Angels and Rainbows-remembering our angels and hoping for rainbows

Thanks owl, glad you're ok.
I have some other news I'm a bit wary of posting as I suspect I've shared enough on here that if someone lurks they might recognise me. (But who lurks on the angels thread if they don't need to?!) But I'm wobbly about it & not telling people irl... I'm about 6wks along.. Just past the stage I mc'd last time...

All is well here thanks blue.

The 'at least you've got other children' type comments must be hard. Friends of mine have a child and have been trying for years and have had ivf to have another, still with no luck as yet sadly. They get that a lot, and they know that yes that's true, they are lucky to have one, but they are still missing the family they thought they were going to have. I guess it comes from a good place, but I can imagine that must be hard for you to hear at times.

Not brave owl - just feel it needs doing at some point so lets stop putting it off. Hoping it sort of helps - and that it helps our other children to have somewhere to visit. It's hard tho, feels like it's the last 'thing we can do for him' iyswim.
Yes, I think you might be right about that being a way to approach it with colleagues. People are often so awkward and in not knowing what to say end up saying something thoroughly unhelpful. So it helps them to be able to say something normal about other children. Mind you it would open up the 'well at least you've got other children' type comments. Which in one sense is very true, I'm so thankful for them, and sometimes they're just trying to say that it's good to focus on that - but I feel those sorts of comments can sometimes be a bit dismissive of the fact that I did have another son, and he died and no one else can replace him.

Anyway, I'm waffling now, hope all's well with you and the chubby owlet :)

You are so brave ordering the grave stone blue - me and DH haven't quite got to the right place to do this yet.

I asked if you have other children because when your new colleagues ask about family maybe you could kind of lead with the other children, then mention E, then it's out there as such, but there's your other lovely children to go into more detail about iykwim?

That's good news owl :) I guess a good thing about a planned section is that you don't have to worry about it being a big baby! Fingers crossed too that it means you get to sleep through the night very early on as a result! You deserve for everything possible to go smoothly this time.
I think you're right about telling new colleagues early on - whenever I've not said something early on, it just gets more difficult - not looking toward to having to deal with reactions tho. Yes, I have other children - why do you ask?

ruby great news, today you are pg :) So sorry for your friend though :(

missalex :) hello lovely, how are you doing?

I'm starting to be aware that our 1yr anniversary is approaching. We finally buried E's ashes recently, and have now ordered the gravestone. It's all just so surreal, not one of the things you ever think you'll be doing. I don't know if the stone will be in place in time for the anniversary, and it'll be difficult to mark the day due to new job etc. not sure how I feel about it or whether I want to mark it or what really. I start my job on the anniversary of the last day I know he was alive.

Owl great news about the diabetes. Thinking of you

Ruby lovely to hear your little bear is wriggling and doing well! Sounds like theyre keeping a close eye on you. Are you with the same doctors as with H? Like you say, best to take things day at a time and try to stay as calm as possible. How are your parents behaving, have they improved?

Hugs to all x

AFM doing ok, 10 weeks now so still early days. Had a 'viability scan' on Monday which went well. apparently little bear is viable! Was lovely to see him/her on screen wriggling around and already starting to suck his arm bud! Trying to be calm and take a day at a time. Have another scan and see the consultant at 12 weeks.

A friend of mine lost her little boy at 20 weeks at the end of Jan due to SROM. I have tried to help her as much as I can, it's incredible because it's like looking in a mirror 6 months ago. She is doing incredibly well but I guess as we all know it's a very slow process.

Hope you are all well x

Hi all and sorry for being AWOL again.
Marmite I'm so sorry for the loss of your little one but glad you have found this thread. I lost my little girl 'H' last July at 40+2 due to an infection She was our first baby. I hope you get comfort from coming on here I know I have.

Owl how are you doing, do you have a date for your section yet? Any luck with the midwives? Have you been cared for by the same team as last time and has that felt ok?

MissA hope you are doing ok. I can't believe your acupuncturist! You are definitely right that some people really have no idea about how to deal with grief or loss...... Although you would imagine that someone who opted to work with people in health care may be a bit more comfortable but maybe not!

blue Glad the new job(s) are going well and letting g your new colleagues know is as painless as possible. It's difficult isn't it because I get the impression sometimes people feel like they really wish you hadn't told them but personally I refuse to pretend 'H' didn't exist so they will have to get on with!

Waves to sleeping, Star, Jules and anyone else lurking

blue my DH went through the telling people thing when he started his new job. Iirc he stated by telling his manager first, which you won't need to. I think he sort of brought it up with people asap, when they asked are you married, kids etc. It is quite a 'young' company so most employees have no children, don't know if that makes it easier or not. Generally he finds just giving the basic facts is enough, people are pretty stunned and don't really ask questions.

Am I right in that you have other children blue?

No diabetes thankfully. Just a big baby on the way!

Great news owl, glad it won't be long and you know what the plan is. Good luck tomorrow - try not to worry too much, nearly everyone I know who's done that test hasn't had diabetes!

missalex I'm glad the acupuncturist is making you feel much better & lovely to hear your good news.
Yes, someone I previously worked closely with had apparently forgotten. Of course, with starting somewhere new I'll have to debate the whole should I shouldn't I of telling people. My supervisors know already though, so that part is easier at least.

Waves to everyone & anyone lurking

I'm guessing it will be a chubby owlet! Thanks for your kind thoughts x

Oh my goodness Owl you are so close to having your chubby little Owlet in your arms! Am thinking about you every day. Good luck with the GD test x

Great news missa.

I have a date! Unfortunately I have to do the diabetes test on tues tho, as baby is looking like a big one.

Owl hope the last scan went without a hitch and you have your date set. Can only imagine the nerves, hope youre managing to control them x

Blue really glad your temp work is going well and you feel positive about the permanant job. Hope your new colleagues are a bit more sensitive than some of your old ones. Do I remember someone saying they had "forgotten" about you losing E? !!

You are right, I do seem to come across more than my fair share of totally insensitive people. But I'll have to forgive my acupuncturist as he seems to be making me feel quite a bit better!

Got some wonderful news today, a friend who lost her daughter last year has just given birth to another little girl, both safe and well

Hugs to all xx

Hey owl, how did today go? Have you got a date?
It will be a different place, but I know some of the people already so not all entirely new (what I'm doing now is just temporary).

Waves to everyone else - realised I missed some people last time, sorry.
Hope the lack of posts on here is a good sign (but I always worry that we go back to lurking when we're finding things hard). Hope your days are passing gently x

In part bumping the thread, but also I have (hopefully) final scan tomorrow, they should set the date for the section.

Glad your new job is going well blue, is the next job in the same place or somewhere new again?

Waves to all out there, thinking of you all.

missalex oh no, I can't believe he said those things! Some people are so rubbish with grief :(. Seems like you come across a lot of those people. My work is going well, thanks - it's temp atm but start longer term elsewhere in a few wks. Bit nervous about that! So happy with my decision to move on though, it's such a positive change.

Welcome marmite I'm sorry you lost your little boy. How far along are you now - are they looking after you well?

owl wow 37 weeks! Other people's pgs always seem to go so quickly! Have you decided if you're going for the section? (39wks?). Hope you're feeling ok.

sleeping good to hear from you, glad the acupuncturist was nice & i hope it's useful with the migraines - horrible things.

star, jules, littletulip, little, ruby hope you're ok out there.

Marmite so sorry you lost your little boy. However small they are, they are still our precious children. Hope your pregnancy goes smoothly and you soon have your rainbow in your arms.

Sleeping sounds like your acupuncturist is a bit more sensitive than mine. Its early days after only one session, I hope it works for you. Some of the needles are quite painful, they give me a horrid electrical shock when he twiddles them and yes they hurt and itch for a while afterwards. I think its normal though. Good luck with the TTC

Owl keeping you, Mr Owl and both your little Owlets in my thoughts over the next days x

Hi Marmite, sorry you find yourself here. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I lost my little girl at 3 days old in Sept 12 due to complications during the birth. I'm now 37 weeks with my rainbow.

I can totally understand your nerves, as the due date approaches me and Mr owl are also nervous, hoping so much to bring this little one home with us. How many weeks are you at the moment? Are you having any additional care this time?

sleeping glad the acupuncture is working, hope it helps you to relax a bit too. TTC is such a stressful time, really hope you get bfp soon.

Hi ImMarmite.

Of course you are welcome to join us - just very sorry your circumstances have brought you here. Hate the term mc - just doesn't recognise our angels as the precious and much loved babies they are.

Being pregnant again is bound to be worrying. Have you got much real life support? Feel free to use this place as a place to voice these worries if you feel to. We might not be able to alleviate your worries but we will understand. Be kind to yourself xx

Can I join? I had our baby boy August 2013 @ 17+ weeks...technically a mc I know but a baby boy to us. We'd been ttc for nearly 2 years when we got him...now I'm pregnant & terribly nervous...

miss I had my first ever acupuncture session on Thurs to treat my migraines as can't take my usual meds while TTC. He was absolutely lovely and picked up that I am feeling down. Turns out he has previously worked for the nhs and has an particular interest in mental health so if he can lesson my anxieties and depression as well as the migraines then that's a bonus. Have to say one area still feels tender still from where the needle was - not sure if that's normal??

Ruby thinking of you. Hope everything is going ok? Xxx

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

I am currently TTC like its a military operation but no news yet. Really do need to try and relax about it all but easier said than done.

No call from midwife yet...

missa what a strange reaction from acupuncturist. Hope you are OK. Glad your knee is feeling better and you are feeling calmer.

Blue I'm so glad meeting your friend cheers you up, what a shame about her relative, there are so many in our little 'club', its so sad. Are you feeling better after your post-xmas downer? How is the new work project going?

My acupuncture is definitely doing something for my knee, but I certainly didnt get any sympathy when I told him why I am so sad. His reply was "well surely you have other children"...as if that would mean losing A was of less importance!!! When I told him that we dont, he just huffed and left the room, hasnt mentioned it since. But to be truthful, I am feeling definitely calmer, hard to explain, not flying off the hook for any tiny thing.

Owl How frustrating with your midwives/appointments. And right now when you need to be staying super-calm. Did she get back to you?

Star and Jules thinking of you and hoping everything is going ok. Ruby hope youre ok too.

Hope the lack of new posts on here is a good thing...

Hugs to everyone I've missed and anyone who might be lurking and need one xx