TTC 10+ months part 16

Thanks so much for that Joyce. This thread is such a lifeline. I was off the pill for eighteen months before ttc and had regular cycles return very quickly. I was also off the pill for four years in my late twenties. I do think there has always been something a bit (understatement) off with my hormones. I always had random spotting on the pill and bled constantly on the depo injection for three months. My womb is just a bleedy bastard!

Rabbit - I feel your misery and pain with your now erratic cycles. I could have written that myself. If only doctors would pay attention or have some interest because there has to be a reason as to why us ladies who were once so regular have now totally fecked cycles. I can't help but feel here lies a clue to our subfertility. I do wonder whether you have had more chemical pregnancies than you realise. I was telling my nutritionist the other day about my pain and aches I now get which I didn't have before and she said it sounds almost like a reaction to my own hormones.
I wish someone could explain why our bodies are doing this. It does suggest hormone or immune related. Or perhaps they are just deeply unhappy with all the invasive procedures we have had.
When you were regular were you on the pill?
With ivf it doesn't matter that we have fecked cycles because it bypasses all that so don't worry. But I know for peace of mind it is unsettling.
And you have been stern with me before so i will with you. You are not peri menopausal. Your fsh is far too low for this to be a factor. I just think our bodies are telling us they aren't happy about something.

Joy, I meant it seems to have all got started so quickly, which is an amazing thing, not that I can't believe you are having ivf. bad bad turn of phrase!

I am stepping back onto the thread from the wilds.

Some things I can remember..

Art has had a baby! She is beautiful and I think of you with awe and wonder of happy ivf endings. You give me hope. May your baby sleep through the night at an unheard of age as reward for your ttc perseverance

Sea I think you are a trooper. I am glad you have a friend who gets it and that treats you with sensitivity.

Cosmos I am glad the lipidy things didn't hurt or make you feel bad. I am cheering you on from oop north. Please can I be friends with your friend?!

Joy I can't believe you are starting again but this is a good thing. You have had a pregnancy from ivf and some sad luck that it didn't work out. I have every faith that you will get there. I know it must be scary to go back to the place it all happened but you are a superwoman and we are all here to hold your hand.

Rum I am very much enjoying your posts. Might we end up doing the old I'm Very Fuckedoff together?

Euro how are things today? How are your swellings?!

As for me. Well after the whole passing a lump delayed cycle after suspected cp disaster, I have ovd this month on cd 9 and have had an odd gush of spotting on cd 16 that has now gone as quickly as it came. I feel like my hormones are just off the chart and that this is a direct result of peri menopause and poor egg quality. It has made me very unsettled that my body has behaved so erratically. When I started ttc I had had a year of charting to 'get ready' (hollow laugh) and my cycles were always exactly the same, 29 days, ov cd15-17. One month cd15, one month cd17. Since the very month we started to try I have had cycles of all imaginable lengths ranging from 22-37 days with ov from cd6-24. I think I can now join the league of irregular period people. I guess I have had two surgeries thrown in to mess things up and things have been unusual most months since my big op. I feel broken and infertile and totally confused about how ivf is tailored if your periods are fucked.

Well that was cheery!

Loves to everyone xx

Art congrats that's lovely news.

Muddy no it was fine - just but like a smear with a short stab of ouch. After didn't even really feel crampy. Had bit of very light brown bleeding for few days.

Nelly - how are you? Haven't seen you on here for a long time. You have been missed. You are right about being happy at diffed announcements. I have generally been okay aside from ones who make some silly remarks.

Joy - You are a lovely friend to your BF. Did you other friend ever tell you about her BFP herself? The best of luck for your next cycle. I know it was a hard time last time. Just remember this is a completely different cycle. Will you be taking some time off this time as I remember you worked through EC & ET last time? Be gentle on yourself.

Art - massive congratulations that is just fab. Enjoy enjoy your little bundle! It must feel awesome.
I have to say I wouldn't have a bloody clue what to do with a baby. I think I would have a serious holy shit moment.

Wave to Nelly who hasn't been around for a bit. And where is Mad, I hope the downe egging is going ok for her.

Sea - I am pleased you felt happy for your friend. It is much easier beig happy for a friend. I have told my BF to talk to me whenever she wants about her pregnancy and I am genuinely excited for her even though she has come out with some insensitive corkers. So odd how different diffed people can make you feel.

Goodness ladies, I have already started getting butterflies in my stomach for potential impending ivf which could start in about a week or so. Feel pretty sick about the thought.

I missed Mad . Hope you are ok.

Cosmos, can I ask if you felt anything after the scratch? Pain/discomfort or anything? Doing some research!

Hooray Art . She is indeed gorgeous. I'm jealous a bit, but not of the being knackered part, so everything is in balance! Hope she settles into a routine soon.

Sea, sometimes being cross and upset is hard work in its own right and it is nice to be able to feel happy for someone. Other times I can't manage the good-spirits that are required and misery, self pity and pure envy are the only emotions that I can summon. Each works at the appropriate time

Euro sounds like you might be a bit swollen! Hope it settles soon.

Working from home today but gazillions of things to do. Must not spend all day on t'internet....

Loves to everyone I haven't said hello to in ages... MrsDen, Pout, Joy, Lemon, Critter, Rabbit, Cosmos, Sweet, Free (ahem.....day 39??), MissM, buzzy, doll, gin, Sar and everyone else I've missed. That list looks very short so either it's very quiet on here or everyone got pregnant already

Euro at sprinkler system

Art - Congrats on baby Art. It's so lovely to hear from 10 plussers with good outcomes. Hope you, MrA and baby art are all doing well.

Rum - glad you are feeling better about insensitive email.

I saw newly diffed friend last night and we talked a lot about pregnancy, baby names etc. She is an instadiffer (tried only for a couple months) but such a lovely and genuine girl. I'm v happy for her. Only a couple of stabby moments. I feel better for being able to feel happy about this.

Aw, congrats Art. She is adorable. I'm very happy for you. :) It's reassuring to hear that although you resented the process you don't care about it now!

sweet I have been on the look out for thrush/UTIs ever since. I know gin got cystitis after she had a similar experience at EC. I seem to be ok at the moment, although everything seems to have been squashed. I seem to have had a sprinkler system fitted - I can't pee straight. It fires off in unexpected directions at the moment!

Congratulations, Art! What wonderful news! And especially cheering on this thread. May we all come to not give a toss. And may Mini Art rapidly grow less disruptive. Hope you're all doing well.

Thanks for the righteous indignation on my behalf, ladies. It's helped loads with the craptastic feeling. And yes, I've always thought that many assertions of how lucky she was, etc seemed a bit 'the lady doth protest too much'.

Hi ladies

I've been meaning to catch up for the past week and have finally realised that if I wait until I can do a proper name-checky post I'll never manage it, this thread moves so fast. So apologies now for brief catch-up. I'm sorry to hear about A+ announcements, insensitive friends and painful fanjos. euro I winced through your description of EC and have everything crossed for you (including legs).

My news, which some of you know from t'other place, is that Mini Art was born on 11 Aug. she is ace but completely knackering and disruptive hence taking ages to post. I can however confirm that now she's here I don't give a toss how she was conceived. I never wanted to do IVF and resented the whole process but am immensely grateful for it now.

I have to go, mr A is waiting for me to finish, but I am thinking of you all still stalk you and sending lots of love and good vibes

It could be just from having been in a clinic. I almost always get a mild cold and/or flu after visiting senior residences, doctors offices and hospitals.

I hope it isn't an infection from the transfer. If it is, I would be most worried about a bladder infection or even thrush because of all the swelling and trauma you experienced in that area.

No worries. I think you misunderstood my originally post anyway. I was never suggesting I might be diffed. I was specifically saying yesterday that what I was feeling couldn't possibly be explained away by diffage symptoms because it was far too early (partly because I couldn't take the lovely ladies here getting excited on my behalf when I know that there is absolutely nothing to be excited about!). So that is why I was worried about infection or something else resulting from the crap transfer.

First time round I had various coldy symtoms (scratchy throat, stuffy nose, etc that didn't develop into anything) on and off between 5 and 11 dpo. It was February so I didn't think anything of it at the time. And I was diffed then, although it didn't stick.

Euro - I re-read what I wrote and realized I sounded very negative and even a bit dismissive - I didn't mean your diffed feelings aren't real. I meant I am skeptical of my own - especially because I had felt similarly at other times when I was in the tww or late only to be bitterly disappointed. I do hope what you're feeling isn't a virus and your body getting ready for an embie. Sorry for being so negative.

sweet I definitely had an "i'm coming down with something" feeling around implantation time on my first cycle. But I was 4 dpEC yesterday, which is far too early for it to have been that. The embie would not even have reached blastocyst stage by that point. I suspect I was just fighting off the virus that one of my colleagues is off with today!

Euro ? glad to hear you are better.

Rum ? I completely agree with Joy about your friend. It?s no different from any other showing off email.. So unnecessary. I have heard many friends say that nothing they did before becoming a mum is important. I always thought in my head maybe that says more about your life? this was way before TCC monster got me. I also agree with Sweet that those who feel the need to constantly overshare and demonstrate in this way feels iffy to me. A bit like that supermodel and ex hubby who used to renew their vows every year and then divorce.

Off to see my lovely diffed friend tonight (the thoughtful A* announcer). I am actually very happy to see her and look forward to spending time. Like Cosmos said, spending time with good friends is precious.

Euro - I don't know if you can feel anything really early. I was having worse than normal allergies and scratchy throat the month I was diffed. Maybe it meant something, maybe it didn't - I am skeptical of retrospective "early" symptoms.

Free - nice to see you again. I am sorry for the long and agonizing cycle I find those are the worst sort.

cosmos - Glad you had a nice time with friends.

Scan photos? First month celebrations? That is a little excessive. I always wonder perhaps meanly if the people who are always in your face about how great, fulfilling and wonderful their lives are, are really just trying extra hard to convince themselves.

Hugs to everyone I have missed, I hope everyone is doing well.

Rum , wow at your friend and that she knows about you and still included you on that email. Seriously where do people get off? Presumably not everyone who had the pleasure of being on that email are in loving relationships like her or have kids so I wondered whether she would even think about the consequences of how others might feel? It?s very supercilious and very much a ?i?m more important now and my life means more than yours? statement. I can imagine the pride is huge and I know you need to give allowances for that but I would be pleased and proud if my husband received a socking big pay rise and we moved in to a big detached house but I wouldn?t send round an email saying how much life has improved and how much better it is to have more money. It goes without saying! I feel for you and I also felt my blood pressure rise when I read that.

Cos- i?m so pleased you had a lovely talk with a friend yesterday. How therapeutic. All it takes is a great catch up with a dear friend to lift mood. Glad there were no side effects of the intrallipids.

Euro ? i?m pleased you are feeling better too. What a relief.

sea I certainly thought "everything in your life, perhaps..." and other, more bitchy thoughts. But seriously, way to completely devalue contributions of the childless! Sigh.

euro she knows, but I don't think she really gets it. It doesn't help that she lives overseas so we haven't ever properly caught up about it in person.

And to answer the question about why share these things - she's a bit of an oversharer. Or maybe just generally insensitive about how painful it can be to rub your own good fortune in others' faces. I know she always tries to be positive & look on the bright side, but it goes to extremes. Like before baby she was always banging on on FB about how amazing her husband is and how deeply she loves him - I frequently wanted to shout "get a room!" at her status updates. So I'd braced myself for all the updates about how marvellous baby is, and to be fair she's been quite restrained on FB & the baby is especially cute. But finding that in my inbox was a real sucker punch to the gut. I mean, I'm hoping to have the potentially transformative experience of motherhood too, I just don't know if I'll be able to.

But ironidiffs happen! And IVF works! Better believe that or the slough of despair will swallow me whole!

cosmos that sounds lovely. Good friends are good for the soul. :)

freedom sorry about the delay- how frustrating!

Good to see you rabbit!

rum good luck with the ironidiff efforts. It happened to one of the women on the egg buddies thread - she'd been trying for ages and discovered she was pregnant while downregging!

Ouch about the email. How insensitive. Does she know you are a long term ttcer?

Thanks for all the concern ladies. I am feeling rather better today. Not sure what was causing yesterday's crapness, but I am mostly glad that it seems to have passed, fingers crossed.

Euro - I hope you are feeling better today. If not, do call your clinic to get yourself checked out. Being busy during 2ww is the best I think. Less time for mentalling.

Rum - I felt ouchy and crossed just reading about the one month note from your friend. I have received similar, thankfully before TTC but I never understood them then. It's like scan pics. To me they are personal things and sending them to friends just seems weird to me. Maybe recipients have helped build houses in Africa or ran a charity for disadvantaged kids or opened an orphanage?! Those things would seem as important or rewarding as looking after a new born - no? Why o why do people share these things?

Free - welcome back. Good to see you here again. Sorry for the witch is messing you around and for the insurance delay. You don't need these frustrations.

Rabbit - sorry you are still going through hard time. Nice to see you.

Waves to other ladies!

euro, sorry to hear you're feeling a bit grim. Hopefully it was just due to the tricky EC/ET? How are you feeling today? Changing clinic if future goes at IVF are needed (which, they might not be...) sounds entirely sensible. I'd definitely give them a ring if you're still feeling under the weather today though.

cosmos that sounded tough. What a poignant reminder of the 5 years... But what a lovely catch up with your friend. Hope that glow is still there today. And I hope the intralipids do the trick for you! ET will be soon, by the sounds of things! And re clubbing I didn't quite fall asleep by 11, but I was back at my friend's flat drinking chamomile tea by 1 am.

Ooh boy for the start of the new year, joy. Sending strength in advance. Maybe having a nice, childfree holiday or something booked for March that you could look forward to might help with getting through it?

rabbit I hope you switched that shit off asap. Though I have been known to torture myself with maternity/baby programmes.

Sorry about the BFNs and insurance aggravation, freedom.

I was really hoping for a pre-IVF ironidiff this month. Sigh, apparently not, my period is definitely almost on its way. Still, we've got one more go next month before it could all get going properly, and we're on holiday over shag week, so I might do like a "normal" and assume a holiday + shagging could actually get me knocked up! I mean, who knew sex could get a person pregnant?! Although I could have sworn that intro to IVF session at the clinic might have been a good scared straight programme for our reproductive bits. Especially the bit about surgical retrieval of sperm if he can't perform on the day of ET. My husband crossed his legs a lot at that point.

One of my dearest friends had her first baby about a month ago (same day as Kate & Wills - that was a haaaaaaaaard day). And I've been thrilled for her, but then this week she sent round a happy one month to her baby note, with the whole "everything that seemed important in life pales in comparison to making and taking care of a little person with someone you love" thing. Which, I could have done with being left off that recipient list, you know? Ouch.