TTC 10+ months part 16

Drizz I'm glad it made you smile.

I suspect the clinic are right. Mine was 45 on day 14 past EC and that all ended in tears. There's no point stopping a bleed with progesterone if the end is inevitable. It';ll just be more miserable. There is a research paper somewhere on the web about using HCG levels to predict pregnancy outcomes. I found it really interesting. I think they concluded that 70+ at day 14 was what you really wanted to have a good chance of a healthy pregnancy.

mrsd I was completely awake and aware of what was going on, but sort of drifting off, a bit like day dreaming. There was no danger of me impersonating a chicken or anything. The hypnotherapist kept asking questions and I was answering. The questions were aimed at delving into my subconscious. Basically I knew I had an ishoo with control and that is why I find EC so difficult. So she explored that and my fierce "no one looks out for you like you look out for you" stance. She took it back and back through various incidents to find when those feelings first started and my mind evenutally took me back to that. So even though it was a pregnancy-related incident, the starting point for getting there was about my need to control situations rather than anything pregnancy related. There was other stuff as well. Like she had me imagining a timeline from birth and asked me if I was in it or if it was in front of me. I was in it. But not at the present day! I was near the end but not at the end. We didn't go into that but I suspect it is linked to feeling like my life has been on hold for the last couple of years while we have been ttc. It's interesting that it came out in such a visual way.

It was actually fascinating.

Lemons, its ok to be in the tent of doom just now. I was incredibly sad and tearful for a few days, I cried more than I thought possible. Then I had a few days of feeling angry and frustrated. That was worse than the sadness because its such a destructive emotion and one that I've never really felt before. I know we're all different but you will feel brighter at some point and then you can do the fet.

What do hypnotherapist actually do? I assume they don't say look into my eyes, you feel verry sleepy,

PS the kumquat made me smile, euro, I wasn't here to see it when the wounds were even more raw :)

Thanks lovelies, I called the clinic to ask if there was an outside chance of this coming right and they were firm and clear. This has no chance to become an on-going pregnancy. So I've stopped the progesterone-bullets (small mercies!) and am going for another HCG test next week. The lovely nurse (who was with us during embryo transfer as well) recommended a stiff drink. I really would prefer not to get to 10-weeks, if I had to still mc then

I think it is the hut of gloom for me, although the hypno adventures do sound really interesting. I am a bit overly emotional at the mo, but euro I welled up when what you needed in the room was a sister. I really hope hypno will give you a handle on EC. Scary and exciting you're starting again soon. Massive well done joycep for being delighted for the pregnant colleague. I don't think I'll be able to bear mine next week...

joy perhaps you should become a therapist! You are absolutely right that that issue came up and that is what we ended up focussing on. The crying came when she asked if I could have anything there in the room with me that would make it easier and suddenly I welled up and sobbed "a sister". I have no idea where that came from. I have always had very positive things to say about being an only.

Maybe it's the hypno working joy? Embracing other people's pregnancies? I surprise myself sometimes as to how I react. It's somehow worse when it's people I don't really know, like my neighbour for example which makes no sense at all.

Euro, I'm sorry that the hypno made you cry. I don't think it's surprising that we have negative feelings about pregnancy.

Lemon ? i am so sorry to hear this new. I agree with Buzz that you should get tested in a few more days just in case it doesn?t leap up. It?s terribly terribly tough though and just so unfair. Look after yourself.

Sea ? sorry humira was so ouchy. Did the pain go away immediately though? How many humira injections to do you have to do? I saw that story on the news last night and I was completely appalled. I said to Roy that many people will just say to infertile ladies ?it is just nature?s way? yet if that is the case how has nature allowed those barbaric human beings to give birth? It is sickening.

Nelly ? you have a good plan so that all sounds great. I totally agree that if you can go LP at some point that will hopefully produce more follies for you but may be the next flare will do the trick. I totally understand you not wanting to let people know you are doing another round too. Several friends and family knew last time and I kept getting texts from very well meaning friends asking me how i was and that they were thinking of me. It was my own fault for letting them know but I found it put pressure on me and i found it really irritating. It?s such a strange bubble to be in that I just wanted everyone outside of that bubble to leave me alone. I will also be trying not to speak to anyone at the clinic this time round because I found myself comparing notes with people like after an exam. So i have learnt my lesson.

Eur0 ? it sounds like your hypno session was useful. I?m sorry you ended up crying though but perhaps that?s just everything coming out. Do you think she is going to eradicate these deep seated fears? Presumably a lot of it may stem from that bad scan you went off to with your mum when you were a kid?? When my hypno woman asked me whether I really wanted a baby, I said I wanted a baby but I didn?t want to do the pregnancy part. She then pointed out my body language when I said the word ?pregnancy?.. I recoiled and shook my head as I said it as if I feared it and i didn?t even notice I was doing it. I can only think that my first miscarriage came as such a shock that it put me off and now the second one has just rubbed more salt in the wounds! Anyway i hope this woman is able to help you.

My mind works in such a weird way. My colleague yesterday whispered to me that she was pregnant and I was so thrilled for her I smiled all the way home. She wasn?t even trying, it was a mistake and she has only been with her boyfriend a few months. I can only think that my ?strange? happy reaction was to do with her being 4 years older than me and perhaps that gives me confidence. I don?t know, sometimes I can?t work myself out!

Oh lemons I'm so sorry. I don't have the right words to express how sad I am for you. Hugs and love to you X

Oh Lemon I can't bear to think that another 10+er has to deal with the trauma of the maybe yes/maybe no flipping HcG levels. This is so unfair :(. My heart breaks for you. Hold on to thoughts of those little frosties down the line, but for now here is some cake and a big broad shoulder.

MrsD you made total sense. I will reply later when I'm not stealth posting from the loo at work...

Oh drizz what an awful time to cross posts. I'm so sorry. x

sea I was saying the same about that story to mr euro this morning. There is no fairness to whom children are born.

Well done on getting through the first injection.

Drizz! A second line! Come on the kumquat (I was trying to think of a mini lemon and struggling - does it show?) I really hope this is it for you. How many days past EC are you?

pout I hope the spot has vamoosed by now.

I've had a weird day. I had my hypno session this morning. It brought out all kinds of unexpected stuff (including me crying, which I almost never do). I'm not sure it's a miracle cure, but I do feel better now. It became pretty clear that I have a deep rooted fear of both hospitals and pregnancy and hugely negative associations for both, which may explain why IVF is not an entirely happy experience for me...

Oh lemons I'm so, so sorry. Take some time and allow yourself to be miserable and cry as much as you need, it's the natural reaction. You will be ok, and you have all those wonderful frozen embryos. You will get there xx

Sadly the line was too faint. HCGwas 29, which means it won't take and become a viable pregnancy. Stopping progesterone and crying are the order of the day.

Oh lemons that does sound like good news. A line is a line or so they say. I thought about you this morning. How long until you get the blood test results?

Sea, that story breaks my heart, I cant get his picture out of my head. Poor, poor little boy. I can't bear to think about how he suffered.

Cosmos, I'm not at argc. I think what happened with me is a little bit complicated. I had to take a slightly lower swimming dose for the first three days because of a mix up at the chemist. They also didn't start me stimming until day 3 because my Amh is very good and they were being cautious. Then my scan showed all was good, if they had continued growing at the expected rate then ec was scheduled for the right day bUt they think I responded too strongly to the cetrotide and basically had a reaction which halted any further growth rather than just preventing ovulation. So at ec only two eggs were mature the rest had prematurely stopped growing. For the next round I think they will use a different drug to cetrotide and I'm going to ask for a scan on the morning before I trigger.

Pout, your dettol story made me laugh. I hope the skin has recovered now!

Nelly, woo hoo for ovulation. I've never used opks, I did temp for a while but it stressed me out. I prefer not really knowing. I understand wanting to keep Ivf secret. I'm pleased we haven't told anyone in rl. The support on here is fantastic but I did find it a little difficult doing a cycle at the same time as you and critter. When you had symptoms and bfps, I selfishly felt sad for myself because I had no symptoms and knew I wasn't pregnant so reading that you were feeling something brought it home to me that my round had failed. When you got the negative my heart broke for you because I knew how devastating it was. It sort of felt like I was emotionally involved in your round too. I'm not sure I've expressed that very well.

Hi everyone

Lemons ? Any more news? Hope you will be following in the footsteps of the 10+ preggers.

Critter ? Wow you are already at 15 weeks. Glad travels are calming down. I hope you are feeling good and healthy

Pout ? no such thing as being too attached to pets. I love animals but where I live is not ideal for pets. Would love a cat though. Dogs are just a little too much work for my life right now but I do love them. As for your spot debacle?. Toothpaste is the best I find for the odd spot here and there. As for what you did with the neat Dettol. I have actually done the same before with TCP. Not nice. Hope it?s healing nicely.

Sweet ? So sorry to hear about family stresses. You poor thing. I hope it?s not too stressful. As I get older I realise bad things just do happen and we have to be ready to deal with it. . I am delighted you are almost at 20 weeks. Hope you get the scan scheduled soon.

Nelly ? I am so pleased you got a + on an OPK. That must be a weight off the mind. As for MrNelly being away? it?s always the way isn?t it?I think your plans sound very sensible. It?s so important to feel comfortable with it and not just along with what the clinic says. And absolutely you can be as fickle as you want!

Cosmos ? Hope the injections are doing okay. I am sure you are young and your embie are lovely too. It is funny how we end up talking to strangers about our vitals isn?t it? I have been reading about intralipids and IVIg too. I know what you mean about the cost of the latter. I really found it quite shocking but have read good things too. Good luck.

Joy ? That sounds like a very odd session indeed. I think you can ?forget? what was talked about. It?s happened to me before but not heard or experienced the fluttering mode.

Sar ? I am sure no one else can see the blonde hairy belly.

Euro ? belly laugh at you stroking furry 10_ preggers. LOL. I hope the cold subsides soon. Hope the hypno session goes well.

AFM, 1st Humira injection done. I managed to get the clinic to do it with me as have never self injected. It was much more painful than I thought it would be. What a wimp! O well. I guess I better get used to it!

Ladies, today I have a real bee in my bonnet about this horrific case that?s in the news about the poor little boy tortured by his mum and stepfather. I am working from home and have the radio on and every time I hear it I feel my blood boil. It?s unfathomable to me that someone can torture their child like that. Why o why can these scumbags get pregnant seemingly with no problems (this monster had 2 children)!! There is something really wrong with the universe!

Quick post. Lemons. Looks interesting indeed. Fingers crossed it's good news. About time we had another BFP on thread. Sorry for the wait. When will you get blood test results.

lemons I have everything crossed for you too. My first positives were v faint, particularly those done with middle of the night wee! I agree with nellie about the odds being good and you have your family of Victorian proportions.

Oh Lemon I will keep everything crossed for you. The odds are good I think! Good luck

Help: OTD is here, so we did a test at 5am, because I wake really early , which was interesting. A really, really feint line - although better when I pulled it out of the bin, long after the reading window - and now it is twiddling my thumbs until official bloods and results... I might become more sociable and involved after this is all over or I might go on holiday/in the tent of doom

OFFS you still can't see them even though I put spaces. The sideways ^ symbol

Summer cold = repressed immune system = good, no??

Annoying. You can't see the < comments > on the phone. No wonder I get confused reading sometimes.

Hello nelly! You are allowed to be as fickle as you want.

I will see what comes of hypno tomorrow. I'm keeping an open mind. I've never tried anything like it before, so we will see.

I feel like I am about to come down with a summer cold - boooooo.

Right catch up here goes....

Sweet oh the irony of the low fertility diagnosis whilst at a pregnancy appointment. I think I'd have had a wry smile to myself at that one. It seems to be going so quickly! Nearly 20 weeks already, wow. Family emergencies not allowed though.

Euro Hypno can do wonders and I hope it works for you. For me I don't think I ever felt it did good. She maybe gave me a few conscious coping mechanisms but not much else; but then I never felt entirely sure about her as a person and I think it's key that you believe in them. I gave her enough money though . Oh and she also told me that 90% of her clients have successful IVF on their first round. HA!

Joy sounds like your hypno was better than mine! I am glad you understand the Happy OPK moment (today it was lighter again so surge must have passed and OV around about now, I think?)

Sar - we managed last night, his 5am alarm put paid to anything more. Oh well, now I know they work I might use them again. Eek to hairy bellys to you and Critter. Sorry you are still suffering a little bit with the nausea. As always thanks for your lovely words

Pout there is no such thing as being too attached to pets. Those of you on FB will know I am fond of posting cute pics . Sorry the thought of FET is worrying you; there is every reason to be optimistic though. I've had really bad spots recently too. I finally found something that helps (Elemis SOS emergency cream) but to be honest I bet sudacreme is just as good; it's just that mine lives outside, don't ask!)

Ooh cosmos good luck for the DR. I hope it all goes ok. Everyone is here for the hand holding. Oh and MrsD is overseas so I presume not at ARGC. Don't worry about not being a pet person, I think we outed a couple of those before . We let them stay... I have to say I don't even look the other couples in the eye at the clinic. It never occurred to me to talk to them.

Critter wow at being 15 weeks. I am glad your travelling is going to calm down now. Your weather chat makes me jealous though! I made a point of not working out dates related to my IVF cycle and I have to stop myself comparing to you and Art, who I co-cycled with; so when I read 15 weeks my heart skips a beat. But it's only briefly and then I move on and go back to being for you . On that note, if and when I go again I am thinking about not telling anyone. Including the 10+ers. That might fall by the wayside if I need the "ooh there isn't much going on in here" support; but I think that I want to try to keep it to ourselves? Last time a couple of people knew, but even though it wasn't meant to, in a strange way it adds a layer of pressure? Anyway I reserve the right to change my mind

Rabbit you know where I am lovely . FFS at more admin disasters.

MrsD back up-thread a bit but I had a fair funk after this round. It was initially fine and then a massive tent dwelling period. I think I'm only ok because I have holidays etc planned; and despite not a great clinic appointment it's good to have another round on the horizon. But I need the break in between cycles mentally. I always feel like I want to be on the other side of the fence. When cycling, I get fed up with the monitoring, mainly because it's never a very upbeat process in my case; but then when I'm not in the midst of it I feel a bit abandoned . Anyway this too shall pass; and for what it's worth a stern talking to at the clinic and a bit more care on their part will be all it takes, I'm sure.

Lemon did I already comment on your amazing frosties?? That is stuff of dreams for me, it must take the pressure off somewhat! How are you doing, is tomorrow OTD?

Sea I am sorry you and MrSea have more worries. There should definitely be a law that anyone suffering from infertility is not allowed any other crap; sadly it seems to be quite the opposite sometimes. I am glad the process is moving on a bit for you though.

Gin - wow at being 21 weeks! Haha at the ZW trashing!

So going back to my clinic appointment. They didn't tell me outright that DE was my only chance, but just pointed out the numbers game. Really between MN and general googling I didn't expect them to have some kind of magic solution, I'm aware my AMH and AFC and poor responses previously don't bode well. I was however left feeling that they didn't really get what I was trying to say about why I wanted to try LP (in summary, last time I had a few smaller follicles that grew more slowly and the lead one was ready way before they were; I want to try DR to see if I can get those follies up to speed). The irritating thing is the inconsistency. The other clinic we were going to go to initially only do LP and in fact told me I'd get more eggs that way . Someone asked about other clinics, and I guess in that respect we've already had a second opinion. There isn't much more choice; but something dawned on me the other day. So current plan would be to done one more Flare protocol at current clinic, using scratching, heparin and (maybe) assisted hatching. Then if it doesn't work I think we will pay for a private round at our NHS clinic. That works out a bit cheaper than full private and I think they will do LP as standard, so that gets me my final thing to try. If all that hasn't worked, that will have been 4 rounds and quite enough money gambling on my poorly ovaries, and DE it will be.

Going to post now then see what I missed!!