Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

grizzer, your comment about 16 year olds and being drunk made me smile It is a good approach,and I'd say DH/DP would find it alot of fun.

Mattmamma, I feel your pain - after my first miscarriage my DH made it very clear that he didn't want to keep ttc and I felt desolate. He talked about buying condoms which just made me feel sick, and I told him there'd be no nooky if there were condoms, that we'd stick to "safe" times. I got pregnant again(and miscarried) and he was adamant that we wouldn't be taking any risks ( and for a while used the pull out method, which I hated), but then I had some tests done and the dr had told me my estrogen and amh was low and I'd be unlikely to conceive. I told that to DH and ever since (despite the estrogen clearly getting better as I seem to ovulate regularly) he's not been bothered. So I suppose I am not being completely honest with DH, I don't discuss anything with him, he barely knows when I have AF, and I'm happier that way (as is he). If/when I do get pregnant with a sticky baby he'll be a bit shocked, but I know all will be fine as it has been with the last two babies that he wasn't all that keen about.

When you say DH wants to call time on ttc, what does that involve? Will he expect you to use birth control? Or does it mean he won't pursue other avenues like IUI, clomid, IVF? If he is sure about having a time limit, would he be open to stepping up your approach? Hopefully you'll be pregnant soon and it won't be an issue. I've mentioned on here before,I have a friend (in RL) whose husband gave her a time limit and it was the very last month that she fell pregnant (at 42). It made me very angry at him - to think he could call time on something so important to her, which she had no control over. It can take time, lots of it, to fall pregnant, and putting a time limit on it seems very unfair if one party doesn't agree (for some women, not all, as Grizzer said, for her it is a relief to have a time limit).

This whole baby-making thing is fraught with stress and sadness, and it is harder without a supportive spouse. After doing this for years, and being on these sorts of threads for years, I have come to the conclusion that men and women are world's apart when it comes to ttc. It makes sense, of course, because having a baby is a heart matter for women, and it rarely is for men. My acupuncturist, and my female GP, both call it "women's business", and suggest that men need only take a small part in it until the baby is born. Men just cannot feel what we feel. It became very clear to me when I miscarried,and DH just didn't feel the immense loss and grief I felt, because to him, it was merely a suggestion of a baby, bot an actual baby, which they were to me. I had started planning (trying ever so hard not to), we (women) feel our bodies' changing and start thinking in terms of due dates, end of first trimester, testing etc,etc.

Jass, I admire your strength, you keep on going despite many chemicals. It sounds like you've had a lovely weekend.

My easter panned out well too. We had friends visit for dinner on Sunday night - lamb roast. We sat outside by the fire drinking prosecco, candles all over my deck, a very still night and not too cold - it was lovely. The friends twho came are a childless (through choice) couple who have their own B&B and also work as teachers. They spend a considerable amount of time traveling every year, and have a really nice life style. I couldn't help thinking how I could have a taste of that life if I stopped ttc and concentrated on moving on. But then again, I thought, I can do it all once my last baby is older. So, it was a fleeting thought However, it does mean that I know that all will be ok even if my dream of another child doesn't come to fruition.

It may be that I don't get a go at ttc this month,DH is away tonight and I am day 12 and cervix is high, soft and open. Yesterday's opk was negative, but I find that the surge can happen very suddenly. Perhaps he'll be back in perfect time? I'm not going to stress about it.

I am still on Easter break, which is lovely. I spent yesterday afternoon going through my closet, putting all my summer clothes away and bringing out the winter woolies as it is getting colder here. I don't have room for all clothes out together. I enjoyed sorting it all out, getting rid of things I've not worn for a while, making an ebay pile. But my dilemma is, should I sell the last few maternity things I have, or keep them just in case? I think I may sell them and then I'll enjoy buying more when I need them (see that, I said "when", power of positive thinking and all that... )

Taking the kids into town for grocery shopping today. I know I won't get out of there without buying a whole lot of junk food, but, hey, it's holidays...

Hello all, I have had a lovely weekend at my cousin's wedding & am now trying to get myself prepared for work tomorrow. At least it's only a 4 day week. Sorry for what you are going through Jass. I hope you're feeling ok. It is true, we have to hide so much from our partners. Mine thinks I'm obsessed even though I only mention ov every now & again. He doesn't have any idea of all the tracking & peeling on sticks that goes on! If he wants obsession I can really show him obsession!!
My dh has also put a time limit on our TTC Mattsmama which is very hard but I am almost looking forward to a time when I don't think about it. It will make me very sad though. Another cousin had her 1 year old at the wedding who is so adorable. She was telling me about how her older child interacts with her & how she found him in his sister's cot the other night chatting to her. So cute. Another family member is heavily pregnant & seeing all the 'young ones' just getting married & starting their journeys made me a little emotional at times. I did get quite drunk though & seduce dh, promptly fall asleep & have very little memory of it the next day!! That approach seems to work for many 16 year olds so fingers crossed it will work for me too!

Mattsmama, my advice is give your husband a break, but do not take one yourself :-) Men generally do not need to know why exactly you are so interested in dtd, and at least mine is totally still able to enjoy when it is on offer and complain when it is not (I tend to be less enthusiastic on 5-10dpo, knowing that after dtd then i start spotting and any chance and hope of successful pg is therefore over). So, keep your hopes and disappointments to youself, even if I know the 21st century man is supposed to be able to take it. They last the trail better this way. Just do what you need to do and hide your hopes and disappointments as well as you can. It is not nice to know that we have to go this partially at least alone, but its a fact of life. many here can testify for that!
i can go through a chem and barely mention it to my hubby, but it is only i think because I am actually already rich in the DC, so it feels far less desperate project here. Hence my lack of painful reaction. But I definitely went out and downed a bottle of red douro wine on top of a bottle of fruity white from the same region tonight when AF arrived. Spent the day following the football easter tournament, sunshine and loads of happy boys, and actually felt quite fulfilled:-) I allow myself to ttc only if I can do it with obsession limited to ov and test time.

Pg ladies, how is it going?We are ready here to cheer you all on!

JASS - wanted to thank you for your lovely advice last week and so disappointed to read your updates. At least you seem to able to deal with it in a positive way and have got your head round everything. xx. I am quite the opposite at the moment - bit of an emotional mess to be honest as DP is wanting to call time on the whole TTC business - part of me feels maybe he is right but I feel so desperately sad when contemplating this scenario : (

Xx

Hi gum, good to hear your easter is good! I hope the dog did not eat the eggs and that your egg will not be released before the hubby is back home!

My rotten egg has started to disengage, but it clearly is a chemical mc - not nice normal flow but brownish gunk still. i think prefer h aving chemicals to not having any bfps, even if i have stopped to get excited in any ways if I get bfp. The excitement and hope only starts when the bfp is getting stronger day after day at least 3 days. and I would take pred if I had bfp at 10 dpo, but if I get a weak one 13 dpo i know it is doomed and pred taking would only mess nxt cycle up. I have not had a hopeful bfp for almost a year know. So maybe in addition to my other - immune? - peoblems i now have bad egg problems as well. I am not in any way disappointed, i have to say. Just accepting all this as part of my life now. I have decided not to renew any of my supplies, ov tests, supplements etc., when they run out...

Hi Jass. It is Easter here. Your eggs sound beautiful. I have got hot cross buns rising. The whole house is still asleep, and I will have to be the Easter bunny soon and put out the chocolate eggs. I am a bit concerned about the dog. I don't recall her looking for or eating the eggs last year, maybe we tied her up.I cannot remember!

Sorry that your bfp isn't getting stronger. I do understand that feeling when the line is there, but not nice and dark and convincing. You have been through this so many times, are you convinced it is a chemical? With the recurrent chemicals, do you feel more or less optimistic? I mean, I suppose it is good to know you are conceiving, but frustrating that they aren't sticky. Do you think it is the antibodies causing the chemicals, or older eggs?

I just re-read that you aren't taking the pred unless you get a strong bfp, so I guess it is not the antibodies causing the chemicals?

I am not sure how you feel, Jass, but to me it means you can conceive and it is just a matter of the right egg? I hope so. I hope it for me too.

DH will be away this week in the lead up to ovulation, so I am not even sure I'll get the opportunity. It really depends on when I ovulate, I have finger crossed for later ovulation. He'll be back day 12, so maybe it will be perfect timing. I am just trying to "go with the flow", no point in getting stressed about it. After acupuncture the other day I came away feeling so relaxed and happy and also had managed to convince myself I have nothing to worry about, I will get pregnant again and I will have a baby. I have no idea why I felt so certain, I don't feel that way now! However, I know stressing isn't going to help; I also know I am not going to do anything other than taking sups, looking after my body, eating well, exercising and having acupuncture - all which I would do whether ttc or not- so I might as well relax and see what happens.

Happy Easter Everyone!

another weak bfp. To convince me that I really have a chem, not a line eye or anything. On a 25 unit blue dye test today, as opposed to 10 unit pink yesterday. An internet cheapo (reportedly 10 unit test) is not moved at all by the pitiful amount of hcg in my pee. No AF and sore breasts accompanied with a foul mood and overindulging in food to complete my Saturday:-) Apart from that, painting eggs (me, oldfashioned with onion peels, kids with bright shop bought colours) and preparing pasha for tomorrow feels great. I really love big home-centered parties like christmas and easter (am not religious, so they are just family get-together things for me). i hope you are all having a happy easter!

Hi all, sounds like a few people have been having weird months this month. I've been lurking (in between dtd and obsessing about being preg), but had to post today because AF has arrived today a week early, and completely out of the blue! :( Pretty gutted.

Am going to try and get a GP appointment sorted out this month to talk about tests and options. Sigh.

Commiserations to those others who are out for this month, congrats to those who have had positives, and hopeful thoughts to those of you who are in the midst of the tortuous 2ww.

x

mattsmama,,one month is nothing. chin up and just learn more on your cycle, and try to find what suits you in this process. hardly ever any doc 's advice suits all women they advise similarily, only you know you and can analyse what is going on with you and what works/does not work/creates a real mess....

i am 12 DPO, normally by this time I have some brown gunk indicating Af. I am still taking b6, seems to give me a 14 day LP, even without agnus castus (went without this month as feaed it messed my ov rather than helped). Anyway, b6 seems enough to regulate my cycle for now. All bloody trial and error, no doc would have time to figure me out the way I can myself. thats life's unfortunate fact we need to accept, afraid. i did get a faint bfp this morning though, so later AF may be because of chem. it is far too weak for 12dpo to be taken seriously, but it may be putting off the AF,on the other hand. I am continuing with progesterone until i see brownish discharge, just in case, but for this line i will not no pred, as it really really messes up my cycle and does not sustain pg. This a new type of chem if it really is - no light bleeding so far, normally a drop if red indicates it is doomed around 12dpo, even if hcg is then still going strong. this time, no strong hcg, but also no bleeding. every mc or chemical pregnancy is obviously different, even if its your ... i do not know, umpteenth:-) i have stopped counting, frankly. Which is good, as chem for me is almost as often as just AF for normal persons. had to write it all off, sorry for rambling;:-))

Thanks ladies so much for your advice xx. Something is definitely different this month - tonight AF turned up however very scant and brown (sorry far too much info) but this is so different for me. Usually af turns up and is quite heavy for first 2 days then tapers off so maybe the pred is starting to mess things up for me now. Anyway absolutely gutted that yet again another month goes by and it's not to be. Just so glad I can come on here and get much appreciated advice and sympathy from people who truly understand - thanks again xx

Mattsmama, defo do stop prednisolone after 14 days on it, otherwise you risk having to wean off it rather long term. Whatever happened to OV this month.
It is possible your body tried to ov several times, and you really ovulated late. But wothout temping it is impossible to tell. So, do stop pred for now, and next cycle do ov tests and temp. Bthw, pred messes some cycles up (mine, for example, and on pred thread there were others who only could take pred from bfp, othwise they stopped falling pregnant (even those who normally had bfp and suffered mc quite often). After stopping pred they resumed their bfps quite soon. Me too. So I then trid a few times with pred from bfp, but it did not work. But if your next cycle shows your ov is doing weird things, it might be you cannot take it from ov. Personally, i prefer not to - the effects of long term 2-week pred/ 2 off lifestyle can be devastating. Adrenal fatigue is terrible!

mattsmamma, hopefully Jass will be along with words of wisdom as she's been on Prednisolone for a while.
Sorry you haven't had a +, but it sounds possible that you may have ovulated later than you expected, which would mean that AF (or + test) would be later than expected too, which may mean you are testing early. Do you temp? It is really helpful in pinpointing ovulation where the opks cannot tell you if you have ovulated, rather it tells us that we are having a surge and we may ovulate soon afterwards. However we can have a surge followed by a later surge (which can be indicated by opks that are positive over several days, or patches of ewcm). It is only when we've had the temperature rise for three days in a row that we can be sure of ovulation. Unless you are having ultrasound monitoring. Pity we can't do it ourselves at home (ultrasound) ...So perhaps you should keep taking the pred? In case you ovulated later. The pred won't stop AF will it?

Calibee, swim and acupuncture were great. My TCM lady said my pulses were very good, and said day 6 was perfect timing to stimulate the ovaries. When I told her I might have been pregnant again this month, but it wasn't to be, and said that I'd still like to "hit the jackpot", she reminded me that I already had with DS, but that there's still a possibility as I am very healthy. Obviously my eggs aren't as healthy I'd like them to be otherwise I would have had a baby 2 years ago. However, I'm not giving up yet. As I was saying to my sister, if there's a golden egg in there the only way to find out is to keep ttc.

Anyway, I came away from acupuncture feeling very relaxed which is nice.

CALIBEE - you know I am really a bit confused with my ovulation this month to be honest as I used opks and got one positive on day 11 (clear blue digital - positive smiley face). I am on the pred thread too as I have NKC and m/c issues so started my steroids that week 3 days after the positive. However on day 15/16 noticed more EWCM (sorry tmi) and tested again out of curiosity and got another positive?? So could I have ovulated again a few more days after this? I am going by when I would expect my period which is usually pretty much on the nail 28 days (tomorrow). Tested again this am and bfn : ( Not going to test now till AF late but can only take steroids up to 14 days if not pregnant and that is today so not sure what to do x

Thanks gum for your input on temps. I had a rather more modest 36.56 this morning, so back to normal po temps. I have just registered for the fertility summit. It looks very interesting.
Acupuncture and swim sounds lovely.

jass sorry for the bfn...do you always get a bfp at 10dpo?

mattsmama how many dpo are you...could it still be too early??

calibee, that is wonderful news about the IUI. As for temps, I still temp whether I've had a restless night or not. I think it can make a bit of a difference, but if that's what you are working with, then it will do. That's a nice big temp jump - a good sign perhaps? Clomid may also do something to temps, but I couldn't tell you what.

Sorry it wasn't to be for you this month, Jass.

I've just signed up for this free fertility summit here if anyone else is interested. I don't know how much of it will be helpful (I almost feel I have exhausted all the info out there,and seem to hear a lot of repetition, but who knows, maybe there will be a little something that helps?

I have acupuncture today which I am looking forward to, and a long swim beforehand, so I will have a nice morning I think.

hey,cme back with slightly changed name as well - had to rejoin due to deleting my e-mail account used for mumsnet access:-))
Calibee, great news on IUI! I thonk they accept you as a special case as you have to manage your husband being away often!

10dpo bfn. AF due Friday, on to next cycle.....

I'm back as MattsMamma (albeit slightly different spelling)! Thought it would be less confusing but now no so sure lol!!

Day 26 and negative fmu with first response : ( Although my nipples still mega sore (normally just sides of boobs when af due) I am trying to be realistic - deep down thinking its not my month again but hoping beyond hope it is. Next two days will tell!

Calibee - that is great news : )

Hello all

Excellent news my end.....came home from work yesterday to a letter giving the go ahead for IUI. Consultant said he would discuss more in our review appointment (no idea when that will be however). Call me pessimistic, but I sense a "but" in the toning of the letter.

Thanks for your input on supplements gum...I will maybe take another look at the Ubiquinol. I just begrudge the cost of some of these things. I could easily throw over £100 a month on ttc. Of course it would be worth it to get a take home baby, it just all seems such a lottery.
So its off to work for me today. I did an extra day yesterday to attend an induction day.....zzzzzz. Dh is home for the Easter holidays and currently snuggled up in bed, which is very hard to leave.

Do any of you ladies have trouble with temps due to constant waking at night? I swear I wake just turning over sometimes. Last night I saw the time at 2, 3:30 and 6am before waking at 7am. I can usually see a tempshift in my charts but wondered if it sometimes contributes to the spiky temps I get at times. I have crosshairs at cd16 and today (cd20) my temp jumped from 36.45 to 36.86.

Hi ladies.
Calibee, it is lovely to hear from you! I am glad the clomid did the trick this month, I really hope this is the one for you so that you don't have to go through the IUI and frozen sperm, though it is an excellent back up plan. Your holiday to the carribean sounds wonderful.

Grizzer, that is definitely an upside - the champas - I would have liked a glass of something yesterday when we went out for lunch, but we went to an unlicensed cafe and had to drink water! I plan to have a nice big glass of white at some point. Probably when we catch up with friends over Easter.

mumof2, I am already planning this cycle. Clearly I haven't given up. Cali, I think it is true that the chemical pregnancy (and possibly another this month) has got me thinking there might be a chance, and if I don't try,I will never know. DH is going away early next week, which will be about CD 9 and 10, so he'll be back in time for ovulation which is a relief.

calibee, I just don't know about supplements. How can we tell what is 'snake oil" and what is genuinely beneficial? I do believe that IVF clinics try to prepare patients by prescribing high doses of CO Q 10 - up to 800mgs a day.Also, not just any co q 10 will do, it needs to be ubiquinol, which is a form that the body will take up better apparently. I've recently started taking something called ppq after reading that it is really good for egg quality.

The Zita West supplements sound really good,and I did try them for a month, but that are very expensive, and I really don't know if they are any better than a general multi? I think a lot of multi-vitamins don't really have enough of certain things when you are ttc. I have taken a pre-conception supplement (an Australian one - Blackmores) but when I asked my naturopath about it,she said the prenatal version (Blackmores pregnancy and breastfeeding) was better. So I take that one daily. I am willing to bet your Wellwoman sup is fine. My naturopath recently told me to take "methylated" B vitamins (apparently not all vitamins are equal), and she said (in an email) "N- acetyl cysteine can be a valuable addition for ovarian responsiveness and of course zinc as its such a critical part of hormonal health. Aim for some positive meditation or imagery daily, even 5 minutes can be really beneficial!"

I haven't bought any of the n-acetyl stuff or zinc, but I guess there is zinc in my multi.

I am on another ttc thread on an American site, on the first page here is a list of the sups everyone has tried. It is ridiculously long, but you may be interested

I am taking my DD's to see our GP today - the one who was so excited when I told him I was pregnant last time . I hope he doesn't ask in front of the girls, though I imagine he'd be discrete. My eldest DD has Ross River Virus, which is a long illness that makes you feel very tired and sick. Poor thing. There's no treatment, but today we'll get blood test results and see if there's anything we can do. It is a bummer for her to have this during her last year of school with tertiary entrance exams etc. My youngest has terrible period cramps month after month, so I want to see if there's something we can do. Poor thing, she's only 13, but every month is painful for her.

Seems I've written a novella, so time to say "bye". Have a lovely day

Grizzer comiserations re af :(. Its good. You can look for the little positives though....drinking champagne is a definate in my book.
Mumof2 this heartbleed thing on mumsnet just made the evening news. Every month I set myself the task of not testing before say 12dpo...I have yet to fulfill that task. The urge is just too strong for me.

Do any of you know of a good allround supplement? All I take now is a Wellwoman conception ( when I remember) . I have looked into Ovaboost etc and dabbled with COQ10 for a while, however I just find these "fertility specific" supps to be hugely expensive and could easily spend a small fortune per month ttc.

Hi Ladies - this is actually MATTSMAMA but due to the password reset I have had a lot of trouble resetting for some reason - so I have had to rejoin under another name!! Nothing ever straightforward where I am concerned!

So sorry AF arrived GUM and GRIZZER - that feeling of immense disappointment is just so horrible - if your like me you'll already be planning the next couple of weeks - onwards and upwards. I am still in the 2ww limbo - caved and tested today but bfn. I know it is too early but what the heck - still annoyed with myself for lack of patience. I really don't know what to think to be honest. One minute I am convinced I am pregnant - then the nipples don't feel as sore so I think I am not. Then I give them a prod and they feel sore again. Had on and off mild cramping past few days but then I had that last month : / The wait continues......

AF arrived for me too. Going to a wedding on Sunday so at least it'll be over & done with by then. I can also confidently down the champagne without any guilt. It's hard to deal with the monthly disappointment & I am constantly eyeing people pushing prams with ill hidden jealousy but a little perspective - took dd to get curtains for her room & obviously included a cafe visit in our trip. She sat for a few minutes & then announced 'some people don't have families.' I know she was referring to people sitting on their own rather than making some poignant statement but given the timing, it made me realise I am lucky that I have managed my mini family. She did follow it up with a 'why aren't I a big sister yet?' question later that day but I'm used to that now!!
Ooh Calibee liking the sound of the Caribbean. What a lovely distraction to look forward to.

Morning all.
Well this is my third attempt at posting. Two looooong posts typed out on my phone over the weekend just wouldn't upload, so I'm trying again on the laptop.
Gum I feel your disappointment. :( . Do you find that having got that BFP it gives you encouragement that the golden egg still lurks in there somewhere?? Your high tempscertainly sound encouraging.

Jbrd hows it going with you?? I hope things are on the up re. test results.

Hello to all those who have joined. I dont post so often nowadays, in a vague bid to lessen the ttc obsession that I find so easy to fall into lol.

We still haven't heard weather or not we will be passed for the IUI and semen freezing (for when DH goes on tour) however the clomid seems to have done its job this time and I am currently 2-3 dpo.

Some of the guys left for their leg of the tour last weekend, and watching the status' on FB of their wives has really brought it home to me that it will be me soon......dreading it with a passion. Work has ramped up for DH in the training period before going away, so he is working longer hours and away on exercise frequently, not great for BD timing. However this time we seem to have covered all the bases so fingers crossed.
I havent even had a sniff of a BFP since the mmc in January last year. I am slowly coming to terms with there maybe not being a baby. However it can be hard to look to any fututre plans as there is always that "what if".

On a brighter note we have booked our holiday back to the Caribbean for July so that I can finally meet DH's family. So excited. We are moving house mid June (still in NI but to another base) ..holiday 3 weeks later, then DH leaves mid August, so a busy Summer.

Thanks Diege. Yes I do think that the high temps is a good thing. I think I may have had another chemical as I was throwing away last week's tests and noticed that the one I did on Thursday morning actually had a faint pink line.

I am feeling quite fine now that AF is here. DH and I are in town having lunch after going to a funeral. Certainly puts things into perspective. One of my colleague's wife died after an awful battle with cancer. I know I have much to be grateful for.

The snake has probably gone into liberation as the nights are getting very cold (at least that is what I tell myself. Day are still warm though). I will collect plants after lunch. Food's on the table better go...