BFP 2013

Lol Kerry, I'm looking forward to the break from dtd!

We went to bed feeling disappointed but I'm feeling more hopeful this morning.

Thanks winkle. I'm really glad for you that you're getting 2 funded cycles so even if cycle 1 doesn't work, it can be tweaked to bring success on cycle 2. They say to try 2 (or more) and I can now see why.

Hope as the days go by that you and DH can get your heads around the "assisted" bit and get excited about the very near future.

Oh res, massive hugs for you love. I can hear how down you are in your voice.

Can't afford it but DM has offered to pay for another cycle - morally, can I take her money because I was too stupid to try at a sensible age? It'd have to be with donor eggs too and can't see DH agreeing. Am resigned to a life of regret and wishing I could turn back time.

So sorry res, I understand the despair. Will you be able to try again?

Feeling much better, thx for asking.

Honestly winkle? Shit, miserable, unable to take pleasure in anything including DD which is tragic as I will never get this week with her back. Stupidly put all my eggs in one basket (really, no pun intended) and now waking up to probability that DD will be my only child. Can't look at pregnant women. Worried about depression. God, I hope this passes or I'm fu**ed. Sorry for rant.

You feeling better about The Plan?

How are you feeling res? Do you have a plan or any next steps?

winkle go for it and as everyone else said, you have done a lot to get this far and it's not a waste as it will help with the IVF immensely.

Do agree with your OH and res about telling people. My SIL had IUI and she told no one as she couldn't bear the thought of people asking for constant updates during the process.

I told no one but I'm a bit weird like that; don't like the idea of not appearing to have exactly what I want when I want it! After BFN, was glad I'd kept it quiet as couldn't have put up with enquiries and sympathy (or stupid comments from anyone who hasn't experienced that (at times) all consuming grief of temporary infertility).

My oh doesn't want me to tell anyone so it's hard because I feel bad lying to my close friends who have helped me through the last couple of years but I also understand his perspective.

And kitty is right about everything you've done so far. You're both in the best physical shape to make it work which is great as you can get straight to it.

Thx res and kitty for your comments, I am feeling better about it.

Red - there's no point in waiting to see if the numbers improve, they haven't improved significantly enough for me to get pregnant and it's best that I do this ASAP as I'm 35 next year.

I felt like they were pushing us into ivf but then oh said that they're only trying to help and it has been a long time we've been trying. I guess I just wanted them to say 'good news! The numbers have significantly improved and it'll happen for you naturally so go away and keep trying!'

My OH just shouted from the kitchen 'all that money we spent on bloody organic food!'

And more to the point the odds are that by this time next year you will be knackered first time parents!!!

winkle sorry that you feel bad about it all but take it from me that when you're in the midst of IVF, it will feel "natural". It's not as "contrived" as I expected and you get pushed, prodded, drugged and examined just as much when you do it unassisted. You have a plan which is positive too. There are 1.5 million IVF cycles per year so you are definitely not alone. PM me if you have any Qs about the process.

Winkle it's positive news because its action and action that is the next step on the path to a baby, in the next few months you may be looking at your bfp! Your oh has not failed, everything he and you have done diet wise will increase your chances of it working and there is nothing to say that in the meantime or even for a subsequent you won't be someone who's fertility suddenly gets that jolt and it happens without trying
Chin up lady x

I'm not strong I'm a wuss cause your post made me feel teary!

winkle so sorry and a big hug to you and your OH. If it's improving would a few more months make more of a difference to the numbers?

I don't see you as a failure, but a brave, strong woman who has coped with so much over the years and you will still be brave and strong to go through IVF.... if and when you chose to do so, I will be there for you x

It's good and bad news girls. They've said we should go for IVF. OH's SA was better but not significantly. That's the bad news. The good news is we can start in 6 weeks time. They've said if it doesn't work first time they'll give us a second go for free. We're only allowed one go really on NHS so that's nice of them.

Feel confused. I want a baby but I wanted it naturally. I need to reach a level of acceptance, that this IS happening to me. I don't think I'm quite there yet. I feel scared too and I feel like a failure. OH is really disappointed as he tried so hard.

I feel ashamed too. I'm really sorry if I shouldn't feel like that but I do. I didn't want this to happen to me.

Thx thingy

Good luck winkle. x