TTC 10+ months Part 13

also good luck rabbit and I have one of those cysts too. Was also told, nothing to worry about.

Good luck rabbit. Virtual handhold. Btw I was told that I had a (tiny) uterine cyst, the first IUI after my mc. So you're not the only one on fred. But they told me if it stays this small (and they didn't even see it the next cycle) it should not influence anything negatively...

I've done 4 Lemon and got 1 IUI more to go and an IVF appointment after that. The last one was uncomfortable and stressful and I don't know if I can carry on. So far I've been positive but we've both got significant birthdays and yet another wedding anniversary coming up. My BIL has just dumped his wife and set up with another woman. MY BIL and SIL were also unwillingly childless and it's shaken me no end. Is that going to be me in the future? Sticking it out whatever happens, then dumped when I am too old to try again? (I know this is complete nonsense pessimistic thinking but it's all just too upsetting and too much to take today)

lemon the 6 months is one ivf. Three will require conjuring money from begging? I'm also not sure I could do one, let alone three. It's a what might my maximum limits be. I think I'll be doing ivf this August knowing how long things take. But maybe before. I just about think I could be ready. Or maybe not. I think I feel very similar to you about the whole thing. We are hoping to try iui may/june perhaps. On my way to hospital. Bleugh.

Sorry your IUI didn't work free. How many have you done now? Do you feel able to carry on?

Enjoy being a little bit pregnant doll! And impressed with your calm and collection. I have to say the only thing pushing me towards IVF is the fact that we might eventually get some closure on the whole TTC process.

It sounds like a sensible plan madness. And as sar said you won't need them all. We've been looking at stats as well nerdy, not me and it sounds like a 3 round game.

The head needs to move a lot further before I am ready to start. When will you very distant future rabbit be going for IVF. Also, I would not count on 3 cycles being over in 6 months. That is what is putting me off as well, our clinic has an average of 2,3 cycles per year per couple (if not diffed). Which means the whole IVF plan, if we do go for 3, which is the number we're considering, will likely take more than a year... I am currently thinking by June/July (TTC for 3 years) I might be ready. And I don't need to be before than.

I have to admit, I am completely at a loss where everyone is at. So maybe we should do another list? Hope you're all well. Keeping stuff crossed for happy thawing, happy nestling, happy natural BFPs etc etc.

I think that it's going to be CD1 here today. Again. have booked some holidays and trips to cheer myself up but DH's cheery new year's "Don't worry Free, We'll be parents next christmas" doesn't look like it's going to materialise. So far all that is happening with the traditional chinese medicine Woo herbs is I am going to the loo every day as opposed to once every two days. Apparently this is a sign of warming up of my lower body. Hmmm. Maybe I should save more for the IVF. But not sure DH is going to want to go for it. fingers still crossed for doll and euro. Last IUI this cycle.

rabbit you are lovely. Good luck tomorrow, you can do it. Deal with this chapter, it's just a thing and it will pass.
To your question I feel calm and ready. This is a different time for me now. Am I pissed off that I got deeper and deeper into this shit and ended up spending my hard won cash on AC in this challenging place (something I said I would not do)? Yes, a bit. It was cheap by other standards but at the end of the day the most expensive IVF are the one's that don't work whatever the outlay. Unlike nelly I've found my post IVF cycles less promising than pre (if that's even possible ) and I don't see myself trying to find my way back to 'good' cycles in a race to my next birthday nor prepare for IVF 3. I have had less faith this cycle than the last so I'm not in a great place to start again. So yes, there are negatives but that's ok. I'm also prepared to stop TTC because I'm a tiny bit pregnant, of course One week to go. Loves rabbit

Posting on phone so apologizing now for dodgy spelling and punctuation!

Lemon i really hope we don't need 4 and to be honest there are some conditions. if there is no bfp and no reason for it after 3 goes then we'll stop there. If there are bfps that don't work out then we might stretch to four. MrM has been looking at statistics. not like we are overthinking this at all .

Thanks for the optimism sar.

Good luck tomorrow rabbit. Will all be fine. MrM is horrified that i can't drink whisky. he has quite the collection! And never consumed with coke nelly. Talisker just featured on great British menu. MrM approved.

Fed up with phone! Night everyone.

Neat nelly! Always neat. And bestest single malt. Promise.

Where was I?

doll hang in there lady. Maybe womb pain is good? I always think anything different is good? I have been thinking about you a lot. Whichever way things go, a life without ttc sounds so alluring when I hear you say it. But how do you feel about that?

madness that's a clear plan. I have a plan that fits in three ivf. But that's when I imagine it happening to a very distant version of me. Not actually ME. I think we might end up doing cycles together. And you lemon I'm not ready either. Maybe I'll never be ready .

euro thinking of you. It really might not be that you have a shredder womb you know. And from all I've read on t'net you never can tell if the symptoms are symptoms or the lack of symptoms are symptoms. But god it must be excruciatingly long.

I now can't remember who I wanted to say hello to. So hello everyone (said primary school stylee). I've been in so many primary schools this month its made my brain coddled. And in some of the most socio economic deprived areas in the UK. Nk killer cells don't seem so rife in the early twenties age bracket?!

I go to hospital tomorrow. No one is cutting me from hip to hip. It will be ok. But it feels like a trip to b and q in terms of likelihood of getting me diffed.

What are the cool packs for? I didn't get those . Pout, MrP being impressed by them reminds me of the first clinic we saw. They had a "lounge" with free wifi that MrNelly thought was awesome. As if we don't have a lounge with wifi at home .

No e, rabbit. Honestly, you southerners . Whisky. It's Whisky. But you are forgiven! So long as you only drank it neat or with a whiff of water, and not, promise me, with coke. Ginger is ok, so long as you only use cooking whisky

I do understand the thoughts on IVF being last chance saloon, but it's not. Never mind adoption or donor eggs or baby rustling but you can still get pregnant naturally even after IVF you know . Case in point by the way is my sister who had an IVF baby, and then 18 months later, after a failed FET, got pregnant naturally. Also I've found that I've had a bit more ovary pain and EWCM since my round, and I have heard that the drugs can boost fertility even after the cycle. So don't despair yet. That said, I know that sometimes it's easier to not have hope every month, and I sound like an irritating Just Relax type . Ignore as appropriate!

Ok, tea made and time for chatting. Some days I have so much to say about infertility (I use that word now and believe it actually does apply to me, I think I'm past ttc). Today I worked with a new colleague and we finished off in my office. She saw a picture of my nephews and said oh my god your kids are gorgeous, how old are they? It was a surreal moment, like for three hours the woman had been with me and at that moment perceived me as a mother of two little boys. Because so feasibly I could be. But I'm not. I might never be. Because, like you so beautifully said pout there is no plan c. And Plan B will be all gone in 6 months time. doll I've not stopped thinking about what you said about a life without ttc. It's touched something in me. Because one day that will happen, I won't be sat in this waiting room, just sat there waiting to hear if in my next chapter I win the lottery or discover something I love died. That's not to say there aren't other good chapters threaded inbetween. But I'll be glad when I've found out which ending I get.

So. pout the bag of drugs sounds freaky. Take euros advice and hide them behind the salad. I am glad my mum is a nurse and has now promised to do initial jabbing. I forgot that she could do this! Yay me! But I know that you can do this. And that Dave will help, interest in the cool packs is good! One step at a time.

Doorbell. Posting in case of post loss!

Whisky? Nelly I'm sorry for not knowing

I have been most ponderous on things said here today, yesterday. I properly love you lot. But I'm making tea so will return in a bit. I like that I'm not on a self imposed drinking ban. Though I don't keep wine in the house anymore so tonight I've had a shot of whiskey, mad men style

Madness - glad ivf is now in sight. Im sure the downregging will have chance to leave your system. Your plan sounds sensible, I have a feeling you wont need 4 goes

Euro- hmmm are these scratchy feelings like scrapings fron one side of the womb to the other? And seperatly, have you had a lap in recent times?

Rabbit - I know exactly whst you mean about not supposed to be returning to clinic. Its all bloody bloody hard and cruel. My appoint is tomorrow. I get really down driving even near the place . Big hugs.

Gin - hope you are feeling better. My fet was very similar to what you described, I had wondered if ovulation could be monitored by bloods too. I will ask about ptogesterone support. Thank you for all that information.

Doll - hang in there, this could work for you.

Pout - the drugs are awfully overwhelming. Don't look at them , just take out whats needed as you go along. It will feel better when you get started.

Hope you are well joy, do your parents know?

Hello to art, kemon, critter, buzz, sea and everyone.n

PS Wow 4 cycles of IVF, madness. I am not sure we'd manage more than one, let alone that many... We had in-depth discussion about the process and it freaked me out a little.

First night in and working on an assignment, so I am just popping by. Sorry you're so spooked by the drucks pout. I totally get the back-up plan being IVF and thus not being ready.

That is where we stand. We now qualify for IVF but I am totally not ready, so it won't happen for a while. We might do 2 more rounds of IUI, that's what the clinic recommended. But we can put our names forward for IVF now and cycle sooner rather than later. I just don't know, or actually just don't want to. Bah.

Keeping stuff crossed for odd womble feelings doll and regular ones meaning something for once euro.

How are things joy? Have you been stabbed for hcg again? And when is your first scan?

Waves and tail feathers to you all!

cross-post madness it's good to have a plan and doesn't mean you can't adjust/change as you go.
On my LP the downregging overlapped with the stimms, so I did both for a few days.

oh god, still there? Looking at you for a year? Any plans to evict them?

doll I have faith that this cycle can work for you (bah to dodgy transfers) but I imagine that coming to the end of the AC journey could be quite liberating. MrM and I are agreeing to a maximum 4 tries (2 nhs and two self funded) before calling it a day. At 34 I think that's reasonable. We may decide that we don't want to do that many but we need to be sure that we're on the same page abut what our limit is and can move on to adoption while we're still relatively "young" by uk standards.

pout I too have felt panicky that we are at ivf and this was my "if we can't do it ourselves" scenario. I do feel like adoption is our plan c but I know that that isn't right for everyone. Glad your clinic felt relaxed. I'm sure it depends on the day. I am really bad for not wanting to cause a fuss or put people out so if they seem rushed I am more likely to not ask the questions that I wanted to and then go home and stress about it google it on my own. MrM would also be keen on the cold packs .

Phone the doctor to book in for my next decapeptyl injection a week from Friday. I'm hoping to switch to the daily shots after this one. Not sure how I could move on to ivf in April if the downregging drugs are still working up until April 15th. I see the nurse in the clinic just before my 3rd injection would be due though so I can ask then. (that was one of the questions I didn't ask ). They did say I definitely have to be off the hrt for four weeks before starting so I'll have to stop them the end of february. I have been much calmer on it with fewer hot flushes so a bit sad about that - but will manage if it's only temporary.

Off to cook some tea. Big waves to everyone!

Yep doll. It was Feb or March last year. We were due to start in March but put it off until June. Most of those drugs are still cluttering up my fridge!

I remember it well euro don't tell me that was nearly a year ago??

pout that was a funny post - MrP's mum, "fertility bag" and free cold packs

euro I remember you saying that the drugs were sort of forced on you. Maybe I should try hiding the boxes behind the crumble salad in the fridge.
It's not the reaction I was expecting to have & I admit I did have a bit of a wail about wanting to cancel. MrP said that if we did that it would just delay the inevitable. As it stands I am willing my period to stay away, not from a BFP stand point, but just because I don't want it to be CD1 anytime soon.

I use pessimism too to try and ward off disappointments so I understand where you are coming from. The 2ww is the part I am dreading most I think (though from a totally shallow point of view I am still shitting it about the injections). I feel like IVF was my safety blanket that was there for way off in the future. After this there is no Plan C.

doll I know what you mean about the chilly chuff. The theatre was arctic for ET and there was a breeze blowing directly up there. I guess some things are the same where you and here! We have to fill out the forms even though the are only aiming to collect one egg from us and most of the ethical issues could not arise.

I'm not sure that I did feel more positive after transfer. When the drs went out and left us in the theatre alone with a little print out of the embie being shot into my womb, I said rather wryly, "I give it less than a week before my killer womb rips it apart". I'm sure the pessamism is self-protection. I don't want a crushing disappointment next week. I hope the strange pain is a good sign for you. The scratchy feeling is not encouraging for me, because I have had it so many times before. Does it mean that all those times there has been an embie in there trying to do something? Or is it completely unrelated? I'll never know. I had it again this morning. I'm trying to note what I feel on FF and not menkul too much. Obviously it isn't working that well.

We are exactly halfway now - EC a week ago, official test date next Wednesday. Time is not exactly flying by. I should be busy with work but am struggling to get my head into it.

pout almost a year ago, I had the same reaction. Mr Euro had to try to hide the fridge drugs behind some salad and the rest elsewhere in the house. We tried to cancel the delivery before they came but they turned up almost as soon as we were awake, so hiding them was the best we could manage.