Posifrickentivity all round, with a good healthy dash of project desperate. New thread, new luck, new BFPs and Summer 2014 babies all round please! TTC after MC

haha cam i've been there. And not restrained myself. In fact I think i've probably poas more after AF than before!!
So well done you.

Agree with cam, seaside 9dpo is early. i tested at 10dpo on wed on an ic with 10mI (or whatever the unit is) sensitivity and the line was very faint and only came up after a few minutes.

Fedup - phew. Hope you're being looked after today. X

Aly - that sounds really positive. It's a very strange coincidence, though I do like Seaside's explanation too. Everything crossed for you. Don't you be joining the land of the two mcs. As you can see from the above t'is a dark and bitter place!

Seaside - 9dpo is really early isn't it? Wouldn't lose hope just yet!

Fingers crossed for anyone else poas today. I considered it briefly this morning despite having had AF this week, which I think may be a new low! Resisted though - "Cam - it was not an inplantation bleed, it was AF".

aly I totally missed your post! How exciting, and what A ccoincidence! Sure it's a good sign, mother nature correcting her previous mistake. X

Bfn of course-know I'm perhaps only 9dpo, but think I can safely assume there'll be no Xmas present for me this month. Maybe easier anyway with Xmas parties etc, would never have been able to hide the non drinking! Good luck to anyone else today.

Well, AF is now officially late late late. Yesterday was the absolute latest that she should have arrived. Temp was sky high this morning, looks like the beginning of a triphasic chart. I'm only 12/13dpo but for me that's late.
So I poas again this morning and again got a faint positive line. It's a little bit darker than the one on wednesday but not much.

So..... I plugged my lmp date into an app to see what my potential due date would be and low and behold, it's exactly the same as the EDD of my mmc baby. I hope that isn't a bad sign!
I have to say that ever since mmc was diagnosed i've been convinced that i'd have two mc in a row. Not sure why, but I'm kind of prepared for the worst.

anyone else POAS?????

Good luck to any POAS today!

Nothing like a good rant when things are shite
It's therapeutic in some way.

It makes sense and I agree. Especially the bit about mental health. I was truly devastated after my first, probably more so than for my second tbh as I was naive so the whole thing was a colossal shock. However, the second has had a greater effect on my emotional well-being in a more long-term, worn down, way and I literally can't imagine how I would feel after more. I'm not saying its all about numbers. I know someone who was very traumatised after one for a long time, and others who have had more than two and appear (on the outside at least) to be remaining positive and optimistic. But a blanket rule doesn't take into account any of this and the NHS seems to adopt an attitude of because its so common that you should just be ok with it. But then again the NHS is strapped at the mo and ultimately I want my aunt to get her radiotherapy, and my granny her dementia medication, and everyone else to get the care they need - so perhaps I'm forced to admit this is the way it has to be (contradicting myself too). Perhaps that's what makes the attitude of staff so important. Speaking of which, your Dr does sound horrid. Was there any way of giving the service a bit of feedback? Not a complaint as such but a 'how are we doing?' form?

The NHS referred me to a gynaecologist to investigate the suspected bicornuate uterus. However he only was able to look in to that and couldn't do the blood tests etc on the nhs because I didn't meet criteria, but agreed to do them in his private clinic . So I didn't really hunt around. I imagine a bit of googling would find someone local to you. I know there are specialist centres but I'm not sure of the advantages of those over general gynaecologists. Possibly they are better if the results come back clear but a person contines to miscarry (I gather there are tests they offer that mine didn't, something to do with NK cells).

I hope this dual ranting is helping Fedup - it's making me feel a lot better but hope its not too much for you as I'm aware you're in a different place to me atm xxxx

He's not my regular gp... He's the EPU doc / sonographer and gynae doc at the hospital. I was worried he would do my actual scan this time round but he didnt, just my care in hospital. I just don't know how someone can be such a dick / on a power trip in these situations.

Had some quite bad pains last night so hoping the 'big clear out' is on its way. Just want this over with so we can get on, particularly with Christmas coming up.

Good luck to anyone POAS today! Is that you seaside? And aly are you confirming?!

That doctor should be ashamed of himself fedup, what a dick. He clearly has no first hand experience of loss, or even empathy.

I would ask to transfer docs if he's your regular, he doesn't sound like someone you ever want to see again. The initial tests they can offer aren't even expensive - a blood test, a sperm test...they're nothing compared to peace of mind and stress reduction.

you're totally right fedup and cam. But it's a cost-benefit ratio. They know that most women will have a baby eventually, so it's cheaper to do nothing. They don't seem to take the mental aspect into account at all.

Just realised that what I said contradicted itself! I think it's cruel to leave people to wait to 3 as sometimes yes it's just shitty luck to miscarry more than once but also there are some real issues (like yours) that cause recurrent mc. But whatever, I don't think we should risk hurting people's mental health and relationships, and they should be helped after 'only' two whether or not they fall into the just bad luck or potential problem category - make sense? Peace of mind that all is ok does wonders as well as knowing and solving a problem if there is one... And all the doctors say to me stress is a barrier to conceiving so why don't they help us more rather than put us on anti d's or refer to counselling?? Sorry... My turn for a rant... You got me started!!!

Thanks cam.
I think in new year we will do what you did. How did you find a consultant? 200 isn't bad in the grand scheme of things, I've easily spent that on pregnancy tests, digi opks and preseed. I don't really want Christmas presents so maybe it will be that instead.

And I agree with you, waiting for 3 seems heartless and cruel. Stupid doctor at my EPU did keep banging on at me (after first mc) that because I had one mc doesn't mean I wouldn't have another. It doesn't work like that. Each time your chances are back to 1 in 3 (his stats) or 1 in 5 as the more widely reported. I call him stupid as although he talked sense he was the most arrogant man I've ever met and has the wrong personal skills to be dealing with women who miscarry. An important skill to have as well as knowing what to do from a medical perspective in my opinion!! Unfortunately it was him who saw me when I was staying in hospital on Monday and again dismissed my questions as daft and I was left feeling belittled and a silly woman for ever thinking this pregnacy could work. He's awful, really awful. At least the sonographer woman I had this time in EPU was lovely and honestly answered my questions without thinking them to be ridiculous.

Sorry if that was a bit of an inappropriate and thoughtless rant. I'm currently sitting in the car with a broken toe waiting for the rac. It's not been a good day!

Sorry if that was a bit of an inappropriate and thoughtless rant. I'm currently sitting in the car with a broken toe waiting for the rac. It's not been a good day!

Im really sorry fedup. If you discover how to make it better let me know. Hugs in the meantime though. I've had tests done after 'only' two. Privately unfortunately as my gp refused. Someone I know 'got through' by crying desperately on a frightened gp though. Try and get an appointment with a locum!

I feel quite strongly people should be referred after two (though admittedly I'm hugely biased). As I've posted previously they found I have lupus anticoagulant which has a 90% miscarriage rate untreated, so I would almost undoubtedly have had another one. However, when treated the chances are much much better. It just seems a bit heartless to put people through something so awful which could be avoided, though I understand its about cost and the fact that the NHS have a finite amount of resources and there are no guarantees even with treatment. I feel so relieved that I opted to get the tests done, but guilty for people that aren't in the position to go private. I'd love to know the actual stats for odds of a second after one and odds of a third after two. Wonder what makes it so different.

I've too had the day 21 and a scan for cysts after crying in the doctor. They showed nothing obviously wrong... It's anything further or Referal to fertility specialists that they won't do...
Maybe it's time to bring on the tears again (easily done at the mo)....

aw fedup big hugs. don't try and make yourself feel OK right now. cured meats and a punching bag sounds like just what you need.

i got the day 21 bloods done at 6 months post mc because i was so obviously feeling desolate and fragile that the doc felt sorry for me.
you could try another gp and see if that strategy works? It seems odd to me that they'd make you struggle along for 2 years before giving you any tests.

Thanks sundance.
I have to go back to EPU on weds so going to ask some more questions. I also wonder what will happen to the random bleeding in my pelvis? I have since wondered if this is endo. They were asking me a lot about painful, weird periods when scanning me.

I also had v painful ov after first mc. (At 11 wks plus 6) but seemed to sort itself out after about 4 or 5 months. Things seemed more normal by the time I conceived. I'm just hoping that because this one was so early it's not going to take an age to right itself again. If it ever had righted itself.
Somehow I know I will have another child. I just don't know when or what further pain (emotionally more than physically) I'm going to have to go through to get there.

I think I'm too early in process to mc in hospital. Ie at less than 6 weeks its not even an embryo. And my mmc was just a huge sac as the baby had died ages before and disappeared.

I will pick myself up, I know I will. You just do, don't you. I just don't feel I can just yet. Maybe in six weeks I will be like you too and ready to go again! Xxx

Thanks sundance.
I have to go back to EPU on weds so g

fedup, you are basically me 6 weeks ago! Not sure if that's any comfort but I found looking for similar stories helpful. It will get easier in that you learn how to cope, but the unfairness of it all is still very raw.

I was 11+5 with 2nd mc...I'd started spotting so I knew it was coming. Long story short, I was sent home but had to go back in an ambulance several hours later when contractions kicked in. We had a lovely nurse who said that given we were on our 2nd mc and as they had the equipment there to sterilise the mc matter, they sent the stuff off for cryogenic testing straight away. They don't normally do this until 3 mc's but I think they felt sorry for us given we were getting so many weeks in.

My results came back last week-it was turners syndrome so proved it was a chromosomal issue and baby didn't have a chance, but it also suggests this was just really bad luck as turners is not hereditary. Oddly, this has been some comfort to us so if there is any way you could push for this I would, but you would need to mc in hospital. The hospital offered to book us an appt to speak to a geneticist regarding these results which will hopefully mean we can push for blood tests too if we are lucky.

Also, after my 1st mc, I'd started getting horrendous ov pains, in addition to bad af pains , I was in agony for 2 weeks of every month, so I pushed for some tests hoping this might also investigate and discover any fertility probs.

I have a gynae appt in jan for these tests, which I asked my doctor to chase up after 2nd mc. Had I not already complained of pains I'm not sure how long it would take...but you could also try this. I'm hoping for a scan of uterus to see if I have endo, though I know this would be unrelated to 2nd mc.

Finally, we asked doc about blood tests etc to find out why we were struggling, she said they don't run tests until 3mc's but she said we could speak to a specialist privately (an initial consultation costs £200), but, if the consultant thought we should have reason to be tested on the nhs then they could refer you back to GP with a letter who would then be able to start fertility tests.

I hope all this makes sense , and happy to answer any questions on our story, I think the key is to keep pestering the gp if you do want tests - the tests they run after 3mc are basically the same as the ones I'm getting done.

You just adopt this "lost the battle but not the war" mentality and then peel yourself up off the floor and start fighting again! It's hard, but we are all here to support.

Hi lizard, sorry you're here-you've really been through the mill, and it must be extra stressful feeling Luke you're against the clock. Have you had your egg reserves checked to know whether you can relax on that front? A 41yo friend was very comforted recently by doing so.

Hate posting from my phone, sorry to miss people out.

chosen knicker-watch has begun-af due sat I think, but confused by ov dates this month so don't know what to expect. Will poas tomorrow, but think it's too early, poss only 9dpo.

Hugs fedup, I'm sorry you're feeling so desolate. Hope will creep back, but of course you feel shite until then.

Ps. Was not even 6 weeks so hopefully will just be like a heavy period when it does get going...

So... Still waiting to bleed properly. I just want this over with :(

Will the doctors still not help me til I have had 3 mc? Did anyone else who had been unfortunate to have two mc get any medical support? I don't know if you remember but last month I went to doctor about fertility help and essentially she told me she wouldn't help me for another year - ie we need to have been trying for two years. Is that right?!

Just had a lunch of cured meats and cheese. Lovely stuff. And cried lots too as you suggest sundance and had the odd 'this is so unfair' toddler tantrum. If I had the energy I would start on a punch bag.

But honestly, Am really sad. And fed up (not with rainy days but ttc). I also feel hopeless.
this has also really affected my faith. Just have no idea why God would put me through this utter crap twice. Why?!

Sorry you are here lizard. It sucks so much doesn't it. Xx

Fedup, you poor thing, I'm so sorry to hear your news. Hope you're getting lots of support, hugs and tea from OH.

I wanted to get back to normal as soon as I could and for me that meant just crying lots. Get it out, punch something, drink booze, eat pate and soft cheeses!. It will happen...you'll get your bean.

Welcome also to Lizard - the club that no one wants to be in, but we're a great bunch nonetheless. I've also had 2 mc's this year, I don't have any dc's. Have you had any feedback on why you mc'd or have they offred any tests?

I found myself spending far too much time browsing mn yesterday, reading stories dating back as far as 2005 from people who had suffered several mc's and still gone on to have healthy full term pregnancies afterwards. It always helps me when I'm feeling low to read stuff like.