I'm ready for a flaming but just spent the last few hours sobbing and I need to talk.

Because there isn't a Selfish Sex Chat Area???

maybe there should be.....

me too fifi I need calm thoughts for implantation too, and I'm not getting them from reading the biggest pile of poo ever written!
running he really really didn't sexually assault her but I think we'll have to agree to disagree.
Why the fuck is this thread in conception anyway when it's just about selfish sex....

lol fiif

runningforthebus

So you are saying that the guy knew she wasn't ready for sex but did it anyway? How did he know she wasn't ready? Do you think he should have asked her if they could start having sex? And if OP didn't say no, didn't pull away, or ask him to stop etc, how was he supposed to know she didn't want it?

Also - I haven't seen the OP ever say she didn't want it??
Yet more words, alongside with her being raped, that is being put in her mouth... no oral sex pun intended

I thought chipping was you politely swearing

I love tabby cats too, but DP is allergic the selfish bugger.

Yeah taby the reason she was upset was her FWB wasn't more considerate to her sexual needs. In fact it seems like he bypassed the F in FWB. It's all blown up now and people are telling OP (which she disagrees with) that she was sexually assaulted in some way and I've been called a rape apologist!

This is a crazy ass thread. I really shouldn't comment anymore as I'm trying to keep my womb calm for potential implantation

Withdrawal of consent is irrelevant here. As I've already said, in law, the onus is on the man to ensure consent has been given. To ensure that the woman is enthusiastically consenting.

She was giving him a blowjob, and he then pushed her down on the bed and dtd as she says - she wasn't ready, it hurt her, made her bleed, made her sob. The fact that she wasn't ready for sex straight after the blowjob is the clue that she didn't consent. She didn't want to do it = she was not a consenting partner.

Just because a woman seems up for sex, is naked on the bed and is giving a man blowjob doesn't give him carte blanche to do what the hell he likes to her. "your honour, she was giving me a blowjob, so I thought that meant I could fuck her till she bleeds" would not stand up in a court of law.

He assaulted her - she is obviously minimising this fact for her own reasons, and that's fine - that's her prerogative. But legally and morally what he did was a sexual assault.

Don't not chipping

Actually,a quick 'is this ok?' never goes amiss if you chipping know the person.

can I blame autocorrect .business card anyone??

I think you have summed that up pretty well tabycat

ps) Great name - my 2 cats are tabbys and I love them to pieces

Queue?

isn't op just mad he didn't go down on her?

I completely agree with you fifi.
I can't believe someone actually suggested a man is to verbally check during sex that the woman is still consenting!

And no-one has to explain to me the law on rape, sexual assault or consent as I work in criminal law queue bitchy comments about what a crap lawyer i am.

What signs did she give then that you think he decided to ignore?

What signs did she give him then that she had 'withdrawn her consent' ??

Lover.... Stupid phone.

He said she cried afterwards not because of the sex, but because of feeling used. That he didn't show consideration by not performing oral and leaving straight away. The two things are very different.

I'm not vs MN there's many that agree with me if you read through. The OP herself being one!

By the sounds of what she said he prob didn't have much time to appreciate whether she was enjoying it as much as him, as just before he came they had sex.

They've been sexual partners for a couple of months and we have no idea what kind of stuff they get up to. I can only suggest the lack of foreplay was the reason for the uncomfortableness/bleeding.

I in no way think rape or any kind of sexual assault is ok. When a woman says no she means no, if she pushes a man away, turns away etc at any point, she has withdrawn her consent and that's that. That isn't what occurred here.

OP has spoke to him since, he didn't realise he'd made her feel bad and they plan to meet when he's back off his holiday. He could be the biggest weirdo in the world, but from what OP has said he's just a selfish liver, not a rapist.

Fifi,I spoke to my Dh and he's thinks any bloke who makes a woman bleed through rough sex when he doesn't know her well enough to know if she'll enjoy it is on very dangerous ground. And he also questions the motives of anyone who would enjoy it when the woman is clearly not enjoying it.

Here here fox

It seems to me that you consent with your body language. And if you don't know your partner well enough to read their body language, then you ask.

fifi, you are very mistaken about the nature of consent and the law. A person can indeed withdraw their consent at any time during sex. You may think that her not struggling or saying no means she wasn't assaulted. You may think that because the op thinks she wasn't assaulted means she wasn't assaulted. But you're wrong - many women are in denial about rape and sexual assault for years.

However, the relevant point here is that the man must reasonably believe the woman is consenting before and throughout sex. If a man is getting a blow job, and as I said before, suddenly throws you down on the bed and performs a sex act on you that leaves you hurt, bleeding and sobbing for hours - then it is assault.

OP - I sincerely hope that you never see this man again.

Fair point OBM . However, I totally see where Fifi is coming from, and I too cannot see the relevance of the WBY page in this case. It also seems that a huge onus is being put on the man here when we are discussing an act with two parties. Surely the woman has some responsibility too? Like to say if she doesn't like something?

Reread and my thoughts are the same. It states that she can withdraw her consent anytime. Which she didn't. End of. OP says she wasn't raped/assaulted/abused.