I'm ready for a flaming but just spent the last few hours sobbing and I need to talk.

fifi, so we need to get a bunch of men to get a "correct opinion". Because we wimmin can't do that on our own.

The don't have to say no or struggle etc thing is for people incapable of consent eg off their faces drunk.

It's not.

Fifi, you tell your dp from me that if he starts sexy time with a woman, then suddenly pushes her down on the bed, and proceeds with a sexual act that hurts her, makes her bleed and leaves her sobbing for hours, he may very well end up on a charge of sexual assault.

fifi: for starters the OP said she wasn't raped.

However not saying no isn't the same as giving a yes. Consent is a positive thing: and it can be in the form of enthusiastic response or spoken, and if these don't happen then yes there is a risk that a person could unthinkingly rape their partner.

Of course if your DP doesn't know the difference between something you want to continue and something you don't, I would like to suggest you are doing it wrong. Your DP should rather notice if you aren't enthusiastically "consenting".

The same as any of us do! I asked his opinion. He thinks you're all nuts!

The FWB did get consent and it was never withdrawn. The don't have to say no or struggle etc thing is for people incapable of consent eg off their faces drunk.

If women don't have to communicate they don't want something to happen, all men are rapists.

Start sexy time with your DPs.... Don't tell him or show him you aren't consenting. Then tell him he raped you. Then see how ridiculous you're being.

Fifi what the fuck has your DP got to do with this?

For crying out loud. You don't need to struggle and say no to make it rape. The man has to ensure consent. Check the law.

Quote from Original Poster:

"I'm in no way trying to cry rape as that was not the case at all, not once did I struggle or say no, but a little consideration would not have gone a miss."

How is this rape??

If I was the OP I'd be banging my head against the wall. She must be frustrated that everyone is putting the words 'rapist' in her mouth, I know I would be.

Two things have either happened:

The OP has wrote down her account of what happened and it reads much worse than it actually was. This could explain why OP (who was actually there) knows and says it wasn't rape, but why people who read her post still believe differently.

Or : she was raped/assaulted but either genuinely doesn't realise it or she wants to pretend she wasn't.

Only she knows that and our speculations won't change anything.

She felt physically uncomfortable, that's different to hurt her. She felt used because he didn't go down on her, left quickly after, had little consideration for her, thats why she cried. Though they were meant to be FWB she may be hoping for more. It's all above. The OP has said it herself.

I agree it's not the nicest sexual experience. But that doesn't make it rape.

I spoke to my DP about this. He thinks people here seem to be living in wonderland with little concept of reality.

Speak to your DP's. let them read this. See what they think.

OP I hope you are OK.

Some of the posts on here are disgusting. The implication seems to be that because the OP has questionable morals she should just have to deal with being roughly penetrated when she isn't ready .
Of course not all men are evil! Most men wouldn't shove their penis into a woman who wasn't sufficiently ready and make her bleed and hurt her.
What planet are those of you from who condone this and what kind of guys are you used to?!

Nobody, but nobody, has the right to put to put it in you without your consent. Whether you've just given them a blow job, whether you're fwb's, whether you're wearing a short skirt, whether they're the heir to the throne. Nobody. Know that.

I agree with both posts!

Anyways - I'm off to bed. Goodnight all

Who said all men are evil? Nobody. Just this man's actions were bad and wrong. Why protect him? This one man did something that hurt the op. She's said so. It hurt her physically and made her bleed. she cried for hours she said. Why would you stick for a man that does this?

She herself says im not trying to call rape, that was not the case at all... But a little consideration would not have gone a miss

Jesus if every time a man wasn't considerate of a woman's feelings he was banged up....

I'm not a rape apologist. He hasn't raped anyone. He's a selfish lover, that's it.

Must now go upstairs and prepare consent firms in triplicate before I dtd.

All men aren't evil you know. Because they're encounter didn't go the way she planned doesn't make her a victim. Consent was implied when she went down on him and didn't revoke it at any point with words or actions. Simple.

This whole thread has made my blood run cold.

The complete selfishness of one individual, to get what she wants at any cost, and let's face it, the cost will be to the child if OP conceives.

OP, I don't think you have thought about the child that may be born out of this at all. This is all about you, what you want, how you want to go about it and what you will do to get what you want.

My mind sees a child who is not loved by one of their parents, because you chose to conceive with someone who you know is a selfish man who is only interested in his own needs.

When you are having these ONS's and putting yourself at risk time and time again, where is your other child?
Certainly not in your thoughts when you are risking your health and even your life over and over and over again in your desperate quest to have another child. Will you stop putting your health at risk then?

I wish women such as you would stop for one minute and think, really think about the risks you are taking. Your child may actually want to know their father, they may actually want a relationship with their father, yet you have robbed them of that opportunity before they were even conceived. Your child will probably want to grow up with a mother who loves them, not a mother who has contracted debilitating diseases or worse still dies due to not protecting herself.

If you have the money to support a child, why on gods green earth wouldn't you just use a bloody sperm donor? To protect your health?

Your DC are highly likely to only have one parent from the word go anyway, yet you are putting your life at risk to fulfil a need that can be fulfilled in a much safer way. It makes no sense.

Selfish and irresponsible, the pair of you.

Because what he did was wrong, writer. Its as simple as that. No reason in the world can make what he did ok.

What she wanted was oral sex first but it didn't happen.
But she obviously wanted sex with him because she is trying to conceive his baby - that is the entire point of their 'relationship'.

They meet up for sex - nothing else.
Of course the guy is going to think it's on the cards. Just to clarify; in no way am I saying a woman is asking for it if she is in a FWB set-up, but I'm just trying to see it from an outsider, as how the guy may have seen their encounter.

If the poster was raped/assaulted (and only she knows that) then obviously that is awful - but I feel uncomfortable that everyone is labelling this guy as a rapist because of a one sided story we have heard, when even the OP hasn't labelled him as one.

If the OP says she wasn't raped, or assaulted, isn't scared of him and is happy to see him and have sex with him again then why are people refusing to believe her?

International, I wish you the best of luck. Please pm me if I can be supportive in any way. For personal reasons I must hide this thread. The rape apologist on here vile. Love and hugs..

Oh, and rapists don't have to be violent for it to be rape you know

I'm NOT blaming the Op at all - I can't believe you think I am!!

This is the first time it has happened and what I'm saying is that if she hadn't take action then he would have thought it was ok to treat her like that - which it isn't. I said she has confronted him (which is a good thing) and that I hope that it never happens again.

Where on earth did I say she deserved it??

Fifi - the op quite plainly states that something happened to her that she did not want. Stop making excuses - there are no excuses. Even if he wanted his sperm (and I don't for a minute condone that) it does not excuse his actions. She didn't want it. It was non-consensual.

It's not! Stop dramatising! They were engaging in sexual activity, she expected a bit of attention back but he skipped that and went to sex. She felt used because of this. That's all. OP is not scared of him. She did not say or suggest in any way that the activity was going in a way she didn't want. It's not normal to ask for permission between sexual activities, it's natural to progress. I know what sexual assault/rape is, I've read MNHQ WBY. This isn't relevant.

It was a mutually beneficial arrangement, with obvious lack of communication. It's car crash stuff, but it's her business.

OP says.... And I'll point this out again. She was not raped or sexually assaulted. She is not scared if him, he's not violent.

Don't blame the op for what was done to her, writer. She did not deserve that.

I don't need to worry about her then those men seriously need to think about their actions

But on equal measure, the women need to know they deserve better and stop letting themselves be used.

There is a saying (that I can't remember word for word) but it basically says people will treat you in the way that you let them treat you.

If OP knows deep down she was raped/assaulted and does not stand up to him, end it, and/or take legal action, then what message is she giving him? She is saying that it is ok for him to treat her like that - which obviously it isn't.

However, they have a mutual agreement about their 'arrangement' and OP has said she told him how she felt and he apologised. Hopefully, it was a one off error made in the heat of the moment that he will never repeat - but possibly not.

Like I said, I just hope she doesn't end up getting hurt.