How do you stay positive month after month?

Thanks everyone, lovely to hear words of support. I haven't told anyone that we're TTC as I didn't want the pressure, but even so the occasional 'helpful' comment from friends such as "are you going to have kids? You don't want to leave it too late!" is still hurtful, I'd rather come on here and let off steam!

Shoegal, thank you for the tips. I think you're entirely right, it's good to feel like you're doing something to help. I did the EPO last month and am trying flaxseed this month (mainly because I have some tablets left and none of the EPO!) and will go back to reflexology soon, I had a few sessions but then my reflexologist moved house and has only just got herself sorted again. I had a look for the book but sadly my local library doesn't have it and it's super expensive on Amazon! The Kindle edition is cheapest and I have a very old Kindle, would I be missing out on any pictures/ charts etc if I bought it for my (technologically challenged!) Kindle?

I've ordered 'Natural solutions to infertility: how to increase your chances of conceiving and preventing miscarriage' by Marilyn Glenville from the library as I saw it recommended on here, hopefully that will be helpful too.

Great suggestions from Anna and Chosen too - Anna, I am 11st as well and whilst it only puts me as slightly overweight for my height (5' 5") I need to lose at least half a stone, I'm just in denial!! Cake is too nice :(

Ho hum. tomorrow is another day and all that, and thank you all again for your help. I think my first step is to convince OH to have a sperm test - something he's dead against - as if we have to go for further tests, that's something the doctors will ask for straight away anyway. I don't want to sound defeatist but I'm already looking into IVF and other solutions, I just can't see us being lucky enough to have a baby any other way.

By the way Shoegal - sending you big hugs, I've been there with the friend who's got their BFP straight away, I had to look happy for them and it wasn't easy at all!! xxx

I take it all back. Have just found out someone very close to me is pregnant and got their bfp straight away. I'm gutted!

Hi Anna,

I agree with the ups and downs...I have massive ups and downs! Had a mmc in September and have really noticed extreme hormone changes are having a big effect on my moods!

We are ttc #1 for 7 months (3 months were the bfp that didn't stick) I go through all the emotions under the sun in a month and have really low points but it helps me to think....this is the hormone low! Mainly a couple of days after ov and a week before af really.

I am better at work as I don't think about ttc unless a pregnant lady walks past but I am worse at home alone because I feel like my life has lost a bit of purpose since the mmc.

Current try to take my mind off it techniques, watching a box set, reading a book, pre Xmas strict diet, booked a short break.

Xx

Hey Ruby

Sorry to hear that you are feeling down - day of AF is always hard to deal with. I totally sympathise with knowing that AF is on her way but still hoping for a BFP.

I always tend to come on this forum on the day of AF and the support helps me through.

I have been TTC for 14 months with no luck but have started taking tips from here so I feel i am doing something to help get that BFP.

Here are some things I have started:
*evening primrose capsules day of af to ovulation to help with EWCM

• cutting caffeine completely and only drinking water - again to help EWCM
• pineapple core 1dpo-5dpo
• acupuncture
• reading a book called trying to get pregnant and succeeding by Marisa peer which is focussing on positive mental attitude

I find scouring MN and the net for success stories helps too. In the meantime don't feel bad for wallowing, it happens to the best of us. But remember the start of af also means a new month TTC and fingers crossed this will be your month you get your bfp!

Good luck

Hi everyone,

Sorry to crash your thread, but I was really looking for some support after today; we've been TTC for 9 months now and today AF started, right on time but I was so hopeful this month :(

We have the CBFM, I definitely OV'd this month (or so my little stick told me, anyway!), my CD3 and CD21 blood tests were fine and altogether everything is ok other than the lack of a BFP..... just so frustrated, upset and angry when everyone bloody else seems to have kids with no problems at all. Don't get me wrong, I know this isn't true, but at times like these I lack perspective!

OH had a sperm test a few years ago (when he was TTC with a previous partner) and was told his sperm count was medium - not high but not low either. He's not keen to have another one but at this rate I think I will nag him until he does, not least because we wouldn't get any fertility treatment until that bit's been established! I think the only positive thing I could find to do today was make another GP appointment, they did tell me to come back at the end of the year if we'd had no luck TTC, so I now have an appointment on 06/12.

Off to search MN for some other things to try, mainly to stop myself wailing. OH tells me that he has a (female) friend coming over tonight - for various reasons we don't live together yet, I'm moving in next month - so whilst the sensible thing to do would probably be to go over there and stop wallowing, all I actually want to do is stay at home and sob!

Sigh. Good luck all......

Don't apologise for being down lifes.

Mn is a nice little safe place. I'm having more clomid fun, snapping at lovely DS and DH. DH has been a bloody saint with me but I feel like a horrid person. I hate the drugs, I hate what they do to me.

Another sympathiser here. I avoid the ttc threads outside of the 2ww, and even then sometimes I don't pop in or do but only for the last few days. I'm on 24 months now with 2 mc's and feel pretty hopeless about it all. I can become quite depressed.

I find it helps me to get my mind focused on another target, introducing exercise has helped a lot with that. I've always been a happy size 10/12 and didn't need to diet or exercise to maintain it. Then I gained a lot of weight from pregnancies and being too down to eat sensibly, so now I do monthly measurements and weigh ins so I have something different to "look forward to" and I feel a sense of pride in getting my body back bit by bit. I have also taken up cooking, getting a new recipe and trying something different and challenging. When it goes well it's another thing to feel proud about.

I keep my suffering to myself, just drop a word to OH now and then to explain my moods from time to time. But I didn't find talking helped as the people I spoke to had babies and I couldn't handle it. I know what it's like to get that text Anna. It's so emotionally complex.

I'm in the 2ww now, but for me each month is about worrying that I won't get pg or worrying that I will but it will be another tragic, soul destroying experience.

Oh, um... got a little down there sorry everyone!

Sympathy to you all ladies! I am on the same boat! My 3 sisters have had babies, my brother just had his first! We all live in different countries and they keep saying 'we have to meet with all the kids'. And yeah, very nice, but I'm the sad one that has nothing but overtime at work :(

Solaia, I also struggled keeping it to myself. I recently spoke to my mum and one of my sisters about it and tbh it was a huge weight off my shoulders. They were very lovely and warm, that helps.
We'll get there!
xxx

Ttc #1 cycle 12.

shiegal I heard the opposite and the female O creates hormones with an unfriendly ph for swimmers. I do tend to O but am now using preseed hoping to redress the ph balance... In short, I wouldn't worry. Think its luck of the draw pure and simple !

I wouldn't worry about the orgasm Shoegal, from what I read there's no evidence to show it helps at all. There is a section on the pride angel website about it (we got lots of info on that site because we ended up doing home insemination, dh couldn't match up to my demanding dtd schedule)

Same as stress/relaxing. There's no evidence that it makes any difference at all. So don't beat yourself up if you're not feeling positive.

I found the Buses on here too depressing as well. Lots of first/second cycle bfps. Grrrr.

Hey can I join this thread too please? Month 14 for me and we are TTC 1.

I totally empathise with all these posts as getting AF month after month really kills your optimism and then you always get some plonker who has not had to experience the long TTC path telling you to 'relax'.

We haven't really told anyone in our social circle we are trying but I did tell my mum and MIL about 6 months ago and it was the best thing as they backed off because they were comforted by the fact we trying.

I thought I may have been pregnant last month as I was 3 days late and started spotting which never happens. Thought it was a weird cycle but is happening again now. AF due today but have been spotting since 12dpo. Why is Mother Nature so cruel?

I am finding scouring these threads and the net generally for people who have been in a similar situation and then getting BFP helps.

I am trying to make little changes every month. I tried pineapple core and Acupuncture last month.

I have just read that female orgasm helps too - has anybody else heard of this as I don't usually orgasm when we dtd. It said something about the contractions helping the swimmers on their merry way?

Also I have started reading Marisa Peers book Trying to get pregnant (and suceeding). Has anybody else tried this or have any positive experience of using this?

Good luck everyone. It will be our time soon x

I'm on cycle 26 without a hint of a BFP. In my darkest moments I want a MC because I know then I can actually conceive, and would have experienced that BFP joy. Fucked up or what?!

I always said I wanted to have my first baby by the time I was 30, started TTC when I was 26 but will be out of time in a few months. I want to smack people who tell me I'm 'far too young to be thinking about starting a family.' Tell that to my body please!

I really struggle with keeping it all to myself. DH doesn't want to tell people we are TTC/referred for IVF etc which is fair enough. I am really close to my sister and mum and I'd love to talk to them about it but respect DH's wishes...

Oh well, to all x

I know just how you feel, iv'e been trying for 16 months and nothing. I'm 38 so i'm really worried because of my age and that i might be in perimenopause.

Cycle 14 here. I don't stay positive. I'm a gibbering mess every month and bitter (privately) about others good pregnancy news. Rubbish isn't it.
We have a 3.5 yo dd but haven't been lucky enough yet to give her a sibling.

Cycle 26 here. Gone from coping well (first 25 cycles) to being a gibbering wreck for this one.

I'm telling myself I'm allowed to feel sad. I'm entitled to treat myself and DH is very understanding that I go from needing many cuddles to when I go off to clean like a mad woman in another room that's my way of giving myself space when I don't feel I'd be pleasant company.

Just wanted to say hello and don't want to patronise you and give you advice because it is hard! Keep smiling because we do feel better when we smile. Take care xx

I'm really struggling annakissed approaching cycle 7 dtd all the flipping time using opks and now my AF is late and I just got a bfn. Nearly crying. It's turned into a total piss take. My dh feels the same as yours, he is very relaxed and doesn't know what I'm fussing about, this in turn causes arguments along with the general pressure I'm feeling. Things not to positive between us which impacts on dtd.
In agreement it's fucking shit.

Hyland, its a total nightmare isnt it. I am so happy for people when they get pregnant but there is just a wee part of me that I cant control that gets annoyed. I think because its all I seem to hear just now as well, thats probably not helping.

It does seem that other people just need to look at their partner to get pregnant though! argh annoying!

Our time will come hopefully. :)

Butler4 my sister has the Same problem as you about her other half being away for two weeks.

I also sympathise with your comments about being inpatient and wanting now and all the scan pics on face book.

The other day girl at work announced her few months if try with baby scan and I was on the phone and got a lump in my throat, it was horrible.

VJONES sad but so true. Friend asked me for advice on TTC and I just said...Simple don't tell anyone until you need too.

God the pressure we put on ourselves is truly horrific when it comes to TTC.

I don't t.b.h with you. I guess it's just a case of getting on with things and not giving up. I had a c.p 6 weeks ago and sometimes I do think perhaps it was nature's way of telling me I'm not meant to have another child. I will freely admit though when A.F is here I get very very jealous of all the B.F.P's. No. I don't think it's so much jealousy more inferiority. xxx