I'm ready for a flaming but just spent the last few hours sobbing and I need to talk.

I meant my post in relation to International craving someone to love her

I think me and Juicy cross-posted!!

My thoughts exactly....

You didnt answer my question, so I can conclude that you are going to risk it.

I understand that by creating another life that you will be creating another person to love you. And my guess is that is what you are craving.

Are you sleeping with other guys alongside your FWB??

I don't understand why if you are such a hot blooded woman, and such a fan of ONS's, why you would restrict your likelihood of conception by giving up that lifestyle for a guy you just see twice a week??

Do you have O.N.S because you like the guy and hope it will lead to something else?

Or do you have them with guys that you like just for a bit of fun?

Or do you have them with the sole purpose of hoping to get pregnant from one of them??

international. Said with care and concern.
If you knew he was going to be even rougher next time, would you still sleep with him?

YET ANOTHER O.N.S ???????????????

How many do you have exactly???

I don't know if I would call it rape but what he did was very aggressive. I would think it would need to be very rough for her to bleed. I don't usually talk about my sex life on here but in all the years we've been together, dh and I have sometimes had fairly fast and furious sex, it has never made me bleed.

international, please don't have sex with him again. He has no respect for you, you have no idea who else he is sleeping with and you are risking your health and life. And even if it wasn't rape this time, do you honestly feel safe with him?

There are men out there who are willing to donate sperm, who will be screened and tested and will definitely want no involvement with the child. Why don't you consider that?

international, can I ask, how did you meet this man?
Or am I right in thinking that you knew him from school?

It's probably much too late to say this, and no doubt it's been said before but op this is a fucking bad idea. This man, if he fathers your child, is not just a sperm donor. In fact even a sperm donor isn't just am anonymous provider of cells anymore.

If he finds out you get pregnant with his child he could apply for pr and contact and get it. Do you want that? Because "he was just a casual fuck I was using for his DNA so please don't give me contact with my baby" is unlikely to wash with a court.

He probably assumes you are on the pill. He's indifferent to barrier contraception. He could have diseases and give them to you and your child.

You must be mad.

I don't understand the reason this man is being condemned as a rapist - the OP said herself that it wasn't rape. They have an agreement that they meet up for sex every Wed and Fri. He turned up on Wed and had sex with her. Apparently she had a slightly different idea of what she wanted to happen after going down on him, but she never at any point told him that. What would you expect him to do, stop after every position and ask for written consent to continue in another? If two parties willingly start having sex and one of them changes their mind part way through, it's up to that party to inform the other!

And when I say, "Stay with him" I mean that in the loosest of terms as they aren't even together. She admitted herself that she doesn't even know if he is married or not.

I guess I meant

"There are men everywhere who would quite happily have sex with her if she offered it and therefore I don't understand what is so profound about this 'relationship' that would justify why she wants to see again a man who raped her???

Hi Tea - I know that a lot of rape occurs in relationships/marriages, sadly so, and I completely understand how the dynamic of a relationship makes the woman too scared to leave him for a variety of reasons.

However, this is a man that International has only known for 2 months and she meets up with him on Wednesdays and Fridays for casual sex due to her secret desire to have a baby. That is not a relationship by any means.

There are men everywhere who would quite happily have sex with her if she offered it and therefore I don't understand what it is about their 'relationship' that means she feels she has to stay with a man who raped her???

This thread is the second of the two threads.

I am getting confused as to what I have said on which thread.

The other part of the problem is, is that this poster, I think, craves love. And she is slightly falling for this man.

Plus which, she has done this before with another man [from what I can understand], and she "got away with it" last time.

And there is another issue.
Talked about on the other thread.

She is certainly vulnerable in the extreme, but can you call this a relationship? They are fuck buddies, that is what it is, consensual sex with someone who is nothing to you.

It's not rape just because he didn't take you out for lobster & champagne at a Michelin-starred restaurant and give you the best sex you've ever had complete with MOs via oral sex. Fgs.

Stop acting like a sex toy and maybe you'll get "made love to" as opposed to "fucked".

TeaAndANatter, i would suggest you read the other thread too.

The problem is that this poster is willing to go back for more. It seems to me, she will go to whatever lengths it takes to conceive. And I mean, whatever it takes.

The poster is vulnerable in the extreme.

Hi Writer.

Most rape happens within relationships, as it happens. Stranger rape is very uncommon, and 'date' rape whilst unfortunately much more common, is still less numerically than rape within ongoing relationships.

There is a huge variety of reasons that women (and men in abusive relationships) stay in abusive relationships, and for many of them it's not as simple a choice as how they once thought they'd feel if they were ever raped. Being in that situation can change people's minds about what they think they'd do, and what a woman does in the circs of one assault can be totally different to the next woman, or even the same woman in a different situation of abuse.

What you or I might do in that situation (and for lots and lots of different reasons I don't imagine we'd be in exactly quite that situation) pretty much isn't relevant, if you see what I mean.

She didn't choose to say yes to that kind of sex. That specific sex was not wanted or consensual. It hadn't been negotiated (as per wanted rough sex) or discussed.

The OPs own lack of discussion and negotiation about the potential pregnancy doesn't negate her own right to not be sexually abused. Her choice to continue trying to get pregnant with an abusive male does not give him the right to be abusive. That's tantamount to suggesting that women who are domestically abused are giving the male the right to do so simply because they stay.

For whatever reason, the OP feels a need to do this. I'm not going to make a comment on the morals of that, that's not what this thread was started for. It means that she is in a vulnerable situation with an abusive partner, and doesn't feel that she can negotiate her safety, or leave. Rape Crisis and Women's Aid would both be happy to support women who are experiencing sexual abuse, whether they choose to stay or to leave the relationship. The morals of whatever women do outside an episode of unwanted sex aren't judged in either of those agencies.

Hope this helps make my post clearer.

Exactly - she has already agreed to meet up with him when he gets back off his holidays so they can try and work things out and then have baby (obviously he doesn't know about he latter). She even said herself she would probably sleep with him when she first sees him.

I can't say I'd be feeling the same about a man who had just 'raped' me ..