I'm ready for a flaming but just spent the last few hours sobbing and I need to talk.

I know it will be difficult for some poster's to comprehend, but sex worker's have the right to say no to sex. Even after the dude has paid gasp Any woman, regardless of her sexual status gets to decide if/when she is penetrated.
The OP is not asking for your help, advice or ...worry...She posted about an upsetting sexual incident. The end.

*not sexually assaulting her

Men absolutely do not have to care about the woman they are sex with to ensure they are sexually assaulting her.

They absolutely have a duty of care to ensure that even a ONS or casual acquaintance is consenting to what they do. Otherwise it's sexual assault. Plain and simple.

Because, you know, it is sexual assault - in both legal and moral terms.

And those particular men need to know that.

I think therein lies the problem - if some men are going around thinking - it's just a fuck buddy, I don't need to worry about her then those men seriously need to think about their actions.

just an 'are you ok with this will do?

You are completely right, but for men to ask this they would have to care about the person they are having sex with and they'd have to care what the woman's answer would be - and therein lies the problem with having a fuck buddy

Fuck buddies do not normally have en emotional connection I guess. It is usually just meet up, have sex, go home - the end. Every Wednesday and Friday as is the OP's arrangement with this guy.

He clearly doesn't care about her and her feelings and she needs to realise that and end things with him.

I don't think she will though unfortunately

I think, not to put too much of a fine point on it, if she's arching her pelvis towards yours, and shouting yes! you can assume she's consenting. If she's sighing in ecstasy, you can assume she's consenting. If she's looking at you with a or an face, she's not consenting. You need further verification... not a signed contract or anything, just an 'are you ok with this?' will do. Especially with new lovers/fuck buddies. Obviously married old timers (like myself) work out our own script over time.

Well, seeing as many people on here have decided this man is a rapist based on the description International has given, maybe she needs your guidance to see how wrong she is when she says she wasn't raped or assaulted.

Maybe deep down in her heart she knows that what he did was wrong, but our worry is that she will let him continue to treat her like that anyway just because she is so desperate to have a baby.

That is why people are worried and why we are frustrated that she can't see what a potentially dangerous situation she is putting herself in.

If she was raped/assaulted, which only she knows - I don't see how any desire to have a baby can outweigh the seriousness of what he did. But obviously, OP doesn't see it as serious enough to warrant not seeing him again. As someone else has said, maybe she has feelings for him that she didn't plan on - which makes the whole thing even scarier. If he knows she has feelings for him I'm sure he will use and abuse that to his advantage.

This isn't going to have a happy ending I fear - and we all just hope that OP doesn't get seriously hurt in the process of baby making.

Writer - just so you know you're not going mad, I can't understand it either. If they weren't already in a regular, consensual sexual relationship I would expect him to ask permission but every single time seems a bit strange for me. Not referring to this case in particular but in general.
I would also imagine feeling used by someone who is openly only using you for sex is inevitable but not nice all the same. I really hope you manage to find a way of getting your baby without hurting anyone, including yourself International.

The OP did state anywhere in this thread she wanted guidance, assistance or approval of her lifestyle choices. She posted a thread about a sexual incident that hurt and upset her. Bit disingenuous to speak of concern, eh?

Well, I think he's not supposed to force himself upon her. If you picture the scene - she's just given him a blow job - so what - he can just roughly enter her? No.

Consent is not a grey area. A woman doesn't have to say "No" for it not to be consensual - a man has to ensure she's consenting, enthusiastically consenting. (Unless you're in the realms of bdsm and 'safe words' I suppose). And that means not shoving her down on the bed and entering her, hurting her, and making her bleed, straight after a blow job, when she's not ready. It doesn't mean she has to sign a contract of consent between each sexual activity ffs, it's just a matter of communication between 2 adults.

This should be fairly high up on the sex-ed agenda for yr 6's, imo.

Nobody is condemning her at all - people are worried about her!!!

I'm going to ask a question - and I ask this genuinely because I don't understand I can't work out if I'm just confused or stupid

They were engaging in sexual activity and he entered her - she expected oral sex in return but didn't get it and instead he penetrated her.

In what way was she supposed to give consent?
I don't understand, what was he supposed to have asked her and when?
And at point did she say no to him?

If someone can clearly explain it to me I would really appreciate it, lol.

Because she didn't consent to it. She is hurt and confused. She may not want to name it, but she was abused. And she has my sympathy for that, not condemnation.

Why is everyone ignoring International when she says she wasn't raped or assaulted???

ps) they are using each other.

We are jut worried that you are putting yourself in danger - that's all.

I would hope that your husband knows that you are ready for that. If not, then...

A man is not allowed, legally or morally, to push a woman into penetration before she's ready, regardless of the situation. The fact that what she is doing is very dubious (and I wouldn't do it or agree with it) is neither here nor there. A woman wanting to get pregnant is not carte blanche for a man to enter her in that way. I'm shocked that people think it's ok or justified in any way.

She feel used. She has been used and abused. Full stop.

Exactly runningforbusiness. The "asking for it" attitude by some poster's is shocking. Perhaps it is time for MNHQ to take a peek at the comments popping up again.

Zynzong - he does sound horrible!!! But she will carry on having sex with him regardless purely in the hope of getting pregnant. I can't see it doing much for her self worth and self esteem, or safety, but as everyone keeps saying, she is a grown woman and can make her own choices.

So was he supposed to say to her, "Can I penetrate you?"

My husband pushes me down on the bed all the time in the heights of passion and enters me. I do it to him too, push him back and mount him - I drag him around and can be quite forceful at times too, does that mean I assault him because I don't stop and ask for his consent every time I want to do something or change position?

The way I see it is if we are engaging in sexual activity then unless one of us says stop we just get on with it....

he sounds horrible. you poor thing.

"he's not psychic" is an appallingly bad excuse for what he did to her. He made her bleed. She is upset. She didn't want it or consent. The fact that he is her fuck buddy and came over for a sex does not equal consent for hurting her.

Thank you, MN btw, for making the guidelines for WBY clear. It is obviously still needed.

I may be shot down for this but I can't help but worry International relishes the attention and drama.

This thread had hushed down, disappeared down the ranks and then suddenly she appears and it starts up again - and then she has disappeared once she has got everyone talking/arguing about her and her situation again - much like how she has been on some other threads.

She says herself that she wasn't raped and reading between the lines of what she says happened, I accept that.

It doesn't matter what any of us on here say, she will continue to let herself be used, maybe roughly, because she is so desperate for baby. Very sad, but true.

She wasn't raped or assaulted, why is everyone trying to dramatise it? He's a fck buddy. He came over for a fck. she's nothing to him so he didn't bother making time to see if she was suitably aroused, he got what he wanted. She did not at any time say or signal that she didn't consent. The guy may not be an angel but give him a break, he's not psychic. OP says she wasn't assaulted and that he's not violent. You say she's a grown woman so her backhanded way of getting pregnant is up to her. In that case allow her to at least state it wasn't rape and accept it.

The whole thing is messed up, but lets not throw around serious accusations when women out there have really suffered.