Eggcellent Egg Buddies: are you IVF cycling in June/July/August 2013? Then get your druggy arses over here for some pure fucking menkulling...

...but I do love you lot

From 3-6 years kids are just noisy, needy little shits. From 6-12 yrs they are hideously boring and still needy. From 12-17 yrs they are fucking vile, selfish monsters. From 18 yrs they fuck off to uni and are shagging anything that moves and ignoring any semblance of a decent, stable upbringing.

Charting temps, SWI, OPKs, others having babies, joining mumsnet, living by mumsnet, eating/sleeping/breathing mumsnet, several mumsnet threads, others' IVF successes, fertility appointments, dildocams, operations have all conspired to make me think I want this nonsense called Children.

Here's what I actually want from my life:

1. Freedom
2. An excellent sex life
3. Amazing holidays
4. Lie-ins. Forever
5. To finally become an amateur taxidermist (yes, 'tis true)
6. To never have to stand at school gates with competitive, middle-class mummies
7. To be able to take a shit, alone, for the next four years
8. To only fill the washing machine twice a week
9. To only ever be responsible for wiping my own arse
10. To be rid of the incidious force that is mumsnet from my life.

That's hilarious -juicy! I've been having the same thoughts. What am I doing? I feel old, having headaches, having to sleep for 8 hours per night minimum - I'm no way up to looking after a baby, let alone coping with a chile. I can cope with them up to the age of 7, then they get right on my nerves.

Fanks, ExSpatAtMe.

I am having some Strange Thought Processes:

1. I don't like children over the age of 14 months
2. I hate screaming kids
3. I love sleep
4. I hate being responsible for/being needed by someone else
5. Kids' TV makes me want to slit my throat
6. I do not want a screaming baby hanging off my tits for twelve months
7. I want to go home

Help, please: we last had sex on Saturday night (don't worry - we paused BGT on the telly) as we thought EC would be today (three days later). Now EC is Thursday (4.5 days later). It is too late now to squeeze another sex session in as the clinic says he must abstain for three days. Have we mucked things up?

Wish, if it's a choice between farting and coming to join us loons then I'm afraid farting will have to wait

Twinkle, remind me: are you waiting for a call from the doc to discuss which protocol? Stay cool.

Expat, I hope you've driven away the nagging doubts with a big stick.

Tortie & Buzz, how are you both feeling? Any more confident?

Off to find a kettle to buy today; I cannot cope without my brews and the tea bags we brought are sat so forlornly on the table here. Who asked if I'm calm? I'm calmer than Anne Boleyn with her head on the block. I can't believe I'm actually here for IVF and am still getting over the thrill of decent bog roll and a pillow thicker than a wafer.

Nokkie, how many weeks are you? I actually funked down the aisle of the aeroplane to the toilet and the hen-do slags girls tried to join in (and failed. Scousers can't do funk. Fact.)

Nokkie you do make me laugh!

Wish - most of time I read this thread cause it makes me laugh and we need a laugh while we're going through this! I don't get involved with the in depth stories because 1. I don't have time cause this thread moves too fast! And 2. Because I'm hanging around waiting to start so don't really have much to say! Love this thread though and the in depth stories make me feel like I know everyone and that makes me root for them even more.

Expat - keeping my fingers crossed for for the 1 they put back.

I'm still waiting for the doc to ring me back! Really not happy and don't want to go through the treatment with a clinic that has pissed me off. But short of calling every day an leaving a message, what do I do?

Glad you're staying wish, still hoping we might bump into each other one day!

It wasn't you Karb, It wasn't anybody, you're all awesome people.

I guess I'm just trying to support everyone and join in with the chit chat but I'm too busy to fart at the moment so I'm struggling to do it. It's probably more me feeling like I'm not supporting you guys and feel cheeky when I expect it back!

Thanks everyone for what you said. Ill stop being a stroppy bitch hormonal now and stick around x

expat congrats on the successful transfer. Am sorry that you didn't have any to freeze. I didn't and it really upset me. However, focus on the one which was put back. We are sending you all our bestest vibes !

joos so you have arrived then ? I hope you have left the sodding nits back at that shithole you stayed in last night. Who chose that place then ? The Chippy Slag ? Are you feeling relatively calm at the mo ?

wish please don't go. This thread moves faster than a whore's drawers in a busy bordelo but you don't need to name check everyone all the time. If you do go off for a bit, best of luck with all your treatment. X

I can only go back to the top of this page so good luck to those stabbing and stimming and dildocamming and follie growing. Good luck too to those playing the waiting game (buzz and tame) and anyone else I have forgotten. If you aren't doing any of those things but are waiting for things to kick-off properly, please have some extremely posh cat food. I know it's posh because it's in a pouch.

Noks xx

Nah, it'll be me and my afro.

Wish I hope it wasn't me moaning about my follicles that's made you want to leave. I'm just stressing stupidly, ignore me.

WishYouWouldn'tGo, please stay. You can use the thread however you like - ignore the bonkers talk and come and tell us what's going on for you or if you're sad/afraid/doubtful or whatever. We're here for each other and we're all going through the same stuff despite expressing ourselves in different ways. Please stay

[waves to Twink] x

The thread is for support. You dont have to feel as though you have to contribute loads or join in everyday etc. Its about support and being here when you need eachother. I dont know what id have done without this thread recently.

Wish - I haven't been joining in with all the chat either. Don't feel like you have to go. :)

My spelling is fucking dire =/

Don't go wish =( you do belong xxxx its a fast moving thread which is hard to keep up with but you do belong. Xxx you want less than 15 eggs I think for quality??? Have I made that up???

Glad to see joos is updating us!! Good look bird!!

Looking forward to lets of egg collections and embryo transfers over the next few weeks- keep going girls!!

Expat- neagativity not allowed. You have a good embie on board. Encourage it to snuggle in.

Scan tomorrow. Scared =(

Hi again,

Instead of completely disappearing I just wanted to say that I'll be leaving the thread. I just don't feel like I belong here, you all have such a lovely relationship and chat about everything but if I'm honest I don't feel like I have been able to join in with that.

I really wish you all the best in your journey and I hope you get what you want in the end. Just remember that what you are fighting for is so so important and it'll all be worth it when it eventually happens.

Good luck everyone x

Life I expect nothing less!

Expat hang in there. You made a sensible decision.

Juicy a few extra days of holiday sounds bliss! Enjoy.

Mejust glad it all went well. Next stage - exciting!

Karbea that's a healthy number. And loving the skin comment!

Hello everyone else. Wil go back to stalking/lurking now!

Welcome back, Wish, and listen to the nurse; she's right.

Expat, please don't be distressed about no frosties. I, too, will be kind of dismayed if we don't get any, but the reality is we need to focus on those which are transferred, because they are real and they were chosen above all others, for real reasons. Take courage, lovely

Did someone mention zits?

Hey ladies, I've only been lurking lately cause I've been busy finishing uni and getting the house sparkling!

I have tried to keep up to date with you all though...

Juicy Im so glad you're finally on your journey. The first hotel made me itch thinking about it. I would have seriously been rocking in the corner looking out for a cockamouse with a shoe in my hand!

Life I know what you mean about the headaches. I have a constant dull headache that gets worse for a couple hours and pretty much cripples me. Still, I need to get on with my job of working with screaming children! Aaaaah! I'm drinking 2L of water a day but doesn't seem to be helping.

Expat I know its hard but concentrate on the transfer, you may not need to worry about all that

Sorry for anyone I've missed but its been so long since I've posted!

I have been stimming for 6 days today and started my Cetrocide yesterday (ooouuuuucccchhhh).

I went for my first scan after stimming today and they've said everything is looking good but theres something I need to ask you ladies. I've noticed a few people getting upset about 7 or 9 follicles growing but my fert nurse today told me that 10 is a great number and they don't really want any more than that.

What's for the best? Do I want more than 10? Is she just reassuring me?

life you make me laugh,its the bloody injection pen ramming it in ha ha
i asked about ohss as my pcos puts me at higher risk so just bit worried but thats what i do best worry.i currently on sofa in pjs and throw over feeling like shit trust me to get worse night before stimms .

karb we all look amazing on these drugs