Gap Between Children

hi, i'm new here. not even sure this sight is active anymore. i have a ds of 14 years and am starting to crave another little one. reading all your messeges was certainly encouraging as what i fear the most is the huge age gap. i've talked to him and he strongly disagrees with the decision; he is very social, has great friends and loves his life as it is. my husband isn't crazy about the idea either. he says it's a long long road and now that we can do anything we want whenever we want together, why make things hard and complicated? i don't know, but i do know that we have to make up our minds soon because i'm forty an the clock is ticking.

any ideas anyone?

Well, I am not sure but I think I may have the biggest GAP of all. Our son's are 22yrs and 7yrs old. I had my first as a single mom at the age of 20 and then my second after marriage (new man) at the age of 35. We tried to have had a child earlier but only by about 5 years so there was still a large gap.

Your question I believe was is it worth it or do they have so little in common that it's no fun. It's so worth it. Yes, they will have their differences but they will still have a lot of fun.

Sometimes it's like having two, only childs because the oldest one is off working in the Navy and the youngest is home but we are going on a two week vacation for the first time this summer as a family.

There are 7 years between my sons (youngest is 4). I waited because I couldn't afford it sooner! They fight, but then they get on, just like any other family. My older son (12) is really helpful with looking after his little bro.

I have 5 yrs between my 2 DDs, it is fab - they are very funny together, I make sure every month or so i do something with older dd such as trip to cinema and leave the toddler with DH or granny . She loves "big girl" time and helps with the fact toddler gets to stay home with mummy while she has to go to boring old school!

No hulababy, agree. Oldest wants sleepovers. Not conducive to having a baby who still wakes in the night!

Tinker - room sharing was the one think I really didn't like when growing up. Having to share a bedroom with a sister 9 years younger was not great. There was no way round it, but I definitely didn't like it.

I have four sisters and the one I get on best with out of all of them is the one who is nearly 10 years older than me!

I have a 4 year old DS and when the next one is born (all being well!) he will be 4.8 I think he will love being able to 'help' me bath and change the baby, and when the baby is a bit older playing with the baby.

It does also help that you can explain things to him because he is that bit older, the other day we were talking about the baby, and I said I will be the babies mummy as well as his, and he didn't like the sound of that, until I explained that I would still be his mum, and nothing will change that etc. if he had have been younger I wonder how much he would have worried about the baby 'taking' his mummy?

I suppose there are just as many pro's and con's with having children closer together, but I wouldn't let an age gap put me off number 3 (all in good time though!!)

Think it all comes down to the individual personalities in teh end. 18 month gap between siblings, 3.5 year gap youngest sibling and me - used to get on with teh one closest in age, now get on with teh eldest. 8 year gap between my 2 (different dads) all working out well except think gap may be too big for room sharing. You make whatever you have work as well as you can really.

There is just 16 months between me and my brother, and 9 years between me and my sister. I am the eldest. When little me and my brother were good company for each other, but once mid way through school we got our own friends and didn't really play together much, other than on holidays, etc. In many ways my sister was brought up more like an older child and me and my brother were so much older and not really playmates for her. But again she had her own friends omnnce at school, and was spoilt not only by mum and dad but also by two older siblings. Now we are older we all get on pretty well, see each other on avergae once a month or so and care loads for each other.

I don't think there is aright or wrong gap. I like small gaps but it's what I know. A friend of mine had a 4 yr gap and it was perfect but is now about to have a 3 year gap (not planned) and thinks it will be too close.
Each to their own. I'm sure they'll all have battles at some point no matter how big the gap is.

Go for it !!

There's another thread on this somewhere. The consensus on that one seemed to be that less than 2 years apart was very, very hard in the beginning but better later on. 3 to 4 years apart seemed good all the way around.

Coincidentally, ds will be 3.4 when lo is born in December.

there is an 8 year gap between dd and ds, wasnt planned that way but thats life.

dd adores ds, dotes on him, its worked out very well and a lot less stressful that having a toddler and a baby when shouting 'pass me the wipes' when i'm up to my neck in poo

dd1 is 4 years older than dd2, who is now 7.5 months. we didn't plan on the gap but it took us 2 years to get pg with dd2. the gap is great actually. dd1 is old enough to (kind of) reason with about dd2's needs. dd1 is very helpful and has also started pre-school and so has her own little life starting outside of the home, so she hasn't been starved of attention as such, with dd2's arrival. dd2 adores her big sister - her face lights up as soon as dd1 comes in the room. and personally speaking i don't think i'd have coped with two 'babies' - it's been hard enough with a little girl and a baby, and they're both very easy overall, so i shouldn't complain! i'm just glad that dd1 is so independent.

Well I have an 11 yr gap between my two because of fertility problems.Definately wouldn't have done it like this if it was up to me.Funnily enough they still bicker and having a toddler and a teen makes for a crap sex life.
Don't worry,take what comes.

I have just a small gap of 21 months between mine (2.1 and 3.10). I actually think I may have been a bit better off waiting a little - because 2 preschoolers are bloody hard work. May have been a bit more manageable to have something like 3 or 4 years gap(so that I would only have had one at home at a time - i.e. one a baby and the other in Reception class)

There is 15mths between dd1 and dd2, and 15mths between dd3 and dd4 (not planned, just wonderfully accidental)

The gap between dd2 and dd3 is 5yrs. The older girls do not have a lot in common with the younger girls playwise, but they are wonderful with them. Very protective and loving. I really don't think age is so much a factor as personality. dd1 is very close to dd4 despite there being 6 yrs difference and dd2 has bonded with dd4, with 5 yrs difference. I do think that older children love to have younger siblings. My girls are constantly asking for me to have another baby despite there being so many of them already .... it's not going to happen unfortunately.

my children have gaps of ds1two years dd two-years ds2 six years ds3 3years ds4!

How unclear is that?
Suffice to say all gaps work in different ways..

DS1 is nearly 14 years older than ds4 and its fabulous - they worship one another!

I plan more just figuring out what gap to have!

i have a small gap between my two but I had a big gap between me and my brothers - they are 6 and 8 years older than me and there's no way I'd be without them. (although I guess your real question is more about whther they'd be without me! I don;t think they would...)At times I was a bit like an only child but it was great when i was 14 and they'd take me to the pub and look after me. We've all ended up having kids at the same time and it's lovely that dds have cousins of a similar age. any siblings is better than none (imho and without offence to only children or parents thereof etc etc)

thats funny i always think of charlie and lola with my 2 aswell, ds is always explaining things to dd

I have 4.8 years between my two which is by chance an almost identical gap as between me and my brother. My brother and I hated each other for many years where as my two get on much better than I expected (having hated my brother so much !) . The only thing I regret is that I have managed to get myself a gap of 5 school years between my two because of where their birthdays where as my Mum sensibly found herself with 4. Hers was planned whereas my was one of those happy accidents.

DD did struggle with jealousy when he got to around 1 but having a sibling has completely changed her and she has got much more confidence and loves having an ally when I am losing the plot. It's lovely to go somewhere and see them go off and play together. I think it is going to get harder when DD's hormones kick in but we're in the lucky position of having a fair amount of space in the house and garden so it will be pretty easy to seperate them when friends come round etc.

WWW, my two are so much like Charlie and Lola too, lol

21months between ds1 and dd
21 months between dd and ds2
8yrs between ds2 and ds3 and 21months between ds3 and ds4