Angels and Rainbows-remembering our angels and hoping for rainbows

• when I have my scan, not where!

Thanks for the replies everyone. Will my consultant be the same person we saw to get the pm results? If so, I might give his secretary a call this week.

Having my first major wobble so far this pregnancy, the last few days I've just completely stopped feeling pregnant. I'm 10+4 and other than being full of cold, just feel 'normal' again. Felt sick up until about 13 weeks with DD an felt ill until about 17 weeks with F. I know all pregnancies are different but I'm convincing myself that there's not going to be a baby there where I have my scan.

Pleased I have you guys to confide in. Waves to everyone.

Oh and your gp can prescribe it too ATM x

Hi ATM, I saw my consultant at 12 weeks after my scan. I would definitely kick up a fuss and call/write do whatever you need to, particularly because you've been told you will need aspirin and nobody has prescribed it yet. I agree that peace of mind is a good enough reason to see a consultant. Hope you get it sorted out soon x

ATM I still haven't :(. I was supposed to at 16weeks but it was a locum, again at 26 after a scan, (same locum), and then just a registrar after my most recent scan at 28 - she wasn't v encouraging or knowledgable tbh. I actually only got the 28wk scan as the receptionist misread the locum's writing to say 2weeks til next scan rather than 4.. I decided not to protest!. I have another scan at 31 (they'd have left it longer if I hadn't pushed), and I've called the consultants secretary to check it'll actually be him running the clinic. Which apparently it will & she's made a note for it to be him rather than anyone else who sees me. If that still doesn't get me anywhere I'll have to really kick up a fuss I think. Maybe you could try calling the secretary of your consultant?

Waves to all x

Hi ATM,

Hope you don't have the same issues I'm having about getting the treatment i was promised

I saw my consultant at 9 weeks which was supposed to be my 12 week (they wouldn't listen to me about my dates) and he prescribed aspirin then, I saw him after my scan.

Can you contact your consultant direct? Or explain to your mw that you have been told that and she can arrange it ?

Really hope it's sorted quickly for you and hope the scan goes well x

Hi All Terrain Mammy, I would contact the supervisor of midwives (her details should be on your hospital website), putting your request in writing, outlining what happened in your previous pregnancy, and saying why you feel seeing a consultant is necessary (peace of mind is a perfectly good reason). I've previously found that putting things in writing is the surest way of making them actually happen. Others may have further ideas x

Hi all. How's everyone doing?

Just de-lurking to ask a quick question. For those of you expecting or having had your rainbows, at what point did you first see the consultant in your pregnancies?

I've had my booking appointment etc done with the community midwives and have an appointment or my 12 week scan on the 21st but there's been no mention of seeing the consultant. When we got our pm results we were told that the consultant would prescribe aspirin from 12 weeks in future pregnancies, so I assumed we'd be seeing one.

I asked the community midwife about it and she said I'd probably see one straight after my scan on the 21st but I wasn't convinced so I called women's outpatients where my scan is booked and they said that I won't be seeing a consultant and if I require aspirin, I can ask the midwife who sees me at my scan for some!

What do I do next? Call my lovely supportive GP and ask her advice/ask her to call the hospital? Speak with community midwife again? Wait until my scan and ask the midwife for some aspirin?

Thanks in advance of your responses. Hope everyone is as well as can be expected/hoped for. All the ladies in this thread are regularly in my thoughts x

Thinking of you m x

Mademoiselle thinking of you today. I hope you're as ok as is humanly possible to be.

MissA I have a top tip for cold sores if you don't want to use a cream - ice cubes! Get an ice cube, and hold it against the cold sore for as long as possible (20 mins or so). It will melt so worth holding it with some kitchen towel to absorb the water. But it really does help reduce the swelling and make them go away faster. I think the virus hates the cold!

Kayleigh so sorry about your mum.

Waves to everyone else.

Thanks MissA i can appreciate that mum may be scared of further health problems. I remember she was so looking forward to feeling better after her operations, but instead she seems to have dug herself into a black hole. I'm having trouble talking to her about anything at the moment let alone attempting to convince her to get help. She doesn't really do much these days apart from sit at home and smoke (which she probably should not be doing), and i'm petrified of how this is going to harm her further.

In response to your cold sore issue; someone told me aftershave dabbed on is supposed to get rid of them, although i imagine this would hurt/sting quite a bit :/

Waves to everyone xx

Mademoiselle thinking of you this morning, hate the idea of you going alone so wishing you strength and sending a big hug x Thanks for the info on how your SIL is coping with GD. Your DH sounds similar to mine, I was told the other day he is "sick of me being sad and pessimistic when things are going well"...I think they somehow seem to be able to concentrate on the future and not dwell on the past. Trouble is, our babies were meant to be our future, so not sure how they do it

Kayleigh I have a minor heart problem too, and can tell you that it is quite terrifying. The thought that something might happen at any moment and you only have seconds/minutes to respond can be all-consuming and difficult to control, and after so many scary episodes your Mum must be so frightened. Sounds to me like she needs some sort of professional help, even if its only someone to talk to about her fears. Could you convince her to see a psycologist maybe? Or just go to a group with other sufferers? I hope BHF can help. I so feel for you, you are going through hell with your own problems and have to shoulder your Mums too. ((hug))

Blue know what you mean about the advice being so vague, and there used to be that "10 moves in an hour" thing but apparently they dont advise that anymore! I'm dying to see some sort of pattern but at the same time dreading it as I know that when its not strictly the same every day I will be just like you! Dont know what to suggest really, just cross my fingers you get lots of reassuring disco-dancing :)

Earth yes I wish that too! But then I think that while I'm still having to re-do all these tests it means I'm still pregnant, and I feel so blessed for that. Been having a look on Dr Google and like you say it sounds like GD can be controlled by diet and if not, by insulin. So I'm going to try and not worry to much. For the moment I have given up my daily sinful pleasure which is a white-chocolate-covered Oreo for dessert after dinner!

Does anyone have any tips on what to do with cold sores? I have suddenly developed a huge, really painful one on my top lip and dont want to use any of those creams from the chemist. Not sure why its appeared as I usually get them when I have a bad cold and I havent had one.

Waves to Critter, Ruby, Ducky, ATM and anyone Ive missed x

Thank you Blue xx

MissA, why can't the universe just cut you a break and have you sail through one of these tests without being called back? I'm sorry you've got the extra worry. I know a couple of people who have had GD, 2 have managed it by diet alone and one needed insulin as well. From what I can gather it really is very manageable and the main risk is that it goes undetected x

Thinking of you M, I hope you are as ok as can be expected x

Blue-I know exactly what you mean when you say it's all your responsibility, I felt the same. I was so relieved when my rainbow got here, not only because we made it through the pg and delivery safely but because now the responsibility to keep him safe is shared. I know these last 2 months will feel like forever but you are nearly there, just keep focussing on a day at a time.

Thinking of you this morning mademoiselle xx

kayleigh I'm sorry af has arrived & that you have the extra stress with your dm. My dm also has heart probs and had several admissions to hospital both during my pg with E and since. She seems to have got the drugs sorted atm, and we're all much less worried but I really feel for you being on your own with it - my df is pretty healthy so he dealt with practical things. I'm not sure I'd have been able to delay ttc tbh for anyone, I hope bhf is helpful for supporting you so that you don't have to

missalex the image of a dancing octopus made me laugh! Tbh if I eat stuff with a load of sugar in she does usually have a good wriggle. The trouble is I'm worrying so much of the time that I'm ending up eating a lot of sugar! And I think she sometimes needs a nap even if I have eaten it. I'm not reassured unless there's some disco dancing going on . I'm sorry your test has just given you another thing to worry about. I don't know much about gd, but I've always though it was something that was quite treatable, which it sounds like from what M has said.

earth I think you're right, sometimes I'm so tense about movements that I don't really feel them. How odd?! I'm not sure I could sleep with dh like that, but the last couple of nights I've made sure I've gone to sleep straight after some good movements - I don't have any difficulty falling asleep normally (it's that I'm waking up a lot), and I figure there should be several hours after good movements before I could reasonably need to get checked out. Haven't been quite so bad the last couple of nights, although I have been pretty paranoid during the day to make up for it! I think the thing is, all the advice is so vague - a 'change in pattern', 'a reduction in what's normal for you'... It's so subjective & makes it all my responsibility. Oh well. 2months to go...

Waves to critter, betty, ruby - not long now??, ducky, anyone I've missed x

And off to the crematorium I go...

Thank you all for your kind thoughts xx

Thank you all.
Autocorrect still found a way to make me smile!

And nope, not sure who can come, dh is at work and I wouldn't really want anyone else there?...

Ill be thinking of you tomorrow M. Sending bucket loads of strength your way x

Thank you Mademoiselle. My mum was in the room when Ben was born, and she also saw him the day before the funeral at the undertakers. We do talk about Ben sometimes, but if i'm honest i prefer to talk about him with my closest friends. The one thing that has disappointed me is that my mum hasn't been up to the grave since the funeral, which i thought mum would do.
I will be thinking of you tomorrow xx

Will be thinking of you m x

Is there not anyone that can go with you at all? I found that a very very difficult journey to make

Waves to everyone x

Argh, dirty about autocorrect. Stillborn of course, not urn...

Kayleigh I hope that you manage to find some sort of healthy inbetween solution, where looking after your poorly mum isn't all-consuming but similarly, you don't feel like you're letting her down... Do you ever talk to her about your baby? My mum us a surprisingly crap person to talk to about baby G, despite the fact she herself had a still urn baby at 37 weeks...but I'm guessing not all mums are this rubbish?!

We decided to go to France, to my husband's family farm/home, this weekend, to scatter/bury the ashes and plant a tree in memory of baby G. I have to go to the crematorium tomorrow morning by myself to pick up the ashes. That's going to be one long and tearful journey...

I'm thinking of you all and sending loving vibes xx

Thanks MissA i'll have a look at BHF. Mum does have my step-dad, but he works full time, and he's not in the best of health himself truth be told. The only time my mum leaves the house nowadays is if she has a doctors/hospital appointment, and i'm worried she's isolating herself, as i don't think she keeps in contact with any of her friends. She had a hospital appointment yesterday that didn't go to plan and all she could say was "i don't know how much more stress i can take"- it took all my will power to not scream down the phone at her, which of course made me feel awful.

Thank you also Critter, i did have the urge to try again straightaway, but due to needing blood tests after Ben we thought it best for me to go on the mini-pill until we had the results back, which took 10 weeks. I've been taking extra care of myself since we were given the ok to try again, although i've lost quite a bit of weight (which i wasn't intending on) so i'm trying not to lose any more. DH has already offered to speak to my mum but he has a habit of putting his foot in it so i'm not sure that's a good idea.

Hope everyone is ok xx

kayleigh I am so sorry you have to deal with stress from your mum too. You absolutely cannot be running after her. You have to put yourself, your DH and your family first right now. Get your DH to tell her to back off if she starts pressuring you! TTC in any situation is stressful, and all the more so after a loss. I read that waiting six months helps the body recover nutrients and helps with the grief process, but I had a very strong urge to try again immediately and I think that's pretty common. I think the only thing you can do is be gentle to yourself. You have been through so much. I find doing things like trying to get exercise and making clothes for the next baby helpful. And I tend to turn down invitations or requests to do extra stuff if I can - I think if you've always been the one to drop everything and help others it can be hard to put yourself first, so I can understand why you're struggling. I wish I could give you a big hug.

missa I am so sorry about the GD thing - fingers crossed it all turns out to be ok. The worry never ends! I used to watch Call the Midwife and I can't now, but I have heard from other women who've experienced losses that watching those shows is a way to process their grief. It's painful but the pain is also a release and a way to connect with their babies and their experience. So much of the time I feel numb, when I don't feel numb I feel awful. I am just so sad that our experience of birth, which should have been joyous but challenging, turned out to be such a nightmare and so bloody sad. It sucks. I'm thinking of you.

betty What you said about numbness really resonated - I think it's a normal self-protection from the horror of losing a baby. Your loss is still so fresh. I really really hope you're managing to get through each day - I am just so sorry you're going through this - I know you have no choice. Lots of love to you, brave brave lady.

mademoiselle I can understand your DH's reaction - I think that's fairly common from men. MrC gets sad when I say I think I'm always going to be sad about this. He says he wants to move forward. I think the intensity of our pain is hard to watch, and of course our husbands are worried about seeing their formerly happy wives so utterly devastated, and fearful about the future. But I know it's hard.

Hope everyone else is doing alright. Waves to all.