About to start / Just started TTC no.2 (part 4)

Pleased works going ok hungry

I agree with the each to their own ethos when it comes to parenting, I just wish everyone else felt the same! I always knew that when I had children I wanted to be a SAHM while they were little, so it wasn't really on my radar to do anything else. I have friends who are SAHMs and love it like I do & I have friends who couldn't wait for their mat leave to end so they could get back to work, everyone's different and whatever works for you should be what you do.

I do hate the judgement I get from other women because I'm a SAHM though, it irritates me that other people can't accept my choice the way I feel is appropriate. People either suggest I'm lazy, prompting me to feel the need to defend myself & explain I had a fairy high power job in a bank, working 60+ hours a week not including the work I brought home, full of stress and still think some days being a SAHM is harder thus I'm not lazy! Or they say how mind numbingly dull they'd find it and go on and on about needing adult company etc, making me feel like I need to justify why I don't feel the same way. Or start asking how we can afford it! This comes from people I hardly know, it's just inappropriate!

I also think it's rude that some people feel like they have a right to express their opinion on this topic uninvited, especially when it's not a nice opinion. I'd never say to someone 'oh you work in such & such? God I couldn't stand that, it would drive me crazy, I couldn't think if anything more boring' it's just rude!!!

How's the nausea swede?

Hi all!

Quickie message while I'm at lunch.

It's going fine. I had a little cry when I left DD with DH this morning. She wasn't arsed though! Still isn't, judging by the photos.

She's just about to start crawling so is concentrating on that by the look of it! :-)

It's nice and quiet for me today, just easing me in. And I'm working at home tomorrow as they know there's no point dragging me in to do not much! Saves me the train fare and allows me to lie in a bit!

I think I'd feel a bit worse if DD was at nursery, but I'm not sure. We shall see come next time, I suppose!

Must remember to leave at 4.45 today as we agreed a shorter lunch for an early dart, so that'll be nice. :-)

Hi Loves - will you be a SAHM when the time comes then? I wish I had not gone back to work after having my DS but I tried it and now I know, so this next time I will be staying at home. At some point while on maternity leave I will need to hand in my notice but I'll do that much nearer the time. And Loves- I bloody hope DS is not still in my bed at 40, but the way it's going, you just never know! To be honest, I'm so tired at the moment and not sleeping well (as you never do in pregnancy) so I think I will give him a couple more days and I'll try him again in his new room at the weekend. I'm not going to give up.
Hungry - thinking of you today and hope it's going ok.

Hello - I'm definitely a firm advocate of there being no right way to do anything with children. Whatever works for your family, guess i'm sensitive about the nursey thing because I would love to be a sahm and that isn't on the horizon for me at the moment.

In that same vein mrs im sure it will all come good in the end, whats that one step forward two steps back! but still heading in the right direction he's not going to be 40 still in your bed!!

morerum do the crutches help with the pain? and hungry hope your enjoying work today and not missing DD too much.

I'm def on here too much but that's the main reason I put DS in nursery, so I could be a full-time mumsnetter !!!

Mrs, I'm sure the sugar is fuelling the wriggling! Lovely sensation though. :-)

I'm getting wriggles now too. And protests if I bend over! Funny.

5.30am is bloody early. I've not missed the 6.58am train, I can tell you. At least it's only this week.

I think DD and DH will have a whale of a time without me! :-)

Thanks Ginger, hope you are right about DS and the sleeping situation! And I hope you are feeling a bit more positive and relaxing about TTC and just have the faith that it WILL happen for you really soon.
Hi Toothpaste - how many weeks are you? It is hard to keep up with everyone. I'm 26 weeks on Friday and my baby is a real wriggler too, but it's lovely. I have a real craving for sugar and sweet things at the moment, eaten nearly a full packet of ginger biscuits tonight straight after tea and baby hasn't stopped moving!

Yeh me too Engels! It was a quiet day at work...

Just a quick one to say good luck to Hungry for tomorrow, hope it all goes as well as it can for you, sorry I was asking the time of your app, with everyone saying good luck I thought you were going for another scan Struggling to keep up with all these scans and due dates, it was easier when we are all just ttc!!
Sorry bedtime didn't work too well again mrs, keep with it, as and when you feel ready. There's no point letting DS get himself into a state over it as you say, hopefully one night he will just ask to get in his big boy bed and find it a novelty.
Thanks toothpaste I so hope you are right, I need to just let myself relax about it all. How many weeks are you now?

Hi all I've been trying to catch up but so much happens on here! Ginger I just want to say I completely understand why you're feeling that way. So normal and I have two people in my life atleast who never thought they would have a baby and both have happy healthy babies now. The wait is the hard bit and finding ways to cope and enjoy life at same time is only way forward as it WiLL happen!! And for u cake!
Interesting here about all the travels. I loved travelling when I was young and fancy free. I hope to do more in the future. In fact we are taking ds to morroco in a month for a few days! Last holiday just the three of us.
Work has improved but having loved working three days I now just want to be sahm. Though I have to say by month 11 of maternity I was finding it tough. As someone else said there is no perfect solution. I think women have this amazing opportunity in life to have children and I wouldn't want it any other way but there are big compromises and sacrifices and it isn't always easy.
My bump is a real wriggler. Muh more than ds. Crazy baby on its way? We are trying to move house before the arrival but it's all going to be cutting it a bit fine! Off to watch one born every min...

Hi everyone, quite a bit to catch up on today! It's very interesting to hear about the different cultures and way of life for those of you living outside the UK. Me and DH would love to move to Spain one day... Well I didn't have a successful night with DS last night. As soon as I brought him up to bed he walked passed his room and into ours and when I took him back to his room he wouldn't stop crying and was inconsolable and seemed traumatised by the prospect if another night in how own bed/room. So I have in and let him sleep in our bed. I know that's a massive step back and very stupid but I can't have him heartbroken and there was no way he would have gone in that room. Same tonight (he goes up at 7.30pm so I'm giving him his bottle now). Not a clue now what I'm going to do! I've just left it too late.
Hungry - How are you feeling about tomorrow? I hope you have a really good day, I know it will be hard without your DD but hopefully you might enjoy it. Will be thinking of you.
As regards the child care issue, I agree with Morerum that it's a very personal thing and there's no right or wrong thing to do. We are all different and whereas some people love being a SAHM, some can't hack it and need to work as well for that work and family balance. It's whatever works for you. I personally didn't want to put my DS into nursery too young but am not against it when they get a bit older, I was lucky though that I was able to have 18 months off with him and then went back to work part time, 3 days a week but was lucky that my DH and my mum could look after my DS on those days. Personally I haven't enjoyed it at all, I loved work before my DS but I missed him and I now want to be a SAHM like Morerum says for a few years. I'm happy for my DS to try nursery when he turns 3 but totally up to him if he goes regularly or not. I think 2 or 3 mornings if he enjoys it will be fine. Everyone does what's right for them though.

I have been on here rather a lot today - half term!

I think everyone is different when it comes to childcare and there isn't a wrong or right. I plan on being a sahm for a few years then going back to work but that could all change as calling says goingvto work can be just the break you need (plus nobody stealing your lunch).
I was at physio today and I now have a lovely set of crutches! ill no doubt end up in a&e tripping over them! ive not got the best coordination
ginger fx with the blood test hope you get some positive results x
all of you travelling folks must have some guts im a right wee home buddy coyld imagine living so far away from my family, my dh would move away in a heartbeat but not me im a big feartie lol xx

You should be OK, Gingerbread, though it may be 5 or 6 DPO. But you can tell your GP when you get the results. I think you should be able to tell if you OV'd anyway. :-)

Very busy on here today. I've been engrossed watching DD trying to crawl today! She's very frustrated. I'm sure by the weekend she'll be moving.

And definitely worse for me than her. I'm not sure I could be a SAHM though. It's just the wrench of leaving her rather than really enjoying being at home!

It's really interesting to hear about culture and languages elsewhere. We will teach DD at least one foreign language once she's a touch older.

Right, stuff to do now. Busy, busy today!

Glad you feel you can trust us cake!
I work 3 days a week, sometimes I fantasize about throwing DD in nursery/preschool 5 days a week so I can go back and retrain and get a career, sometimes I fantasize about chucking in the whole working thing and stay at home making playdough and raising chickens...I don't think there is a happy medium! You just do what works for your family, as with everything. I always thought I wanted to be a SAHM with 4 children (ha) but during my mat leave I did start to go a bit crazy. Most of my friends are childless (through choice) and will probably remain so, so it's hard to socialise with them, I didn't/haven't really made any new or mummy friends through baby groups, so I do need work for the social aspect (even though I hate most of the people I work with!!) Work is definately a break for me too, although I wish I was I able to do something a bit more engaging/intellectual it's nice to be able to make a cup of coffee when I want, and sit and read my book on my lunch break.
Really interesting what you guys are saying about european parenting culture, I think it's excellent, DH would absolutely love to be a part time SAHD, and I think it's nice to be able to share in the childcare, and the workload. I wonder if that helps to make it a happier place to live than the uk? That and the sunshine probably...!

Rang the Drs earlier, they don't have another appointment for blood tests until a week on monday!?? What the actual fuck?? Why tell me to book in for day21 when I can't actually do that!! Bloody good job I already have an appointment next tuesday, so lets just hope doing them a day earlier won't scupper the results

I'm wondering the same thing. Sometimes I feel like I can barely cope with DS, let alone throwing a new baby into the mix.

I will freely admit that I go to work to get a break. Teaching teenagers is a piece of cake compared to dealing with one tantrumming toddler!

Aw thanks for the reply engels its the parenting thing I find most exposing for some reason. I would love to know the magic answer as I too wonder if I would be able to be a SAHM or if I could make PT work.
At the moment this is working but i'm excited by how another pregnancy could change things.

loves I actually tried to put DS in nursery for another day as I was going potty last year at home 4 days in a row with him over my long weekend (particularly the fact that I find it impossible to work at home since we had DS - quite a problem when you're a teacher) but nursery didn't have any more space and MIL said no to taking him for a day.

I wonder if I would be able to cope as a SAHM or if it would be better than part-time because I wouldn't be trying to juggle DS and work all the time.

It's the same here - no culture of SAHM and lots of part time for men and women. And I can imagine that being an expat, being a SAHM would be more isolating, unless you're in a bigger city with lots of expat groups. Most of my friends here are either through DH or my work. No mother and toddlers groups here either. My 'NCT' group is my MN post-natal group!

I get really frustrated that when DS is ill, I'm the one who takes time off (because I get a certain allowance in my job, whereas DH has to take holiday). That's why I've had to do work today and yesterday because I spent 2 of my working days off with DS after his minor op so couldn't get eberythign done. Can't believe I've wasted my 2 days off this week marking, but no other time to get it done.

It's so difficult to find the right balance - if anyone has the answer then please let me know!

Ah fuck it having deleted this from my post for the second time.......

I wrote this earlier then deleted it, was worried about being judged but you lot don't seem the judgy type ..........DS is in nursery full time (cue dramatic music) I struggled with it massively and was really quite down for months but he loves it always runs straight to the door when we drop him off (a backward glance would be nice once in a while but). There isn't a SAHM culture here it’s just not what you do, so no baby/ toddler groups at all and childcare is heavily subsidized, I actually heard a HV say to a SAHM in my 'NCT' she was damaging her children by socially excluding them ??!!!??? Its working for us because of the work/ life balance here so I finish work early every day and take as many child days as I need and have lots of holidays but my ultimate dream is PT ....... Sorry long post probably still trying to justify it to myself somewhat, the jist of it is DS loves nursery it’s me who had/ has the issues.

swede so sorry your feeling rubbish :( FWIW I don't mind hearing your pregnancy stories at all, just sorry nothing is making you feel better.

Ooh NZ that's where we had our honeymoon we loved it but the PIL would be devastated if we moved that far away I think they are a little miffed about Norway!

ginger CD13 ………not that I’m counting ……’whistling nonchalantly’

Oh swede sounds horrible. I was nauseous 24/7 with DS from 6-12 weeks. I lost weight too and couldn't eat anything with sauce (like lasagne or curry) - had to have all my food separate on the plate! But once I got to 12w I was fine and put on plenty of weight .

It's hard to keep up where everyone is I agree!

DH and I always speak English together at home, but he speaks Dutch to DS. If we are with his family then we will speak Dutch. I don't think Dutch will ever feel like a natural language for us to speak together (despite the family pressure, especially the older generation - yes MIL I'm looking at you!).

I would love to live in NZ ginger - if only it wasn't so far away.

I'm sure DD will be fine hungry. It'll probably be worse for you than for her!

Better I think DS has far more fun in nursery than he does at home with me! I think it's really important for him to learn to play with other children - not many SAHM's here so we don't do many 'playdates'. I don't know how I'd feel about full time nursery, though reckon DS would love it as they do so much more exciting things than I do with him. DH is home one day with him as well which is great (and another reason why I could never move back to UK as couldn't imagine us both working full time - it would make no financial sense for me to be SAHM, if anyone would stay at home it would have to be DH since he earns less but not sure how good it would be for his MH - he has depression and needs structure).

DS has been 2 days at nursery since he was 10 months (I went back to work 2 days a week when he was 4mo but they had no space so DH did one day and MIL the other) so he doesn't know any better. He's fine 95% of the time when I drop him off, but he has the occassional tantrum at the door, though this happens more now when I pick him up as he doesn't want to come home!

And also, trilingual will be fantastic for dd swede!!!!

Oh swede it's so miserable isn't it? Don't feel bad about complaining, it is awful when you have it that bad, it hinders everything. I really feel for you. Nothing worked for me the first time round so I can't offer anything helpful, literally nothing that anyone suggested made any difference. How many weeks are you now?

Hurrah for the smiley gingerbread I would only dtd tonight if you feel like it. If you don't, just do it tomorrow. Last night was a great time to dtd if you got your smiley today. And good for you letting the healthy eating slide, you're having a stressful time, no need to add to it by not indulging when you feel like it.

It's lovely that dd will only be with family while you're at work hungry will make it easier for both of you & nice for dh and mil too.

Oh Swede that is rubbish, are you actually being sick or just feeling it? have you tried any herbal remedies? I think B6 is meant to help, and obviously ginger. The only think that helped for me with DD was regular snacking, so maybe try and have some carbs or a mug of warm milk before bed to keep your tummy full throughout the night?
Trilingual is awesome! And all pretty different languages at that!

I am in a good mood today as I got a this morning, a day earlier than last cycle so that is good. Need to ring the doctors and book for my blood tests now, will I do it a week from today, so next wednesday for those of you in the know? (Hungry ) I have got them booked in alreay for day21 which will be tuesday, will one day make much difference?
Managed to dtd last night, wondering whether to go again tonight or wait until tomorrow night...I am actually feeling quite relaxed about it all this month, I feel like I've actually been able to give myself a break this month, if it wasn't for going for the blood tests I don't think I'd be counting out the days and using opks. I have totally gone off the rails with healthy eating as well!
Hungry hope you enjoy your day off today, at least going back to work now means you will have a better quality of life when the next one arrives, so you can enjoy them both even more. Excellent news on the 10 hours of sleep! Let's hope she keeps it up.
Better I am the same with nursery, I am dreading it but think the benefits for her would far outway any negatives or my struggles at letting her go!
Ooh Engels didn't realise your DH was dutch too, or maybe I have just forgotten that....it's hard to keep up! Do you think you will ever only speak Dutch at home if you plan to stay there? I think it's brilliant to teach kids another language from when they are little...I keep meaning to buy some french flash cards for DD. Your travel list is amazing! Bet you have some great stories to tell. My 'plan' was to have a family young, and then go travelling when they are older and grown up, but now we will just take DD with us and home school her until she is 8 or 9. I'm not sure where I'll magic the money from to do all that but it sounds exciting!
In the spirit of foreign husbands, mine is Australian, unfortunately not the tanned blonde surfer type though We will probably settle in Australia, or New Zealand one day, but would like to travel around Northern Europe, South America, Indonesia and Thailand, the list is endless really!
Thank you for the positive vibes cake I will indeed return the favour! What cd are you on now?
Hungry what time is your appointment?