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I'm ready for a flaming but just spent the last few hours sobbing and I need to talk.

386 replies

internationallove985 · 18/07/2013 00:10

I have decided not to name change here for the simple reason you will know it's me by my post and if you're going to flame me or say "Well I told you so", it may as well be the real me. I have posted here rather chat because I have opened up to more people on the conceptions threads.

Most of you know my situation for those that don't I have been sleeping with a guy for the past 2 months in the hopes of getting pregnant. I usual see him on Wednesday day time and Fri evening but I couldn't see him today so we arranged to see each other tonight... Anyway he got to mine for about 9.30.
We went straight upstairs. Sorry if what I say next is T.M.I but I gave him oral and yes rightly or wrongly expected it back but just as he was about to cum he pushed me down on the bed and dtd (with no foreplay) and came in less than a minute got up got dressed and said "I'm going now". I feel so used. I might as well be honest it felt a bit uncomfortable and I bled a little. The only time I've ever bled after sex is when I lsot my virginity.
I know I've been allowing myself to get used. I have never felt emotive after sex but I have just spent the past few hours sobbing. I'm in no way trying to cry rape as that was not the case at all, not once did I struggle or say no, but a little consideration would not have gone a miss. I just couldn't believe the change in him.
He is going away tommorow for a few weeks which now I am glad about as it will give me time to think. I'm sure he'd be mortified if he knew how he'd made me feel, do I tell him I feel used or do I just put it down to a quickie and rough sex. xx

OP posts:
JuliaScurr · 21/07/2013 14:05

lots of people accept behaviour as 'normal' when it is, in fact, rape. Many women continue sexual relationships with men who raped them.
Suggesting otherwise only shows lack of understanding of this subject.

RaRaZ · 21/07/2013 14:05

International : If you are truly desperate for a baby and don't care who or where it comes from, as you put it, why do you even need to know who the father is??? Hmm You said yourself you probably wouldn't tell him and you wouldn't ask for financial support from him... So why do you need to know who it is?

JuicyFatRump · 21/07/2013 13:56

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internationallove985 · 21/07/2013 13:54

I was not raped and nowhere did I say I was. x

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JuicyFatRump · 21/07/2013 13:52

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JuicyFatRump · 21/07/2013 13:50

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yamsareyammy · 21/07/2013 13:47

She has said many times that she does not consider that she was raped. She cant stop others saying it.

Fairylea · 21/07/2013 13:45

International I hope you have a very good support network around you because if you fall pregnant and things do not go to plan it will be extremely difficult as a totally single parent. I'm not saying people don't cope, because they do, but to willingly put yourself in that situation, well I think you're crazy. For example, with myds I had undiagnosed placenta previa which wasn't discovered until the c section itself. I lost 3 litres of blood, had 3 blood transfusions and spent 2 weeks in hospital. My pregnancy was completely healthy and normal until that point, no symptoms or bleeding at all. How would you cope if that were you? What would happen to your dc?

I don't think you've really thought everything through at all.

internationallove985 · 21/07/2013 13:43

Like I said juicyfatrump where did I say I was a victim. Nowhere! x

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JuicyFatRump · 21/07/2013 13:41

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JuliaScurr · 21/07/2013 13:34

juicy yes, you do have that right
to publicly show you are ill-informed and lacking in any human empathy
you have succeeded

internationallove985 · 21/07/2013 13:33

juicyfatrump. I will be more dignified than you are being and say congratulations on your pregnancy, I am not going to say anything abusive on here to anyone because I was taught better than that. I'm a survivor! x

OP posts:
JuliaScurr · 21/07/2013 13:31

Tea you are right
this idea that it's her responsibility to say 'no' - not according to the law it isn't
it's his responsibility to get a 'yes' before continuing
www.rapecrisis.org.uk/rapeampsexualviolence2.php
and the endless wittering on about feminists

JuicyFatRump · 21/07/2013 13:31

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JuicyFatRump · 21/07/2013 13:27

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Itstartshere · 21/07/2013 13:24

Juicy your posts are absolutely vile. Up there with Daft Punk's easily.

Writerwannabe83 · 21/07/2013 13:24

yamsareyammy - hahahahahahahahaha Grin

That made me laugh out loud!!!!!

yamsareyammy · 21/07/2013 13:19

Juicy, are you a man?

yamsareyammy · 21/07/2013 13:18

Juicy. With respect to the op, she is not your average poster if you look back to some posts early this morning.

JuicyFatRump · 21/07/2013 13:18

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JuicyFatRump · 21/07/2013 13:15

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internationallove985 · 21/07/2013 13:11

Juicyfatrump. Where did I use the words raped and abused. x

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 21/07/2013 13:09

Well if I was you I would find a discreet way of finding out if he has had a vasectomy - especially if he is the same age-ish as you. Like you said, you don't know if he is married and has children etc. That may be the prime reason he hasn't mentioned contraception.

Try and find a way to bring vasectomies into conversation and see what his reaction is like.....

Itstartshere · 21/07/2013 13:08

You can view it however you want to, International, that is up to you to decide. You have to protect yourself emotionally.

I think it was rape. A decent man would read the signals of the situation -NOT just that you wanted oral yourself, but that having had no foreplay you wouldn't necessarily be aroused. I would be very concerned that if you see him again this will escalate. He doesn't seem to have any concern for your wellbeing, which even in the case of casual sex most people would have.

No woman deserves to be assaulted. It doesn't matter that she's making bad choices herself, it doesn't matter that she consented up to a certain point. Crap sex is different to rape and assault. It just is. Doesn't mean women have a right to behave badly and that they don't matter, just that that is a completely separate issue.

God there are some vile, ignorant people out there.

internationallove985 · 21/07/2013 13:07

No I am only sleeping with this guy ATM for the simple reason, if I sleep around with randomers while ttc I wouldn't know who was the father of my baby was should I be lucky enough to get pregnant. x

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