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Conception

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Original poster

The Genuine BESH Palais. To misquote Carlsberg, we're probably the barrenest TTC-ers in the world...

984 replies

HesterShaw · 19/04/2013 22:18

We are Barren. We are Evil, on account of having left procreating until our 30s. We are Selfish, thinking only of careers and money and cars and holidays. And lastly, we are Hags. Welcome to the BESH gin palace. Babydusters and instadiffers need not apply.

OP posts:
Nokkie73 · 05/05/2013 00:25

dot there's a risk of all sorts if you shove anything up the rear FOOF. A wooden spoon does seem particularly fraught with danger though.

Nokkie73 · 05/05/2013 00:23

cap'n shattttaaaaap. Really ? Ten out of ten to the vicar for coming up with that story. It's genius.

CaptainMoll · 05/05/2013 00:18

I remember reading an interview once with an A&E nurse, about all the "accidents" she'd had to deal with. The best was a vicar who came in with a potato stuck up his bum. He claimed to have been hanging curtains whilst nude, fallen from the stepladder and landed on the potato.

FriendofDorothy · 04/05/2013 23:56

Isn't there the risk if splinters if you shiver a wooden spoon up the areas?

CaptainMoll · 04/05/2013 23:38

Twinks, I absolutely get that feeling. I look at people with kids and this huge part of me goes no fecking way could I ever do that. And then my biology goes DO THAT DO THAT DO THAT.
And then I have to drink wine until it all makes sense again
and repeatedly start sentences with And, against all rules of literature

TWinklyLittleStar · 04/05/2013 23:20

norks you are vair wise for this time of night. Home on Monday evening. I already don't want to leave!

Nokkie73 · 04/05/2013 23:04

twonks I mean. Damn sausage fingers.

Nokkie73 · 04/05/2013 23:03

rasp it does it to me too. I find it all a bit overwhelming. I think I've been so spooked by trying to get preggers that when I'm confronted by what I can't have, it sends me into this crazy pit of self-doubt. About everything. When are you home ?

Nokkie73 · 04/05/2013 22:59

That's cos there ain't one rasp. Did you get a tan ?

TWinklyLittleStar · 04/05/2013 22:55

That's probably it norks. Two nephews, four cousins and one cousin-once-removed, aged from 7years to a few days Old. I felt very selfish and barren today.

RaspberrySnowCone · 04/05/2013 22:51

Noks I don't think there are any kitchen utensils that that would be an appropriate use of. Ick

Nokkie73 · 04/05/2013 22:50

twonks is it because you've been surrounded by kiddies today ?

TWinklyLittleStar · 04/05/2013 22:49

Glad to know it's not just me hest

TWinklyLittleStar · 04/05/2013 22:48

Dunno what's up norks, just not myself tonight.

Nokkie73 · 04/05/2013 22:41

hest I have those feelings too. I just have to believe that we'll all be good at it if it's our own kids.

Nokkie73 · 04/05/2013 22:39

faif while I would never wish anyone any ill will (apart from Cliff Richard or Nicholas Cage) this has car crash written all over it. It's just a shame that a baybee will be in the middle of all this drama. How is Faiflet anyway ? All good with you ?

rasp what is it with wooden spoons as instruments of sexual 'pleasure' ? I use mine to stir gravy. Leave it.

twonks wassup luv ? Is the black dog of depression humping your leg too ?

Original poster
HesterShaw · 04/05/2013 22:35

Oh my God, Winks, I feel like that ALL THE BLOODY TIME. I shouldn't be in charge of a cat, let alone a baybee.

I get afraid that if I do ever get pregnant after years of trying, say I don't like it? Say I'm crap at it? Say I want it to go away? Say it's disabled and I'm too selfish, lazy and immature to cope?

So many things.

OP posts:
TWinklyLittleStar · 04/05/2013 22:31

The mooncup didn't leak a drop. My cousin's baby is way way cuter than the picture. My 2yo nephew threw up everywhere, I don't know how my sister copes with the worry. I don't know how anyone copes with the lack of sleep - I'm wrecked as it is.

TWinklyLittleStar · 04/05/2013 22:26

D'you ever think that this is just shit and pointless? Parenthood is hard and stressful, I'm too selfish and I'd be a shit mother anyway.

HadALittleFaithBaby · 04/05/2013 21:03

I knew a bloke whose sexuality had always been questioned who slept with a girl who shoved a large green dildo up his bum during sex. He liked it so much he went out and bought himself one Hmm

Wotcha schlags. I'm still lurking. Sorry things are generally crappy...
bugs have a luffly holiday.

Noks having a baybee with that man will be horrendous. First few weeks are tough enough when your OH is naice, she will rue the day.

Well done on the exercise laydees :)

Luff and gin to you all. As you were...

RaspberrySnowCone · 04/05/2013 20:50

Indeed

Original poster
HesterShaw · 04/05/2013 20:37

Euw.

OP posts:
RaspberrySnowCone · 04/05/2013 20:27

Although one of MATVs mates once revealed that an ex had stuck the end of a wooden spoon up his bum and apparently it was pretty enjoyable. I can think of better things to stick up there.

RaspberrySnowCone · 04/05/2013 20:24

And I most definitely wouldn't want to be spanked with a spoon in a layby

Nokkie73 · 04/05/2013 19:56

Wise words rasp . I would like to punch something too.

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