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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Can't decide about IVF - not even sure if it's feasible; can anyone help?

36 replies

cuddlymoomoo · 25/05/2013 21:43

I don't think I should post this in 'Infertility' as I feel that might be a bit insensitive.

I can't shake the yearning I have for another child despite everything telling me it's ludicrous.

I'm old.
I have health issues.
I have a balanced translocation.
I have had miscarriages.

But . . . apart from the old thing, I have had all of these factors when I've successfully had children before.

I have been wondering about IVF and that's really why I'm asking for some help. I know I'd have to go private, which is fine as I can make the money if needs be, but I have no idea what else it would involve. I know that it would involve pre-implantation screening for the BT, but would I even be considered in this country because of my age (47)?

If I did go ahead, how do I do that? Do I contact clinics myself? What is the process? How much does it cost?

I think there is still a chance I could conceive without IVF, but with the recent BT diagnosis, that is a something else to take into consideration.

I've name changed for this as I feel a bit of a fraud for even thinking of it at my age - but I also can't stop wondering whether there is any chance at all. I know I should just count my blessings, I really am very very lucky, but there's this niggle . . . Sad

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 26/05/2013 14:29

That's my fear for the OP crazyhead Sad I think it is possible to regret trying sadly.

crazyhead · 26/05/2013 14:27

The issue for you OP, is that statistically the chances are incredibly slim with your own eggs at 47. It's easy to say trying can't hurt, but putting a lot of yourself into trying against such brutal odds can in fact hurt.

Nearly all women of your age who have babies use donor eggs so that would be the route where your chances wouldn't be dramatically better. I don't quite get the thing about money?

I wish you absolutely all the best btw.

ZenOfPetals · 26/05/2013 14:19

Thanks, cuddly. I hope the same for you.

Original poster
cuddlymoomoo · 26/05/2013 14:09

No, I wouldn't consider donor eggs NorthernLurker. I am well aware that there is always someone willing to do anything for money.

ZenOfPetals - I know that feeling well. In the middle of it, the thought that I would never try again would have been awful. I'm sorry to hear of your loss and hope that it all works out well for you soon.

OP posts:
ZenOfPetals · 26/05/2013 13:45

It's just so hard when you really, totally, completely yearn and yearn for one more baby. I am nearly obsessed with longing lately. I had an MC last summer, and the only thing that got me through was thinking I would try again.

NorthernLurker · 26/05/2013 13:22

Would you consider using donor eggs? You wouldn't need the pre-implantation diagnosis then and the chances of success would be much higher.

NorthernLurker · 26/05/2013 13:16

I interepreted 'can't decide' in your title as meaning you had feelings both ways. In fertitlity terms people seem able to nearly always find a clinic who will do what they want. Doesn't mean that's the best thing to be done.

Original poster
cuddlymoomoo · 26/05/2013 12:41

Yes, of course, I know it's all against me NorthernLurker, but there's no harm in asking for information is there? The post was actually to see if anyone could point me in the direction of clinics which are in my area, Scotland, and to find out where they could tell me what the process would involve, especially given the BT issue.

If that wasn't clear, hopefully it is now.

As I've said, I can get pregnant, but it is likely that the BT is causing the miscarriages, so pre-implantation would presumably help me there, but does my age mean I wouldn't be accepted anyway?

I really don't see the issue about it being 'a lot to take on' to be honest. We all know our own situations, our own finances, and our own health. I can't predict new things which might come into my life, but no one can. All I know is that, the dealing with another child for the next however many years isn't the issue - this post is about the process before that stage and whether it is one I want to undertake.

A midwife said to me last time, 'you don't regret trying - you regret not trying.' She said that even though it didn't work out, I'd get over it, and I'd be glad I tried because otherwise I'd always wonder 'what if . . . .?' She was right. So, I'm dealing with some more 'what if's' here.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 26/05/2013 11:26

Are you diabetic by any chance?

Look - I know you want this but the odds are MASSIVE against you and if you succeed you will in getting pregnant you will be right at the upper age of parents and I think that's a lot to take on. I'm not in your situation so maybe don't understand at all but my view is that there is a part of our life which is for parenting and a part that's for us and whilst the parenting part is wonderful at some point you need to move and on and do something else.
You now know that your age, your previous history of miscarriage and your medical history all go against a successful conception and birth. Is it really worth bashing your head against the wall of all those facts when you do have children already?

Original poster
cuddlymoomoo · 26/05/2013 11:18

Thanks Vix!

To answer your questions, yes am with (very) long term partner who would be (more than) happy to have another baby (although he is concerned about the emotional and physical sides of me having another mc as some of them have been quite tricky).

My FSH is really good - had it done last year, and I think I could conceive again naturally, just the BT issues.

I wouldn't go abroad for IV.

My health issues don't stop me carrying to term, they just make things a bit harder. I don't think my age is an issue in the sense of what other people think, as I do think I could conceive anyway. I'm just looking to increase my chances. My health issues are ones which I control very well, so although in theory, I could die younger, I don't actually have any of the side effects doctors would expect at this stage as I'm very good at dealing with it all (over-coper probably!).

I'm self-employed so, when I say I can make the money, it's just a matter of doing a bit of extra work, which isn't that onerous. I've had counselling for other things and my personal opinion is that it isn't for me at all. I think that's probably at the root of a lot of this - I'm the sort of person who just gets on with things, there's always someone worse off, I have a lovely life; so why can't I get over this? Feel an utter wimp to be honest.

Do you know of any good clinics in Scotland?

Thank you for replying!

OP posts:
VixZenFenchell · 26/05/2013 10:30

Ouch. That ticking clock is a crap one.

Are you currently with a partner? What do they think? Are they happy to be a parent again (in which case are you thinking ivf just because of the age and BT issues?). If not I guess you're looking at donor sperm through a clinic unless you have a friend who's willing to donate to you.

I really know very little on this but I would think in terms of age you wouldn't qualify for any sort of funded cycle in the UK so you're looking at self funding. Success rates are extremely low over 42 and they drop off exponentially every year so I'd say 47 you're looking unlikely to conceive. A clinic can test FSH levels and other indicators of ovarian age and function I think. You'd have to compare their success rates in your age group and fees to see if it's even worth considering.

You can contact clinics yourself or ask for a private referral if this is the route you choose to take. Costs vary, most of them relate to the drugs that you can sometimes get cheaper online. In general there are drugs to inject to force several follicles to ripen, then a short procedure under sedation to harvest them. They are fertilised and reinserted at an appropriate developmental stage and you wait to see if they implant.

You don't say what your other health issues are but might they impact on your ability to carry a child to term, deliver safely and then cope with the hellish first few weeks?

I know that feeling of yearning so I sympathise (DH firm in stopping at 2 and my yearning to be with him is greater than that for another so 2 we have).

There have been lots of stories about older mothers and success with ivf abroad but how much is real and how much is hype and if any of it is safe I have no idea.

Is it fair to the child to be born to a 48 year old mother? Will your health issues worsen and is your 15 yo going to be the main carer for their 63 yo mother? It's a very emotive topic, you'll be called all manner of variations on selfish for even considering it.

You say you'll make the money somehow - gently and not wanting to offend, but are you better spending the money on counselling to look into this yearning for another child, to understand it and perhaps learn to live with what you have?

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