I'm ready for a flaming but just spent the last few hours sobbing and I need to talk.

teaandnatter yes the sex is abusive and hideous without a doubt but she wants to continue to get his sperm. She could say no but chooses to say yes. Will rape crisis help with that?

I met my husband through Plenty of fish too

You do realise don't you that you are emotionally involved with this man, and I think quite in love with him? Why else would you let a fuck buddy treat you like utter shit and then worry so much about what he's doing / what to say / whatever else.

If all you want is sex, trust me there are LOTS of men out there who would have sex with no strings.

But you're clearly attached to this particular man.

Which makes me wonder what is going to happen if and when you do get pregnant. Are you expecting him to want to play happy families? Because I doubt that's going to happen. He is an arse and he will continue to be an arse and if he wants to see his baby then he will be a permanent arse in yours and your existing child's life.

I cannot stress to you enough you need to do a full std check NOW and not have unprotected sex again. How would your existing child cope if you contracted AIDs for example? Seriously, could happen! You really don't know what he's doing or who he's doing the rest of the time he's not with you. Totally irresponsible parenting on your part to put yourself at risk like this.

Do what I did. I am twice divorced. I wanted another child. I went online dating, plenty of fish. Kissed a lot of frogs. Then met my dh, we married and had a ds - took us 1 year and a bit to conceive as we both had health issues but both desperately wanted a child. Dh loves and adores my older dd like his own.

Don't waste your time on twats. Get online dating. Meet new people.

I am utterly disgusted by some of the comments on this thread. I've not read them all, just a skimmed sample, but was horrified that a thread in which the OP wrote for some comfort around what (to me) is rape, and certainly was unwanted sex (in so much as it was not wanted or consented to in that way), has become an opportunity for the great and good of mumsnet to get stuck in on a moral rant about other aspects of this poster's life and choices.

The OP did give details of the context of this episode, but it was clearly not the focus of the post. Where is the sisterhood in our community if we use even a sexual assault/abusive sex as the chance to get out typing fingers into some good juicy back biting shit?

It does not matter what this poster is doing (room enough for that on other threads/other days). It does not and will never warrant abusive sex. Would any of us say that our mothers, sisters, daughters 'deserve' to be sexually assaulted or abused because they make crap decisions in other aspects of their lives? Frankly, in the context of someone posting for help and support about unwanted sex, I don't give a rat's ass WHAT they're doing in their wider lives. It really doesn't matter.

OP, I would recommend that you consider phoning either your local Rape Crisis. You don't need to have been raped, or to label what has happened to you as rape to be supported there. The national number (if you don't want to look up your local) is 0808 802 9999, or Scotland 0808 801 0302. Apologies if someone else has already posted this earlier, I didn't have the heart to read in detail some of the previous posts.

Whatever your future choices, I wish you the very best, and hope that things work out for you. x

You are right, it won't be the baby's fault - it will be yours...

I think she'd pick any guy to be honest .

I think that in order to be 'good enough' to be the father of her child, the only quality he needs is the ability to ejaculate.

It isn't about wanting a baby that adds up to sn, it's about wanting a baby this way. I dont see evidence of sn here, just stupidity.
What you are doing is wrong. If you get pregnant you will have to tell your child that their father used you to relieve himself, you knew you were nothing to him, he thought you used contraceptives. Mum and dad both to blame for the mess. Does he have money to support you and baby? Why have you picked this particular shit?

I will pm you if that is ok.
It is a post you put on a different thread, not to do with your talks on conception.

sn = special needs

You say it is clear that International has some sn..

What is sn??

From, how she has answered on another thread in Chat or somewhere, it is clear that international has some sn.

international. I think you need to be more careful about looking after yourself. I dont know how well you know the man, or think you do, but he will have already worked out by now, that he can do rough sex. It is likely, quite likely, that he will do it rougher.
Is there anyone in rl that you can safely to talk to about this? As what you are doing, could put you in some danger.
Seriously, take care.

OP, keep thanking people for kind words
So many Problems
Give them all a grip
lol !

x

"If only you could meet someone like Chesney from Corrie. Obviously I don't mean ginger hair "

Oh, and JuicyFatSteak, you can just FOTTFSOFAWYGTFOSM for this ^

My son is ginger and gorgeous. You, on the other hand are just horrible.

God some absolutely fucking horrible responses on here. All this angst about this 'poor unsuspecting guy', ffs, here's an idea, if you don't want a child DON'T HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, it's not rocket science. Either he's completely stupid or he just thinks it's someone else's problem. I suspect the latter, and quite frankly I'm struggling to find sympathy in any way for him and that's even without his behaviour towards the OP.

OP having said that, I advise you to listen to the massive alarm bells here. This guy is a twat. It doesn't matter what you label it as, physically hurting you to the point of bleeding is more than just a bit of rough sex and doing that to you makes him a complete cunt. I've had rough sex before, but never to the point of making me bleed! at the insinuation that you deserve to be treated like that. You don't.

He is NOT a good person and I think you will end up getting far more hurt if you see him again. I understand your desperation for a child, but doing this is likely to backfire in your face. He is NOT a good person to father your precious child. You can find proper sperm donors and go about it without all the risks. The risks to you right now in this current course of action outweigh the potential benefits. You say FWB is working for you, but love, it really honestly doesn't sound like it is. FWB can work, if there is mutual respect and there is none here. You are more than some random guy's fucktoy, don't let him treat you like one.

As a little aside as this thread was posted in conception.

Oral sex will hinder conception rather than help!!!!

There are enzymes in saliva that are harmful to sperm. Also, sperm need a certain pH level to survive and saliva interferes with that. Even water can cause osmotic shock.

So OP, if oral is the only way to get your sperm supply going, then I would find another donor now, preferably a donor that does not want oral before the big performance and can be a bit more considerate to you! (and you should not receive oral beforehand either!)

Quite transparent I think

lol

Course she is......