely unlikely to be the case.

I am supposed to be back on the 5:2 diet, but I just can't seem to convince myself to fast today when I am feeling so sad. I also have very little motivation to do much and feel I am just going through the motions.

Just wish I could have my happy ending/beginning...

Sorry to be a downer.

wishingfor, how are you?

So sorry hufty ,it's hard having your hopes raised and then dashed again x

So sorry Gum, I had been popping back looking for Gum posts, now I find out you are huftydufty. I am so sorry that this one was a brief flicker of hope. As for the future - yes go for the clomid, it is supposed to help the eggs.

Green - I too understood that it was the progesterone that rises temps, so therefore you have a rise in progesterone. I would second the suggestion of getting a progesterone test 7dpo if that would help put your mind at ease?

deige -Laurie is a real cutie.

Hi to everyone else.

We are ttc again by NTNP, since my temps have been messed up with the m/c, I am not actually sure where we are in the cycle, but I think I might have ovulated yesterday, possibly..... or af could be due in a few days. The unknown of it all. It is not the wisest of decisions to not prevent, but emotionally it is where I am at and dh is going along with it. Time will tell where it leads us.

Sorry it wasn't to be this time Gum. Hi to everyone else.

Tadpole, Green, you do realise I am Hopefulgum, don't you? I changed my name after getting a bfp. Sadly that's all changed, so I may have to change my name back, or to something else, as I am not feeling so hopeful anymore, but I suppose it would stop any confusion. I am a bit tired of the name though..

Green, it does look like a good temperature shift on your chart.And that is usually caused my progesterone. I am not sure of the wisdom of doctors. A couple of years ago,after blood tests, I was told my estrogen was way too low, blah,blah,blah and I got a bfp that cycle.

You could have the 21 day test (or 7 dpo) to see if you have enough progesterone.

Any news wishingfor?

Aghhhhhhh Diege - Laurie is adorable! All chubby and gorgeous...he looks like a smiler too? I want two one!

Sorry huffty and grizzer

hopeful how's it going?

Appreciate some of your collective wisdom ladies. Given my cycles are a bit all over the place I had another scan yesterday. No cysts or fibroids. CD14 and my lining was 7.5mm and I had a few follicles on both my right ovary (the one people keep telling me is inactive ) and on my left however They were all much smaller than they should be at this stage of my cycle (6mm on average and one of 9mm on my right). The sonographer said that my lining wasn't as thick as it should be and my follicles were too small but that the 9mm follicle had a white ring around it (which is apparently a sign of ovulation) and if it had collapsed post ovulation it would not sustain a pregnancy as it wasn't looking like it was big enough to produce progesterone. Thing is my chart looks like I have here and I thought the temp rise is due to a rise progesterone?

Oh Grizzer. The pain of those extra days. Been through that. Really sorry and feeling with you. Of course we can't help getting our hopes high.
I have no symptoms whatsoever but still... that little hope doesn't die.

hufty Sorry, my dear. Just so sorry.

diege Laurie is DORNABLE!! (my friend's daughter used to say this). Oh, just so darling. I WANT ONE TOO!

hopeful How you keeping?

willitbe Was thinking of you. Hope you're strong.

Sorry if I missed knews. Just wanted to pop in quickly. Moved yesterday. So, so tired.

Happy Sunday and good luck, my lovelies.
xxx

oh grizzer I am sorry. It is not fair having our hopes smashed .
Thanks for asking diege. I have been ok though I had a good cry in the car on the way home this afternoon,listening to Join Mitchell., " I've looked at life from both sides now" seems appropriate .

Now I am snuggled up to DS on the couch watching Ben and Holly. I wish I had magic at my disposal to get what I want. Much easier than all the hard work of ttc and having hopes dashed.

I went out this afternoon for high tea for a friend's 50th. It was lovely. They got me up to sing a few songs and she loved it. I wasn't actually expecting to be asked to sing so I hadn't been at all prepared. They loved it though. Good for my self esteem . Despite a nice afternoon out I still came away feeling a bit flat but that is due to hormones I should think
Bleeding is heavier than normal but not too bad.

I am trying to keep my mind off ttc but this bfp has got me spurred on again. Grrr...

Ah bugger it grizzer A big and well-deserved for you xx
One for you too hufty. I'm with you on the silver lining of the bfp - I think I would be spurred on in your situation to continue as I'm sure it is just a case of waiting for that good egg (though so stressful). How are you feeling today?

Humph. AF arrived this morning. I really felt she was making an appearance on Friday (when she was supposed to) & had prepared myself. To have 2 extra days to build my hopes up is just cruel.

Actually Deige, it is a consolation to have had the bfp's. I had always hoped to see those two lines again, and those little lines hold so much hope, so it was still a positive experience. Even if I was only pregnant for three days, it was still three days where I had glimmers of a happy future with a new little one in my life.

Of course I am sad, but it is a drop in the ocean compared to the devastation of miscarriage. Despite losing another pregnancy I have woken up feeling positive about things. Getting the bfp shows that my DH still has healthy sperm (I had questioned it as he's had a reversal and it has been two years since the last bfp) and that I am still ovulating (something else I was questioning), so in a way it is hopeful.

I have even consider taking the clomid I have sitting in the cupboard. Would it help with egg quality? Is it worth trying? I still worry about the side effects, my old age and I wouldn't want to cause a cyst or something.

Grizzer, if AF stays away, that's a great sign. Everything crossed for you.

Oh Humfty that is so disappointing for you . Is it any consolation to have experienced the bfps or does that make it worse? Better etc etc to find out now I know, but not much consolation this minute I'm sure xxx
Grizzer not sure I could hold out without testing, but then I did start pos from 5dpo when ttc . Sounding pretty hopeful though xx

So sorry Hufty you are amazingly strong. I have no words for you but I hope you're ok xx
Laurie is lovely Deige I wanna get me one of those x
Still no AF for me but all sort of aches & twinges. I don't know what to think. Will try to hold off testing til Monday but I'm sure I'll end up testing in the morning.

I know now. AF has just started - proper bleeding - so I am sure it is over.

I am okay. This is not what I wanted but treating it like a late period is better than having a loss at 9 or 10 weeks.

This is why I stopped actively ttc because it is such an emotional roller coaster. However seeing those two pink lines can't be beaten it is such a nice thing to see. I never get tired of it.

Having said that I don't think I will become active ttc again. I think I may be past my use by date...

Thanks for the support. Now I will have to name Change again. Perhaps "pastit" would be appropriate?

Hold on in there hufty! It really is too early to tell either way how things are going, and the temps are still encouraging xx

Oh Deige, he is so cute! What a lovely boy.

Grizzer, I do wonder why our bodies respond to tiny amounts of HCG, or maybe it is different hormones, when tests aren't showing positives, or are faint? It is weird isn't it. I have had all sorts of symptoms today - feeling like I have to eat to take away the nasty taste in my mouth, and finding that nausea starts if I'm not constantly eating. I have also had some twinges in the boobs, bu they aren't achey. I've had the teeny tiniest bit of brown on my cervix, but no spotting.and I've had plenty of cramping on and off all day.

Deige I took my temp when I woke this morning and it wasn't nearly as high as the day before(but that wasn't taken when I first woke) but it was higher than normally before AF arrives. So, inconclusive I think

I went and bought some FRER tests today, did one when I got home, around 1:30 pm, but it was very faint, so it really hasn't set my mind to rest. It was probably fainter than yesterday's morning test, but maybe that stands to reason, or maybe it is because hcg is dropping. It's just too early to tell.

Bloomin' heck, I wish I could just feel confident, but that is impossible. If I got a nice dark test I'd be over the moon

Grizzer, I have everything crossed that AF stays away!

Thought I'd upload a recent piccie of Laurie too while I have the chance!

Fingers crossed Grizzer!!!!
hufty, really hope you get that line on the internet cheapies in the next few days. I had negs with ICs on this last pregnancy until 2 days after af was due (I still have them actually and they never got darker as some tests do days after!). I didn't test again then until af was about 2 weeks late, and got a clear (though not especially dark) second line then (by which time I was feeling nauseous). Are the temps still looking good? Slow developing line would certainly fit with the spotting you had a few days ago xxx
wishing really hope all is well, have been there with the stupid digitals. One good outcome, one not so xxx

Happy Saturday everyone!
Mel I think I get ov pain a few days before ov. Always seems to be on the right side which is odd as, according to a scan on my ovaries, both show signs I'm ovulating. I'd take it as a good sign that everything is normal. Keep dtd - can't believe you're setting your alarm for it - I don't let anything disturb my sleep!! Get me while I'm fully awake or leave well alone is my mantra!
Sorry things don't seem to be progressing wishing hope it's just a dodgy test but it's such a worrying time.
Hufty loving the new name! I think you are becoming quietly optimistic & that's so good. I'm having the same thoughts re Christmas baby. I actually googled my due date last night.! So silly to get my hopes up when I only have negative tests but a late AF is so rare for me.
I have heard some people know straight away when they've conceived. I have to say I once dtd and afterwards, while I was lying still to hold everything in, my belly gave a huge sort of spasm. I laughed about it & said to dh that's the baby. I got my bfp that month!
No other symptoms for me but I do feel shattered & have had a couple of moments of 'need to eat now or I'll faint.' Surely if I'm pregnant but not getting positives yet I won't be getting any symptoms though?
I'm going to calm down & try not to think about it. I'm sure AF will show. SIL is visiting for the weekend so at least I'll be busy. Keep everything crossed for me please xx

MelMc, I have always had ovulation pain, but I usually have it around O day or afterwards (I think, though don't know for sure). It's great that you are having fun ttc - some of us long-termers have gotten very sick of dtd

Oh wishing, I hope it's just a slow implanter for you. I have read over and over that the digitals can be wrong and cause worry, but I do understand that you just want to know what is going on.

notsoold, thanks for your input. The IC tests aren't even giving me an evaporation line which is depressing. I am 15 DPO today and with fmu the IC was negative. I don't have anymore FRER, so I think it's just a matter of wait and see. If I am going to miscarry I'd rather now than later, but the truth is I really don't want to lose this one. Unfortunately I keep seeing myself sat by the Christmas tree with a tiny baby. I really shouldn't do that, I know, but I just can't help it [incurable emoticon]

DS was vomiting until late last night, but seems okay now,thank goodness! I was not enjoying that at all. And now I am quite tired.

Grizzer, great news that AF hasn't turned up. Any other inklings of a pregnancy? How are you feeling?

I was astonished that the night or two after ovulation this cycle I woke in the night with a terrible shooting pain in my right breast. At the time I worried that I might have gall stones or something wrong with me, but then it was gone. In hindsight, I wonder if it was conception? I know that sounds a bit "woo-oo", but it was a bit of a coincidence that it happened near ovulation. I hope what's going on with me is a slow implanter, but last time I had tests that never got very strong lines, then I bled, then I had symptoms again at 6 weeks, but then bled again and it was over. I worry it is happening all over again.

Time will tell.

Great news Gum!
I wasn't too hopeful about this pregnancy, I put the spotting down to possible implantation, and then a few days ago did a clear blue digital, which came back as 1 to 2 weeks. I was expecting it to say 3+ , so that got me thinking, then I realised that as is not used FMU, the result may have been wrong, so I did another this morning, and as I'd finished on the loo, I realised I was spotting again, and the result was still 1 to 2 weeks. So I think this pregnancy is set to finish. Sad, but altogether not unexpected.
Sorry to come on and depress everyone!

Gum...congratulations!!! Wonderful news and although I would be nervous as you are still today you are pregnant!
My lines only got darker much later thos last pg. I came to understand that implantation took forever.
My fmu never gave a good result and the tests from the internet conly showed my pg much later. It had to ve a first response to show anything until the 16dpo.

Quick update from me - no AF!! I don't know what to think. I've gone back through my diary & all my cycles are definitely 31 days. I always get AF first thing in the morning but not a sign. However I do feel crampy & just have that feeling it's coming. Ran in to sainsburys on way to get dd from nursery & bought one of their tests. Bfn. I was a week late before I got a positive with dd though. My head is all over the place. I had prepared myself for her arrival this morning & now the hope is creeping in. I don't think there's any point in testing tomorrow. I'll just have to wait & see what the new day brings.....

Hi again everyone. Hope you are all well! Just wondering about ovulation pains. My chart said I would be ovulating tomorrow and I have had gradually increasing cramps all week. Is this normal? If so then I am delighted that my cycle seems to be back to normal after coming off the pill. I also felt a bit nauseus at the beginning of the week. We have been DTD this week as much as possible lol! Even setting my alarm early in the morning pmsl! Such fun to be had though !