TTC 10 + months, part 14 (eek)

*weeding. Bloody iPhone

Sar I'm sorry about the announcement. I can't ever imagine the stabby feeling going away, no matter what happens in the future. I am sure the nausea going away is meaningless, but I can only imagine the fear. What is next for you, scan wise? Big hugs.

Lemon, I'm glad you've had a nice day. You deserve it. I've done a ton more wedding and look like a filthy homeless person so am off the shower before MrN leaves me for a cleaner younger more fertile version.

Waves to everyone else.

Bon voyage buzz. Enjoy Brno and bring home some sticky beans!!

Sorry your feeling so rough critter I second everything said about keeping in touch with your clinic. Belated sorry for your suffering too joy. I missed how bad things had been for you.

Good you've let go of some guilt euro but I second everyone who's said it is not KARMA. It is just unbelievably bad luck for all of us!

Fingers crossed for all the PUPOs but especially OTD mrsd tomorrow! I think you are all doing very well. And I am happy to repeat a few more times that I had no symptoms whatsoever until 6 weeks when the bean bloody died in the period I had high levels of hcg. So not feeling diffed means NOTHING.

I am having a lovely, relaxing weekend, my hair is very nice after the cute although greying, afterwards I had coffee with the parents and a long cycle ride with SB. Now I am knackered and rosy. He's been to the market and will be cooking tea (although he does not know that yet!)

Waves and tail feathers to you all.

PS Sorry about the stingyness of the announcements, it was the same with me sar.

Critter -so delighted to hear that all fertilised. I also feared 'waste', but in reality even loads of blasts doesn't equal loads of babies and any spares will become siblings. It will work out and you will get your baby (maybe more). Sorry about the ohss. Take it very easy.

Buzz- exciting times ahead. Wishing you lots of luck and will be thinking of you.

euro - it made me sad to read you had been carrying guilt about stuff from the past. I am sure you are a harder critic on yoursef than was necessary. But glad to hear you feel better now. I am excited that the next ac is around the corner.its a matter of time.

Joy-I really hope you feel more settled? You don't deserve to feel sad.

Madness, den and nelly I am thinking and hoping for you all, no symptoms is not a problem.

Sweet -how are you getting on. Has the good news sunk in?

Hello to all the newbies.

Well I have been a bit nervous today, the nausea has almost dissapeared. I am a bit dizzy but no where near as rough. menkukling resurfaces.

We also got an a+++++ annouannouncement yesterday. This may sound odd but it still felt raw. I think long term ttc leaves its mark. But we are trying to focus on our own news, but I would be lying if I said it hasnt affected me. Overall it is a good thing and im sure it will feel normal soon.

Cross post Mad. I'm the same. I know how upset I will be if it doesn't work but that will be the same however I spend these 2 weeks. So the upbeat optimism continues unchecked! I also have bowel changes

Enjoy the sun. Yesterday was pretty shit wasn't it?

OHSS sounds horrendous - or even being at risk of it. Crickey the one bonus of useless ovaries is that I went out for a late lunch 2 hours after surgery and did hobble chores later that day. I had no idea how easy I had it! Critter look after yourself or, even better, get Mr (hot) Critter to do it!

Euro yes I thought it was stripe free this morning but actually there is still a hint of a line. So I guess it's still the booster shot in there. Weirdly I like seeing the line even though I know it's a falsie. Will continue with my daily testing. Who knows, maybe it will never go white . I dreamt last night of an immediate mega dark thick line. That then miraculously transformed into two words. I can't recall what they were but amazingly they fit onto that 3mm wide test strip and were completely legible . Right off to hobble then battle the garden some more. I'm such a bank holiday cliché....

Bon voyage buzzy. I am so excited for you. Try to relax and enjoy as much as you can xx

critter I do hope your clinic is keeping in touch. That all sounds quite worrying. i have only had slightly sore ovaries since EC but mine didn't have to pump out 14 eggs! Make sure you're being well taken care of.

euro I'm glad that you were able to let go of your guilt. Obviously past wrongs don't get in the way of us getting pregnant (or we wouldn't see so many children being neglected and growing up in wholly unacceptable living conditions) but the important thing is how you feel in yourself and knowing that this is not your fault. I hope you have a lovely weekend planned with MrEuro.

I want to know as well if there have been more stripey sticks nelly????

joy I have decided that I will be devastated is this doesn't work regardless of whether I let myself daydream occasionally about it being successful. I know it won't affect that outcome either way but it is making me less miserable right now. I feel completely normal so struggling to imagine it having actually worked (apart from bowel related changes thanks to the combo of antibs and progesterone). But I am only at day 5.....

Off to visit lovely friends today. The sun is shining for now so must take advantage while it lasts . Big waves to all I've missed.

Oh Critter please keep in touch with your clinic about how you are feeling. I did go and ask in mine when I felt like this and they just told me to keep drinking. And I was also terribly out of breath when I was shuffling. . poor you, it is horrible. If it gets worse or you feel ill please see a doctor. Things did start to improve after ET and I saw my acu who did something that helped. I remember I had to go and lie down at work it was so uncomfortable and would get home and crawl under the duvet on the sofa. It really knocked me for six. Big hand hold. Look after yourself. It will all be worth it! X

critter and others, you are right of course - the thinking of being punished in life for past sins is culturally ingrained (even for an atheist), but in reality these things are completely random. Bad things happen to good people and so on. But being able to let go of some of my guilt was a good thing.

I'm sorry you are feeling OHSSy. Keep a close eye on yourself, rest lots and drink more.

buzz I have a bunion too I love shoes, but pretty shoes=ugly feet). I haven't been able to contemplate having it dealt with though. I have seen enough drs lately! Enjoy your embie hols!

Have you peed on any more sticks, nelly?

Just wanted to say best of luck to Buzzy. Keep in touch if you can, but mainly try to enjoy the holiday part, and hope you get lots of lovely embies.

Critter. I'm sorry you are feeling so uncomfortable. I think staying in and resting is probably sensible. I don't know much about post ec or ohss but have your clinic said this could be an issue for you?
I hope your clinic is monitoring you closely and mr critters is looking after you. Great news on the embies. Thinking positive and happy thoughts for you for Monday. Pls look after yourself! X

buzzy safe travels - must feel nice to be packed! I hope you can check in with us while you're there. I love Barry's optimism, he sounds like such an amazing guy. You two are going to be such wonderful parents.

joy you are so generous to give me your advice on this, I massively appreciate it, I hope I haven't upset you by making you relive the whole traumatic experience you went through. Hobbling around is exactly what I'm doing, I get quite out of breath too. I had plans to see a few people this weekend but think I may cancel some of them and just hole myself up at home as much as possible. Will try a hot water bottle. Thank you again for being so kind.

Good luck Buzz. Safe journey and let us know how you get on!!

Critter - I am sorry you are feeling like this. But you describe exactly how I felt. I got 13 eggs so didn't think I was a candidate for ohss but I think anything over 10 you can be at risk. My pain started 36hrs after collection and I kept thinking it was incredibly bad gas but nothing was coming out! It was worse when I needed the loo and I would be in pain and uncomfortable until I peed. I think what happens is when your bladder fills it starts pressing on your ovaries which are much bigger than usual.
I shuffled around the place for a good 5 days.
A hot water bottle helped (pre ET not after) and I kept drinking which didn't help the bladder thing but is obviously necessary.
Look after yourself critter. Great news about 5 day transfer, it all sounds like embies are doing fabulously.

well I am packed and ready to go, I just hope I haven't forgotten anything important, I'm feeling rather calm but we shall see if that lasts

I think someone asked about my feet, its bunions but I have problems with my right knee which I believe could be due to foot ishoos, best to get it sorted sooner rather than later.

critter don't worry about how many, just concentrate on the babies you will have, are you planning to have 1 or 2 transferred back

euro next time will be your time :)

well I need to do a few more things before bed

waves to everyone

Hi all,

Can't believe how much I've missed in a day! Some poignant chat here today. I wish this whole process wasn't so incredibly fraught and painful.

nelly I so hope that your faint line was an early positive and not the last of the HCG leaving your system. I have everything crossed for a little Scottish bean safely snuggling in. Thinking of you and sending you lots of positive thoughts.

gin I'm so sorry about your friend. My mum still wells up when she talks about her stillborn son, nearly 40 years ago. I can't imagine how it would feel to go through that twice. I hope you're feeling ok and not too tender and sicky.

mrsd This wait must be torture. I think you're amazing to wait til Sunday and I will be sending you a massive wave of love and good luck on the day for the result that you daren't dream of now. I know the stakes must feel very high. Thinking of you.

madness how lovely to have a cuddle with a day 2 transfer baby. I feel the same about the mushy brain and I haven't even got to ET yet! I think this process is just all-consuming and it's hard to focus on anything else. Sending sticky vibes your way for happy news soon.

euro I'm so sorry you've had to suffer so much. I agree with the others, I just think there is no rhyme or reason to why some people suffer and some don't. Or if there is, I will never understand it. I also think there is a strong underlying assumption in many people's minds that if something bad happens to you, you must have done something to deserve it. It's the way people stop themselves from thinking 'that could be me'. Hoping your next cycle comes round quickly - I bet you can't wait to get on.

sea good luck with the birthday party - I hope you can both enjoy it and that the weather stays nice. How lovely to have a birthday over a bank holiday weekend.

joy I hope you have a lovely weekend - and that you and Roy get to do something really nice together. You mentioned you felt terrible after EC - were you OHSSy? Only after my nonchalant going out the day it happened, I got my comeuppance when I started to feel crap yesterday. I'm working from home now and feeling very very bloated and uncomfortable indeed - I have a hugely swollen belly and feel a bit short of breath when I walk and like I constantly need to do a massive fart . Am drinking lots of gatorade and the clinic has told me to have tomato juice too for the sodium.

buzzy hurrah for packing and imminent ET. You've been such a champ and I have such high hopes for you coming home with a bean on board from Brno. at pigeon pie.

ramona how are you feeling on the clomid?

I've missed loads of people again... so sorry. I got a call from the clinic saying that transfer will probably be Monday - so 5 days. They said the embies should be between 2-4 cells on day 2 and that there are 5 at 2 cell stage, 3 at 3 cell stage, 5 at 4 cell stage and 1 at 5 cell stage. I can't believe it. I actually feel a bit guilty - like I've wastefully created all this potential little lives and won't be able to give all of them a home. Even though I know I am incredibly lucky to have such a good result so far. I'm also scared they'll cancel the transfer because I'm feeling so fluid-filled.

joy/gin I completely get the paranoia. I felt it too, but steadfastly ignored it, shouting la-la-la with my fingers in my ears to try to drown out the worries, in my desperation to finally be "normal". Hence, dtd, joining an ante-natal thread and so on.

Hi ladies, so excited about the long weekend. All this chat from the PUPO girls is making me nervous...it?s bringing back ghastly memories of the wait. Sending lots of love to you all. I?m impressed how all of you recovered so well from EC. I was in a lot of pain and really uncomfortable for a good week afterwards. Definitely more pain than the lap. Strange.

Nelly ? omg i really really really hope something is going on. Personally the af type pains has always been the main preggo symptom for me. I was pumped full of progesterone (still have painful lumps today) and levels were over 300 and I still bled.

Mrsd ? you?re very much like me and won?t let yourself dare to imagine or believe it has happened. I understand this thinking and that was the only way I could cope with the intensity of the wait - basically just having full belief that it was never going to work. Obviously I hope you are just so completely wrong. And it?s not karma, it?s just pure rotten luck which just is part of life. . It?s just very galling to see horrible people have the very thing you desperately want. I often find myself muttering about how unjust that unkind xxx from school had a baby yet I haven?t

Mad ? hope you have something relaxing planned. Can?t believe you got a cuddle with a day2 transfer. Wow! I seriously need to find myself some ivf friends so I don?t feel quite so sterile.

Gin ? i have to admit that we didn?t bonk once from week 2 of stims until way after my erpc ? urrr yes that was about 3 months . Poor Roy but he was very gracious. I remembered asking my GP last time whether sex had caused my mc and of course she said sex was fine in pregnancy. I just was paranoid this time probably because of the random bleeding so I planned to wait until week ?40-- 12 before trying again.

Buzz ? best of best of luck on Monday. Totally understand that feeling of wanting to put all this to bed.

Sea ? totally understand on the ana-maria front. I?m such a sucker for those ?20 rounds of failed ivf or 2 adopted children and then boom, pregnant naturally? stories. I?ve become terribly cynica though nol and sometimes wonder whether these stories are true or just a ploy to keep me visiting. I do find her very calming but one thing she did say to me was that everyone she had been seeing had got pregnant...but then I ?met? you so I know that?s not true! I reckon you have to take everything with a pinch of salt.

Critter ? congratulations on the fab collection and enviable fertilisation results. Hope you?re recovering well from EC.

We have an annual work event which I went too last night. This is the 4th one I?ve been to and the 4th one I?ve said to myself, ?I wonder if I?ll have a baby this time next year?. Quite a shock to think I?ve now officially entered my 4th year of trying. But must keep smiling (ha ha), must remember that all good things come to those who wait.....[taps fingers impatiently]
And only just showing signs of ovulation and although I?m not reeeally monitoring where i am in my cycle because we are not ttc because a watched pot and all that, i still know that this is incredibly late to be ovulating so it does look like my hormones are out of whack. I hope this doesn?t mean my LP has shortened to below 10days. That won?t be helpful in getting that ironic natural bfp that i plan to get whilst not ttc!!

Have a wonderful weekend ladies. Thinking a lot about Buzz and the PUPOs (so nervous on your behalf).

Right. phone hadn't updated for a few hours so just missed loads.

Of course it's 7-10 days euro. My brain has turned to mush. I also counted wrong. I am only day 4!! Feels like ages since ET but only been two days. This is going to be a long week.....

mrsd don't give up hope. Pleased for you that it's not as expensive as you were expecting. I bet it's still a pretty penny though. MrM was shocked when i told him that we would have to pay extra if they put me on the high dose if/when we go private. Poor thing thought it would be a flat fee.

nelly blasts might be best. the issue for us is that both your embie and mine might have made it to blasto stage in the petrie dish if we'd had the luxury of numbers. I had a cuddle with a 6 month old from a 2 day transfer just last week so I'm going to focus on that instead. I'm glad MrN now is able to share in some optimism.

Must run again. Happy Friday all!

It will probably all backfire Euro, and I will creep in shame-facedly.

At mind blowing sex. Although its another reason to be miffed about not getting pregnant

Gin you really should give dtd a go you know! We only managed it once when I was knocked up but it was pretty much the best I had ever had. Everything was mega sensitive and it blew my mind!

mrsd I had no symptoms at all before my BFP. Zero. And I really thought it hadn't worked.

nelly I'm loving your excitement. I really hope that this is it for you!

I think that was a badly timed insensitive cross post. I forgot to say earlier Gin how terribly sad for your friend. :(

MrsD last cycle I started bleeding properly 14 days past EC, the day before OTD so I knew it was game over. But I wasn't on progesterone, which I believe can delay it, but the blurb on the pack isn't clear. Please don't give up hope. This most definitely isn't over for you. And I'm going to stop posting my witterings as they are not even remotely based on fact, and not especially sensitive. Your chances are really much higher than mine and I'm only sounding so positive as I'm finding it more bearable this way. So keep avoiding the heavy lifting a la Gin (says she who lifted several 20kg sacks yesterday.)

Nelly - you are a brave lady! Daily testing sounds nerve-racking. Pls share your findings. I hope you are using cheapies!!

It's Mr Sea's birthday this weekend. We have a party planned. Will also be viewing some flats although why I don't know... no baby means no reason to move really. Looking forward to the long weekend.