I'm ready for a flaming but just spent the last few hours sobbing and I need to talk.

Cannot imagine having sex with my husband with him asking for permission between every change of activity.

She didn't object or say no or give him any signals that she didn't want sex.

Do your partners ask in esteem different sex acts?

Scuse me darling do you mind flipping over so I can penetrate you now???

I actually feel quite strongly that you are actually incredibly immoral if he knows nothing of your plan to get pregnant, what about his feelings, what about the resultant child's feelings?

Your pain at sex not playing out as you thought it would pales into insignificance of that he will feel if you become pregnant.

Are you planning on asking him to support you and the child or are you able to do that all by yourself?

I think this whole situation sounds potentially incredibly damaging to you. Is there no other way you can find to have the baby you want so much?

Having horrible sex with an abusive guy cannot be the answer.

Please reconsider.

I don't understand how this can be called rape.
She's giving him a blowjob - willingly. He then got carried away with the moment. Is he actually supposed to have paused, asked for her specific consent and then carried on? Really? IF she had said no, or given any indication she was not consenting then that's a different story.

The fact she didn't enjoy it and feels used does NOT make it rape. See it from the man's POV please.

Op, why not just get a boyfriend and have a baby the good old fashioned way?

Trust me its hard fucking graft and I wouldn't ever choose to be a LP.

The problem with being fuck buddies is sometimes the guy will lose respect for the woman and just use her as a masturbatory tool, which has happened in this case.

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

However, and I say this kindly as someone who has been badly hurt by a friends with benefits situation myself, do you think maybe this is the wake up call you need?

Stop seeing him. Focus on finding someone who wants a proper relationship and baby, I think you're kidding yourself by trying to pretend that isn't what you want (also been there done that). You're clearly upset and emotional.

Also, please be aware that you don't know enough about this man or spend enough time with him to know he isn't seeing other women, some of whom may also be having sex with other men. Without using condoms you are leaving yourself open to all sorts.

Please look after yourself and don't have a baby with this man or any man prepared to treat you like this.

*but not bit

The OP may have wanted penis bit how it is given is an important distinction.
My point is that International had every right to feel upset. I hope that she ends the arrangement and can find a better donor (preferably a willing one through official routes)

The two situations are seperate issues.
Two people 'using' each other for sex should still be mutually enjoyable. Fuck - buddies should still have sexual respect for each other. The OP has been seeing this guy for a while and has not been left feeling shit from all their encounters. Just this one. Not just because he didn't go down on her but because he showed no consideration for her as a human being.
Neither of them asked the other to use contraception so at least with that one they're on an even keel with regards to lack of sexual respect.

For what it's worth I do not like the idea of a woman trying to get pregnant with a man who does not know about it, for her sake as much as his, but that is my opinion.
No man should push a woman down and penetrate her until she bleeds. No one should have the opinion that that is ok no matter what the nature of the couple's relationship or anything else going on between them.
Reading your partners body language and cues is part of obtaining consent. It doesn't have to be as straight forward as yes or no

Op wanted Penis though! This is the whole point she is TTC. She would have probably been even more distressed if she didn't get the sex!

Op I am sorry you are in pain however flippant my above comment is. Please please leave this man be and everyone here can hand hold and give you the support trying to conceive with donor sperm. I know you are hurting, and I agree with another poster that it seems you like this man more than you care to admit and there's no problem to admit that. We can support you with that.

Just be kind to yourself please, you will get that baby

Even people who are hard-core into rough sex agree on it before. Whether this was rape or not is up to the OP but from I read she was left feeling hurt and physically used. That is not the expected result of a mutually enjoyable encounter. I think actually that the posters who 'know the OP so well' have missed the point of the OP because your minds are clouded by the fact that OP has an unusual relationship set-up.

Is it only Radical Feminists that think a woman should not be treated like a sex toy?

Another feminist here confirming that yes, forced penetration is rape, and no, consensually giving someone a blowjob does not give them the moral or indeed legal right to force their penis into you when you are not ready for this. Therefore I do hope the OP is OK.

Hi International,
I hope that you are doing alright. Please know you have a right to your feelings regarding the incident you described in your OP. Please post in relationships if you feel in need of support.

I'm actually not interested in the man, I'm only posting because the OP is feeling terrible after a sexual encounter in which she did not give consent for penetration. I'm not interested in the man or labelling him or anything like that, I'm just concerned that the OP gets some support. Because non consensual sex will leave the non-consenting partner feeling violated and awful, and no one deserves that no matter how poorly they have handled their relationship

Well, with friends like these...

OP, it seems really clear why you'd feel terrible about this particular encounter and the relationship in general. Do go over to relationships for some straight talking support.

There are better ways of conceiving a baby when you aren't in a relationship, please get yourself in a better position.