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Conception

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Original poster

I'm ready for a flaming but just spent the last few hours sobbing and I need to talk.

386 replies

internationallove985 · 18/07/2013 00:10

I have decided not to name change here for the simple reason you will know it's me by my post and if you're going to flame me or say "Well I told you so", it may as well be the real me. I have posted here rather chat because I have opened up to more people on the conceptions threads.

Most of you know my situation for those that don't I have been sleeping with a guy for the past 2 months in the hopes of getting pregnant. I usual see him on Wednesday day time and Fri evening but I couldn't see him today so we arranged to see each other tonight... Anyway he got to mine for about 9.30.
We went straight upstairs. Sorry if what I say next is T.M.I but I gave him oral and yes rightly or wrongly expected it back but just as he was about to cum he pushed me down on the bed and dtd (with no foreplay) and came in less than a minute got up got dressed and said "I'm going now". I feel so used. I might as well be honest it felt a bit uncomfortable and I bled a little. The only time I've ever bled after sex is when I lsot my virginity.
I know I've been allowing myself to get used. I have never felt emotive after sex but I have just spent the past few hours sobbing. I'm in no way trying to cry rape as that was not the case at all, not once did I struggle or say no, but a little consideration would not have gone a miss. I just couldn't believe the change in him.
He is going away tommorow for a few weeks which now I am glad about as it will give me time to think. I'm sure he'd be mortified if he knew how he'd made me feel, do I tell him I feel used or do I just put it down to a quickie and rough sex. xx

OP posts:
JuicyFatSteak · 19/07/2013 14:31

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TheSecondComing · 19/07/2013 14:27

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ZingWidge · 19/07/2013 14:26

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Original poster
internationallove985 · 19/07/2013 14:18

Coffeewineandchocolate. I already do I dare say I already a proud independent single mum. x

OP posts:
coffeewineandchocolate · 19/07/2013 14:15

I think it's a case of 'you reap what you sow". the type of arrangement you have will never be emotionally (and probably not physically) satisfying. Your fwb has no emotional interests in you and tbh didn't sound like the nicest guy in the world.

I get that you want to have a baby, but do you really think the type of guy who treats you like this is going to make a good father.

being brutally honest it doesn't sound like you are in the right emotional headspace to be a mother at the moment. Having a baby is a massive thing physically but probably more so mentally. To do it alone, even more so. To place yourself in this sort of situation shows immaturityand lack of foresight at best and more seriously massive self esteem issues and vulnerability.

Original poster
internationallove985 · 19/07/2013 14:15

Hi Fairylea thank you for your support. x
Missstrawberry. The honest answer is I don't know what I'm going to, but at the moment rightly or wrongly I don't care if I never see him again, I am as deserving of sex with a loving partner than any other women, and the right guy is out there somewhere! Although I think the mold was broke they made me. I've was told by my friend that I don't really match up with anyone but then I don't suppose there's anything wrong with being unique. My desperation for a baby still continues and if I am not pregnant from this cycle I suppose I can go to a sperm donor or even adopt a child.
However when he gets back from his holiday weakness may get the better of me, but I hope not. I also feel I am being a bit unreasonable as well as some would say it was only rough sex not a crime but he's never been rough with me like that before, but I did feel used and I can't help how I feel but perhaps it was karma because like I said we are using each other. x

OP posts:
amessageforyouYoni · 19/07/2013 14:13

There is a lot going on here, OP. You sound like you are going through some sort of manic episode, to be honest, and I think you need to take a step back from what is going on in your life right now and really take stock. Is counselling an option for you?

If you really want a baby, there are better ways to go about it than this. That is what I was trying to say up thread.

This guy sounds like a bastard of the highest order. he is using and abusing you. This is the man you want as a father for your child? Wouldn't an anonymous sperm donor be better? In all honesty?

OhBuggerMe · 19/07/2013 13:55

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MissStrawberry · 19/07/2013 13:55

So what you are going to do now about this whole situation?

Fairylea · 19/07/2013 13:54

Ok just ignore my post then......

Original poster
internationallove985 · 19/07/2013 13:51

Branleuse. I did not say I was raped. Like I said I do not mind getting flamed but not over something I did not say or even imply. x
RaRaz. I was still bleeding yesterday but only slightly. I wore a pad yesterday but as bleeding now stopped I don't need one today. Although I am still a bit sore. x

OP posts:
JuicyFatSteak · 19/07/2013 13:49

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JuicyFatSteak · 19/07/2013 13:48

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Fenton · 19/07/2013 13:47

Ironic really.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 19/07/2013 13:46

Bran - the guy is not aware that the OP is trying to get pregnant.

Branleuse · 19/07/2013 13:46

and shit sex does not equal rape ffs

Branleuse · 19/07/2013 13:43

if youre trying to get pregnant, then maybe he thought you would prefer him to come there instead of your mouth?

OhBuggerMe · 19/07/2013 13:41

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RaRaZ · 19/07/2013 13:35

How long did you bleed for/how much did you bleed? You don't need to announce that here, obv, but think about it yourself. If you needed a pad/tampon/etc, I'd suggest you might want to call your GP for advice.

Original poster
internationallove985 · 19/07/2013 13:29

Hi RaRaz. The bleeding was more than spotting but it wasn't heavy either if that makes sense. It's stopped now. Also.thank you for your support.x

OP posts:
RaRaZ · 19/07/2013 13:25

I'm sorry that sex was uncomfortable for you, but I don't think the bleeding - unless more than a few spots - is really anything to worry about as rough/quick/energetic sex does cause some women to bleed.

I don't think you're really in a position to say you feel 'used' when by your own admission you have been using this guy yourself - but if sex with him isn't making you happy, then that's obviously not a good thing. If you feel that strongly about it and don't fancy/feel able to/etc have the conversation where you explain how you felt and the two of you are a LOT more open about what you want with each and what is acceptable, then I suggest you cut him off.

DisneyDiva87 · 19/07/2013 13:17

I never thought of that Fairylea especially if there is potential of him sleeping with others!

Fairylea · 19/07/2013 13:15

International I haven't seen you address what I said earlier about the potential for std's. You need to go and get yourself tested and use condoms from now on with any new partner until you are both tested.

You wouldn't want to end up pregnant and with an std. It could be disastrous for both you and the baby.

Original poster
internationallove985 · 19/07/2013 13:14

Thank you for your support. Disney Diva. x

OP posts:
DisneyDiva87 · 19/07/2013 13:10

I don't agree with your methods of getting pregnant International but you do still seem like a decent person, just because you are doing something I would never consider doesn't make you horrible (just misguided! Wink).

In reference to the rape thing, I think some people are implying that they would consider what happened to you as rape, or close to it, even if you don't.

I think you should be rid of this guy or at least speak to him and tell him you want a baby and is he happy to provide the necessary so at least he knows. It sounds to me like he is literally just in for the sex and doesn't care much for you. This can't be a no strings attached thing for you as if you do get pregnant then he will always be your baby's dad even if he chooses to have nothing to do with the baby as a father. I really really urge you to speak to him about it. As others have mentioned there are other ways of having a baby and there is nothing wrong at all with a male friend consenting to be a free sperm donor if you are both happy with that decision.

Perhaps we should apply the 'If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all' rule here. There is no need to be mean to someone who is upset no matter what decisions they have made. Offer advice and disagree of course but lets not get personal or it just ruins the forum for everyone.

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