Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

I can't go much faster than this, Jass!

Greedy and Probably, welcome! I think Greedy if you indeed want another one, you need to move fast!

Probably, barely 40 is nothing. Your doc is right. good luck!

Fireflies, I am going north, to Estonia. I am Estonian, in fact. Hence my probably not so natural English.

Hello everyone I know I'm a bit early (not 40 for 4 weeks) but could I possibly join you a little early? I'll behave myself I promise! If not I'll just lurk in the corner for another month!

I already have 4 boys (17, 15, 13 and 11) with my exH but now my DP and I have decided that we really want a baby together. I had my implant out this morning and we're rolling up our sleeves ready to try!!

I'm concerned about my age but my GP has told me that my age is almost young these days and not to worry about it! I like my GP a lot!!

Hello, I'm almost 43. I had a baby recently - eighteen weeks ago - and want another one (hence the username). Can I join, please?

Mmmmm, banana ice cream sounds good jassS. So does relaxing by the sea. Where are you going?

i just made banana ice cream for meself while watching le tour. scorching here as well. have to get through a work dinner tonight and then off for hols, check in all done and taking off 5 in the morning tomorrow:-)) Home soon after lunch - i hear the sea in my ears if i think about it now, and i mean hundreds of kilometers of the seaside for 1 million people - pure bliss, no crowds really if you bother to go a bit away from the plages of the capital and touristy towns!

Hello All!

Who's melting in the heat??!! It is bloody hot here and tomorrow's supposed to be even hotter. DS made my heart melt as he nodded off in the pushchair on the way home this morning whilst sucking an ice lolly. Awww. Then he woke up and cried when I leant over and bit the top off!! Still, he is currently fast asleep and I am not waking him up as I am sure getting him off to sleep tonight in this heat will be a nightmare until later on anyway.

Gum and Jass thanks for the sympathies and top tips on B vits and Agnus Castus. I am taking lots of the former, but haven't added AC to my list. Think I will as lots of you have good things to say about it. I guess that, as I am only a few weeks into taking the whole great list of supps I should be patient. DS was conceived 3 months in, and I have heard others say you need about 3 months worth before it really kicks in. So I will try to stay calm and not stress.

V impressed with your resolve to declutter, Gum. Honestly, I would flog anything you can. You probably won't want a mouldy old stroller either if you do have another baby. You'll find the cash if you need it! Give it a good wash and put it on Gumtree! Spooky what your little one said though.

I am going to start doing the same with any toys for DS which I didn't like at the time. I can't bring myself to get rid of any clothes yet though unless I don't like them. V diff to find the time though when we are constantly going away for a few days at a time looking after DFIL.

Jass keeping my fingers crossed for you still!

Hi to everyone else. Time for another ice lolly I think!!

Gum, all baby blankets in our house servve later as play blankets and outside sitting-on-the grass blankets:-) I still have my own from 1970, i use it for ironing table cover:-). mine was 100% cotton.

I have given away most of my stuff, incl. prams etc. It does not seem to help....
My youngest insisted there must be at least one more baby left in my tummy for quite some time, even if he could not know of our difficulties. But i very much believe those under 7 feel things and know differently than grown-ups do.....

Jass, anyone else, without your background of multiple miscarriages, would probably be feeling hopeful. I know I would be. I hope the wait isn't too long and that you have answers soon. I also hope for a happy outcome for you.

Green, did you do your other CB digi test?

Grinch, JustPick, how are you feeling?

Well, I cleaned out the linen closet, took all baby things (bar the leather recliner rocker which I will keep whether I have a bub or not, it was expensive and is so lovely, I'll use it for the grandkids ).

So I've taken down the basinette and baby bath and photographed them, not sure what to do next - gumtree maybe? I listed the baby swing, mobile, cloth nappies and sling on ebay. Sigh...It is easy enough to get these things again. All the baby blankets are going to the thrift shop (apart from DS's special one, which he still snuggles with).

Part of me feels good about getting the clutter sorted, but another part of me feels really sad at not having the baby things anymore, when I'd still love to have a baby.

One funny (weird) thing happened last night. DS crawled onto my lap and said, "Are you pregnant mummy? Do you have a baby inside your tummy?" [melt] I told him, no, just ate too much dinner! Then he wanted to hear all about when he was born and played at being a helpless baby for a while. Perhaps he has a 6th sense... More likely that I am a bit too round around the middle!

Firelflies, sorry to hear about your FIL. Such a difficult period.....

I also stand by agnus castus and b6 vitamin to lengthen the LH. Mine went from 9 to 12-14 within months.

i do not plan to get a beta here in luxembourg, as it means visit doctor - get prescription - pay 20 euros ( plus doctor' s bill obv). I will leave for home country friday where you can just turn up for a beta and get it for 8 euros (less than a cost of clearblue digi). I had another strong positive today, dug out my last pg test gallery when i did betas and the line seems to correspond to sth. around 600 units. Which is not hopeless for 4w5days at all, apart from the fact i almost lost the line for two days.... I tend to try and enjoy the pregnancy, even if I know chances are against me. I feel positively pg - sick in the morning, sleepy, hurtful boobs etc. I know blighted ovums do this, too. But I have not felt so pg with any of them, also I have no spotting at all since 13dpo, so it is different. hut each mc has its character as does every pregnancy, of course. Plan is to stick head in sand and only do blood test at 6 weeks, i.e. Friday next week. I save one cb digi for that day, if it says 3+ by then, i will go for a blood test. Unless i start bleedign before, of course.

Fireflies, sorry to hear about your FIL. Sounds rather similar to mine. At the moment DH is busy trying to find a nursing home for him as MIL isn't up to looking after him and we think she's showing signs of dementia. God this ageing and rapid decline is sad and awful.

Sorry to hear that AF turned up, and made you sick and was early! How dare she do all that. Bitch! I wouldn't worry too much about a LP defect at this stage unless it happens every month, especially as you are still breastfeeding which is part of the equation, I think. I think if you have gotten into a routine with BF and then baby has extra feeds, for whatever reason (not well, not sleeping, teething etc) it can send mixed messages to your body.

B-complex is very good for lengthening the LP I believe. Or Agnus castus.

I had acupuncture yesterday which was very nice, though I felt she left me too long on the table - I think I lay there for almost an hour. I wonder if she'd maybe forgotten me Anyway, apparently my pulses and energies where very good. which seems to always be the case when I am on holiday. I wish I could maintain this feeling, but it is difficult to do so when you are super busy and with that comes stress. She believes stress causes many problems with our health, and I think she thinks it affects my ability to conceive. I am not sure I agree. I really think my inability to conceive a thb is all down to my age, as I managed it over and over in my 20's and 30's whenever I wanted to despite the stress of work and kids. In fact I conceived my DD at an extremely stressful time, when I had three kids aged 6 and under, we were building a new house, I was working full-time and we were ferrying the kids to a school miles away from our work and the other one to daycare. I remember it being highly stressful, and bingo! Dd was conceived because I felt a twinge of ovulation pain and had sex, and was pregnant. I was 34 at the time.

I didn't even know what an OPK, LH, AMH, LP, etc etc was. Ah how times have changed

Jass, I am really sorry you are going through this tumultuous time. I have an inkling of how it is, to have those tests, light, then dark, then light...for me it was always a sign of miscarriage, however, with the digi saying 2-3, I would feel hopeful. Have you considered getting a beta blood test? I think you know better than anyone, including doctors, what's going on in your body. I hope you can have some peace, either way, soon.

It's already Wednesday of my last week of holidays I have had a lovely time, not doing too much, but having time to do things if needs be. Today the plan is to clean out my linen closet which is more a storage facility for everything, plus a bit of bedding. However, it has baby things in there, and I honestly don't know what to do with them. I have listed a couple of things on Ebay, but I don't really want to sell the basinette attachment for the pram, or the beautiful leather rocker recliner I splashed out on for DS. HOwever, they are taking up valuable space that I need in order to tidy up the clutter...I also have a lovely stroller, but it has gotten a bit of mould on it and I know that a mum isn't going to want that for their special little one. I just don't know what I'll do with it all. I'll probably just transfer it into DH's workshop, which will not thrill him - he'll just want to be rid of it. I suppose it is symbolic of giving up ttc. Which I am not totally ready to do just yet.

Maybe if I get rid of the stuff it will be "Murphy's Law" and I'll be upduffed as soon as they're off the property...

JassS so sorry to hear about the roller coaster of a time you're having. I am keeping my fingers crossed that you are wrong about the dips in hcg and that you're not heading for another mc.

Diege hello. Nice to see you again. I think you managed to slip in another DC while I wasn't looking!! 6??!! And as for nicking 'Toners & Shaders' !! Took me back a bit!!

Gum thanks for asking. Damned AF showed up last week, and only on day 24 or so, so I think that is suggesting a luteal phase defect as ovd on day 14. Need to look into that. OMG, I felt sick as a pig with PMT. Could barely do anything that day. It was like being preggers - I felt pretty sick and had a horrendous headache. Even DH got his hopes up.

Hope this is a good month for you in the end, Gum. Sounds like you had a lovely time with DD too. I am looking forward to taking DS to festivals. He's still a bit young yet, but I will have a great excuse when I am really old.

DFIL is desperately ill so we have been caught up sorting him out and trying to make his house a bit cleaner/more hygienic for when he can come back home. No wonder the poor chap had such a sudden decline. Turns out he has at least three different types of cancer. I can't believe he's managed so long as it is. On the upside, DS gets to spend lots of time visiting Granny and Grandpa, so that is nice for the three of them.

Waves to the rest of you. Am exhausted so will try and catch up with you all better soon.

Gum, I am still feeling tortured:-) because even if I know I almost lost the line last week it has now come back and I have not been even spotting. (I did before my first positive test and I never have had a positive outcome after getting bfp with "implantation bleed". ). I know I have miscarried and the reason I now have rising hcg is blighted ovum being left over and it tends to grow a bit longer. But i got a really strong line today, 22-23DPO and clearblue said pg 2-3. This is the torturous part of it - I know there is no living baby because of hcg drop which lasted several days, I have had this to happen several times, I know there is no hope, but I hope. I think like if I were a normal person I would have maybe done a test or 2 last week mO-tue, obviously had a Pg1-2 on clearlblue. today, 8 days later - very reasonable - clearblue said 2-3. A normal person would assume this is a sticky bean, wouldn't she? So, even if I know that I am not normal and have monitored very closely what is going on, I have this unhelpful hope. I know it will only be a blighted ovum if the hcg keeps going and gets to 1000, I may get to see this on ultrasound. there can be no baby. But then I read misdiagnosed mc site and there are, among 1000 stories maybe one or two where hcg was fluctuating under 1000 and it ended well. So, you know very well how hopeless hope feels. I am somewhere in this land.

I hope your OV indeed was late and this is your miracle month.....

Hi Everyone.

Now I am confused. I am sure I had achey ovaries last night, and I still have a residule ache on the left side. Does that mean I ovulated last night? My temperature has also risen this morning, though yesterday it was higher than the previous weeks temps (all last week, nothing over 36.20, yesterday 36.31 and today 36.51).

Oh boy, just when I thought I'd have a non-tww and a peaceful time

There's no way I will not be hopeful this cycle.

Jass, how are you feeling?

Diege, I meant to say in my long post, that I hope going back to work full-time isn't too hard, but speaking from experience, having a bunch of kids (and mine are much older than yours) and working full-time is really hard. Is your DH handy around the house?

Unfortunately my Dh is not and it is a bone of contention between us. There's no nice way to put it - he's lazy when it comes to anything domestic, and over the years it has been an issue, but I have learnt to bite my tongue. However, I am so sick of him playing bloody Kingdom Age on my ipad while I vacuum, do the laundry, organise the meals for the week and do the shopping online. I got so angry yesterday that I deleted the games off my ipad, then hid it! And when I go out today I am taking the damn thing with me. He'll probably do it on his phone instead, but I will no longer be an accessory to his addiction

When I talk to him about how the balance of domestic duties is unfair he always agrees and promises to try harder, but then falls into the old patterns. I'm getting very close to employing a cleaner, but I wanted to get the credit cards paid off first. Sigh. Yesterday my washing machine stopped working, so now I have to find some money to buy a new one.

OMG! Sorry! I started asking after you, Diege and have talked about myself.

So, how is it, working full-time?

Fireflies??? What's going on? Have you tested, or did AF turn up?

Green, could to hear your lines are doing what they need to do! Digis of course are the real hardcore test for whether you are moving in the right direction. i think if your lines are more or less equal on most tests with control line you are around 600-800 units of hcg, and when test line gets darker than control you are definitely over 1000:-) CB digi goes to 2-3 weeks from 200 and 3+ at 2000. It is aof course OK to moves lower up than CB thinks you should, it is based on averages after all!

Green, it sounds like everything is progressing well. How lovely!

As for me, although I was away during ovulation (felt O pain on Friday, I think), we did have SWI on Tuesday. I wanted to have SWI on Thursday night too, but just couldn't muster the energy required after having several glasses of wine with friends! I suffered a bit on Friday for that, so now I'd like to swear off alcohol, my body just can't seem to manage it anymore.

Anyway, I took DD up to the city and we had a really lovely time. She is a darling 17 year old, really easy going, and we found a ball gown/dress in the first shop we went to. It is simple and pretty and suits her. What a relief!

We stayed in a lovely hotel in the water, ordered in Chinese and watched two movies in our pj's. Bliss! On Saturday I introduced DD to IKEA as she'd never been. Bloody hell that was exhausting! They ought to have exits along the way, it is a long walk through all the showrooms! Then we headed to another town, nearby, to see our friends. It was lovely to catch up with them and DD is staying there until Wednesday. I enjoyed the drive home alone, listening to the audio book "The Fault in our Stars".

Home now. Had SWI last night, just in case I hadn't already ovulated, but I think I may have. Amongst all that travelling and shopping, I didn't manage the thermometer or opk's. I did an opk when I got back, which was quite dark but not positive - so perhaps the tail end of the surge? I really don't know, my temperature is up a little bit this morning, so I think I have ovulated, but just don't know when it was.

Any thoughts?

I can live with that. I won't be holding out any hope, which hopefully means a peaceful tww that isn't full of "maybe"...

I am so sorry jass even when it might have been "expected" as you said hope has that way way of creeping in. Hope you are doing ok.

grizzer sorry AF came - onwards and upwards for next month.

Sorry to you may have missed your fertile period gum if there is a plus side to it - perhaps it might be nice not analyse symptoms for the next two weeks?? (Who am I kidding I would anyway - I remember taking a pregnancy test after my period had arrived just in case! .

Spotting has stopped here and feeling a bit rubbish - a bit like I am hungover - which I am choosing to take as a good sign! Boobs are starting to be a bit sore on the sides which I remember from my first pregnancy. Tests are still showing strong positives (thank god for internet cheapies) but I might use my other CB tomorrow as a treat . I am trying not to get too excited and hopeful in case it doesn't make it but that is hard to do....

Have to phone the clinic tomorrow and make an appointment for my 6-7week scan. it can't come soon enough really but I have to get through a weekend away with the in-laws and full extended family - there is absolutely no chance of people not noticing I am not drinking. That and we have friends over for dinner next weekend and that will be noted too I'm sure. Oh well - will cross those bridges when I get to them.

Xx

I am so sorry jassS. That is hard even if anticipated.
grizzled, sorry to hear about AF. Hope you have a relaxing month, sounds like you have a lot of good stuff packed into it.

Oh Jass, I am sorry to hear that. I was really hoping you'd have your take home bub.

Grizzer sorry to hear about AF.

I have just sat down to write all about my weekend, but I have just remembered I forgot to put vegies into the oven for the roast (Oh dear!)

I hope I'll get onto the computer tomorrow morning.

BTW, looks like I've completely missed the fertile window, so no tww for me this month.

Af has arrived. I'm looking on the bright side as I'm at a wedding on Friday & then having a week at Butlins & wine will be needed for the daily entertainment that is Bob the Builder & Angelina Ballerina! I am going to relax for a month while dh does his cycle to Paris & then start again.

So sorry Jass, I know you were half expecting this outcome but it doesn't make it any easier for you. Thinking of you x

And today it was clearly weaker. So, I am again miscarrying. Disappointment is not too intense, fortunately. Waiting for it to be over now...

Hope everybody is feeling great, no one is spotting any more! green, 2-3 weeks on 13 DPO is indeed high, it must mean a beat value of above 200.

My line today was more holding it than strengthening, but is not weaker neither. No dip in levels. If I get reasonably darker line over weekend will risk another digi. Another 1-2 now when i am into fifth week by any calculation would mean the usual, I think. Am sleeping, eating like a pg person, nothing else apart from an occasional tingle in breasts when I think about whether I have any feeling in them.

green the midwife told me that brown implantation spotting can be on and off for up to 12 weeks (she compared it to the blood coming away over time from a scab ). How are you feeling today? xx

diege I am exhausted just hearing about your life!! Lovely to you.

jass fingers crossed for you - there are no words I suspect but hope that this one sticks around - torture is the right word

grizzer aside from hoping I have an "normal "pregnancy I have to take progesterone/estrogen until the placenta takes over at around 12 weeks. This is because I didn't ovulate I have no corpus luteum they have to substitute it. A,so I will be monitored at the hospital due to the previous 2 miscarriages so I think I will get regular scans. The clinic scan me at around 6-7 weeks to check its a viable pregnancy before setting me loose into the NHS

The day I tested on would be the equivalent of 13DPO the clear blue conception indicator came up straight away with 2-3 weeks - so I have convinced myself that both embryos have implanted however yesterday I had some brown spotting. I am trying not to freak out as there is nothing I can do anyway except to continue to pee on every stick I can get my hands on and compare the lines and google constantly

The worry never ends......