Legs in the air.

RaRaz. Why did I bring it up? Well that's a valid question I suppose. However I am just as allowed on these threads as those with a "willing" D.P D.H also I feel I am getting at you but that is certainly not my intent, but I am disapointed that you say or words to that effect that I am not deserving to fall pregnant just because I am not with a d.p/d.h. Well I consider myself to be a very good parent to my existing child as I will be to my hopefully future child. Also prior to having my D.D I did suffer a miscarriage did I deserve that because my angel was the product of a O.N.S. No I didn't. In a nut shell what I am trying to say is "My child/ren are as precious to me as yours are to you. xx

Someone else has already pointed out that you're less likely to end up with a UTI if you use the toilet immediately afterwards. By trying to keep the seminal fluid in by sticking your legs in the air for a set amount of time, you're increasing your chances of catching a UTI.

If it's none of my (or presumably anyone else's) business, International, why did you bring it up?? No-one asked you to disclose it, though I get your point that it's not up to me to judge what you're doing.

OP (the ACTUAL OP this time - my bad!) - I've just lent a book from the library called Eating for Fertility. It's about a fair bit more than just diet actually, and one of the things it suggests is that to use gravity to your advantage when ttc ie finish with the man either on top of you or behind you doggy-styley, or to stick your legs in the air immediately afterwards. Obviously plenty of people conceive in all manner of positions and some wouldn't entertain the notion of putting their legs in the air afterwards, but I for one am trying what is suggested in the book - I've had enough problems of late without ignoring what could be very sensible advice. Certainly can't do any harm (that I can think of)! Good luck with it!

There are lots of women doing what international is doing, it just isn't spoken of much. I personally couldn't do it, but each to their own.

As for the OP I'd say waving your legs in the air won't make a jot of difference. You can conceive without waving legs in the air.

Hi RaRaz, I don't disagree with any of what you've said (I'd agree with 90% of it couched in slightly different language actually), but I'm uncomfortable with the way the thread was becoming a court of judgement. It's a tricky balance, because of course the community is a place for debate and dissent, and heated discussion is part of that, but there's a line where it feels like the point has been thoroughly made, and either people are going to hear your valid concerns, or they're going to go their own merry way with that. At that point, I worry that our comments can escalate until it can be (more generally than this thread) a deeply personal war of words in which everyone says things that don't particularly reflect exactly who we are, or what we mean.

Hope this makes some sort of sense, yours in mumsnettery x

PS - Tell you something that shocked the hell out of me while we're at it, I saw an old lady use her walking stick to poke a young man out of her way on to a packed train on the way home. The grin on her face whilst she did it was a bit shocking ;-)
PPS - Can't wait for getting a stick of my own.

Sorry Razraz should be Raraz. x

Razraz. I've shocked the whole of the mumsnet community. I very much doubt it. I could be wildly wrong here but I would imagine the mumsnet community have got better things to worry about than what I am doing.

And the whole top and bottom of it is In a nut shell it is none of your damn business whether my F.W.B knows I am ttc or not. Harsh words but true. I can hear the words "He who is without sin cast the first stone", ringing very loudly in my ears as I post this message. x

Enjoy!!

I'm not shocked in the sense of being naive or thinking no-one would ever do that kind of thing, but I AM shocked in the sense of being disgusted by the behaviour mentioned. To me, it is morally wrong, and I cannot understand the mindset of anyone who thinks it is right. No pearls are being clutched, but I am strongly against what she is doing and I think it is unforgiveable.

Totally adore this pearl clutching thing. Must remember to use it in everyday life. x

Tea-glad you posted that as I'm certainly not shocked or clutching my pearls in horror.

I'm torn between feeling very much that I agree with every point made about this topic (not the original post, writer!), but also feeling uncomfortable at reading posts suggesting that the whole of the mumsnet community is shocked. I'm not. I disagree with it utterly. I wouldn't dream of doing it for all sorts of reasons both already suggested, and not yet mentioned. I think it's morally abhorrent. But at the same time I feel uncomfortable when we women talk as packs against one of our sisterhood.

I saw a fab woman once talking about women judging other women's choices. I appreciate completely that this poster's choice is one that many of us feel is unjustifiable, but the phrase (and I warn, it's a touch crude) that I heard kept popping into my head: 'what you eat, I don't shit'. I took it to mean that your choices are not my choices, and it's not for me to judge them. It's hard to do that when you read something that feels so much that it will inevitably impact upon an unborn child, but at the same time there are many inspiring, strong single mothers on mumsnet through choice, or partner's death, being left, that manage this on their own. It's pretty fricking far from ideal, but there you go.

Hope this post makes my point clear and inoffensive to all previous posters. Not condoning, but not being the first to launch a flaming pitchfork either.

With love,
x

Ooops! Yes, very good point there - my apologies to the true OP and her (willing!!!) partner! I would say, Writer, that being in an honest relationship where ttc is what you both want and are both aiming for, is a damn good start and makes you far more deserving and far more likely to make a good parent. Fingers crossed for you!

RaRa just to say - I totally agree with you - but it's not the OP who is TTC with her FWB. International posted later and that's what this thread appears to be focused on now.

International, how can you not see what a terrible thing you are doing?! Ofc your FWB is an idiot for not using a condom, but that's a different argument - you are actively ttc with a man who not only doesn't know this, but also most likely doesn't want it! I can't understand how you can possibly think this is ok. It's not fair on the man, not fair on the child you may have (and, for the first time ever on these boards, I'm seriously hoping that the OP is not successful in ttc), and not not really fair on you either - who are you planning to turn to when things get tough during the pg? Who's gonna hold your hand when the pain of ligaments stretching makes you cry? Who's gonna comfort you if you mc? Who's gonna be excited with you when your waters break? Who's gonna be there with you when you're in labour? No doubt you're going to say either that you have a friend/mother you can rely on, or that you can do it all on your own. Are you going to be honest with your friends and family and the hospital staff when they ask who (and where) the father is? Are you proud enough of what you've done to stand up tall and say to people that you tricked a man into fathering your child and that the child will never know their father because of what you did? Can't imagine that even in your skewed world many people are ok with that.

On another note, have you heard of sperm banks?? At least the men who donate KNOW what they are doing and are prepared to be fathers at least in one sense of the word.

I sincerely hope that you are not planning to make your FWB pay child maintenance when/if the time comes. Is that all you want, sperm and a little money? You were outraged when someone suggested before that you were just ttc so you didn't have to work, so I'm assuming you do work. Surely, then, you should have enough intelligence and be surrounded by enough normal people to see that what you're doing is WRONG. You are the very definition of a predatory woman, and that is not something to be proud of. I think you've done the almost impossible and shocked the Mumsnet community. Well done you.

Regardless of the fact men should always wear a condom, at least with a casual partner, tricking someone into creating another person is one of the worst kinds of deceit. Having a baby is a huge responsibility; it is a life choice which should not be forced on any person, man or woman.

No, not understandable for a man to flee when the woman he was sleeping with got pregnant. Men should always use a condom even if the woman says she has been sterilised. STI's, anyone?!?!

It is pretty disgusting to treat another human being in that way. Having a child should always be a choice made by both parties. It shouldn't be assumed because he hasn't asked about contraception. There is every chance he thinks you are on the pill etc because you haven't mentioned using condoms. I know someone who did this to a man and she is now disliked by all her friends and the man in question has fled to another town.

International, have many children do you have, and what will you say to them/him/her about where the new sibling has come from?