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Conception

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Original poster

I'm ready for a flaming but just spent the last few hours sobbing and I need to talk.

386 replies

internationallove985 · 18/07/2013 00:10

I have decided not to name change here for the simple reason you will know it's me by my post and if you're going to flame me or say "Well I told you so", it may as well be the real me. I have posted here rather chat because I have opened up to more people on the conceptions threads.

Most of you know my situation for those that don't I have been sleeping with a guy for the past 2 months in the hopes of getting pregnant. I usual see him on Wednesday day time and Fri evening but I couldn't see him today so we arranged to see each other tonight... Anyway he got to mine for about 9.30.
We went straight upstairs. Sorry if what I say next is T.M.I but I gave him oral and yes rightly or wrongly expected it back but just as he was about to cum he pushed me down on the bed and dtd (with no foreplay) and came in less than a minute got up got dressed and said "I'm going now". I feel so used. I might as well be honest it felt a bit uncomfortable and I bled a little. The only time I've ever bled after sex is when I lsot my virginity.
I know I've been allowing myself to get used. I have never felt emotive after sex but I have just spent the past few hours sobbing. I'm in no way trying to cry rape as that was not the case at all, not once did I struggle or say no, but a little consideration would not have gone a miss. I just couldn't believe the change in him.
He is going away tommorow for a few weeks which now I am glad about as it will give me time to think. I'm sure he'd be mortified if he knew how he'd made me feel, do I tell him I feel used or do I just put it down to a quickie and rough sex. xx

OP posts:
itsnotrocketscience · 19/07/2013 12:58

Perhaps I'm naive, but surely a normal sexy quickie doesn't involve the guy getting dressed and leaving immediately.

You're not the first, neither will you be the last, woman to not realise someone is a tosser before sleeping with them. These men don't get better, and this behaviour may escalate during pregnancy.

Time to move on.

MrsHoarder · 19/07/2013 12:50

Given you can probably see you don't want a life long commitment to this guy now, best to move on. You don't deserve to be treated without consideration, whatever else is going on.

As for asking: yes the decent thing for him to do would have been to say "turn over, I want to fuck you hard". Asking for consent can be sexy if done right.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 19/07/2013 12:47

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BeQuicksieorBeDead · 19/07/2013 12:45

op please consider a new plan to get pregnant.... You dont need this guy hanging around for the next eighteen years plus.

Original poster
internationallove985 · 19/07/2013 12:44

Thank you for your supportPendentMarina. It means a lot. x

OP posts:
Fenton · 19/07/2013 12:43

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Original poster
internationallove985 · 19/07/2013 12:40

Fenton I have already said why I posted in conception. x

OP posts:
Original poster
internationallove985 · 19/07/2013 12:39

No because I was emotional and needed to talk or am wrong for that now. It seems I can't do anything around here with the words troll and attention making a grand entrance, but yet it's okay for people to say whatever they like to me. x

OP posts:
Fenton · 19/07/2013 12:36

You know what, I would be inclined to want to tip the bloke off about what you are doing and hope that he makes a hasty retreat for a lucky escape, - he sounds like an arsehole himself anyway though.

But either way to post about what's happening with you and your unsuspecting fuck buddy on a the Conception thread is just not right. It's just goading really isn't it?

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 19/07/2013 12:34

So you posted for attention then?!

Original poster
internationallove985 · 19/07/2013 12:33

Juicy fat steak. Where did I say I was raped. You admitted yourself I said it wasn't rape! Okay you have made it clear you do not like me, and that's fine, but to deliberatly target someone is not on!
FOR THE RECORD I WAS NOT RAPED. AND NOWHERE DID I SAY I WAS!! x

OP posts:
PedantMarina · 19/07/2013 12:31

Grrr, you know, I'd have a bit more patience with some of the ignorance being displayed on this thread if rape "after consent" hadn't been a recent news story!

Yes, it can be still rape if other aspects off the act had been consensual.

I don't know all of this backstory, but if the guy doesn't know he's being used for a sperm donor, then penetrating without consent is all the more heinous. What if this had been an "on" time and OP hadn't wanted to get pregnant?

Look, don't get me wrong. OP: this is a bad situation for you and you need to break it off with this guy. If you're now pregnant, never tell him. If you're not, take it as a sign from the gods that you need to find somebody, or another way, else.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 19/07/2013 12:29

Yes Fenton. All over Mn actually. That she's TTC with a FWb that doesn't know. Look at legs in the air in conception.

Me too Juicy!!!

JugglingFromHereToThere · 19/07/2013 12:29

In light of OPs latest post maybe it's just a very tricky area to discuss.
Hope you're feeling a bit better today international

MissStrawberry · 19/07/2013 12:27

OP, this is your opportunity to break away from this man.

Spend some time alone. Think about the baby who will grow up without a daddy quite probably should you consider carrying on with trying to get pregnant like this.

Many people will tell you their child has done fine without a daddy or doesn't want one but let me tell you that is not always true and it is a hell of a risk.

You need a huge dose of counselling I think to find out why you are so desperate for a baby you will sleep with someone who isn't in anyway caring towards you.

And if you are sleeping with men and letting them think you are on the pill, stop it. Men sometimes are stupid and it isn't until they are told their lover is pregnant that realise sex without contraception often equals a baby and a life long responsibility.

I am sad that people really think it is okay to get pregnant by someone they hardly know.

Fenton · 19/07/2013 12:26

Hang on a minute - she's posted this in the Conception ???

For Fuck's Sake. Hmm

JugglingFromHereToThere · 19/07/2013 12:26

Hmm, interesting thoughts Juicy Hmm

Original poster
internationallove985 · 19/07/2013 12:25

Thank you to all of you who have given me support. It is much apprieciated. I felt used but not raped. Although I will be honest I do find myself wondering "What would have happened had I asked him to stop? Well the truth is I'll never know. He called me yesterday morning but I ignored the call. x
Makeitupasyougoalong. I did not come to the thread yesterday as I was still quite emotional (if that's allowed!). While I know this is an open forum and I do not object to opinions, but please be mindful that sometimes hurtful comments can go a bit too far. Hence comment made at 12:06. I also did consider reporting your comment but if I was going to report every comment on here that had upset me. I'd be here all day and it's unfair to report just one comment also like I said I can deal with my own battles I don't need my hand held by mumsnet!x
To the person who implied I was upset about him going away please read my post again as that is not the case infact quite the opporsite
Juicy fat steak. I am far too intelligent to argue over kisses on posts, so we'll leave that one there. x

OP posts:
JuicyFatSteak · 19/07/2013 12:23

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JuicyFatSteak · 19/07/2013 12:22

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JugglingFromHereToThere · 19/07/2013 12:19

Haven't read every post, but seems many posters are being unsympathetic because of the back-story/ issues of using him as a sperm donor.
I think if a woman wants to do this then it's up to her really - if the man is interested in pregnancy implications of sex he can take an interest/ take his own precautions !

I don't think all that's the issue - I think you had sex which was too close to an assault on your body and I wouldn't be seeing this man again.

I hope you can begin to move on from this soon, and possibly put it down to bad sex you don't want to experience again ?

Fenton · 19/07/2013 12:16

Tell him you feel used and that wasn't what you wanted.

Then tell him you're trying to get pregnant by him and don't give a monkey's what he wants.

Problem solved.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 19/07/2013 12:14

Calamity- of course, she wanted the sperm!

CalamityKate · 19/07/2013 12:08

....also, if he got too enthusiastic (it has happened!) my response has been go "Oo, steady on dear!" Whereby he goes "oops, sorry....."

But I'm guessing the OP was reluctant to interrupt his flow. As it were.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 19/07/2013 12:06

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