Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

Oooh good luck fireflies I can't believe your teeny baby is a toddler! You need to get some internet cheapies in so queuing in chemists isn't needed. Shame you don't live next door, I'm sure I still have a few lurking around
Gum sounds like your timing was pretty good - has ff given you a 'rating'?
I have to say - as purely a cheerleader - that dtd holds pretty much no appeal for me...that's awful isn't it? . I sort of like it when I get into it , but the thought of it feels like someone's asking me to climb a mountain in the rain after 24 hrs of no sleep, at 3am
I'm furiously waving the pompoms for everyone!!!

Hi Gum! Fingers crossed this is your lucky month!! Baby FF, or maybe I should say, Toddler FF is doing extremely well. He is little superstar - very happy and loving and extremely lively. I am knackered every night, but he's worth it!! We did some al fresco painting this morning which was great fun, and he also gate-crashed the local nursery's football training, and caught three pigeons while we were feeding the ducks, just to add to the fun.

No AF yet. I haven't POAS yet either. I will get some this afternoon. I tried this morning but they're all behind the counters here and I really couldn't take the embarrassment of having someone I know behind me. V tight-knit community round here so I know a lot of people one way or another. (not actually embarrassed about being pregnant, or wondering if I am, but am quite a private person in RL. Not keen to overshare unless I really know people.) I am a day late already, according to my usual cycle, but I wonder if things are just a bit mixed up and it's pre-menopause. I think my Mum's menopause was quite early too. She said it was just like the tap had been switched off, so I am quite paranoid about sudden menopause.

Rita you go ahead and share the gory details. Makes it more interesting. Now look, I didn't say anything about turkey basters... Impressed if your DP could fill one though!!

It is now pissing down here, so not in the mood for going out, but all this wondering and head spinning wondering whether it's our month is probably enough to make me brave the showers.

Thanks for sharing your story, FF, what a great result!

Gumblossom, we have sex regularly but I go for it like a nympho when I see the stretchy clear mucus in my knickers (far too much info, but what the hell)

FF, I couldn't entertain the syringe; I'd never be able to look at a turkey again...

Hello Fireflies, it is lovely to see you. How is baby FF ? Any news on the AF front?

Rita, are you having SWI (sex with intent) all month long, or sticking with the fertile window? I know Zita West and others recommend every second day just in case you ovulate early or late or something, but I think using a fertility monitor or just the OV prediction sticks can take away that awful feeling of "Must I have sex again? Sigh..."

Not that I am any shining example, as my sex only at fertile times hasn't yet resulted in the prize. However, I have been charting since April 2007, and can see the patterns of SWI on my pregnancy charts (there are five). Each time I got pregnant, I had had sex on ovulation day, either one or two days before and either 3 or 4 days before. Last time I got pregnant it was O day, 2 days and 4 days before. (Having said that, the patterns of intercourse are very similar all the other months too which didn't result in pregnancy )

This month I've only managed a couple of times, because I think I ovulated yesterday, and didn't DTD on that day, but did the day before and two days before that. So perhaps my timing isn't so great this time.

I had O pain the day before yesterday, then got a positive opk yesterday, but there was no way we were going to DTD as I have a fresh headcold, complete with very sore throat,and DH was very tired and had an early night (by himself!). Anyway a temp rise this morning means it was probably sometime between when I had O pain, and now (which means probably yesterday).

I tell myself if we can't find the energy to have sex, then how on earth do I think I'll have the energy for a newborn

However, I think the sperm may have survived long enough? Who knows, maybe I'll get a nice surprise? Where's there's life...

Yes, JassS, so do I. :-) It did seem pretty unbelievable at the time. It happened two weeks (or thereabouts) after the second round of IVF failed. And we only did it the once, fairly half-heartedly, just before he went to work, as the ov predictor (and a racy dream!!), said so!!!

I will disappoint you and admit to having taking so many supplements I was rattling. Also, some people have, anecdotally, wondered whether the IVF drugs kick-started something. I was actually undergoing tests for immune issues when I was preggers as it looked like the embryos weren't sticking for some reason. I've only ever been preggers once before though.

Rita I'm not sure what the real time was. I had a laparoscopy in the summer of 2010, during which the blocked tube was diagnosed, and had a light 'scrape'. (Sorry if TMI, but the gynae thought it was significant that I was having heavy periods, on the clotty side. A polyp was removed in the process.) He recommended starting IVF if no success 6 months after that. We did one in June and another in August and conceived in September. Honestly though, I am not sure that we were really trying that hard, nor that our timing was quite right so I can't really say how long we had been trying. I had been waiting, and mourning for the children I didn't think I was going to have for the best part of a decade though. We got married and then DP clearly didn't want kids. Thankfully he woke up and smelt the roses before it really was too late.

I read an article some time back that said that a blocked tube didn't equal 50% conception chances. Even if the egg is released on the wrong side, the receptors between the fallopian tube and egg mean it can travel to the open side. Wish I could find that article again. Have tried googling a couple of times but can't find anything. Must try harder. ;-)

Rita you could always take a break from shagging and get DP to fill a syringe. I am certainly tempted, esp as my fertile window seems to be moving close to AF. Could do with another day or two to recover!!

No sign of AF here, but haven't checked for a while. The PMS symptoms are there good and strong though so I don't hold out much hope, and I think I saw just the merest smudge of AF earlier.

Fireflies, how long did it take to conceive with one tube?

I'm so bored of sex.

Fireflies, I so like the stories of spontaneous conceptions by women otherwise deemed sub- or infertile:-) It confirms my belief that even if all medications and interventions have failed, no amount of chinese medcine or food supplements has given results, one day it may simply just happen because you had some unprotected sex!

yep, my AF turned up and is almost over, next week II half is the shag period, I guess.

Yes, you did read right!

Did someone say 'blocked tube...?'

So tempting to POAS... Haven't got any in the house. But am going to Boots this afternoon. Or well, I could pass Boots if I plan accordingly....

Just barging back in after a bit of a break. Well, I just couldn't be bothered to reset my password after the Heartbleed excitement. How lazy is that??!!

Currently waiting for AF to turn up. Should be any second now! But, of course, secretly hoping that all the blindingly obviously PMS symptoms are in fact early pregnancy symptoms. I didn't pick up on ovulation though this month so not sure what that means. Hopeful that ovulated before testing (I use the Clearblue monitor) and that we DTD in good time. I would expect early ovulation to mean shorter cycle, in which case.... It's not quite agonising waiting, but is close on it. Have had lots of distractions these past few days so haven't been able to completely obsess.

Hope everyone else is all good. I guess I should hang around a bit more and get to know all you newbies. . Here's a bit about me: I've been here on and off since 2011, am 44, DS, nearly two, is sleeping like an angel at the moment. I have a blocked tube, x2 failed IVF cycles, DS was a 'spontaneous' conception.

Well, that's taken my mind off it a bit. Will go and do some more idle surfing housework. FFxx

jassS, I am a bit like you. I don't say much about it at all. Some of my close friends know that I've have my first two miscarriages, but since then I've said nothing. They know I'd love another, but I don't actually discuss it. My parents don't know anything about it. My mother would make it all about her somehow, so it is better left unsaid.

So Jass, did AF turn up for you?

I was surprised to find that I had ovulation pain yesterday - CD 12. I suppose that means ovulation is happening, happened yesterday, or is imminent? I did an opk yesterday which wasn't quite positive. It doesn't really matter, because I have had SWI last night and two days before, I will do another opk tonight.

Even if I only DTD once around O time, I am happy, it means I am in with a chance, albeit a slim one, still a chance.

How's everyone else going??

Hm. i never tell anyone IRL that I am still trying. I told my mum when we started out the quest for number 5, but She acted so stupidly around my miscarriages that I stopped telling her that we still did. I can not tell my daughter who is 25 and soon ttc herself, in order to not scare her. A few real life friends know and my secretary at work (well, someone has to cover when you get this your hcghasnotrisen again phone call), but I have to say I have got 0 negative reactions. True, some may secretly think I am crazy, but as far as they are kind enough to not say so I really do not mind! 2 years ago my then 19 yo DS1 found accidentally a positive pg test and inquired about it, but told him it was a neg with a drying line on it. Was worried though that he could recognise a hpt test and read it - even weak line - from afar. Why does he know all this? Well, its his business, so....i did not tell him my business of all these mc. Will maybe tell in 10 years time, when it will not be acute sadness so much!

Fatty, it never ceases to amaze me how rude people are, and they feel they have any right to comment on your reproductive status. It makes me .

I know exactly how you feel. All my mates are glad to be heading towards an empty nest, or getting the teen years over and some of them are grandparents. But,like you, I still want to be a mum to another baby. Just ignore the looks of disbelief and look forward to telling them when you are pregnant. Now that's a look I want to see when It happens for me.

Do any of you/have any of you gotten those...'are you stark staring bonkers' looks (or even comments) when you tell them you want or ar trying for another...and youare over 40?

I find it really rude tbh...like people coming out and saying you are past it.

I havent told anyone we're trying for that very reason. My eldest is almost 21 and everyone thinks I should be looking forward to being a granny... but im not done being a mum yet!

Good luck with OV then!

No jass, definitely not over ttc! Wish I was. But the last few days I have felt more determined - or should I say, more desperate than I have in a long time. I know I must come to terms with it all, and I am in my own way, but a few thing just keep that desire bubbling away.

For example, I took DS to a birthday party last weekend and two of the mums were pregnant. I felt that pang of envy. So wishing it were me with the bump. Then, at the wake yesterday, there was a little one toddling around - so adorable, just wanted one of my own. Then today, at another birthday party and a mum there had her 9 month old. He was fussy and teething, but it did nothing to cure my broodiness, I just wanted one of my own.

So, I'm ready for ovulation time, giving it my all.

cute, Gumblossom! I am sure these pics are nice memories now and help to be more or less over ttc, even if not given up!

Hello Diege, lovely to hear from you.

Yes, I will "just do it", but not tonight. We've been to a wake and DH has drunk an awful lot of red wine, and he's not at all attractive right now!

We were at a wake of a friend's father whose funeral was today, but actually in Scotland (Scoraig). It was quite amazing to skype the family in Scoraig from our corner of Australia. Technology is incredible.

We just had a feed of lasagne and Nigella's chocolate cloud cake for DS's birthday dinner. He's such a sweetie: he was so pleased I'd made lasagne as it is his favourite. I am full as a goog now. Might go and stretch out on the couch...

Here's a picture of my DS (the birthday boy) with his baby brother - not very recent, they're both about 5 years older now.

As with most things in life Gum just do it . Your dh won't question the waning enthusiasm as the month goes on; if he's anything like mine he'll just be grateful .
I have been reading the thread when I'm up first thing in the morning and will try and keep popping in to wave my pompoms. All is good here. Ds3 (dc6) (who I had at 43 for those who don't know) is 7 months now and a little chunk. He is quite a serious baby but has lots of chuckles too, esp when provoked by his siblings which he adores. Ds 1 (age 4) is especially good with him which has come as some surprise!
Thinking of you jbrd and hoping you can find some answers over the next few weeks
Love to all, and a big hello to the newbies - this is the best thread on Munsnet

Sorry Grizzer. Are you having a nice glass of wine to make up for the lack of bfp? Hang in there, maybe next month will be the golden egg you've been waiting for.

Rita, sorry to see you go so soon. But if that's how you need to do it, I wish you all the best. I know being in a support group can fuel the obsession, and I tried to bow out for a while (but I'm an addict and couldn't stay away ). For many of us the thread offers support whilst going through a difficult journey.

I can see how the "stats" on fertility friend may have felt a bit negative, but to me it shows that you can get pregnant with one fallopian tube over age 42, and although the average time was 24 months, that doesn't mean it will take that long for you.

It's a weird thing, but I thought for sure I wouldn't handle going this ttc thing for years. I also thought I wouldn't have to. I was always Mrs Fertile Myrtle, getting pregnant whenever I wanted to. Well, this ttc over 42 has been an eye opener for me, and I think it's been really good for me too in a lot of ways.

TTC for a long time, and experiencing losses has:
*helped give me perspective on how easy I had it before
*allowed me to appreciate how difficult it is for many women
*helped me realise how lucky I have been to have five healthy children
*introduced me to some really wonderful women online
*given me the opportunity to know my body better
*given me the gift of acupuncture, which I would never have looked into without ttc
*given me a glimpse of what it is really like to experience loss, to now understand how it feels to lose a pregnancy, something I really had no inkling of before, which I think has given me compassion that I never had before.

What it hasn't given me, though, is a baby. But I think I can live with that. As long as I know I do what I can to get the sperm in the right place at the right time, I can live with it.

Speaking of which, I am a bit that I haven't had sex with my DH since ovulation time last month. It is terrible, I know, and not done intentionally - I have just been so tired and busy. I wonder if that is why less "older" women get pregnant (not the ones ttc, but others), not just due to waning fertility, but just because they don't have sex as often. I so wish I had more energy for it. I'm CD9, so must try to get my passion on, but with DS sick and keeping me awake at night, plus all the other commitments, I fall into bed and fall asleep so quickly!

Any suggestions (besides, "just do it"?!)

I hope you are all well this weekend. I have DD's netball game this morning (I'll have a lovely swim in the first half of her game), then I have to make a cake to take to a wake this afternoon, plus a cake for DS who turns 21 today . If you'd told me, when he was born, that I'd still be trying to have a baby when he turned 21, I would have told you were completely loopy! Ha, ha, but here I am....

AF for me. At least the waiting is over & on to the next month x

Hmm..I found a site called Fertility Friends and searched for women over 42 who have conceived with only one fallopian tube. There were five They took an average of 24 months to conceive If it is going to take this long to get pregnant I am not going to fuel the madness by joining ttc forums or charting ovulation. Either I will get pregnant having sex during my fertile window or I won't, but throwing obsession into the mix will only bring me sadness and frustration, I reckon.

So, thank you for the welcome, ladies, but I will bow out here. I wish you all health, happiness...and a baby!

Hi everyone.

Congratulations mozza . It is so nice to hear that baby Alice has arrived. It is good to her she is feeding well, and is a good size. Keep us posted on her progress.

mumalah, so hear of your DH being ill and in hospital. I hope they can find out what is wrong and sort him out.

Hello, Fattyfishwife and welcome. I'm in a similar situation to yours, though I am older. My eldest child is now 23, and others are 21,17,14 and 5. I'd dearly love one more to make it 6, but there isn't much I can do other than keep trying.

Ds's cough has gotten a bit more barky and his nose is very snotty, so I am at home today with him. It is good, I've had a chance to tidy up and put on some laundry, which makes life a bit easier to cope with.

Thought I'd have a go at this thread....Hellooooo!! Im FFW, 43, married, and mum to 5.
DS 21, DD 17, DS 14, DS 11 and DS 4

We are TTC number 6 at the moment. I put it off, saying 5 was enough as people had/have such horrid/shocked/disbelief reactions to saying I wanted more, and it put me right off.....

I always knew my family didnt feel complete, but I'm a terrible wuss at rocking the boat and I worry if people think bad/less of me, so i pretended that I was happy to leave it at 5......but after my mum needing and having unexpected, urgent heart surgery I decided that I didn't want to wake up one morning when it was too late, full of regret for something I wished I had done, and with my kids only having one grandparent (my mum) it really put things into perspective for me, and we decided to go for it.

Came off the mini pill in mid Dec 2014 and have been TTC since then with no contraception, sex about 5/6 nights a week, but still no luck as of yet. A bit disheartening ( I keep having to remind myself that Im not in my 20s any more and a lot of my eggs are probably hard boiled by now which is why, tonight, I decided to have a look for some like minded women on a forum to share/swap experiences with or just to lurk, and realise im not alone in this, and im not odd, or abnormal, or downright mad as a box of frogs as some people think I am.

so that's me in a nutshell for my first post :) I don't know how regularly I will be able to post, but I will try to pop back as much as I can....so please don't think Im ignoring you if it takes a day or two to reply or acknowledge your post.

If you want to know any more, just give us a holler!