The big fat posifrickintivity, but only on a friday thread - TTC after MC and not lose your head

thank you for the replies I was worried I would get shouted at as know my feelings are pretty horrible but glad I dont come across as some kind of monster.

If it was one of my very close friends/known forever I could be completely honest but with recent friends (eg wives of my DH's close friends so I have to see them/get on but didnt choose them as friends myself if you see what I mean) I dont feel I can - and also what can be done? Should a new mother have to make allowances for me?

I told a friend I was pregnant the other day - I hadnt meant to but she told me that another friend is pregnant (due a few weeks after I was due with the baby I lost) and I could tell she was uncomfortable telling me and then kept saying 'you'll have another baby try not to stress' - I couldnt stand the thought of people pitying me so I told her there was no need to worry as guess what Im already pregnant again - but I felt so foolish afterwards - I didnt want to tell anyone until after the scan this time and I did out of some kind of weird pride or imagined whisperings behind my back...mental!

anyway at least we know we are just reacting because of sadness and I imagine none of us would ever by word or deed act on those feelings. Its enough to understand them I think.

sorry everyone I have been a bit blue and brought down the thread abit.

So, anyone symptom spotting??? and who again is poas on Friday?

Oops no idea where the ? came from that was meant to be a .

baking thanks for the info? Agree it's ouch the cost of buying new sticks! But it's worth knowing I'm at least getting a surge.
How many cycles did it take you to get a BFP?

saggy I haven't so far felt jealous but I must admit to being having uncharitable thoughts when I see a heavily pregnant women, wondering if she realises who amazingly lucky she is to be carrying her child.
I feel sad that I lost a bit of pregnacy 'innocents' that loosing Noah means I will never have the same faith in my body again.

My cousin was only 3 weeks ahead of me and is due sometime next month, she is also having a boy. We were once very close but have lost touch over the years so I might get away with just postin a present.
Mostly I feel a bit awkward at the idea of everyone 'watching' me to see how I react, the one thing that I didn't expect about loosing a baby was the amount of emotional vampirism that goes on!

Wow, this thread moves fast! Been away over the weekend, and come back to, what, over 200 posts to read up on?!? Blimey...

I can so relate to the feeling of not being happy for other pg people. I was quite shocked how after my mc I just did not want to hear from anyone about being pg. It seems to have calmed down in the last few weeks, though, up to the point that I now feel able to visit a friend next week who's had a baby a few weeks ago.

Went to the GP this morning, to get a consultant referral. Hoping that the (female) GP will be a bit more on the spot with it all, she seemed at least to understand why I am so anxious to have it marked urgent. She also reassured me about taking baby aspirin, as in 'I should probably say not to take it, but if it was me, I would' which I thought was lovely! So at least the ball is rolling...
Then went and put my name down to get a booking appointment with the midwives arranged - it's very roundabout here, you go to the childrens' centre, where they take your details and add them to a list. The community midwives then come in regularly and get that list, and then they will call you to arrange the appointment... Rather than me calling them directly to get an appointment booked - what's wrong with that?!?

Sorry for not name-checking, I'm at work.

Thankfully I got PG with DS 3m later so it could have been a lot worse, she was very considerate tho, some of things people have had said to them on here are shocking!

Oh shell that's so hard- you poor thing. It must be even worse having the visual reminder of where you would've been just by looking at her. A very good approach though I think.

Good news on the line saggy, here's hoping the positive cones your way soon. I meant to say- I think it was you saying cbdigiOPK opk too expensive? (sorry if not!). I use 3 sticks a month now as I start testing on day 10 and have got smiley on cd 12 or 13. So not too pricey. Helps that I'm pretty regular though I guess.

When I had my first MMC my best friend was PG with her first and was 4 weeks ahead of me...we had talked abt nothing else so it was so hard when I lost it.

I didn't talk to her for abt two weeks, just by text and when I did I just explained how I felt, that I was still so happy for her but so sad for me...we both knew then how to handle it going forward....so maybe it is worth telling people how it is making you feel and then hopefully they will respect your feelings?

On a happier note, I have just POAOPK. There was the faintest of faint lines. Ive just had a read around, and a good look at my app, and given my first few days of AF were very light, I could be a few days out. Anyway, its positive that there is even a faint line, lets hope it gets stronger. FX.

I totally agree with everything that has been said. I want this so much, and I am terrified! I need to be PG, but like you say, its 9 months of worry.
I also hate myself for being jealous of PG people. Especially the ones who have never MC and dont worry about anything. I tell myself I should be happpy for them because they dont know the heartbreak, but theres still a little bit of me that hates them.
You lot keep me going. Making me laugh, making me cry, just listening to you and knowing you listen to me. I dont know what I would have done in the past weeks without MN.

Thyroid update: I have armed myself with some 'real' information (eg written by the nhs themselves) and have made a telephone appt for next week. Empowered!

I feel like it too spanish, and probably in a lot worse way than you!
It's crap because on top of your own suffering you then start beating yourself up for being a bitch unsupportive.

I made a decision one day about this though. I decided it must be a very natural reaction and that hating myself for it certainly didnt help or make any difference. So while I try not to show it in public, behind closed doors I just let it happen. It's just life and I reckon we're not horrible or disgusting people, we're just dealing with a lot of shit.

Rant over.

For now...

Little Bairn the CBFM gives you a high as soon as it detects oestrogen from a maturing follicle, then continues to read high until it detects LH when it gives you a peak for 2 days then back to low again.
I have used it successfully twice then last time I was TTc last summer it was never giving me a peak so just continued to say 'high' for 20 sticks (ouch £££). Since I managed to get pregnant one of those cycles I was obviously ovulating but it missed the LH for some reason.
It also 'learns' your cycle so once it knows when you ovulated this time it will ask you to start POAS closer to that day.

Spanish lady these thoughts are normal. I have them. I am actually hating myself for the pure jealousy and bitterness I feel at the moment to friends/people I know who got preg first time and have sailed. Even more so when they come out with insensitive or non thought through comments. I don't want to feel like this as it only hurts yourself. The positive thing I try to take away from it is I hope it will help me be more understanding and supportive to others in a similar position - big group hug! - and I hope it makes you a bit stronger. There is nothing else we can do but keep trying and crossing fingers

it cant help if you people around you who dont have any fears about their pregnancies (though that said how do you know what is really in people's minds) - I consider myself lucky - I have a child after all (though Poppy - welcome by the way -I can understand how already having children doesnt mean you cant feel very sad about subsequent MCs / wait to get pregnant again) but I have 2 friends who cant get a break when it comes to motherhood and I cant help feeling its quite horrible how random fertility is....

watching comic relief the other day (about programmes they sponsor in the UK) I wanted to scream with rage at how there are children in this country who are abused, ignored and are not cherished at all when there are people who would never do that to children.

Ive found my MC has just exhausted me emotionally. I dont like how its made me a little mean - eg have not wished some people I know in RL the best with all my heart about their pregnancies. Thats worries and saddens me - Im a little harder, unkinder because of it and I know of course I dont really wish any harm to anyone but I have this kind of self-righteousness - like certain people shoudl be humbler about their ability to have a baby.

not nice and hope it stops soon. I disgust myself.

Hey you lot! Wow, you've been chatty recently... I've been absent for ages because I have been very much Not Thinking About It. I have had a completely pressure free cycle and have no idea when I o'd, when we dtd, anything.

santa I know what you mean, I'm definitely feeling conflicted right now. I was pretty shocked to be pg last time and had to do quite a bit of adjusting to the idea and planning how I was going to deal with it. Then... well, then 13 week mmc, weeping, general misery. After a couple of cycles of desperately wanting to be pg again immediately, I threw myself back into work and social stuff and now everything's going well again, career progressing nicely and so forth, and I've started to think do I want this enough to deal with what I know would be 9 months of utter terror? I don't know how I'd cope if I had to have another ERPC.

Which probably explains fairly well why I'm not even sure if I'd describe myself as having "tried" this month, just good old ntnp, and weirdly convinced that this will never work anyway.

Gosh. That ended up quite downbeat. Ignore me! Posifrickintivity!

Hello again everyone, been away for a bit as have been trying to think of other things as have been feeling pretty low after my bfn which I was sure was going to be a bfp. Feeling a bit more sane now.

Massive congratulations to all those who got lucky this month, just trying to catch up now but have 20 pages to read

baking it's lovely to see you again (in the circumstances, wish you didn't have to be too). And thunder I hope your medication gets things sorted out quickly. santa I feel a bit like you, desperate to be pg but know I will worry if/when I am. And we have fertility issues so know realistically it is likely to take a long time, and that feels daunting.

Hi santa, yes you are very right. Both about some of the success stories on there (I am more heartened now more people have posted!) but also I really agree about trying to take control. I don't know if anyone else does this but I feel like I'm putting SO much pressure on myself too. It doesn't help being surrounded by friends with children and babies. I know we should never compare ourselves to others (I wouldn't want to have the rest of the life of these people but conveniently covet just the parts of their life that I want to covet).

I think being uncertain about wanting a bfp is a good place to be actually. There are positives for you whatever happens on Friday (also negatives of course but I'm concentrating on the optimism!) so you can be calm until you know what the answer is?

Hi shell

santa defo agree re TTC I'm sure I think is it as a game, POAS too early symptom spotting etc. takes
away from how sad you are and like you say it's one element you can control.....I kind of agree with your other point but would like to fast forward to post successful 20 week scan and also fast forward thru labour as once the worry gets less it is enjoyable

Hi all,

thunder - I read your thread too (partly because i wonder if I have an underactive thyroid - if I have another MC, it will be the first thing I ask to be tested for) and thought there were some quite positive stories on there. It sounded to me like you just have to get the levels of medication right, and to do that, you just need to push and push for them to test. But I know it must be really frustrating.

I think part of our collective obsession bordering on hysteria enthusiasm with regards to ttc is because it feels like it is the only way of us regaining a measure of control over our reproductive systems. So to loose the ability to even ttc takes away one of our crutches. (I hope i'm not offending people by saying this - maybe that's just how it is for me).

baking I don't think its disloyal to have "coped" after this mc. It is really hard to equate bfp with a successful pg, particularly when you've had more than one mc. We are given many different ways to cope with the downs in life and whichever one we use isn't wrong or bad, otherwise we wouldn't have been given that coping strategy (IFYSWIM - its a bit philosophical for a Monday morning).

Does anyone else ever feel conflicted about their feelings ttc / bfp prospects? I'm POAS this Friday and to be really really honest, at the moment I'm not sure I want a bfp? . In the whole raft of coping measures that I've come up with, (see above) of them is to plan things to do that I can't do when pg. A lot of the things that I've planned take mental, physical or financial effort and as I've now had two mcs in the space of six months, I'm not sure I've got the energy to re-plan my life again. The only thing that keeps me going is that huge aching void in me that desparately wants another baby. (Can't I just be handed it instead of having to go through the whole trauma and stress that is pg). I'm probably not explaining myself very well - I think it boils down to I really really want a baby. I really really don't want to be pregnant.

for your bfn aly!

katerina if you can hold out another ten days you are a stronger woman than me! best of luck.

yorkie that's really poo. Hope there are lots of hugs all round.

Hi yorkie, don't worry- information is power and it was a great idea to learn about others' experiences even though it means learning that I'm a bit screwed re ttc for now. Have had a little meltdown this morning, but I'd course this too will pass.

I'm so sorry to hear about how poorly your FIL is. What a horrible hard time for you all, sending thoughts and strength to you and his family. I can understand that he could do with a bfp as positive news at the time, fx it happens for you- if not now then very soon x

Yorkie that sucks. Hugs to you. Stressful times xx

thunder hope you're okay and hope I didn't cause more upset for you by suggesting you ask on mn. Just thought that it would good to talk to others who had been through a similar thing.

baking hope you're doing okay.

things are pretty stressful here. Went to the hospital yesterday to visit DH's Dad as they think he will die in a couple of days. DH is obv devastated. He said to me yesterday I really hope you get a BFP this cycle as not sure i can take anymore. I don't think it's going to happen this cycle as I already feel my usual pre AF crampy but I didn't have the heart to tell him that

sorry for the bfn excitement, it's just taken 5 long weeks...

tins i also cried when my boss told me that he was sorry to hear my news :(
I had been doing so well!