The big fat posifrickintivity, but only on a friday thread - TTC after MC and not lose your head

sal I would email her ( or get a friend to do it) shame her gentally into having a bit of humility.
If we can't understand why and takes offense she won't come problem solved and if she does I'm would have friend and family block her out from you.

Thanks for not making me feel like a total bastid for having those thoughts!

Here's a scenario that I'd like your fabulously straight talking non-emotionally-involved opinion on if you have a second.....?

DP and I are getting married in June. We chose the date so that we would be married before (now broken) baby was born and stupidly being organised I already have my maternity wedding dress which I'll make a decision on at some point in the next few weeks. My issue at the moment is that I really don't want to see this girl as our due dates were identical especially on my wedding day as she'll be showing off a 'should've been me' size bump and I don't want it to ruin my day. Problem is we've already invited them and they've accepted. Same goes for my hen-do.

At the moment they don't know that I was even up-duffed let alone de-duffed. Should I just email her and explain my worries and hope she does the decent thing and offer to stay away or should I open up a can of man-up and hope for the best but risk meltdown on wedding day? It's still 11 weeks away and I'm only 4 days post ERPC so very hormonal still.....any advice would be gratefully received. Xx

Chocolate I aspire to your bluntness!

I have been answering the thoughtless questions with the brutal truth - "I had a miscarriage before Christmas...." I find it shuts them up quite nicely

But I can be a bit a lot up front at times. Having had an MC does make me think a lot more about what I say to others re having children. And being a bossy cow I also feel need to educate others (I am the stereotypical eldest child with 3 long suffering siblings)

mrsthe questions are so hard it can be so awkward. Being a nanny and married I get asked about have babies a LOT.
I know in general it's harmless chatter they don't mean to be hurtful. I know now I will avoid saying such things to other women, along with is this your first and how many do you have? It's certainly made me a lot more aware and sensitive, you just never know what is going on in someone's private life.

Sal, that's shit, I had a similar experience except its my sil! I went to work today on an extra to avoid a family meal! I know I can't do that forever, but I can't cope right now pretending to be excited.
Lots of people at work are asking when we're going to have dc2, I'm trying to smile and be non committal but its doing my head it, if only it was that easy ie; shall we have a baby? Ok hello baby! Stupid people

chocolate that reminds me of my bosses neighbours being really smug about how easy it was havin a baby people exaggerate ....their first was 3 DAYS old!
Boss and I shuffled back into the house to have a snigger.

See you are not being horrid, or if you are then my brain works in an even worse way.

Sal- they sound like the type who are going to be in for a shock. Not straight away (new babies are usually pretty easy unless they have reflux) but once DC gets to probably 9-12 months and starts moving about. From then on, new cars and holidays will never be quite the same for them (baby in tow on a plane, new car smell marred by baby sick in the dashboard).
Stay quiet and think of the long game, they don't yet it, but their "perfect" show off life is soon to end (cue evil laugh). Smug git people get the kds they deserve in my experience. Make a note to be having the last laugh in about Sept 2014.

Little not really, so far. They used to be really heavy and crampy. They are definitely lighter, the cramps are mainly on the heavy day.
Sal I don't know about anyone else, but I really don't judge you for having those feelings. It's hard enough losing a baby without this kind of thing happening. They don't sound sensitive at all. I think as long as you don't say it to their face, thinking something is ok.

That's dreadful sal some people are such insensitive asses.
MC unfortunately is one of those situations where you find out who your real friends are, people like your 'friends' IMO are just the type of people who collect people so they can brag about their lives to them they aren't interested in making real genuine connections to others.

My cousin is due very soon and close to my due date and also with a boy.
She had a termination last year (BF demanded she choose between him she chose BF) the very next cycle they decide they wanted a baby and she got pregnant. I can't help feel how unfair. DH on the other hand is absolutely disgusted and refused to ever see her again.
I do think she must be in a mentally delicate space so I'm trying not to judge and will visit with a gift. But I'm really worried about having to hold the baby, even holding one of my charges baby Annabel makes me well up.

When it comes to MC life is so incredibly unfair, but I do know one gift it's given me is to truly treasure ever second with the baby, even in pregancy its all you may get. I know how tresured and truly wanted our our babies will be, that's a really good thing no child can have to much love.

I just had a text from a 'friend' with her 12 week scan photo. Her due date is exactly the same as what mine was. Her and her DH are such show offs and brag about everything, even that really they'd prefer a holiday and a new car, but thought they'd better have kids (conceived first month obviously)....and my horrible little brain is saying that it wishes it had been them instead of us who lost their baby. I'm am astounded at how awful my thoughts are and think that it is no wonder that it happened to me! I know that in reality I don't mean this and it's just hormones and sheer jealousy but it really has upset me that I said it out loud to DP.

Sorry about the mememememe post but just needed to vent about how disgusted I am with myself!

The one thing I truly hate about TTC is the whole putting your life on hold unable toplan anything.
My job comes to an end at the end of the Summer, I would really like it to be my last nanny job leave on a high after a wonderful 2 years working for two amazing families and beautiful kids. If I wasn't TTC I would have looked into Uni, consider a career for the future. But that could get complicated if I became pregant and I can't delay TTC DH is already mid 40's.

Another issue is we could both really do with a nice holiday, we would like to go long haul. But no point in booking as I could get pregant and there is no way I ever want to be far from my hospital and consultant.

I feel like I'm trapped in an eternal waiting room!

saggy has your period got worse since MC?
Mine has I rarely ever got cramps before but now it's completely different very crampy, energy loss etc.

Oh dear, those poor poor sheep

OMG I hope I get BFP this month!! AF is killing me!

choc its annoying isn't it, I'm on day 24 still peeing on sticks! I'll be on my period before it dips at this rate!

Poor sheep that will be massive blow to your DU. I've seriously (honestly!) considered sheep farming, but farming can be harsh lively hood.
Cumbria sounds like a winter wonderland.

Hmmm I think my CBFM has missed my LH surge too - CD20 and still just getting a high. Hoping this means I ov'd earlier in the cycle (ie when DH was still here and we DTD) rather than I'm having an anovulatory cycle
Roll on Friday..

In other news, Snow over in Cumbria is amazing still. There are huge drifts all over the farm, but you drive for 3-4 miles in either direction and it completely disappears. Sadly my uncle estimates he has lost over 200 sheep, majority of which were pregnant and therefore when they got stuck in a drift had no reserves left as the lamb was taking everything. It's helping me put my job into some perspective, it can't ever get that bad stuck at a computer all day.

Happy Easter!
LB Hope you wake up a little cheerier today.
Def not too much to ask and I really hope you get your baby soon. I'm sure you will.
Sal, that's poo.

sal oh shit those types of things really sting. (Hug)

I've just been watching Disney trip videos bad idea, we were intending to visit with the baby. Looking at the baby boy in the video makes me ache for my own little boy who didn't even get a chance to experience life. I feel so angry for him, he didn't deserve such a fate.

Maybe I'm just feeling a bit raw today it's the anniversary of my grannies death too.

Balls. Just had an email from Mumsnet telling me all about my pregnancy at 13-16 weeks. Thanks.

Not too much to ask, no. Hope it happens for you very soon.

tin that's sort of feel I'm wasting my money a bit but it makes me at least feel I'm being proactive.
While DH amd I want(ed) a large family honestly I'm happy with just one. That's not to much to ask for it is it just one baby that lives.

Sounds like same has happened to you then LB - it's missed your LH this cycle and will automatically tell you to do 20 sticks of high. Just reuse one at the end to avoid opening another pack. Better luck with it next month.
I used it when TTC my first MC pregnancy in 2009 and then DS2 with no probs and got pregnant in a couple of cycles. Used it again when TTC last summer MC2 and had exactly the same problem as you. In the end it gave me a peak day 26 because it was detecting HCG, having completely missed my ovulation! I felt I have a pretty good handle on my cycles and am fairly regular so was just wasting my £20 when I know roughly when I'm ovulating from CM and cycle length.

CRIKEY! Reading that blog and listening to 'Angel' being sung on 'The Voice'!