If TTC # 2 has turned you into a nut job this thread is for you! (Part 4)

Hi ladies,
Just jumping on to let you know AF got me this morning Lost my chance now for an age gap of less than 3 years. Off to the doctors I go tomorrow....
Hope everyone is ok X

Oh fedup hurray!! So pleased for you! Sorry I didn't wish you luck or reply to you earlier on, I must have completely missed that scan news!

I am 9dpo today, but cd26, not too sure when to expect AF or when I will be classed as 'late' though. I think I might POAS in the morning, so I know whether or not to cancel my Dr appt on thursday! I have been trying my hardest to not symptom spot, but every twinge and cramp I keep thinking means something! I have been getting quite a bit of cramping though so I am expecting AF to make an appearance soon.

I've been doing quite alot of thinking the past few days after what you said, I do need to sort myself out really! I have taken a few fertility books out from the library and they all talk about fertility 'mindfulness' which is really something I need to concentrate on. I think I need to just calm down about the whole thing, and focus on getting myself as physically and mentally healthy as possible and take it from there really. It's all a challenging journey isn't it, but one we will all come out of better off I hope. DD has been so cute and funny recently, I just love the age she is at!

Nice that your neighbour is a friend too, none of our neighbours seem to be interested in getting to know one another!

I really hope all goes well for you this time fedup, you absolutely deserve it. 10 months ttc after a mc must have just been hell for you .

Where is everyone else at in their cycles? How are you all doing? We've been a bit quiet this week!

Just checking in to say I had a scan today and all in the right place... Plus a little flickering heart beat. I'm not out of the woods yet by any means but it's going in the right direction.

How are you all ladies?

When I read your previous post ginger I was thinking how much you sounded like me in 2013 so I'm happy to have been of some use!
I actually got pregnant straight away when trying for #2. But that was the one I had a mmc at 12 weeks. It then took 10 months to conceive again which I also lost just before Christmas.
And many times I was screaming inwardly 'I want a baby, why isn't it me tooooo' as I heard again and again of other peoples second pregnancies. People forget and just prattle on about their children and how hard it is with two when I would have given my right arm to be in their shoes.
Yeah. The neighbour does know about the mc and ttc struggles. She doesn't know am pregnant now though. On the whole she's understanding and a good friend about it so it's all good.

Having a month off will be good for you. Just good for the soul and the relationship to take the foot off the pedal a bit and shift focus to something else. My experience is that's when I get pregnant. Not saying you will but you might!!! We still had sex a few times in fertile window / when I saw ewcm. But way more successful that when I was using and trying everything and shagging non stop!

How is everyone doing? I think the rain is going to let up today so I'm excited to go outside!!!

Oh fedup thank you so much. Everything you have said is just exactly me! Sounds like you went through the same things last year as I'm going through now, so if nothing else your experience has allowed you to provide some supportive and useful words to me! What you say about ttc defining you is exactly how I'm feeling at the moment, I find it difficult to concentrate on anything, I hold no interest in conversations unless they are about babies/pregnancy/conception lengths and means, and everyone I speak to I just want to shout 'I want a baby, why can't I make a baby, don't you know I don't care about anything else!!' I don't even want to think to the future as it just scares and depresses me as to what troubles and more disappointment lie in wait.
But you are right, life is just too short and our DCs too precious to dwell. It just seems so unfair and it hurts so much doesn't it? How long were you trying for number 2 for before you fell pg?
I think I will give it one more month of using the smiley opks, then I think I will 'give up' for a little bit, as the few months after that will result in a december/january baby. I think we will just dtd twice a week, and make it more about fun than anything, and hopefully by trying to relax about the whole thing it will make it happen!
I like your suggestions for setting mini achievements. I am fed up of being miserable all the time, but I suppose only I have the control to change this.
I think it's really strong of you to go and visit the new baby, I suppose that is all part of the moving on process though too isn't it? Does your neighbour know what you have been through the past year?

How is everyone else doing tonight?

Ps sebs forgot to say that after my first mc and neg hpt I think I ovulated pretty much straight away or within a few days off (not via opk just body symptoms)

Second mc I had a neg hpt much more quickly and ovulated about a week afterwards which was about two weeks after heaviest day of bleeding. (It was like day 14 if I took that heaviest day of bleeding as cd1)

Hope that helps!

Me too cake if I get to 20 wks after the tearing of the last birth! But 20 weeks sounds miles away. Not registered with my doctor yet but will do if scan goes ok on Tuesday.
My symptoms come and go and I've got constant bloating that means I don't fit my jeans but I also had symptoms that took me to 12 weeks and a mmc so I don't believe them as a sign all is good.

Hey ginger - I'm not saying you need to do something dramatic like retrain or study but mini projects to keep your mind off ttc / give other sense of achievement may help (as well as bing mummy already of course!) like redecorating a room, clearing out a wardrobe, booking a nice holiday, cooking new cakes or whatever. It might not be that you were like me but I spent most of 2013 and second year of my sons life basically being miserable and obsessed with ttc. It was only in oct / nov time when I said f this, I want to be happy again, went to Barcelona and started studying that I felt better again. I also spent more time with ds. Not just physically there but more emotionally there as I had started to feel that i wasn't making the most of my time with him and he was getting older so quickly and I couldn't cope with being miserable for any more of it as he is so precious and potentially the only child I would have so why throw away that time pining for another. That was just how my mind worked through it and not saying you feel the same but there is some logic in there that worked for me. I just didn't want to my life to be focused and dictated by something that might not happen. Ttc had started to define me, And I didn't want that to be the case.
The desire for another would never go away, nor the sadness when I saw other siblings together... It was only yesterday that I went to see the new baby and the front door was flung open by their eldest dragging me and ds to come and see her little sister. She was so excited and so loving towards her it broke my heart that I've not yet done that for my son. I have a chance now in October but not holding my breath.

But the I look at my sister and her children beat their siblings up!!! Just to put another perspective on it!! A jealously thing. It used to be bad with the eldest but now she's really sweet to the other two. It's the middle one who is jealous of the younger one now...

And a doctor would (annoyingly) say that 8 months is very normal ttc... And you def have age on your side. Not that any of that helps I know. You are only young so you have plenty of time to ensure you do have another... By whatever means.

Arr I wrote a huge post last night,then MN crashed on me and I couldn't post it!
Sebs Happy Birthday! (for yesterday) A birthday on valentines, how lovely! Or do you hate it with all the flowers and hearts around and overpriced restaurants!? I can understand you feeling emotional, but glad you had a nice day in the end. Pleased the lines are disappearing too, will you use opks do you think, or just go off of ewcm?
Oh and in terms of the age, don't be silly or beat yourself up about it, the time is right when the time is right for everyone, I had DD at 25 and I'm now 27 and after 8 months.....nothing, so I don't think age makes a blind bit of difference! In fact everyone I've spoken to on this thread who has got pg before me is older!
Cake glad everything is ticking away quietly for you, will you book an early scan or just wait for the 12 week one?
fedup glad you managed to refrain from POAS, step away from the sticks lady! How lovely but also heartbreaking with your new baby neighbour. I so so hope this one is a sticky one for you. Holding out impatiently for your scan with you.
zippy my rational mind says it is never going to happen for me. It has been 8 months, I haven't just come of the pill, or stopped bf, and I have age on my side, and we can clearly have children, so there must be something wrong for it to take this long. Strange conversation with your gp, guess he was just curious! Brilliant news on the high for you, hope your lp keeps getting longer! Is that just from stopping bf do you think?

Thanks for all your words and thoughts ladies, it is nice to get some sympathy! DH is sick of me talking about it - he gets this glazed look in his eye whenever I mention babies or the future, I think I am going to try to shut up about it in front of him!
I am just sick of feeling sad all the time, and I feel bad for missing out on this time with DD while I'm planning and pining for another, it makes me so sad to look at her and think she could be an only child. I have tried distracting myself, but I just can't shake the thought of never having another baby, I can't seem to move on from what my life was supposed to be by now - expecting another baby in a month. I know it's silly to dwell, and life doesn't go according to plan, but I just feel a bit lost and 'now what' if I don't have the chance to become a mum again anytime soon. I'm not sure I want to study or retrain yet as if DD is my only child I want to enjoy these days while she's young.

Happy birthday sebs! glad to hear your day has improved, hot lovin in the morning sounds like an excellent birthday present

Very sorry to hear you're feeling low ginger and zippy it's just so bloody hard to put TTC out of your mind some days isn't it. my only suggestions are keeping busy busy busy and obviously, but I'm sure you're doing that already.

As for comments about age/leaving it too late - I had dd1 at 35 and will be 38 this time around, assuming all goes well. It happened instantly first time around so your age really is not the only factor, try not to stress about it. For me my mid thirties were the 'right' time to try, for so many different reasons, and I said before dd1 that even if it never happened for me I would still have preferred that than having had children in my twenties. Everyone is different but that was right for me. Also have a cousin who had her first dc at 41 and a friend who's just had her 2nd at 43, both healthy pregnancies and babies. It will happen for you ladies, it's just bloody crap trying to keep sane while trying.

All ok here, utterly symptomless so every so often I have a panic (still a nut job you see) but just have to remember everyone is different and I'm just on countdown to that first scan. I'm 7 wks on Saturday. Saw my GP this week who is great and we had a laugh about how my notes will have red stickers galore thanks to emcs and high bp last time, surgery for skin cancer last year and my ripe old age I'll be referred to a consultant about 20 wks apparently when I'll have to face to slightly terrifying prospect of discussions about elcs or vbac - but for now I'd just be happy to get to 20 wks.

I'll keep lurking but won't post too much, determined to see you all through your BFPs x

hello dejladonsa.

hello dejladonsa

sebs, happy birthday. and listen, sebs, you don't suddenly drop fertility with a new number, your eggs don't suddenly change..you were sufficiently fertile a few weeks ago to get pregnant, my friend, so on that basis we know you are ok to do it in a few more weeks too..also, try postponing your sadness until post birthday? maybe say, ok today is for cake, tomorrow is for going back to worrying? get sebs to blow out some candles for you and treat yourself a little today maybe? x

fedup, you sound genuinely lovely as a friend.

ginger, any better?

got a high fertility on day 12 which is good for me. I use a sample bottle now for the fertility monitor and it seems a lot more accurate, fewer highs but this is earlier than before so fingers crossed for a longer luteal phase this month...

im new here so this probably very good and fits me. thanks ladies.

Oh sebs of course.... Happy birthday. But Sorry it's not such a happy one for you today. You have been so positive about the mc and it's prob all built up for now. Take care of yourself, and go easy on yoursel, and have lots of birthday hugs with DP and your lovely seb. I'm sending you a birthday present of retained fertility and a soon bfp! Xxxxxx

Oh zippy and ginger I'm sorry to hear you are both having tough times. I hope on here we can provide both ears and empathy. I struggled with the whole of 2013. I really did. And I too have felt so 'why not me' with every pregnancy and then felt terribly guilty for those which weren't successful.
Just last night I was called on by my neighbour to babysit as her waters had broken and needed to go to hospital. Very pleased for them with their little girl now but her pregnancy has been tough for me. She found out she was pregnant when on holiday with us in June, the month my period was 3 days late and arrived two days after her bfp. Mentally v hard to deal with after my feb mc. Our dc are the same age. She's been great though and I am genuinely happy for them. She's had a tough year with other things too.

Weird for the gp to say that zippy. And people like that should just sod off as it's not always right for people to have kids in their 20s. They might not be settled in the right career or home or even have the right partner. Ingot married at 29 and no way i was having kids before then!

I'm doing ok thanks. Scan on Tuesday so just a few more days to go. Had a very stressed out day on Wednesday when was going to POAS. But don't know what I would do if line was very faint so decided to leave it. Crotch watch is still a bit ridiculous too.

ginger could you start focussing on something else? Something you enjoy? It's why I did the PT stuff and booked up our holidays and social calander. I know it only masks the constant thinking about ttc but I genuinely did dwell less as had to concentrate on something else. It helped a lot with this deep sadness and what you are describing sounds just like me. Big hugs xx

oh poor gingerbread, why do you think it won't happen? Just a bad day, or do you always feel a bit like that? I have times like that too, but in more rational times I think it should. Saw a different GP for some antibiotics today for a persistent cough and he had obviously read my notes about having blood tests/ttc. I had the baby with me and out of the blue in the middle of listening to my breathing he said 'so how long did it take to conceive this one then?' I explained she was first month. The conversation didn't go much further but it was a little odd!

I have heard today two friends have had miscarriages/ectopics respectively today and that is v depressing. I also feel a huge guilt that I felt a bit down about their announcements of pregnancy at the time, though they would have had no idea as I obviously made a fuss and congratulated them, and was of course pleased. But privately felt a bit "oh, not another one pregnant before me again" and so feel very irrationally guilty now for ever having had the thought of why not me. They are going through something awful and I feel sorry for them indeed.

Nobody other than you ladies and dH knows about any of my troubles, I find it too hard to talk about. Also a close friend was going on for years about me leaving it too late (she had her brood in her 20s and seems to pride herself on this!) and now I'm 35 it seems like she would be thinking aha, I told you.

Yes, day 11 here, trying to do SMEP on sebs's suggestion, along with using CBFM, but must admit hard to follow a strict timetable when I know I won't ovulate for ages and it is showing low fertility on the monitor.

Fedup, how are you doing? x

Hi ladies.
Fedup that sounds just awful. The unfair-ness ( not a word!) of it all just saddens me so much. Has anyone seen that programme Benefits Street? How is there any justice in the world when people seem to be able to just bang them out and then treat them like sh*t.
I have been catching up, but not posting recently, it's all just getting a bit too much for me. I just feel so down all the time, and I can't seem to stop myself from crying at ridiculous times, in the swimming pool or doing the weekly shop. TTC is always in the front of my mind but when I start to really think about how long it's been and how it's probably never going to happen for me it just gets a bit overwhelming.

Sebs a bit of a positive for you that it's all clear and you can carry on with ttc when you are ready, your attitude is amazing, I'm sure with such a positive outlook it will only be a short time for you again before you get another bfp! How are you feeling now it's closer to the weekend? Will you still be testing to check the levels or just wait for AF?

Cake hope everything is ok with you? And I agree with you on the marks' shoes! We bought a lovely pair for DD for only £8 last year, they were summer shoes really but they lasted her well all summer. Ah bring on summer....

Punky so pleased for you with the scan. Hope everything sails along normally til next friday and you can get some more good news. It's about bloody time.

Zippy how are you feeling? Have you got back to dtd yet this cycle?

People do seem to be very mememe on these threads don't they, it's nice to come across one that is full of just lovely, kind, supportive ladies.

Fedup that sounds so grim, not surprised you had a sob, I would too. Hang in there, sending you un-MN hugs x

Having a really emotional day today. My current project is in children's social care and I find it so tough hearing about the awful treatment of kids. Had to run to the toilet and had a bit of a sob about someone chucking bleach over their child. I know I'm hormonal wreck at the mo but I just hate hearing all this... Some people do not deserve children.

punky that's good news!! Roll on next week for your next scan. My scan is a week today and couldn't come sooner but also bricking it that there will be nothing there or something non viable anyway. It's only been just over a week since my bfp and it feels like forever.

sebs that's a great idea re the Clark's measureer as at least if i can then buy other shoes / old season ones online as £36 is a rip off for something he will wear for a few months. Can you just buy them online - the measurer I mean?!

Glad the hpt's are getting fainter too. It's weird to write that but we know what I mean - you want to move on but silly hormones still saying you are pregnant. After my first mc the line was the strongest bfp I had ever had... Was so depressing. But soon went down so fx yours speeds up so your shagging becomes productive as well as fun!!

That's really great news punky, as you say all very positive for this stage and brilliant that they're monitoring you so carefully. Keeping everything crossed for the next scan.

My tip for toddler shoes - M&S! Good quality and definitely cheaper than Clarks.