TTC 10 + months, part 14 (eek)

(Sorry no bolding. I'm tired and rushing) I've missed loads of people too. Bad 10 plusser.

Flying on as busy busy on a countdown. I'll be heading east! Sar huge hugs to you, your plan sounds excellent. Lemon bums about spotting. High temps do seem to derail a cycle. Pout I've got everything crossed, including my Fallopian tubes Critter sorry mil has been nosing. Flish your shiny locks at her! Jel of the stateside meet up. Free sorry about the near miss. They are hard on the emotions. Madness, hold in there there is time for follicle action. Continued loves to joy and euro.

I remain feeling horribly barren and shrivelled. But I'm putting my thermometer and frets aside for a fortnight and just being. The next 6 months will bring new answers, some of them probably hard so I need proper head space. I've never properly has this in over 2 years so in hoping I can do it.

Huge loves to all 10 plussers wherever you are in the journey.

Cosmos I often think of you too. There is always a space for you here x

Waves and hugs to all of you, esp the not as hoped for consultation madness. Glad to hear you're organising yourself and feeling the ability to face the world again sar. Exciting about Brno buzzy! How are you doing on the WWs pout? Jealous and exciting for you about meeting up euro and critter-with-the-good-hair! Sorry your MiL was probing critter. Well done on amazing coping joy. Thinking of you.

In fact thinking of you all, many luffs and feathery tails!

Evening lovely ladies! Just an ultra-quick update working from home tomorrow so about a bit more then. There is no way in hell we'd gotten the later egg, I was recovering from the flu and we made a good effort for normal shag-week, but moved into relaxing afterwards (the delayed egg would have been CD17/18, which is unheard of for me). I am fully expecting AF to arrive tomorrow, so I drank like a fish both yesterday and today. Had the first tiny arrival of spotting just now, so I am sure I can welcome the witch soon. Be glad to see the back of head-fuck cycle extraordinaire. We're off on Thursday, for a full three weeks, so back in time to catch the next one after this for AC purposes as well, in all likelyhood.

Ah - forgot to update on myself!!

Scan today was ok. Small cyst on left ovary but not too big to be worried about. Some "bright spots" on the left that were probably caused by endometriosis that has now been removed. No sign of hydrosalpinx in the remaining tube. Lower than average number of follocles (think she called them something else but related ti follicles anyway) so i may be a slow responder to the drugs. Am lowering my expectations for number of eggs as a result. Dummy transfer was fine but having a speculum inserted whilst in a slightly seated position (as opposed to lying down) was really bloody painful. Thankfully didn't take long though.

Evening ladies. Quiet day on here today.

sar your organisational skills astound me! I have a fear of phone calls and ringing up new places especially. Well done you for getting so much moving so quickly. I agree that getting the wailing out of the way immediately is probably a good thing. When my best friend had her second baby (when we had been trying for a year) I completely fell apart. Cue hysterical tears and gulping sobs. I had been so utterly convinced that I would be pregnant before that baby was born that I couldn't cope with it. Once I'd had my epic breakdown I was able to move on. I've tried really hard not to set any deadlines for myself since then. I'm trying to just roll with the punches now. We'll see how I manage that with ivf looming....

Very jealous of euro and critter with their meet up. I sat in the clinic this morning wondering again about meeting some of you in rl. I am sure that my mental images are very different from what you all actually look like .

I'll be a week or so ahead of you buzzy. I am hoping for EC Around April 26th if all goes well. One upshot of taking these downregging drugs is I don't have to wait for a period to know when I can start. They have given me a date and I just hope that nothing comes along to derail us.

gin I get that panic too about our child free friends. There are so few left now and I think it's inevitable that the remaining few will be pg soon. We do have some single friends though so it is unlikely that they'll be pg in the near future - especially since most of them are men

lemon when are you off on holiday? I hope that you're doing alright.

Big waves to sweet, joy, mrsd, doll, pout and free as well as anyone else that I've missed xx

critter for me I think 1 in 3 cycles are duds, this is he end of trying naturally for us, is IVF or adoption. I look forward to not taking all the pills and vitamins soon

sar that sounds great. I love having a plan.

free it does sound like sperm managed to meet egg, which is a start!

I'm looking forward to meeting critter and her swishy hair later in the week!

sar well done for organising appointments and moving forward with a plan. Like everyone else, I can't believe that things are over for you - you're only 33, and yes, you've had a really rough run of things, but many women have several rounds of fresh/frozen IVF before they go on to have their baby. This is the absolute pits but I don't believe for one second that it's the end of the road for you and your DH. I feel desperately for you, for the awful pain and agony you've been feeling, and I am so sorry that your dad cried. Your post yesterday made me well up. It's just so dreadfully unfair.

free how stressful about the HCG. It does sound like something happened this month. I am so sorry that this wasn't the lucky one for you. These disappointments really smack us in the face.

joy I totally know what you mean about seeing friends with babies. I usually feel ok while I'm there, and then terribly low afterwards. It helps to be prepared, I find. I am actually going to avoid my MIL after she was repeatedly probing me on Saturday about what was going on with us and babies in front of FIL (who has made annoying comments about IVF in the past being 'not natural') and MrC. I got very upset on the way home in the car. Sometimes it helps to just lay low and make an excuse not to see people. Although in a way the fact that a couple who don't even have a uterus can have a baby in 18 months is so mind-boggling that it's almost funny, in a dark way!

lemon how frustrating about the stress cycle and not knowing and so sorry about the wailing. It really is crushing and so hard not to get our hopes up. I am sorry for the disappointment. And the sore boobs just add insult to injury. Is there really no chance you might have caught a later egg?

gin child-free friends are great - I treasure mine! Sounds like a lovely evening. On the ombre hair, I say go for it, you are most definitely not too old! If it's done with a very light hand, I think it's a really beautiful look. The key would be to go somewhere where they'll do it very subtly, like the sun has done it naturally, and not try to go all 'fashion' on you.

madness well done on the tidy house - hope you're feeling better today. You inspired me to have a clean out!

sweet I feel your pain on the stressful ovulation timing and worrying about missing the fertile window - it's very frustrating - and I don't think your post was insensitive at all.

buzz how odd about the bleeding. Could it be drug related - have you started taking the meds yet? When do you begin, if not?

euro sorry you have arrived to really horrible weather here, on top of everything else. Hope work isn't too exhausting this week.

doll hope you're not too knackered by your boys.

pout I hope that this 2ww goes by swiftly!

Waves to all I have missed - mrsd, hope all's ok with you? Hope everyone had a lovely weekend.

evening ladies

sar you are an organised lady, I felt a bit relieved when I was diagnosed with high nk cells as I felt i gave an explanation

free its probably best to get hings checked, I did have bleeding at the beginning of my second pregnancy and thought i was all over straight away. Not trying to give you false hope. Well done on seeing your friends baby

euro I hope you have managed to get some sleep and will be able to meet up with critter and her swishy hair

gin my 'symptoms' would be interesting but I don't trust my body which is a good thing as AF turned up his morning and yet still my boobs are really sore

pout how are doing??

Well AF has arrived 4 days early, I am waiting for the doctor to email me back with my final instructions. I do think its reasonable value for what we are getting. We have EC on the 6th May and ET either 3 or 5 days later. This is our first time to Brno and will probably be our overseas holiday for this year so best make the most of it

I have told some of the senior staff about IVF today as I hink its only fair hey have the heads up, also one is a nurse so thought she might be able o help wih any injections. A patient also gave me a thank you/birthday card and gift today which was nice, I have also ordered some new tops to try on as I feel I should have something nice and new for my upcoming big event

The adoption threads have just made me realise that there are alot of hings I should be thinking about, things they talked about were co sleeping and discipline. Two things I had not thought about. I suppose when you adopt youi miss those months of pregnancy and early development when you'd discuss things like that. I also hadn' thought much about TTC while adopting, some women said they were advised not to.

waves to all you lovely ladies

Just a quickie from me

Free -how annoying and sad about this cycle. I hope you are doing ok

Lemon - oh gosh, how upsetting, I am so sorry. When are hopes are raised it is cruel, big squeezes.

Sweet -aw how lovely of you. You didn't upset me at all and im sure noone else was too. Sorry for the annoying badly timed temp shift.

I am feeling more meh and less waaaah. I am glad I have been able to feel the pain so quickly as this will help me process faster.

Today I organised a private consultation with a tubal specialist dr, booked gp appointment for level 1 immunes if I can and give him an update about new clinic, organised my nhs notes to be transfered to private and got the ball rolling with one of the care clinics to look at the chicago immune tests and further treatment as required.

My purse is hemorrhaging money, my heart is scared, my stomach feels sickly and my mind can not believe it is all over yet.

Luffs to everyone, sorry for not name checking properly.

morning! Thanks euro gin and lemon and madness

Managed to speak to the clinic this morning and they said the HCG did actually rise from 12 to 18 but that was still really low. I said about AF starting so I am going in for a check up tomorrow to make sure my body has moved onto the next cycle properly.

gin last time I MC-ed at about 8-9 weeks I think. This time it was over so quickly anyone who wasn't being monitored would not have noticed. About your follie growth. I am also a bit of a slower grower and the doctor got impatient but it's your body and it goes at it's own pace. Don't let them stress you out. We are not all 28 day clockwork dolls.

Euro glad you arrived safely. Are you on business or a pleasure trip? Sorry if you said this already.

sweet grouch I didn't understand your post very well but I hope you are feeling better today.

pout great news about the embie. fingers crossed x

buzz when are you going to brno? have you been already.

lemon I still have my fingers crossed for a miracle for you too.

free I'm sorry that this cycle didn't work out. It does sound like something happened though, which is promising although I know it isn't the result you wanted.

grouch sorry that your cycle is messing you around.

buzz your IVF holiday sounds really quite nice.

I'm too brain dead to fully name check. I'm pretty zonked after my flight. I think I will crash out soon, even though it's only 9pm here!

So sorry about that free. Well done on managing the visit!

Hurrah for the embie on board pout! And definitely stuff in the freezer too. Wow.

Also sar sorry I posted so selfishly immediately after you. I did as buzzy said believed this was it. A get out of jail free card that we'd chanced upon. Since the BFN I've done a bit of googling and cycles can get out of wack by as much as a week so we'll wait and see what comes. I decided that I might as well drink. But a bottle of wine in addition to lots of wailing has given me a sore head now. So it's back on herbal teas. Annoyingly my lying boobs still ache like mad and it ain't properly clear until the fat lady is here. joy it is either 17 dpo, probably not then, or about 10-ish. Sadly we'd stopped sechsing pretty much by then, as it was for fun and SB got busy at work.

Well done on the tidying joy and madness, very impressed. A fair bit of that will need to be done here this week as we have a friend staying over in our flat while we're away and SB did mention we shouldn't leave our tottering piles of paper. Thankfully she is a close friend, so I can leave my gonal-f pens in the fridge without much worry.

The Brno-IVF trip does sound like good value for money buzzy. And much better to do it with both of you. It won't be long now, right?!? How exciting.

Sorry your cycle is playing silly buggers too sweet. Hope it will settle soon. I so hate it when it does that :(

Waves and pets to all of you. Hope the week will improve for many of us!

Don't worry sweet I'm sure that no one was offended or upset. Sorry that your cycle is mucking you about. Surely the tests can be repeated with just a quick visit and you won't have to wait too long?

free so sorry that your glimmer of hope has faded. You did well to go for the visit with the new baby. Go easy on yourself. I still look forward to getting to have a cuddle with my friend's babies but can be caught out.

buzzy I love the sound of your ivf holiday . I wish that I could go sightseeing after treatments instead of trying to squeeze them in at 8am and still get to work before the children turn up . That said, my boss is really understanding so I will be fine to take the time for EC and ET. Just wish that they could tell me now when things will be happening so that I can let people know and plan ahead. I don't do well with the last minute stuff...

Sounds like we were both tackling cupboards today joy. The Tupperware is now all organised and matched with lids. I wonder how long that will last . I hope that you're feeling a bit brighter. The wait is all relative isn't it? I remember feeling like 6 months was such a long time to be trying and that a year was disastrous. My perspective now is so different. I hope that if your friends knew what you were going through their perspective might change as well.

sar I hope the brisket is going well. I have made a huge veggie lasagna that shall do lunches for much of the week. It is one of my favourite comfort foods.

gin your cycle does sound über frustrating. I always had mid cycle bleeding but ovulation (according to opks) was always pretty regular. I have my fingers crossed that it will all settle down for you in the nick of time so that you can relax and get on with things.

buzzy I have also been chatting to friends who adopted and taking a peek at the adoption threads. I am a fair way off being ready to seriously consider it but it makes me feel so much better to know that I have a firm plan b if ivf doesn't work. And even if ivf does work (and we have no frosties to try) I would be happy to adopt a second in a few years. I have no intention of putting myself through a full round of ivf for a second child. I need to get my body back and step of the hormone rollercoaster.

Big waves to all the people that I've missed but must get back to rl for a bit!

Selfabsorbed post: I wasn't able to hold out until the clinic calls on Monday. The line on Friday morning's test was a clear but faint positive. This morning on another test there was nothing to be seen. Thank goodness I did it slightly softened the blow of AF's arrival this afternoon. So another cycle over. Just been to visit a friend's 4 month old son with DH. Managed quite well although did have a bit of a lump in my throat when they were lifting him into the air. But tried to think - get a grip, their joy has nothing to do with our sorrow. Going out for dinner with friends to distract ourselves. Will catch up with less me me me post tomorrow.

A whole bunch of new posts just appeared after I posted. I now feel that my post is not only late but really insensitive. I am really sorry if I upset anyone. I am quickly reading all the new posts and getting up to speed.

Sar I am so sorry things didn't work out.

Lemon I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Joy- glad you survived the weekend.

Pout - the transfer sounds like it went well.

Critter - the new hair sounds great.

Buzz - sorry about Kayla.

Gin - I hope your pet starts doing better too.

Euro - Safe trip back.

Sea - I hope you have a good trip.

One again, I am so sorry - I really feel terrible at the possibility I could have made someone feel worse.

Hello everyone, I have to say I am glad we?re off of thread 13, it seemed to be very unlucky for many of us.

midnight- I too am finally ever so slowly getting to the end of my giant pile of work. The opks weren?t so bad for me, I only took them every evening and the months when I ovulated I had three days of clear, dark positives.

Free - I?m sorry to hear about the delay in getting the second hcg test result back. I?m glad you?ll have a busy and hopefully distracting weekend.

Gin - The scanner sounds like a prat I clearly deal with too many of these people at my workplace, he should know that not everyones cycle is 28 days.

Sar - I?m sorry you?ve had such a rough day. It isn?t done yet and I?m hoping you get a positive outcome on this cycle.

Buzzy - Sorry you had a tough week; hopefully the next one will be better.

Joy - I can?t believe you went into that store! You?re one tough cookie, and an even better friend, to have even made it past the door. Lemons idea about a baby books sounds great.

Lemon - I hope it isn?t just the aftermath of the flu.

Euro - I hope the worst is now done for you so you can move forward.

Pout - I hope the ET went well and I am sending sticky vibes from way over here.

Madness - The hot flushes sound awful.

Sea - The unexplainedness sounds frustrating. Hopefully you will end up like Art soon.

Critter - Congratulations on the panda ovulation, I hope you caught the egg.

Waves to Rabbit, Doll, MrsD and anyone else who I might have forgotten.

I am anxiously waiting for my appointment this week. I annoyingly just got a huge temp shift that?s holding steady so it looks like I will have to redo my progesterone tests next week after the appointment because normally and of course I am an idiot that figured that my stupid body would behave if by CD18 nothing has happened I have an anovulatory cycle, but it seems I ovulated at CD26 and didn?t even have a full blown week or so of well-timed unsechsy sechs - aargh! I'm worried that he will make me wait another 2 months for a new appointment to get this test result. Ok, that?s quite enough fretting from me, I am going back to work.

I hope everyone had a lovely and relaxing weekend.

joy there are pros and cons for overseas, for us cost is a big factor, for DE IVF here ista around £7000 + to go to Brno it will cost us all up about £4500 including flights food sightseeing and accommodation for about 8 nights and treatment. We are making a bit of a holiday but some people fly out there and leave the sperm to be frozen then the woman goes when its near ET time stay about 48 hours and leave. There is another clinic there with a name like reprofit, sounds like car stuff to me that also has a good reputation, if you look on FF they have loads of boards about overseas IVF.

I liked the look of Care and they have clinics in the north, our closest would be Northampton so we would still be travelling, they did do egg sharing of DE. I know Serum in Greece is about the same price as Reprofit

Pout - I totally forgot to say how wonderful that you have an embie on board at home. I hope you are resting for the next few days and not lifting any big dogs or anything.

Gin - howdee. Everything is just so worrying isn't it. But I think your body will do exactly as it needs to do. I hope you can keep busy to keep your mind off things.

Buzz - wow there is quite a different in cost of things. What's in Brno? Is that in Czech?
I have to say I have been researching ivf abroad after it was mentioned in my old school newsletter the other day. I slightly gulped when it said that on average it costs a UK clinic £1300 to perform a round of ivf. Yet as we know it costs us much more than this.

Oh Sar i am so so sorry. I'm just so sad and gutted for you. You need to do what you feel is right at this moment to help you get through the next few weeks. I hope the small things like cooking and gardening help. It's totally none of my business but I just can't help but feel that some new eyes, a new perspective on your history would really help you and MrSar and to give you both new hope. It's when there is no hope that we feel just so lost and our worst. From a by standers position (albeit i'm being nosey), it just seems you're too young for this to be it especially when you consider the quality of your embryos. Repeated implantation should be something that is fixable - there has to be a reason for it. Perhaps you need aspirin and clexane or perhaps you do need to explore the immune route. I know this just opens up another can of worms and obviously there are financial considerations so forgive me for mentioning it all at this time. I just feel so sad and frustrated for you and wish I could help you both.

Lemon - oh bloody hell what an absolute head f^ck, How many dpo are you now? I just really hope that it's too early to test.

Critter - that's wonderful you have got your hair cut. I haven't had one in about a year and it looks a mess. You've inspired me. I haven't had highlights in 3 years because i didn't want the dye to mess with my fertility but I think it's time to realise that a few hightlights won't stop anything!

Madness - i'm glad you had a good clean of the house yesterday. It's surprising how much happier in can make you.

Well i survived baby day yesterday. I was fine whilst I was there but did feel incredibly low when I went home last night. When our gay friends said that it was amazing to have a baby after such a long long drawn out journey, we sat there and smiled and said 'yes, yes , we know'. It has taken them all of 18months from deciding to use a surrogate to having a baby in their arms. I think Roy and I had the same thoughts about that comment [lucky b^rstads] Anyway I just keep feeling slightly desperate about our situation. I know we are doing as much as we can but it's quite hard to deal with things when the feelings creep up. Home alone today so am trying to clean some cupboards to keep busy and avoid depressing thoughts. Oh the glamour!

x posts with gin hope your little fur baby gets well soon, mine just enjoys being a little monkey, when are you booked in for ET??

pout I did try the germolene sp? cream and she just licked it straight off although Barry did laugh at the t shirt idea. We do have one of those collars but think we are both a bit scared to try and put it on her. Will try cleaning the area again though, thanks for the advice, hope you are resting up

joy the clinic emailed me a prescription and a list of UK pharamcies that will take the prescription, when I emailed them, he emailed me back from his private email and on his day off, I called the pharmacy and they were really nice and helpful, they will post it out to me recorded delivery. A lady on the FF sight said one of the other pharmacies was going to charge £40 for postage, mine is just £8, they are in East London, the depot shot is costing me £85, I know I can have intralipids in Brno for 100 euros where as NLC charge £350 .

So far it has been quite easy to organise and not really stressful

afternoon ladies

sar I truly am so sorry that it didn't work, give yourself time to grieve first, in a little while you'll see things a bit clearer and you can make future plans. I think perhaps a trip to the GP for you both might just help you through this difficult stage.

lemon sorry that it was your month, its tough when everything seems to be pointing to one thing and you let yourself believe that this is your turn

madness sounds like a good plan, rest up and look after yourself. I ama great believer in a tidy house tidy mind

critter yay to swishy hair, it is amazing how having your hair done can make you feel so much better.

euro have a safe trip hope you its not too exhausting for you

well I have barely been awake for an hour have just finished breakfast I got an annoying headache/migraine yesterday but feel a bit better today, just tired although the cough seems to be a bit better. I'll see how I feel tomorrow about going into work, should really go I suppose.

My boobs have been sore for about 23 days and counting spotting since cd19 a mixture of bright red and old stuff I know I'm not upduffed but not sure what is going on with my hormones and my moods. I did spend sometime looking on the adoption threads last night, lots of things I haven't really thought about to be honest, oh well it will soon be Easter